(warnings: one unwanted kiss)
22
Mickey is avoiding him. James knows this because he's been sending owls to Mickey's dormitory, hoping they could correspond their interest in each other through letters, until Mickey is comfortable going public with it.
But he sends the owls back, unopened.
"Do you think he doesn't like me anymore?" James asks Benji Yoon, the only boy not out on a date during their first weekend as seventh year students. His girlfriend had homework, so he's in the dorms keeping James and his melodramatic ass company.
Benji bites off the head of a gummy worm and frowns. "He didn't open them, so it isn't like he knew they were love letters. Maybe he's just too busy, or maybe he didn't have anything to tip the owls with."
James hears Benji, but the logical words sound like static against his ears. "What if he thinks we were just a summer fling? Or like he was my rebound after Lily? Or I was a bad kisser—"
Benji throws a gummy worm at him. It hits James' cheek, and James would be offended if it weren't for the fact that the treat is red, and James' favorite flavor (cherry.)
"It's your first week back," Benji says while James chews angrily. "Give him some space. He's probably got a lot to do, you know? Quidditch Captain and N.E.W.T.s and all that. Maybe he just needs some time."
James still reckons he's a lot to handle. "But I miss him."
Benji giggles. "You look pitiful. Are you two in love or something?"
James thinks about their summer together. He thinks about his hands in Mickey's hair and the way Mickey's lips felt on his. "Or something," he mutters. "Maybe I jumped the gun and he's just been putting up with me this whole time."
"You're the dumbest boy I know," Benji says calmly. And that's all he says — nothing more.
James agrees. "I've got head boy duties with Lily. I'll see you later."
-
Mickey drops down off of his broom just as a few Slytherin students trickle onto the pitch. "All yours," he breathes out to Millie Yoon — their captain. He lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat off of his face, and when he drops it, Millie clears his throat.
"Thanks, Mickey," She says, eyes bright. "Good luck this year, yeah? I hope we're scouted for the same team."
"Me too," Mickey gives her a smile and nods in greeting to the rest of the team as they pass.
Regulus Black brings up the rear, and he gives Mickey a once-over before he speaks. "You think I'll be scouted? Like, from a technique standpoint?"
Mickey knows Regulus is the best seeker Hogwarts has, far surpassing any other house. He wonders why Regulus is asking about a career, when everyone knows he's in line to follow You-Know-Who in the rumored war.
"You're the greatest seeker I know," he says honestly.
"And you're quite a keeper." Regulus retorts, winking at the hufflepuff.
"Have you ever even seen me play?" Mickey asks.
"Of course," Regulus says. "You're amazing to watch. Roman always hated it, you know. Your natural talent for the sport."
Millie calls Regulus then, and he leaves Mickey to wonder if it's true: if Roman was ever jealous of him.
He makes his way to the Hufflepuff common room, and sees Adam sitting on one of the overstuffed couches. "Oh. Hello."
Adam nods.
"Thought you were in trouble for underage magic."
"I had community service hours at Saint Mungo's," Adam says. "I'm fine now."
"Oh," Mickey says, for lack of anything else. "Well, good. It would've been a shame if you couldn't finish out your last year."
"Are we still friends?"
Mickey stills. He blinks, takes in the amber light of the room, and focuses on a hanging plant not too far away. "You almost put me in a lot of danger, Adam. I don't think you know how terrifying that was for me."
"Lucky James Potter came to your rescue then." Adam scoffs then, sounding every bit as bitter as he looks.
"He didn't come to my rescue," Mickey feels weird mentioning James. "I handled the situation by myself."
Adam bites his lip. His eyes are focused on Mickey's hand. The lavender nail polish James had bought him. "Why didn't you come to my house? You know, when you needed someone?"
Adam blinks, and Mickey feels his chest heave with an emotion he can't name. "Would you have protected me?"
Adam shrugs. He takes two steps closer to Mickey until their chests are nearly touching, and Mickey is searching Adam's eyes for the answer to a question he's too afraid to ask.
His eyes, bold and brown, search Mickey's face. "Why were you ever friends with me?"
"I—" Mickey trails off. "Well, you were the first friend I had. You were the only one who stayed around after all the rumors, and you even stayed when I told you they were true. You were a decent support system, I suppose."
Adam exhales. His breath smells of mint. Then all of a sudden, he leans in, lips catching Mickey's.
Mickey gasps, and pushes against Adam's chest. "What the hell?"
"We could make it work," Adam says, eyes still pinned on Mickey's lips. "Right? I could be better, and the two of us—"
"Adam, what is going on?" Mickey feels tears threaten to spill, and he holds them in, aware of the headache it will bring on later. "You're straight. You like girls."
"What if I don't? Look, James is a cool bloke, but he's going to favor fighting in the war over you. I did the liberty of sending back his letters, so you could get over him sooner. We can start over, right? Because I like you."
Mickey opens his mouth; closes it. Then, anger rips through his veins and he clenches his fists at his sides. "That doesn't change the fact that you were an asshole to me last year, now does it? If you were struggling with your sexuality, you could've come to me. You know I would've helped you. Instead, you were a shitty friend. And you shouldn't kiss someone without asking!"
He turns on his heels as runs out of the room. His faux leather shoes clack against the stone floor as he makes his way towards one of the courtyards — any of the courtyards. He needs to be outside, needs to breathe in fresh air because right now he feels like his entire world has been shifted beneath him. And he feels dirty. And used. And he feels like a pawn. Like an afterthought. And what if James thinks he doesn't like him anymore? Or worse, what if, because of the kiss, James doesn't want him anymore?
He runs straight into Esther, the girl from the train.
She's got hot pink makeup behind her eyes and her hair is knotted up in two little buns. She looks wicked, smiling at Mickey like he didn't just barrel into her. She seems like she's never cared at all what people have thought about her. She seems free, and wild, and happy. "Alright, there, Einstein?"
Mickey blanks, vision blurry with tears. "How do I become like you?"
-
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