Ugh (3)

Mental breakdowns are back

I'm tired of it all

I sit in my room at night banging my head on the wall again expecting something different to happen.

Sit in my room with a chord wrapped around my neck

Sit in my room with a razor in my hand afraid of doing it again

Sit in my room at night wondering why no one understands me

Sitting in my room at night wondering why I'm not good at enough

Sitting in my room at night wishing for something different to happen

Sitting in my room at night getting rid of my toxic mindsets

Sitting in my room at night wondering why I'm still here.

Sitting in my room at night wondering why I'm still trying

I'm tired

I'm stressed

I'm crying

Everyone thinks I'm the bad guy but no one bothers to check what's going on behind all of it

I show clear signs that I have anxiety and depression

I cut myself

I cry from stress and mental breakdowns then sit there for hours staring at a wall

I make jokes about me being dead when I'm actually serious

But yet people still think I'm the bad guy.

I get in trouble for something I've been stressing over then get yelled at for hardly trying

I try and I try but I fail

My family is black.

They wouldn't understand what I'm going through because o fucking act white.

Out of my entire family, I'm always the outcast.

Outcast

Different

Outcast

Outcast

Outcast

Fucking outcast

I'm an outcast

I'm different

I'm an outcast

Sorry for being me.

It's hard to accept yourself when everyone treats you differently

Outcast

Would it matter if I disappear?

I know people don't like me being sad, so I keep it to myself.

If they don't know they won't try to cheer me up

I can't be cheered up because there's always a reason for me to stay sad.

So I keep it to myself

I stress

I'm tired

I just

Want a break

Is that too much to ask