-8- Avoidance
As Zhan lay in his bed in the evening, he hoped to wake up with a solution to his problems and the open questions about Yibo. But of course he did not wake up like that. Instead of finding a solution, he dreamt all night about Yibo and in this dream they kissed each other again and again. More and more all this turned into a nightmare for Zhan. Why does it have to be so damn hard to figure out what to do now?
However, at the breakfast of his stepmother and his two stepbrothers, he was briefly distracted. He heard the three of them talking about the fact that the man Zhan's stepmother wants to meet this weekend has already had several dates with her. Wen Xu even claimed that he was perfect for his mother because they were very similar. Wen Chao proudly declared that he was happy to have a strong and powerful stepfather. Laughing, the three looked at Zhan, who would love to just run away.
Because if this man is really like his stepmother and the two of them really should marry, then Zhan would be completely lost. Zhan would not survive with one more of this kind.
Arriving at school, Zhan parked his bike while Chuyue brought him up to date, around the teachers and some students. But Zhan had been far too busy with his own problems and thoughts to follow what his best friend told him. And he had never really cared what gossip was being spread.
Obsessed by the question of how to avoid Yibo today, Zhan went upstairs to the classroom and sat down in his seat. He looked up at the, so far, empty seat of Yibo and again had in mind what happened there yesterday during the lunch break. Immediately his cheeks reddened again and it took him some effort to erase this image from his mind.
When the class started, Yibo was still not there and Zhan wondered where he was today. The question was answered only ten minutes after the class started. One of the other teachers came into the classroom and reported that Wang Yibo is participating in a motorcycle race today. Apparently, his participation had only come up at short term and he would be missing in the first few lessons. Somehow Zhan was relieved about this.
At breakfast Chuyue was picked up by his mother because of his dentist appointment. Zhan, who had no money and breakfast with him anyway, decided to go to the library and read a book. Now that Yibo wasn't there, they wouldn't spend the next two free periods in the fitness room after all and he could read in peace and maybe give his brain, which for him felt like it was already smoking, a break from all the chaos of thoughts.
It was only one hour of the two free periods that had passed when he heard cheers and applause through the tilted window. He ran to the window to see what was going on outside and saw that Yibo was on his way to the school building and several students were calling out to him. "Congratulations on your first place." Some girls shouted. When Yibo raised his head, Zhan jumped away from the window as fast as he could and ran back to his seat.
His heart beat almost to his throat, fearing Yibo might have seen him. He knew he couldn't hide in the library forever, but as long as he could, he wanted to stay here. He wants to avoid meeting Yibo and avoid them talking about the kiss. And even more, as Zhan admitted to himself, he wanted to avoid Yibo telling him it was a mistake and that he is having a girlfriend.
Fearing that Yibo might seek him out in the library, Zhan hid in the farthest and darkest corner of the library. From there he could see who came and went, but no one could see him there easily. The perfect place to hide for a while.
The last free hour came and went, but Yibo did not show up in the library. Zhan, however, had waited until the very last moment before heading to the classroom. And even there, he stopped in front of the classroom and did not enter until the teacher came.
He walked to his seat with his head lowered and avoided any look at Yibo. However, before the class started, the teacher proudly declared that Yibo was the winner of the race and congratulated him on behalf of all the teachers. His classmates in the class cheered and congratulated him. Zhan looked at Yibo, clapped his hands and Yibo smiled at him, which immediately made Zhan's heart race again. Quickly Zhan looked in another direction and was happy when the teacher said everyone should be quiet now that the class was starting.
A few minutes before lunch break, Zhan had avoided even looking at Yibo during the lesson, and asked the teacher if he could leave now because he wanted to talk to the counselor. The teacher, who also knows Zhan's background, nodded and Zhan disappeared from the class as quickly as possible.
Zhan actually went to the counselor and he already knew what he wanted to talk to him about. Namely the fact that his stepmother is apparently about to date a man she wants to marry. Mr. Xing knows Zhan's story and has accompanied him from the very beginning in school and knows under what conditions Zhan lives at home and how he is treated there.
"But when I look at you, my good one, it seems to me that something else is on your heart. Because even if your mother finds a new husband, they probably won't marry right away, and if they do, you can talk to your trustee. He recently offered you that he can put you in a living group if it is no longer possible otherwise." Said Mr Xing.
"Yes, I know. I've been thinking about it back and forth. Lately, my stepmother is getting worse and worse, and the twins said the new husband is just like her."
"Oh, I see. And I think you should definitely talk to your trustee. Also about the threat that they want to take your money away as soon as you get it paid. But first, tell me what's really bothering you."
Zhan nibbled nervously on his lower lip and didn't know if he should really talk about it. Mr. Xing reminded him that everything they talk about is confidential and he doesn't need to be afraid that someone else will find out. So Zhan took another deep breath and told the teacher about what happened between him and Yibo, about his girlfriend and also about the rumors.
"Wow, this is such a lot and I understand why you don't know what to do now. Well I have to tell you, from Wang Yibo's old school we heard only good things about him. We know nothing of such rumors. But whether he has a girlfriend or not is not clear. But I think if you don't talk to him, you will never know. You will never know if the kiss was serious for him or not. You are so brave otherwise, why are you afraid to talk to him?" Mr Xing asked.
"Because I don't even know what to think. I mean, it was my first kiss and then with a boy, who I don't even know. And every time I look at him or even think about him, I feel strange."
Mr. Xing asked Zhan how strange he felt and Zhan explained it to him. Then Mr. Xing smiled and said, "My dear Xiao Zhan, I think you're in love with Wang Yibo." Zhan stared at him with eyes wide open and shook his head.
"That's not possible, he's a boy, just like me."
"Zhan, you know such a thing exists, and it's no big deal. You don't have to be afraid of it."
"Yeah, right, and in this country? You know that homosexuality is condemned here, right?"
"Unfortunately yes. But that doesn't mean you should give up because of it. Not everyone thinks like that and you can't escape those feelings. Love is love, it doesn't matter what gender the person you love is. Of course homosexual couples in this country have to be careful and can't just show themselves in public. But it is not impossible to have a relationship." Explained Mr Xing.
"So first of all, there can be no talking about a relationship. We only kissed. Secondly, Yibo has a girlfriend. Third, I don't know if I want a secret relationship or if I could even handle it."
"And what do you want to do instead? Pretend to be someone you're not? Ignore your feelings like they're not there? Do you want to find a girlfriend so that nobody notices what you really feel and for whom? You would only hurt and harm yourself. And avoidance won't help you."
Zhan thought that he already had enough problems. Having to deal with feelings that he shouldn't have made it even harder for him. And he talked to Mr. Xing until the end of the lunch break, and then Mr. Xing brought him back to class a few minutes after class started.
Although Zhan did not look at Yibo, he could feel his eyes and he felt increasingly uncomfortable. Why did Yibo have to be a boy? Why couldn't he fall in love with a girl? Why couldn't something be simple for once in his life? Shouldn't love be something beautiful? Then why did it hurt him so much?
After the last lesson, Zhan left the classroom as quickly as he could. Still, Yibo caught up with him as he was about to go down the stairs. "What's wrong? Why are you avoiding me?" Yibo asked him angrily.
"Me, I'm in a hurry and I had some things I needed to clear up today."
"Like what? "I think you're just avoiding me because of yesterday."
"Yibo I..."
"Zhan, I know I shouldn't have done this yesterday. But I really like you a lot and it just happened in this moment. I' m sorry if I surprised you with that. But please, talk to me and don't ignore me."
"Right, you shouldn't have done it. But not because of me, but because of your girlfriend. I don't like you cheating on your girlfriend."
"Because of my..." Started Yibo and stared at Zhan with eyes wide open.
"Yes, because of your girlfriend. After all, you two have been together for a year and you can' t do that when you have a girlfriend."
"Zhan, please listen carefully to what I'm saying. I DO NOT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! I don't know who said that, but it's not true!"
Zhan raised his head and looked into Yibo's eyes. He returned his gaze with a serious look and repeated it again. "I have no girlfriend Zhan. I would never lie to you. I wanted to kiss you because I like you."
Hastily, Zhan looked around the staircase, but there was no one left but him and Yibo. "What do you mean you like me?" Zhan asked.
Yibo stepped close to Zhan, stroked Zhan's cheek and whispered, "I like you, means I like you." And suddenly he bent his head forward and kissed Zhan. And Zhan could not resist him. Yibo dropped his bag on the stairs, put both arms around Zhan and kissed him even more intensely, yearning and also demanding.
It must have been two or three minutes before they released the kiss and Yibo whispered to Zhan: "Believe me, I really like you a lot and I am completely serious about you. So if you like me too, don't run away from me anymore and think about being my boyfriend. Because I would really appreciate it."
Yibo picked up his bag from the stairs and took out a gold medal. He put it around Zhan's neck and repeated once again, "I really want to be with you. I know it is going too fast. But I just like you so much that I can't help but ask you to give me a chance. And this medal that I won today, I will give you, because you are my number one from now on."
Zhan's heart was racing like crazy and everything in him was going wild. Does he really want to have a relationship with Wang Yibo?