Words: 2.905 words
Type: Angst
Warnings: English is not my first language, therefore, sorry for any misspelling. Drug use. Sarah being a bitch. Mentions of rehab.
It was around midnight when you finally found your friends in this random party and started to share various drinks with them. Now, it's around 2 and you would be lying if you said that you're even slightly sober.
"Hey, didn't you come with Rafe?" Your friend asks with slurred words.
"Yeah, why?"
"Where is he?" She asks while looking around, as if she was looking for him before letting out a giggle.
"I don't know. Maybe with his friends" You say, smiling at her contagious giggles.
You take another sip from your cliché red cup while looking at your friend, which is bobbing her head at the song that her sober-self hates. You're so ready to make fun of her in the morning.
You look down at your phone, expecting Rafe's usual text to know your whereabouts and you slightly frown at the lack of notifications.
Your friend continues to dance around you, waving her arms in the air and sometimes closing her eyes as if she was feeling the music, and the only thing you could do was laugh or just smile at her.
You look around you, through the stupid amount of people in this 'small' party and try to find your missing boyfriend. He couldn't be far, right?
After some time of looking around, you feel somebody tap your shoulder. You turn around quickly, expecting it to be your drunken friend, but it actually is your ex-best-friend, Kiara.
"Can I help you?" You ask with a slightly annoyed tone.
You and Kie were the best of friends. You, Sarah and Kie were the best trio in the whole island. But that was until Sarah's birthday and the whole calling the police situation. The trio became two duos, and you were right in the middle of them. But of course, that duos ended when Sarah and Kie, separately, discovered that you had started dating Rafe.
Sarah was disgusted at the fact that you were dating her brother, she even ended up saying that you were probably using her for all this time so you could get to Rafe. And Kie, she just shoved in your face all the times that he had been mean to her friends or anything of the sort.
So yes, after that, you were just alone. When coming over to Rafe's house, you had to make sure to not come close to Sarah and, of course, refuse every invite from Rose to have dinner with their family. Sarah just hated you with everything in her. But Kie on the other hand was easier to stay away, especially after she started hanging out more with the pogues - far away from Figure 8.
By the end of all of this, it was just you and Rafe against everyone. You had to go to school alone and stay there with no friends or anyone to hang out with. After school, you had Rafe, which always seemed available to hang out with you. And that was it. 2 years ago, when it all fell down.
Sarah doesn't hate you anymore, but she still doesn't want to be associated with you in many ways. And you practically don't ever see Kie.
"There's something you might need to see," She tells you.
With that, Kie grabs your wrist and pulls you away from your drunk friends and over to a more deserted area of the party, where you could actually see the back porch of the house.
"She has been all over Rafe since you two got here" She says while pointing at the tall guy broad-shouldered blonde, that you call your boyfriend.
A girl is standing right next to him, her hand on his arm sometimes giving it a squeeze to make him look at her. And Rafe... He's high out of his mind. You can tell just by the way that he's leaning back, and his eyes are almost closed.
"How do you know that she is flir-" You ask Kie, not taking your eyes out of the girl and Rafe.
"JJ heard her when he went in to go to the bathroom" She explains, her hand now moving over to your elbow, grabbing you lightly. "She was saying something along the lines of 'getting out of here' and moving somewhere else"
You've never seen the girl in your life; therefore, your brain wants to believe Kie and what she's saying. But your heart doesn't, for all the times you have felt bad and Kie was never there for you, all just because of your boyfriend. The person she's trying to warn you about.
You just want to walk in there and pull Rafe away from her, but what does that prove? That you need to pull away your high boyfriend away from other girls, so he doesn't do anything with them? You're better than that.
You stay still next to Kie, watching it all happen, wanting to see what's coming next.
The girl does not look like she's ever going to give up on trying to grab Rafe's attention, as she keeps leaning on him and making him look over at her. His mouth would move sometimes but you couldn't really read his lips to find out what he's saying, he's too far and way too high for him to say anything with a more open mouth.
That's when the girl risked it all, Rafe's friends have looked away to talk to other people and she just did it. She just grabbed Rafe's face and kissed him.
Your heart squeezed at the sight, but the sentence 'he wasn't the one to kiss her' keeps replaying in your head making you start taking deep breaths. But that was until his hand moved away from the railing and over to her hip, right as his lips started to move with hers.
"Fuck," Kie says with a tone of disbelief.
You felt like somebody just cut off your airways, air wasn't going in or out. Your heart is pumping in your ears and you feel it in your fingertips. But your body just feels numb. It's like if you passed out. Your legs were ready to give out and your hands were starting to shake, but that wasn't just because you were sad, oh no. Your blood is almost boiling with anger.
As your hateful gaze stayed on your boyfriend, Kie was just in pure shock. She did not expect this to happen or even go this far.
That's when Topper came along. He was talking to Sarah on the other side of the porch when this all happened. Once Sarah's eyes drifted away from him to you and Kie, he followed her eyes to yours and with that, to Rafe.
Topper's eyes widened in shock as he saw it, but he just took action into his own hands right away. He practically ran over to his best friend and pushed the girl out of his grip, making Rafe open his eyes and look over at Topper.
"Are you fucking stupid?" Topper screams at the top of his lungs.
That you heard, and you answered it right away in your head. Yes, he is fucking stupid.
The anger in you evaporated as Rafe looked over his shoulder to find you, guilt was written all over his face.
You pull your arm away from Kie's grip and you just start walking away. You can hear over the loud music at least 3 people calling you, but you didn't look back or even stop.
You just want to go home.
As your eyes filled with tears and a sob fought its way out of your chest, you heard someone running over to you.
"Y/N"
That voice. The same exact voice of the one person that decided to destroy everything you have ever shared for a random tourist. The same exact voice that belongs to the person that you have sworn to always love and never stopped loving. Not even now.
Rafe's warm hand grabs your wrist and pulls you towards him. You, on the other hand, just keep trying to get off him and run away.
"No, please. Y/N, listen to me" He says, making your heart shatter once more.
"Let me go, Rafe, please," You say in a weak tone, letting out a sob as he tries to pull you closer to him.
"I didn't do it on purpose," He says, and you sob louder while looking up at his eyes.
"Rafe, I saw you kiss her," You say while letting all of your tears wet your face, letting all of them fall.
"I know, but I didn't know who I was kissing," He says while quickly moving his hands over to your face, cupping it and trying to wipe your tears away with his thumbs. "I thought it was you"
You aren't resisting him anymore. You don't see a reason to do it. He won't let you walk away freely if you just don't listen to his explanation. So, that's what you're doing, listening.
"How did you not know, Rafe?" You say in a whisper.
"I'm high out of my mind right now, Y/N. I promise that's all it was" He says lowering his head down to yours.
"Rafe-" You try again, "I don't believe you" and with that, you just sob into his warm hands.
"So, tell me how can I can prove it to you?" He says in a whisper as well, "I love you so much. You know I would never do that if I was completely myself"
"But Rafe..." You start, "You get high almost every night with your friends - when you're not yourself -how do I know that this hasn't happened before?"
"It hasn't, I promise with everything in me. You can ask Topper, or Kelce or whoever. They wouldn't lie to you" He says as your noses touch from how close you two are.
"I just want to go home"
Rafe wipes the tears off your cheeks as you sob silently while, now, looking at the ground. His breathing is quick, and his chest is heavy, he even fells lightheaded. And not from whatever drug he just took, but from this whole situation.
"Let me walk you home" He offers.
"No, Rafe," You say, looking up at him. "I need space... And time"
Rafe stays silent for some seconds, his mind going a mile a second.
"Does that mean that we're-"
"Breaking up? Yeah, Rafe, we are" You answer.
"But I love you," He says, not really knowing what to say.
"I love you more, Rafe," You tell him, "But what you di- I just can't ignore it"
Rafe lets you go as you say that and as you slightly pull away. Your eyes water once you see his glistening with the light right next to you, at the side of the house.
You turn around and start walking out of the backyard and to your house, which is close enough for you to run there quickly.
Rafe stayed on the exact same spot for at least 4 minutes, silent, letting his thoughts get the better of him but also letting his tears freely fall, not caring who sees it. With that, he wiped them away and went back in the backyard, where everyone that ran behind you two (Topper, Kie, JJ, and Sarah) were looking at him.
"Good job, asshole," Sarah tells him, but to her surprise, he ignores her completely.
He walks up the porch and grabs his stuff from the chair before turning back around and leaving, not giving a fuck about the cocaine that is now left on the table or the small bag of weed next to it.
"I'll drive you home," Topper tells him as he passes by him once more, making Sarah frown at him.
(...)
A few weeks have passed, you don't really know how many. Your life has only been staying in bed and watching shows on Netflix, nothing more.
Rafe started to leave you messages and voicemails after week two, asking if you two could talk again. You never answered or picked up, but he knew that you were at least alive because of your mom, who answered every weekly call from your house phone.
The scenario of the other night has replayed so much in your mind that you've dreamed about it, which resulted in you always waking up sobbing or just silently crying. But that was until week 3, after that, you started eating and texting your friends as you would before it all happened.
Now, you couldn't really cry anymore. Your mom even joked about you not having any more water in your system, which surprisingly made you laugh. And you're still sure that you love Rafe. You haven't changed you lock screen either, which has a picture of Rafe laughing at you behind the camera. Or even deleted any pictures from your phone, not even one.
You don't hate Rafe. You feel like you can't mentally or physically do it. He has done so much for you that you just can't. Even after what he did.
You don't know how he is now, even though your mom does. She knows that right after week 2, Rafe just signed himself in a rehabilitation system to get himself cleaned, which didn't take long. People say that everything is done faster if you have some sort of motivation, and Rafe is the living proof of that. And that even shocked Sarah, who just thought her brother was just a lost cause.
Today, you're home alone, cooking yourself lunch while listening to music. But that was until you heard your doorbell ring.
You expecting it would be your mom, which has forgotten her keys too many times for the last month and a half, walk over to the door before opening it.
Your breathing stops as your eyes land on Rafe, who looked surprised at the sight of you.
"Hi," He says, careful with his words.
"Hey," You tell him in a whisper.
"How are you?" He asks while shoving his hands in jacket's pockets.
"Better. And you?"
"I'm good," He says while nodding, taking a good look at you. "Sorry, I wasn't really expecting on seeing you"
"Who did you expect?"
"Your mom," He says, but then shakes his head, "That sounded wrong. I've been coming over to talk to your mom for the past week about you, that's all"
"Past week?" You ask confused.
"Yeah, I've been calling for a few weeks now but since I got out of- Uhm- re- rehab" He says almost chocking with the word, not really proud in saying that, "Your mom and I have been talking in your house"
"You went to rehab?"
"Yeah. I got out of there quick, they said I went there still pretty early in my addiction. So, everything went by really quick" He says, half lying.
You stay silent after that. You don't know what to say. You missed him terribly, but you still aren't over what he did.
"Actually, that's kind of a lie" He starts once feeling pressured over the silence, "I got cleaned for you" He admits, making you bite your lip while deep in thought.
Silence, once more.
"I still love you like before" Rafe admits, making you look up at him. "It's okay if you don't love me anymore, I'll understand," He says, while his expression says the exact opposite.
You know that he'll be heartbroken if you tell him anything of the sort, but to be honest, so will you. You just can't lie to him.
"Are you trying to do Rafe?"
"I want to talk to you about that night," He says sincerely, "You know I could never cheat on you. I would never betray you like that"
"But you did, Rafe. You were high out of your mind, but you did cheat on me" You tell him.
"You're right. And that's why I got cleaned" He says, taking his hands out of his pockets, "And also because I love you"
"I love you too Rafe," You say, making the weight lift out of both of your chests, "But I don't think I can forgive you just yet"
"That's fine," He says right away, "Don't feel pressured into doing anything or saying anything. I'll wait for you" He says, and you bite the inside of your cheek, "Even if that means that I have to wait until we're 80"
A smile grows into your face and you shake your head slightly. With that, you pull away from the door and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. His arms wrapped around you quickly and you rest your head onto his shoulder, breathing in his cologne.
"Thank you" You whisper to him.
"You don't need to thank me. I did what was right"
You pull away and Rafe lets you go as if he's scared that you might think he's holding you for too long.
"I have to go finish my lunch," You tell him, and he nods.
"Will you call me when you know the answer?" Rafe asks before you could take another step back.
"Of course, I will," You say with a really small smile while walking back inside your house, "Bye," You say while closing the door slightly while listening to his small 'bye'.