As much as Chaeyoung denies it, she has to accept the fact that Chaeyoung is the one who caused chaos in Mina's life. Chaeyoung thought that after all this time she made a wise decision by leaving her, let her live her life and let her be happy. But she knows now that Mina was never happy. Moreover, Chaeyoung caused her to desert her only dream.
After meeting her again Chaeyoung never thought that Mina had actually given up her dream to be an opera, she thinks that maybe because she needed to raise her kid, Mina then decided to switch her career. Jihyo even said that Mina never sings again after that happened. Mina is afraid that she can't hit the high notes and it terrifies her.
Chaeyoung could only cry knowing that she's the source of Mina's pain because that Chaeyoung had to leave her back then, Mina had to give up her dream as well.
Chaeyoung shouldn't ruin her life anymore, things were great the past months for them, but what's next? And the only person who might be getting hurt again after is Mina. Chaeyoung can't hurt her any longer.
After talking to Jihyo, she clears her head on the Han River. She isn't quite sure what's next for her, but she's in deep sadness right now. She can't stop crying. Chaeyoung just stays there until the sunrise, facing the river and stares at the blank space.
She loves Mina, she loves her so much, but she hurt her.
Chaeyoung then grabs her phone and checks the time, it's 6 am.
She scratches her head, she's sleepy but she can't close her eyes, she starts to imagine things when she closes her eyes.
She dialed a number then. Hoping that the other person would still awake at this hour.
"Hello?" The latter picks up the phone.
"Jisung-ah"
"Yes, Noona, why are you calling me early in the morning?"
"Why aren't you sleeping at this hour?" Chaeyoung asks back.
"I am still at the studio, need to finish a project"
Jisung then could hear a car passing by and a bird voice from Chaeyoung's side.
"Noona, where are you?"
"Han River"
"What are you doing there?"
Chaeyoung didn't answer that, Chaeyoung just sighed, Jisung is still listening.
"I don't know what I did in my past life, Jisung that I kept being punished all the time"
"Noona........."
"Seems like universe never wants me to be happy"
"YA, don't say that"
Chaeyoung starts to cry badly before she even knows it.
"I love her Jisung-ah. I do. After all this time, I know that I keep her inside my heart, there's this one place in my heart that I never open it to anyone because it will always belong to her. She holds the key, and when I find her again, she opens it. It contains joy in it, Jisung-ah. Turns out I bury all my happiness there. And finally, because she opened that pandora box again, for the first time in my 16 years, I felt happy. She made me happy. And I feel alive again, I feel that I now have all the things that I love, her and music. I am content"
Chaeyoung tried to wipe her snorts with her hand.
"But turns out, it's only me, it's not the other way around. While she's the happiness of my life, I am her biggest pain. I came to her and opened up her pain, made her life suffer. All this time I made her life suffer. She said that she loves me but, I know that she will always blame me for what happened. I hurt her badly Jisung-ah, I should never leave her back then. I should fight for her"
"Noona, it's been 16 years. You already made the decision and please don't regret it now"
Jisung stops and takes a deep breath, "I'll be forever thankful for you, Noona. That you gave up your life for me, please don't say that you regret it, Noona. This isn't your fault" Jisung begs.
"I never regret that Jisung-ah, that was the best thing that I could do for you, I don't want you to end up like me. But Mina, I thought she could end up like you are, chasing her dreams after I left her, forget her life with me, and move on, but she can't. I ruined her life, Jisung-ah"
Chaeyoung cried after the last sentence.
"Noona, I am so sorry to hear that. I do. But you promised me to lead a happy life Noona, I agreed that you could move back to South Korea, the place that hurt you so bad, so you could have a happy life. After everything you've done, you deserve that"
"I can't Jisung-ah, I don't deserve any of this while she suffered like that"
Chaeyoung continues to cry, Jisung can't do anything except just being there, listening to his sister.
Chaeyoung remembers that Mina has always been a quiet girl, but she talked about opera, or when her favorite opera soloist released something, she was so excited to show it to Chaeyoung. Mina can't stop talking when it comes to opera. To imagine that she can't do it again and had to bury her dreams just makes Chaeyoung mad at herself.
Chaeyoung can't live like this, she needs to hear from Mina herself. It was 7 in the morning when Chaeyoung called Mina.
"Hello?" Mina sounds excited picking up a phone from Chaeyoung.
"Hello. Are you home?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Can I go to your house, is Chan Sunbae around?"
"No, he's in Japan. You can come here, why do you sound so depressed, Chaeyoungie?"
"Alright, I'll be there in 15" Chaeyoung dodged the question.
"Okay, take care" Mina then hung up the phone.
It was odd that Chaeyoung all of sudden wanted to visit her house.
Chaeyoung rings the bell and Mina opens the door for her. Chaeyoung then comes to Mina's house. It's her first time here. Mina has always visited her in her apartment, but this Chaeyoung's first time visiting Mina's house. She looks around, there are not so many pictures but she could see Mina's family picture with Bang Chan and Sujin. Mina looks at Chaeyoung while brewing the coffee. Chaeyoung moves to the baby grand. She could see another photo frame there.
Bang Chan when he got Producer of The Year from the most prestigious music award.
Mina and Bang Chan with Park Jinyoung PD.
Sujin when she was a kid on her piano.
And Chaeyoung gasps at the last picture on the baby grand. It's a picture of Mina with Jo Sumi, a Korean coloratura soprano, a Grammy award winner for being an opera.
Chaeyoung's heart feels the lump. Chaeyoung tried her best to hold her tears.
"Minari" Chaeyoung calls for her while she's still making her coffee.
"Hem?" Mina softly humming at her.
"Why did you leave the opera, Mina?"
Mina heard the question, her smiling face turned into a blank expression, she stopped stirring the coffee.
Her heart is throbbing. She really hates this kind of question.
She tries to be composed and smiles again.
"I told you, I am bored with that" Mina back at stirring her coffee again, unable to look Chaeyoung in the eyes.
Chaeyoung take a deep breath, "You're lying"
Mina then stops again and looks at Chaeyoung.
"Don't.........." Mina looked at her and shook her head.
Chaeyoung went to the kitchen and went closer to her.
"Mina" She tries to hold Mina's hand but Mina refuses it.
"Don't say anything about that, Chaeng!" Mina's got a little angry.
Mina moves a little far from Chaeyoung, she takes a deep breath.
Mina tries to calm her feelings down, thinking about it sometimes still gives her anxiety.
Mina takes a deep breath while putting her right hand to her chest, making herself a little calmer. Chaeyoung knows about it. She supposed not knowing about any of this, but she knows it now.
"It was hard, and I am scared. After the surgery, I felt that I just didn't want to wake up. It was the hardest day of my life. I can't sing again, all the dreams that I had in my head suddenly gone. I was afraid to face this world, cause what I did since I was a middle school was just opera, nothing else. And I didn't want to be anything else aside from that. It was my great slump, knowing that I was unable to perform again because of a god damn nodules" Mina smirking upon saying that.
"Well, that was hard, especially when people knew and expected my smooth career journey, but then it ended just like that. I hid my face from the professors, I finished college without an exit, I didn't attend the graduation ceremony. I hated everyone, and I hated myself as well. Before I graduated I applied for a master's degree in Vienna, to be honest, I can only do Vocal, I didn't have any idea besides that. I decided to go there and studied to be someone behind the curtain. It was hard for me as I was always on stage, to perform. I was depressed a lot, but I knew that I should overcome that. I cried a lot when I needed to see some opera performances. I was there, in Vienna, supposed to have a career there but instead, I am just a spectacle, watching them singing on stage from afar or hear it behind the curtain"
"I am so sorry, Mina................" Mina then looks at Chaeyoung, she's drowning her face down, can't look Mina in the eye anymore.
"What were you sorry about, Chayeoung-ah?" Mina then made herself close to her.
Chaeyoung is already cried, thinking that she's the source of Mina's unhappiness life
"I am so sorry for ruining everything, I don't deserve you, Minari, I really don't"
Mina seems to get where she headed. She knows everything now.
Actually, it's a wound that Mina doesn't want to open anymore, especially right when she's now almost happy with everything in her life. It's something that Mina didn't want to tell Chaeyoung. Because it's a bruise to her. And it makes Mina weak all over again.
"I didn't know that................. I thought everyone's life should continue the way it is without me because I am just me"
"I am so selfish thinking that when I left, everything would be so much better for you, the world still revolves around you," Chaeyoung said it
Mina sighs in disbelief.
"How can you say that? Huh? How can you say that everything is going to be okay after you left me?"
Mina is a little bit furious.
"Chaeyoung I love you, I love you so much and you left. YOU LEFT ME, Son Chaeyoung. I don't need to remind you that you LEFT me without a word, without a single call, without any notice, the next day you just disappeared and no one knew where you were. I LOVED YOU AND YOU LEFT ME, how was that going to be okay, huh?"
"You were my world, you were my everything, you were one of few things that I really earned in my life, and then suddenly you went away, you were missing. You were half of my heart, so losing you, felt like I lost myself as well"
Mina takes a deep breath.
"But it was all me, it was all me that ruined my life. You only left but I can't accept the facts, I can't move on. I was responsible for all the irresponsible things I did in my life, I chose to live like that at the very moment until I regretted it. The rest was all history and that was my fault"
Mina then blames herself. Mina wasn't proud of what she did back then, Mina became someone else after Chaeyoung left, she got stressed over it and did clumsy things, and up until today, Mina blames herself for letting them happen.
"It was all me, Son Chaeyoung. And I already accept the fact that I can not have a career to be an.................." Ever since forever Mina never used the word again, but she needs to put it now "........Opera singer"
"I gave up that dream years ago and I've moved on, I don't want to be near the stage again because that wasn't my career path turns out, and I accepted that. Now I am a Vocal trainer, a lecturer, and a mom and that's it, that's my fate"
"As much as I wanted to blame you for what happened, I blame myself because I was the stupid one to let it happened in the first place. And dreams do change, Chaeyoung"
Mina at some point wanted to reassure Chaeyoung that because Mina never blames Chaeyoung for what happened to her.
Chaeyoung shook her head.
"No, no NO. I don't deserve you, Mina. I don't. I should never come close at you again, I should have never started all of this, I should never pursue this feeling"
"What are you talking about? Chaeyoung, do you love me, huh?"
Mina said it while putting her hand to her face, "I don't blame you, Chaeng"
"I love you, but we know that we can't be like this, especially when I know now that I.............." Chaeyoung can't continue, ".......I am not worthy of you, Mina" Chaeyoung said it and pushing Mina's hand from her cheek, "I am so sorry, I am so sorry"
Mina can't believe what she just heard.
"So, what? Are you going to leave me again? Huh?"
"Mina............"
"Oh fuck!"
Mina pacing around the kitchen.
"You now know my story, the biggest story that I never even talked about, not even to my parents, you opened that wound again that I tried to bury years and years ago, so let me hear your story then. Tell me why you left me, Son Chaeyoung? Back then, we were everything, you love me and I know that. So tell me, tell me now!"
Mina pointing her fingers on her, she's so mad.
"Why were you always dodging every time I wanted you to explain that? I deserved an answer, Son Chaeyoung"
Chaeyoung could only smirk in her tears.
"It's not worth it, I was a coward, I was just my father's puppet, and when I scared about everything, I hide behind his back again and again, and let him decided what's best for me, and I left"
Mina is waiting for another explanation.
But there's none.
"That was it? That was your best explanation? You got scared and you ran to your father?"
Mina then shed tears.
"You really are a coward, Son Chaeyoung. I was depressed when you left, you made me heartbroken for months, I didn't want to eat anything because all I thought about was you and just you. You left me, how can you expect me to be doing just okay, how can you expect me to continue with my life, how can you expect me to sing again without you in it, those thoughts lingered inside my mind. I tried to remember and reviewed everything about our relationship that could cause you to leave me. I tried to move on but I can, I tried to forget you but I also can't. You made my life suffer and mourn for a really long time and you said to me now you did that because you were scared?"
Chaeyoung couldn't answer, she better not to.
"WAS I A JOKE TO YOU? WAS OUR RELATIONSHIP MEANT A THING FOR YOU OR WAS IT ONLY ME THAT SUFFERED LIKE THIS?"
Chaeyoung couldn't answer, she needs to toughen up herself. She can't fight Mina, Chaeyoung still can't move on by the fact that Chaeyoung ruined Mina's life. Even Mina thought about ending herself, and it was all because of her.
"You know the answer to the question, Mina you know. You know how much I love you" Chaeyoung calmly said the answer.
"So, what was it, what was it that made you leave me dry like that Son Chaeyoung?"
Chaeyoung can't answer, Chaeyoung needs to make up her mind. She should end this.
Mina could only smirk and laugh a little in disbelief while wiping her own tears.
"I guess I wasted my youth on you, Son Chaeyoung. I love you that much. and I suffered that much without any proper reason why. You left a hole, a big hole in my heart and I always kept my faith that you would have a better explanation of why you left me a big hole in my heart. I always imagined meeting you again in different circumstances where I could finally know the reasons why you left me. And this is not what I imagined. So far from it"
Chaeyoung could only cry again and again.
Mina chuckles.
"But at least right now, you kind of say goodbye, not being a jerk and just leave without a word. Nice, you're growing up but still a coward" Mina sarcastically speaking.
Mina can't see Chaeyoung cried, even when she shot the harsh word, her heart hurt like crazy seeing Chaeyoung cried. But she can tolerate no more. She loves her but Chaeyoung also deeply hurts her feelings.
Chaeyoung drown her face down and take a deep breath
"I can't even look at you Mina because I was ashamed of what I did to you, I am sorry that I don't have any better explanation of what happened. I am really sorry" Chaeyoung wipes her tears, and gets her car key from the kitchen counter. Chaeyoung turn her back on her
"That's it? So you're going to leave like that, THAT'S IT? We're nothing anymore?" Mina half shouting, half crying, half pleading.
Chaeyoung stops and clenches her fist tight and closes her eyes.
Mina then goes to her, stands in front of her, and Chaeyoung is still shutting her eyes.
Mina could only chuckle. "Okay then Son Chaeyoung, let the guilt consume you then. I am so disappointed at you, I regret that I love you"
Chaeyoung closes her eyes still while Mina looks at her.
Chaeyoung then takes a deep breath and just walks away, exiting Mina's apartment.
Mina cries badly after Chaeyoung got out. Everything that happened in her life, every happiness is always temporary to her. It hurt her feelings. She's so broken-hearted once again.
She can't believe she and Chaeyoung ended up things like this. Well, Mina knows it that they wouldn't be together like in the movie, but at least Mina imagined a happy end to both of them, this was far from what Mina imagined. Mina was also hurt by the fact that Chaeyoung left her only because she was scared, A part of her can't believe that because she knew that she was so brave and she proved herself. It doesn't make any sense to Mina, not only she left Mina but she also left music, something that she really loves, something that could make her restart her life again.
But anyway, that's Chaeyoung's answer. And Mina could only accept that Chaeyoung didn't have any grande reason for leaving her back then.
Chaeyoung back at her car again, she couldn't feel her leg, it's been numb for a reason. She bangs her forehead to the steering wheel. She wanted to regret everything that she said, but again the guilt consumed her mind. And even when Mina wanted her to explain things between them, she can't give her the answer.