"Let's say by some chance it wasn't my pride..." Roman was going to bury himself alive with this. He should have just left it. He was going to leave it but... Watching Virgil with those kids made it all the more impossible to ignore his feelings. Virgil was sitting there with a toddler in his lap napping away as Roman watched from the rocking chair across from him. Of course, he had a small baby in his arms that was chugging along with his bottle that the prince was feeding him. "Earlier when I-I-I w-was being f-flirt-ty?" Virgil's eyes narrowed in confusion as Roman forced himself to look away as to not blush too much. "What would you h-have d-done if it w-wasn't my pride?"
"Why are you asking me this?" Roman frowned as Virgil laughed a bit to himself. "It doesn't really matter anyway. It was obviously your pride."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you had this look in your eyes." Virgil sat there playing with this stuffed lion as the boy in his lap laughed happily. "This look of confidence and regal aura. It's the same look you always have when your pride is affecting you."
"Well j-j-just b-because I'm c-confident doesn't mean my pride took over." Virgil laughed as he rolled his eyes teasingly.
"Roman, I know you. When you get that look your defenately being affected by your pride. I just... didn't want you to say something you might regret, you know. It's ok, Ro. It's not like I'd judge you or anything." Roman's eyes darkened as he watched the younger with the doll. He didn't really know what he could say to that. He just... He knew how he felt and even if he knew it would never happen... He didn't want Virgil to think everything he says is somesort of a pride induced fabrication. He loves Virgil. That's not his pride talking.
"B-B-But what if... What... What if it w-w-was... fudge. H-Hold on a sec." Roman groaned as he forced himself to take a deep breathe. He needed to slow down. Patton had told him once that his stutter, since not everyone has the same kind as him, could be helped if he jsut took the time to think it all through before talking. His stutter got worse the less his mind was able to latch on to his words. Hense why he fumbles a lot and changes his wording. With his emotions all over the place it was getting to hard to get his mind and his words to match. "W-w-what if i-it was-sn't p-pride but was from the heart-t?" Roman smiled as his eyes seemed to sparkle a bit. He wasn't trying to confess his feelings but at the same time he couldn't just ingore it either. He latched onto the thred of confidence as he tuned nearly everything else out just so he can get his thoughts in order. Letting the feeling of bravery and pride bubble up just enough, he smiled more seeing the thoughtful look in Virgil grow. "What if I meant it?"
"I don't know. What exactly do you want me to say here, Roman?" Roman's smile never fell as he kept that firm grip on that confident feeling, using it to help boost him forward.
"It's not what I want you to say, Virgil. I simply want you to listen." Roman's eyes softened as he chuckled lightly, such a light airy sound that brought a blush to Virgil's cheeks not that you could see it. "Virgil, I told you that you help me more than you realize and that's true. You've got me wound so tightly to you, I am at your beck and call. I wasn't lying when I said you need only say the word."
"Roman..." Virgil could see that familiar look in the princes eyes. "Roman your Pri..."
"You can't blame everything I say on my pride, Virgil. Confidence in small amounts is a good thing. Pride is a good thing in moderation. If I am scared and call on my pride to help me would you say my courage was false and therefore meaningless?" Virgil faltered at that. He didn't have an anwser. No, he did. Virgil would without hesitation say no. Roman's pride wasn't the villain all the time just as anxiety wasn't either. That wasn't the issue here. He just didn't know how to put it to words. On one hand you had Roman saying things like that while clearly being affected by his pride, just not in a way that determines to what extent... on the other Roman is saying things that make Virgil's heart skip and it's taking everything the younger has to not yell at the prince for being an asshole over the possiblity of lying. Virgil loves him and it's a lot to hear all those things without the surity that it's real. "Sometimes it takes a bit of pride and courage to say what you're feeling. Virgil you've done so much for me. Can't I open about it?"
"Roman, your pride." Roman's eyes flashed feeling that surge in him as his heart seemed to crack. "I can hear what your saying but... I think it's best if we don't do this right now." Roman's heart only dropped more. "Why don't you try to breath ok?"
"I didn't need to breathe." Roman muttered, that familiar feeling getting stronger as his throat burned. "Why can't you just listen to what I'm saying? It's not like I'm saying anything bad. I'm... I'm litterally praising you. If anything that should be making you feel better."
"Roman, I don't think..." Roman scoffed as he set the now sleeping baby in the bassenet beside the chair before crossing his arms in annoyance. "Ro?"
"Pride isn't a bad thing, Virgil. I shouldn't be so harshly critizied over everything." Virgil's eyes widdened seeing the way the prince was tapping his fingers as he did anytime he was starting to panic. And if he was panicing while being so agressive chances are... His pride was taking over. "I work my as... butt off doing everything you and everyone else want of me. I should at least be able to say my peace without being judged. I don't even know why I bother with you sometimes. It's a waste of energy. I'm getting tired of you and all this crap."
"Roman?" The prince's eyes only darkened more as Virgil smiled at him. "Can you do me a favor? Can you tell me what your feeling right now?"
"Why so you can blame it on my pride again and deminish any all meaning to my emotions? Oh I can't actually be upset my pride is just making it all seem worse than it is. Oh I can't be happy either? Nope. My pride is making is making it for more important than it should be. Can't be angry. Can't be hurt. What if I literally cried? Would that even count? Or would my pride be making me far too emotional for anything to be valid?!"
"Roman!" Virgil snapped forcifully making the prince freeze up at the sudden tone. "Please? What are you feeling?"
"I..." Roman frowned as he shook his head feeling how fogged up his mind was now that Virgil had drawn him in. "I uh... I-I-I'm u-upset." Virgil didn't respond. He only waited for the other to go on as one of the older kids came over to grab the toddler boy for an activity. "I-Its n-not impor... im... import... Imp... uh." Roman frowned as he spaced out for a second before shaking his his head. "Doesn't mean anything."
"Roman, it mean's a lot if I upset you."
"No. You were right." Roman forced himself to smile once again as he desided to drop it for good. He just didn't care anymore. He was the monster prince after all. No one wants to care for such a prideful man like him. Virgil was wrong yes but... he helped him to remember the real issue here. Roman would never be without his pride. Not completely. It's will always be there to some extent and if he couldn't even be confident without worrying Virgil than... Well, it's only proving how bad he really is. Virgil shouldn't be stuck with him. Virgil shouldn't be put in a position where he risks upsetting him worse when he ultimitly has to let him down. Virgil would never love a prideful prince like him. Roman just had to ignore it. Sure it won't be easy. But it's better to ignore his feelings than fuck up the friendship he managed to miraculusly get in spite of himself. He couldn't lose what he had now. He just couldn't. "M-My pride i-is mess... messing... No. It's not uh... I um... I can't think." Roman groaned over lossing his thoughts so suddenly. He was getting really tired of his stutter and it was starting to set him off.
"Maybe we should go home and rest?" Virgil offered with a soft look in his eyes as he noticed the distress in Roman's expression. "You said it yourself you're getting swamped again. The stress of everything could be getting to you."
"Stress... right." Roman nodded with a sad and clearly fake smile. "I am tired."
"Well, ok then. Let's go home, ok?" The two got up, Virgil never taking his eyes off the other, and did what they could to clean before wishing everyone a good night. Roman was silent the whole time not wanting to talk and continue to stutter. "Are you sure you're ok, Princey? You know you can talk to me. Especially if it's about me. I didn't mean to make it sound like you couldn't be happy or that none of your feelings matter. I swear. I'm sorry that I-..."
"Virgil its fine." Roman finally choked out feeling nothing but this numbness in his chest. "I'm just tired is all. I can promise you, right now... the last thing I'm thinking about feeling invalidated. I just want to go home and rest."
"But..."
"VIRGIL ENOUGH!" Roman snapped his eyes a flurry of emotions despite none of them being present in what he felt, just that overbearing numbness. "Shit happens. You said crap. I said crap. I'm tired and done with all of this. If my pride is a god damned problem than fuck off and let me deal with it..."
"Roman..."
"Forget it." Roman waved him off as he shook his head and laughed. "I'm sinking home." Virgil stood there stunned as Roman sunk out leaving him alone in the aftermath of everything that happened. He knew it was his fault. He wasn't dumb to what he said. He shouldn't have imeadiately pointed the blame to Roman's pride. He just couldn't bear the thought of hearing it and it not being true. His anxiety caused him to panic and he latched onto the only think he could to explain why Roman was like that and now... Now Roman was upset. Maybe he should give him some time to breathe.
It was probably best Virgil didn't bother him for a while. Roman will come to him if he needs him. Virgil didn't want to make thing worse.