I stared at my coffee at the restaurant and asked myself ,
' could things have gone better?' .
I met him only a month ago but our relationship started with our first meeting, arranged marriage you call it in India. There was no risk attached in an agreement like that . If you saw your partner for a second time it meant that you probably are ready for the unity of minds , souls and bodies.
He said on our first meeting that he wasn't ready for marriage,
' I just got out of a 7 year old relationship. I don't think I am ready now, but I will only be as ready as I am now for a change ' , he said.
Yes , the making of an romantic movie has just begun, or so I thought. He will first find it hard to "understand" me then boom he loves me like the cliché hero, typical yet what most of us admire to have .
I enjoyed his company. His lack of conversation attracted me to him . I loved the short calls over the long ones , as I always fell short when it came to talking.
He didn't make me laugh or make me feel special, but I didn't ask for it. He was the first guy I ever could see in different way , more accurately I could see without restrictions.
One month later he informs me that he got back with his ex. I couldn't question his decision , I wasn't confident in myself. I did not think that I had what it took to stop someone from loving someone other than me. I was an ordinary person. I had nothing special about me , I smiled hard covering the ache I felt, an unusual feeling.
"Be happy. It's been just a month. It would have been worst if you had married me . So cheer up, you have done me a favour."
Everything became your problem. You were the cause of every uneventful things that happened around you . You always said sorry, could never utter 'its fine' because you always blamed yourself. Never saw an alternative. When something good happened scepticism never left you.
He was thankful for my response. I felt elated in making someone less unhappy.
I took no risk in my life. I dreamed about my future with kids when I first saw him. I didn't date or fall in love with anyone. I wasn't an embarrassment to my parents. Yet nothing worked the way I wanted, nothing.
What difference does it make choosing different paths and still you end up experiencing deviations of the same hardships.
Sipping my coffee I winked at guy who was eyeing me . He smirked and stood up.