It is difficult to accept that you know what to do but you don't do it.
~paulo coelho
2 years ago (when Radha is 6 months in the womb)
“Liya.....” Ajith is standing at the entrance of the room looking for words. Avi is sleeping. He is almost 2 year now.
Ajith loves liya. But the only one who knows that is Ajith. He never reveals to her. Whenever he is trying to do it, Chitra will interfere in between. She doesn’t want ajth to be under Liya’s control. She always wanted ajith to be under her control.
“Liya I.....”
Even before ending the sentence, Chitra intervened, stood between them and declared “We are leaving”. She glimpsed at both of them and continued, “To Delhi!!”
Liya is anxious now. And the news is fresh to Ajith too. Number of questions are popping up “Are you crazy?” “Don’t you have eyes to look at?” “And why suddenly” “It is not safe for the baby” but the only word that showed up is “why?” Asked Ajith.
Chitra’s eyes would have burned Ajith by now. She went nearby, peered straight into his eyes and growled, “Do you need to know that?, Ajith”. She left the room without responding. When she was halfway to the hallway, Ajith asked again “why?”. She needs to answer now. No other go. She spun, with the evil smile she replied “Because we already reserved the tickets”. She disappeared without turning back. Ajith doesn’t have the guts to ask another. He glanced at liya who is now looking at her baby bump and then stared at Ajith like “Why can’t you say NO”. He was like “No use talking to her”. He turned to say something but ended up saying nothing.
Liya packed lunch for Ajith and he went off.
She secretly dialed her mom as they do not allow it when everyone is around.
“Ma, is it safe for the baby to travel?. To Delhi?” Liya asked.
“Obviously no liya!!” Preethi said from the other end.
“They’ve booked the tickets, it seems. What to do?”
“They?. It’s not Ajith?” Preethi inquired.
“No, ma,”
There was a long silence. Preethi doesn’t want liya to raise her voice against them. Because if she does, they would do something dreadful to her in return. And it’s not respect.
“Ma, are you there?”
“Yes...... Maybe they know better than me, liya. It might be safe,” Preethi consoled her, even though she feels it wrong.
“Safe?. What are you lecturing about, ma? Why can’t you come and talk “. Preethi doesn’t want to do it either. Because It is not part of Indian culture as she belongs to another family now.
“No, Liya. I can’t”
Liya is red with rage. “Then I will!!” She roared and ended the line.
“Who is it?” Asked a voice behind her.
Liya was taken aback, sweat trickling out, hands trembling. She wished to run inside. But she can’t. She needs to face it. She turned slowly to face Chitra who is standing in front of her, hands folded. Chitra raised her brows, demanding the answer.
“Phone....rang....I...attend,” liya blabbered.
Ajith entered the scene to get the keys. He diverted her mother by saying someone is waiting for her. Saying so, he left. Liya rushed to the room.
All the time she was speculating about safety of her baby.
She looked at her baby bump again and whispered, “I’ll do what I can”. She wiped her tears along with her fears, grabbed a pen & paper and scrawled:
Ajith, it is not safe to travel in this situation. Chennai to Delhi is a long way. Proper rest and sleep is very much necessary for the baby. And you know very well that the situation will be worse if uncle and aunty are with us.
And the temperature over there is intolerable. Avi can’t bear it either. Please do something..
“Liya,”
She crushed the paper and throws it away.
“Can I clean the room?”
Liya gave out an enormous sigh when she realised it’s not Chitra. It’s the maid.
“Sure, Akka” liya said, giving her the way.
“Liya, are you fine?. You look scared” inquired the maid when she noticed Liya’s hand, which was still shivering.
“I’m fine, Akka. No windows, so no air. I’m totally fine “liya said in between scanning for the crushed paper.
It’s no where to be found. Meanwhile Chitra entered the room looking for something. Liya is stuck.Chitra is an expert in finding clues.
“Liya, have you seen my watch” Chitra said, still searching. The maid left the room.
“See, liya, she wants high pay from this month ah!. But will not clean the room properly.” Chitra said in a peak voice to make it audible. “Can’t even see this crumpled paper,” she stated and picked up that paper.
Liya freezed.
“Aunty, I’ll...... throw it away” liya mumbles, extending hands.
“No, liya. Let her come and take. Asked higher pay right? Let her come,” Chitra thundered again. “By the way, who throws it here. What is this?”. She almost opened it.
Liya closed her eyes, getting ready for everything.
“Chitra, your watch is here” Natraj, ajith’s father hailed from the other room.
“Yeah coming” she left the room handing it to liya.
Liya puffed up her cheeks and exhaled in relief.
As soon as she left, liya hid that among her dresses.
“Ma, give something to eat” Avi asked, patting his tummy.
“Yeah, come with me” liya led him to the kitchen.
She opened the milk can. No milk. Disappointed, but not surprised. She then offered him a biscuit with a broad smile. HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED? THE WAY OUR MOTHER SERVE FOOD MAKES IT MORE DELICIOUS THAN IT ACTUALLY IS. LOVE MAKES IT EVEN MORE DELICIOUS.
“Liya, not ready yet?” Chitra asked, dressed grandly.
“Where?”
“To Delhi, liya. We need to catch the train by 6:00pm as soon as Ajith returns from the work,”
“Evening? You haven’t told that” liya regretted after saying that.
“Didn’t I?” Chitra faked her voice. “No problem. Get ready before it gets late”. She did that wantedly.
Liya looked at the clock. It was 3:30. She knows it’s impossible to stop as there will be no time to talk to Ajith.
“How many days?” Liya asked.
Chira stared back.
“…just to know the number of dress I need to pack,” liya asked, head bowing down.
“1 week” Chitra said
Avi looked Chitra from top to bottom. “Why are you dressed like a joker” Avi asked, looking up. Again, don’t expect respect from kids, lol.
Liya pulled him away and yelled, “you should not ask like that, Avi”
“But she looks like that, ma,”.
When liya stood up to ask for an apology, Chitra already left.
The first thing she did is to tear the paper as there is no use of it anymore.
.............
“Taj Mahal tomorrow” chitra said, slamming the door behind her.
They reached Delhi after a humpy bumpy two days ride. The people in the compartment took great care of her than Chitra. They made her feel comfortable. Some times they’ll be like “Is it important to travel in this condition?” And she’ll be like “I don’t know”. She doesn’t know. But somehow ajith nudged her mother and got the answer. She said, “we are actually planning Delhi trip for years. You know, the place was cool. One of my friend boasted herself last week for visiting that place. And also only this week we got a concession by the travel agency. So I decided”. It alarmed Ajith. “Are you insane” he spoke to himself without disclosing it. Liya doesn’t know even then.
“Why we are here?” Liya asked Ajith when Chitra left.
There were in a lodge. Chitra and Natraj are in the other room. Avi is doing his job, bouncing from one bed to other.
“We are here for a trip” Ajith said with resentment.
“Trip, ah!!” Liya said. “I thought it was something serious,”
“I don’t know it either,” Ajith responded.
“Why can’t you ask Ajith? You have the right to ask that” liya said, expected NO USE, but this time the answer varied.
He sat on the couch near the bed and added, “I was brought up like that, liya. From childhood till now, whenever I ask something or say something against them, they’ll either cuss me with words or will revert it by doing something against me. Like, they’ll complain me to my relatives with the bunch of lies. And sometimes proper food will not be provided. They want me under their control. I don’t know why. No matter how hard I try to change them, it’ll end in the same way,” he paused. “And that’s why I don’t want you to talk against them. Because I know how it hurts. I don’t want you to feel the same,”. Ajith completed the sentence.
Liya never seen him speaking like this. “I’m sor....”
Avi intervened “Appa!! Appa!! I want to touch that”. He pointed at a fluffy unicorn hanging on the wall.
“Come on! Let us see how it feels,” he lifted him up.
Liya is now seeing Ajith with glory. But still, it haunted her as it is not the right solution. In some point or the other he needs to open it up.
“How it feels?” Ajith asked with excitement.
“It feels like cotton candy,”
“Cotton candy!!” Ajith laughed out loud.
“Can I eat it?”
“Strictly NO,”
Ajith looked up. “Do you want to touch that”. He pointed to the chandelier.
Avi nodded vigorously. “But it’s too high”
“I’ll toss you up. But don’t push it harder. Deal?”
“Double deal” Avi said with a thumbs up.
That night went longer than usual...
..........
“Shimla, which saw a low of minus 0.5 degrees Celsius, recorded more than 20 cm of snowfall, while Kufri and Mashobra recorded more than 40 cm of snowfall each. The snowy landscape in Shimla will stay this way for two-three days,” the guide announced.
“Ajith, I’ll stay in the bus. You go with them,” liya said with utmost difficulty.
It was the last day of the trip. Liya was thoroughly exhausted. The pain was immense. No proper food. No proper rest. She could barely open her eyes. And the climate was intolerable.
“Come, Avi. Lets go” Ajith pulled Avi’s hand who is clinging to liya. He cannot bear the cold either.
“Let him stay here” liya said. “Close that door before leaving”. Avi will run out if it remains open.
After a few minutes, “Ma!!”. He is beaming at the baby bump.
“What avi?”
Liya once told him that there is a baby inside her belly.
“How is it possible to stay in there?. Whether fan is available?” Avi enquired pointing at her belly.
“No,”
“Will it not sweat for the baby?”
“No,”
“How?” Avi demanded.
Liya is out of energy. “I’ll explain you later, Avi. I promise”
When they returned to chennai, liya suffered a lot for two long days.
Regret is worse than venom. Venom will kill you in a while but regret will kill you alive.This may not be the reason for Radha’s abnormalities. The reason may be different. It may be anything. But Sometimes, Even failure will satisfy or console us for trying our best. But regret will never let us to live a satisfied life.
Do it now or you’ll regret it later.
To be continued...