Dick didn't expect to see his old teammates like this, he really didn't.
Artemis had become team leader, he didn't know that till recently. Seeing her side by side with Batgirl- who had to be Barbara- made something in his chest ache. He wasn't sure what. But he could still fight them perfectly fine.
The problem was Kaldur, he seemed off.
Retrospectively, he was the exact same as he always was. But there was one thing that Dick had up on all the others- he'd spent time personally training with Kaldur now. He knew how he fought. This was not it. this was lacking all individuality and grace, he was a robotic vessel, like a video game character. Every move seemed preconceived.
Dick couldn't decipher why. He focused on the fight.
The sand beneath him was fine and sprayed out everywhere with every move. The rocket was preparing to lift off and the sound was enormous in his ears.
He took a hit from Batgirl and ducked away, in the space of that Kaldur moved in and batted Batgirl away. He turned and hit away Artemis' bow and-
He stabbed her.
Artemis arched, mouth wide and eyes blown as Kaldur glared daggers. Blood dripped onto her lips as Kaldur wrenched the blade from her chest, she stumbled back, clutching her wound, she collapsed on the sand and Batgirl swept in.
Dick watched, mind going numb.
He didn't notice the rocket exploding on its own or Kaldur's order to retreat. He was too busy staring as Batgirl attempted CPR on Artemis. M'Gann and Superboy running in and staring in confusion and shock.
He caught Superboy's eyes, just barely. he was looking for a moment of shared shock and emotion, but he got pure hatred staring back at him. M'Gann was the same. Dick felt like he was about to throw up.
"We're going," Kaldur said as he walked past Dick.
He didn't move.
"Renegade."
Dick blinked, still staring at Artemis.
"Renegade."
Dick's head turned to Kaldur. He had no idea what he looked like in that moment but it was definitely some shade of emotional. Dick couldn't find it in himself to care about the possibility that he was two seconds from breaking his cover.
"we're going. Now. retreat."
Dick nodded, unable to form words. He turned, tearing his eyes away from Artemis, dying on the sand.
He wanted to run to her, wanted to scream and cry in frustration, wanted to help batgirl help her, wanted to get down on his knees and beg them forgiveness-
But he couldn't. he couldn't. he couldn't.
Oh god he couldn't. he couldn't even emote because he wasn't supposed to be Dick Grayson, he had to be Renegade.
But Artemis was dying. Was probably dead by now.
The small ship connected to Kaldur's large one, it pressurised and they walked into the entrance area. Dick walked numbly to his quarters.
He flicked on his computer and called his sister and waited for it to connect. He sat in front of the screen with his head in his hands.
"Hey Dickie bird, what's up?" Alex said.
Dick sobbed.
"oh, shit, okay."
Dick just kept sobbing.
"Dick, hey, bro, I'm here, what's up?"
Dick dropped his hands and took a deep breath, he leaned back and sniffled, "Alex, oh my god I can't do this."
"hey, what do you mean? What happened?"
Dick swallowed and held his hand over his mouth.
"Artemis is dead," he said.
Alex blinked, "okay."
"I don't know what to do."
Alex nodded, "okay, bro, take a deep breath."
Dick did just that, it hiccupped down his throat and he sobbed again.
"I know this is hard."
Dick laughed and it turned into a sob again, "hard?"
"but it's okay, this is okay, cry, scream, turn yourself inside out. You can't fight your feelings."
Dick felt something bubbling up in his throat, probably another sob. He took a deep breath, hands turning to fists. He bit down on his knuckle to hold back the scream as he sobbed. He didn't know how long for.
"Dick."
He collapsed again, head in his arms resting against his knees.
"Dick."
He sobbed and then clenched his teeth against the emotions bubbling up.
"Richard."
He looked up.
"take a breath. I'm here. Do you want to talk?"
He let out every piece of air inside him. nodded. Then shook his head.
"okay, that's alright, I'm here."
He could hear in her voice how much she wanted to hug him.
He dropped his head in his hands again, taking deep breaths.
"it was Kaldur."
Alex was silent.
"what?" she said, voice small and quiet.
"Kaldur. He... killed her... he stabbed her right in- the chest, and," he took a deep breath, "Alex, I can't- I can't, I don't... I can't do this," he took a deep breath, "I can't."
"Dick, just... have a shower."
He nodded.
"take off your gear, have a shower, drink some water," she said these things slow and slightly lower than her usual speaking volume, "take some sleeping pills, conk yourself out. Maybe have a drink beforehand."
He nodded.
"and just... try to avoid Kaldur till you're ready."
Dick nodded, "okay."
"okay?"
"yeah."
"alright, I'm here, okay?"
Dick nodded.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Alex gave him a sad smile, "You'll be able to come home soon, okay? And we can hug and I'll stock up on your favourite junk food and we can play video games and binge some movies and forget about how sucky life is, okay?"
Dick laughed slightly and it once more turned into an edged sob, "okay."
"hey."
He looked up.
"I'm here, dude, it's gonna be okay."
Kaldur could feel Wally and Barbara's eyes on his back as he walked into the ship. The hatch closed and they walked down, the ship sinking into the waves.
This was when it got harder. It only got more dangerous from here.
"it went well," Artemis said, "all to plan."
"I know."
"then why are you so stressed?"
Kaldur let a breath of air out of his nose in what could have been a laugh if he'd had more energy.
"take a guess."
Artemis smiled, she rested a hand on his shoulder.
"we've got this."
Kaldur didn't turn or look at her, "it's not about that."
"then what's it about?"
Kaldur swallowed, "you didn't see Conner's face, or M'gann's."
Artemis' face dropped, "yeah."
Kaldur sighed and closed his eyes, dropping his head and letting his shoulders droop.
"we can do this, Kal, I promise you, it'll be fine."
Kaldur finally looked at her, finding only support in her expression. He tried for a smile, it didn't reach his eyes, and placed his hand on Artemis' where it rested on his shoulder.
The ship connected to his private spot in the submarine, where no one would know he'd gone or come.
He guided Artemis onto the ship.
"I've already sent word to everyone, they knew you'd be arriving."
"good, makes this less complicated," she said, "do I get a tour?"
"yes," he said, showing her down one hall, "but first maybe head to bed, or settle into your quarters, I'll show you around tomorrow. I have to have a call with my father."
Artemis made a face, Kaldur shared it.
They walked down another two halls and Kaldur once again realised his mistake. It was the exact same one he'd made before, he couldn't believe he hadn't learned his lesson.
They turned and found him standing there, this time not even pretending to be nonchalant and obviously waiting for them.
"and this is Renegade," Kaldur said, watching the man with a raised eyebrow.
Renegade stood from his leaning position against the wall, arms still crossed. He was wearing a mask with some casual gear- a term only a vigilante could use without realising the ridiculous-ness of it.
"Evening," he said, without any of the grandeur Kaldur had come to expect of him, nor any of the snark.
Artemis' expression remained cool and neutral, but she nodded a greeting and said, "Tigress."
"right, yeah, the boss man mentioned you'd be around."
Renegade levelled a cold look on Kaldur and he was almost shocked by it. he couldn't decipher why. It was almost as if there was once an open door in Renegade's expression and it had now been slammed shut and locked.
He then looked back at Artemis. Kaldur would say he looked curious if it weren't for the lack of emotion on his face.
"If you'll excuse me," Renegade began, as if he'd been interrupted, "I was about to make my way to the training room to work off my insomnia, I'll see you when we're planning to kill someone."
He then brushed past the two, not giving them a second glance.
Kaldur knew he couldn't let that pass, it was far too brusque. Any leader in his position would pull Renegade up for it, he knew the character Kaldur had created for himself would as well. He didn't want to be that character in front of Artemis, though.
She gave him a look.
He turned around to look at Renegade's retreating form.
And then he remembered the way he'd looked at him, devoid and like he didn't know who Kaldur was, and the words died on his tongue. Once he was out of earshot Artemis turned to Kaldur.
"he knows something's off."
Kaldur nodded, "definitely."
Dick got back from his time in the gym and sat on his bed.
Tigress.
She looked like no one he knew, at all. He'd never heard of her. That unsettled him, and at the thought that maybe there was something he could do to get his mind off the events of the day before...
Well, to say he jumped at the chance was an understatement.
He pulled out his gear and got to working, looking through every file he had access to, when he found nothing he cracked open every database he could get his hands on. Tigress didn't exist. She never had.
Where had Aqualad found her?
And why was he so neutral and calm and nonchalant after he had killed one of his best friends?
Dick shut that thought down quick but nevertheless his throat ached with the feeling of tears. He took a deep breath to steady himself, looking back at his computer.
No history, no MO, no files, nothing. For all intents and purposes, Tigress did not exist.
He sifted through his databases looking for people of her style. Black hair, dark eyes, seemed to be of Asian descent, maybe south-east Asian? He found a few people, most in the league of assassins, none were Tigress.
Adder, Lorretta Norden, Mio, Nasreen Samari, Eirya, Sandra Wusan, Cheshire, Huntress.
He stared at the files for Cheshire and Huntress. Jade Ngyuyen, Paula Crock. Artemis' family. Her sister and her mother.
He wondered if they knew yet. He wondered if maybe he ought to get in contact with Jade. She'd renounced the league but even still, it wouldn't be hard to track her down. He didn't know her and he couldn't run the risk of tipping himself off, but also... maybe he should check in?
He stopped himself from following that train of thought- no way could he do that. It was bad enough that he'd probably brought Kaldur's suspicion on him already, he didn't need to make it worse.
Something itched at his mind. He stared at the icon for Huntress.
No way. Impossible.
Tigress looked nothing like Artemis. It wasn't a case of hair dye and contacts, Dick knew what one of his best friends looked like. Whether he'd seen her recently or not, he still knew, and that was not Artemis.
But magic was a thing. Magic was a possibility.
'Shut up!'
He was in denial. That's what he was. He was in denial because he didn't want to believe that Artemis was dead. He didn't want to believe that Kaldur had killed Artemis.
He did not want to believe.
And maybe that's what this all was. Him not wanting to believe in any of it.
He'd told his family that Kaldur was a double agent because he did not want to believe that he was truly a traitor. He was now telling himself that Artemis was alive and undercover as Tigress because he did not want to believe that Kaldur had killed her.
Something had to give.
Of course... he may just be working on limited information. there was only so much he could access from one computer in the middle of the ocean.
He looked to his phone and he made a call.
"hey, hey, big bro, what's up?"
"I'm gonna need a favour."
"oooh, that's gonna cost ya'."
Dick rolled his eyes, "you can have my desert for a month."
"I already get your desert cause you're away, try again."
Dick snorted. He couldn't help but be glad of the teasing nature of the conversation. Alex was a great help, but she immediately treated him as fragile. Which was great when he'd broken down crying in front of her, but when he called her that morning it wasn't what he was looking for.
"how about when I get back I'll buy you that console you want so badly."
"what'd you need?"
Dick snickered, "okay, gonna need you to do some research for me. Don't tell anyone."
"easy, what on? Will there be a test?"
"no. I need you to search up an assassin, Tigress. Find me everything you can, tell me tomorrow, sound good?"
"sounds suspiciously easy."
"We'll talk then, see you little bird."
"don't call me that."
"whatever you say squirt."
He hung up and turned off the tabs of his computer, covering his tracks.
If Tigress existed then she'd be somewhere in their data base.
And if not, Dick had some investigating to do.
The phone rang, the screen lighting up and buzzing on the table. Wally hit the end call button and flipped the phone so the screen was down against the table.
"hey, sir, what can I get you?"
"hm?" Wally looked up from his computer screen at the waitress of the café, "oh, uh, yeah, can I get a medium flat white?"
"any sugars?" she scribbled on her paper pad.
"uh, two, full cream milk."
"cool, I'll have that out for you soon, sir."
"thanks," Wally forced a flashy smile as she walked away.
He turned back to the computer and continued typing his assignment. it was his final year and he wanted to end it with a bang, if that was possible when he'd been stuck in bed for six months for a while there. He forgot a word he wanted to use and rubbed at his face as he tried to remember it, his glasses askew once his hands came away.
He procrastinated from looking at his screen again by cleaning his glasses. When he looked back at the screen it hadn't magically changed and he considered just flunking the entire class out of spite.
He sighed and closed the laptop.
His phone rang again. Wally scowled and checked who it was, the same as the last call, Barry. He hit decline and flipped the phone again.
The phone rang again. Wally hit decline again. It rang again. He hit decline again.
It rang again. God dammit Barry was being persistent.
Wally picked it up.
"What?"
There was silence.
"I genuinely didn't think you'd pick up."
Wally rolled his eyes and rested his head on his hand, "well you called so many times I figured I'd have to if I wanted my phone to stop."
"uh, well... yeah."
"so to repeat my prior statement- what?"
"we found Roy."
Wally almost dropped the phone.
"You... what?"
"we found him."
Wally stared into nothing, the waitress placed his drink on the table and gave him a half-grimace half-smile, likely guessing he was getting bad news.
"we, uh... figured we'd try a sort of, intervention. Ollie and Dinah called me to tell you, seeing as you'd probably want to be there. I don't know who else should be, but maybe you will?"
Wally could think of some names, getting them there would be harder. Kaldur, Artemis, Dick. He couldn't express the feeling he had inside, he didn't have the words. It was a black hole of nothing, slowly pulling him in piece by piece, taking every last ounce of his mind and soul. And yet it was also a crushing rock of everything, an insurmountable weight upon his shoulders that grew heavier with every step, but he could not stop walking forward. it was a simultaneous experience that contradicted every word he could give it and only lead him in a confusing and turning race that he could never win nor finish.
In other words, it was grief. It was emotion. It was endless suffering. It was the eternal feeling of humanity.
It would drive him crazy if he sat there without saying anything for much longer.
"I'll text Oliver."
"okay," Barry said, "I, uh... do you want to talk... about it? I'm here."
"yeah, thanks, bye."
He clicked end call and swept everything into his bag. Grabbed the mug and walked up to the desk.
"uh, hi, sorry," he gave an awkward smile to the barista behind the counter, "is it possible I could get this in a take-away cup?"
When Wally West was fifteen he was what Roy liked to think of as 'energy and passion made physical and shoved into a brain of sheer happiness then placed inside a human meatsuit made to be the most goofy and caring person possible'. At the time, he was probably right.
Now, on the other hand...
Roy didn't know why he'd come, didn't know why he'd agreed to this, didn't know why he was even in America right now, he'd followed every lead in this country he could find.
Really the only reason he came was because the sender of the email was Wally. If it was Oliver, Dinah, Superman, hell Jade, he wouldn't have come.
Oliver and Dinah's little intervention was still fresh in his mind. He wasn't guilty but some small part of him kept thinking about what he'd said. 'you want to salvage someone's soul? Go get Kaldur to see the light.'
He didn't regret it, but a small part of him was hung up on it for some reason.
Really there were two people who he'd have come for, if he saw their names on that email. One had been gone for years. One was standing in front of him.
Roy hadn't realised just how different Wally was till now. He was no longer energy and love and happiness dressed up as a human. Now he looked... tired. That was the best word he could think of. Tired and sad and worn out and beyond... everything.
This time Roy agreed to Wally's terms, instead of meting on a roof. It wasn't a cafe like Wally had suggested so many years ago, instead a park. Wally was sitting on a bench, phone in hand. He was wearing his usual mix of warm tones, a red hooded jacket the first thing Roy laid eyes on. He had thin framed glasses on, his phone screen mirrored on the slightly chrome-tinted surface.
Roy was not necessarily clean shaven, but seeing as he was in civvies he had taken a shower at the motel he was staying at and combed his hair. Well, ran his fingers threw his hair then tied it back.
"morning," Wally greeted.
"get to the point," Roy answered.
Wally snorted and put his phone in his pocket. As his head moved Roy finally saw the side of his face he hadn't already noticed, the side he had forgotten wasn't the same as the other.
The scar was an angry swathe of skin down the side of his face and chin, spread down his neck and likely well past his collarbone, but Roy couldn't see anything past his jacket. It creeped close to his eye, managing to attack some of his eyebrow only. Although it seemed the damage had effected his vision somehow, considering the glasses resting on the bridge of his nose.
"do I need to have a point? Is it not enough that I wanted to talk to one of my childhood best friends?"
"no," Roy said, "I have better things to do, West."
"right, yeah, looking for 'the original Roy Harper'."
"don't say it like that."
"why?"
"because you're obviously making fun of it," Roy said, "and if you keep that up I'll just leave."
"chill, we're not so different at the moment," Wally said, "you're looking for the OG Speedy, I'm looking for the OG Robin."
Roy snorted, "good luck with that."
Wally laughed through his nose.
"do you remember what you told me when Dick first disappeared?"
Roy's face was as stony as ever, "no."
Wally smiled slightly, in a forced way that didn't reach his eyes. Even still, when the smile dropped Roy missed it. "you said that I was hurt and spiteful, my actions in that moment were driven by that. It was a pretty blunt emotional moment on my side, on yours it was just plain truth."
"I'll repeat myself, get to the point," Roy sneered.
Wally leaned back in his seat, "you don't think you deserve anything that you have been given or offered because you feel not only like an imposter but also a traitor. You're search for 'the original Roy Harper' is just a way of you attempting to prove to yourself that you're worth the life you've been given, which is why you lashed out at us all when we closed the search."
Roy didn't speak, just glowered. Wally levelled a heavy stare on him, looking directly at him so Roy had to marry up the left and right side of his friend's face, scar and all.
"you took it to mean that, if and when you eventually achieved your goal, it wouldn't mean anything to us and you would never be able to prove that you were anyone worth our time or trust.
Roy clenched his jaw, "are you done?"
"no, because I want you to understand, Roy," Wally said, shifting in his seat and leaning in, "that you are the only Roy Harper I have and probably ever will know, and even though it is still a tragedy that you are a clone of an original who cannot be found, I have emotionally matured enough to live my life with that sadness in mind. It's time for you to learn to do that."
Roy sat in silence for one moment, "did you just tell me to grow up?"
"I'm telling you that the past six years of throwing your self-worth into an insurmountable goal was an incredibly stupid idea and you're being an idiot," Wally said, "and you need to grow up."
Roy scowled, "thank you so much for your wisdom oh great sensei West, are you finished or can I not go and throw up now?"
Wally sighed, "whatever, I was hoping that I wouldn't have to word-barf on you, but I've been proven wrong. I was also hoping to have a talk with an old friend for the first time in literal years, but I guess not."
Roy crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair, "that's great, good for you."
Wally stood from the chair with a disappointed sigh.
"are you at least going to try and make it to Artemis' funeral?"
Roy froze.
"What?"
Wally blinked.
"you didn't know?"
Roy stood, "Artemis' funeral?"
Wally took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "I don't think I can have this conversation with you."
"what the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
"It means," Wally said, eyes turning furious and burning, "that I can't talk about this with you without breaking down, so just," Wally cut off and pinched the bridge of his nose, focusing on his breathing, "just..."
"how?"
Wally looked, for a moment, like the most conflicted person in the world.
Eventually he looked up at Roy and said, with tears threatening to spill, "Kaldur."
Roy was quite sure the ground fell out from under him.