“Do you want to dance?” Riggs asked after half an hour of just sitting and drinking on the couch.
I immediately shook my head. “Nah, I’m fine here.” I need to be at least careful. There’s a huge possibilty that Iris and April are also here. Mas okay nang mag-ingat dahil baka magpang-abot na naman kami.
I can’t let them ruin my night.
“Ah... C’mon, Alec... I promise, April isn’t with me, I don’t even know if she’s here. You don’t have to worry."
“I’m sorry, Riggs... I’m really fine here. You can dance if you want.” Saying no to someone is a must if you don’t really want what they are asking. Never let them pressure you from saying yes if you weren’t comfortable in the first place.
Ngumuso siya at bahagya pang lumapit sa’kin. “You know what, I said that I didn’t believe April and I don’t mean to be nosy, but why did she even said that you’re their maid?” he suddenly asked.
I wrinkled my nose as I stared at the dancefloor. Mallory is there, dancing wildly with a guy.
“Because I really am,” I answered. Nang tingnan ko ulit si Riggs ay nakakunot na ang noo niya at mukhang naguguluhan.
“You are?” he repeated.
“Yes.”
He scanned my face, it’s as if he can find the truth by just staring at me. I’m not planning to announce that April is actually my cousin. They’re addressing me as their maid, that just means that they don’t have any plans on introducing me as their relative. Para bang magdadala ’yon sa kanila ng kahihiyan.
I don’t mind though. If that’s what they want to address me, then so be it. I alone isn’t proud that I have a relative like them.
Ilang minutong natahimik si Riggs at mukhang hindi na alam ang sasabihin. What’s even the big deal with that? I don’t mind being called a maid if that’s the only way to finish my studies and have a shelter.
“Ka-school mate ka ba namin?” pag-iiba ko na lang sa usapan. Maybe it’s not that bad to talk to him, he looks okay after all. Wala pa naman siyang ginagawang hindi ko gusto, although I can tell that he’s a bit interested to me.
“Yeah. Taking up Psychology. Graduating.” My mouth formed O. So that’s why he and April knew each other. Madalas si April sa department na ’yon dahil kay Iris na iyon din ang course na kinukuha. I don’t really get it, Iris is studying Psych, but I think she’s the one who needs help because of the way she thinks.
“I see. Baka nakasalubong na natin ang isa’t-isa rati. I can’t just recognize you,” I said.
Pinakatitigan niya ako at tumango. “I do recognize you though, I just didn’t know your name.” Muling napataas ang kilay ko at pinagmasdan din siya. Riggs is undeniably good-looking. With his thick eyebrows, his slight chinky eyes, and pointed nose. He is tanned too and tall.
“Really?” tanging nasabi ko.
He licked his lips and nodded. “Madalas kayo sa university lagoon, hindi ba? We will usually pass there during vacant. That’s where I often see you.”
He chuckled when he saw my reaction. “It’s a pure coincidence, I swear. It’s just that you will always catch my attention for some reason.” Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. I don’t know what to say.
“You’re just too peaceful to look at,” he added. Umusog ulit siya palapit sa’kin habang naramdaman kong ipinatong niya ang kanang braso sa backrest na sinasandalan ko. I pursed my lips when he touched my chin and made me face him. He’s directly looking at my lips that I suddenly feel bothered. What the hell is he planning to do?
I wanted to pull back but I was too confused to even move. Unti-unti niya nang inilalapit ang mukha sa akin at ilang hibla na lang ay magdidikit na ang mga labi namin nang biglang may maiingay na mukhang papadaan sa gawi namin.
I blinked. Doon ko siya naitulak at bahagyang lumayo. He looks offended for a moment. I cleared my throat as I averted my gaze. Tiningnan ko kung sino ’yong mga maiingay dahil parang mga sinisilihan na ang mga babae sa paligid namin.
My eyes slightly widen when I saw the whole Ludic Selcouth. Nagtatawanan si Tase at Castriel at mukhang tinutukso si Paesyn na lukot ang mukha. Zath and Zemira are also laughing and talking to each other. Si Rush lang ang tahimik at hindi ko alam kung dito ba sa gawi namin nakatutok ang tingin niya.
Our eyes suddenly met and locked to each other. Nang malapit na sila ay napatingin din sa gawi namin si Zath. His playful grin immediately showed as he waved at me.
“Alec!” he called. May mga napatingin tuloy sa’kin kaya bahagya akong nailang. I’m not used to too much attention. Hinila niya si Rush na seryoso ang mukha.
Napatingin ako kay Riggs na nakatingin din kina Zath at Rush na papalapit. I smiled awkwardly and stood up. “Zath, Rush...” I said when they’re finally in front of me. I noticed how Rush scanned my whole that I can’t help but to feel conscious with how I look.
“I didn’t know that you’re here. Dapat nilapitan mo kami!” ani Zath at bahagyang sinulyapan si Riggs bago mas lumawak ang ngisi.
“Uh, well...mahirap kayong lapitan,” I awkwardly said and laughed.
“Oh please... Rush will immediately go to you if he—” hindi niya naituloy ang sasabihin nang mapatingin siya kay Rush at nakitang matalim na ang tingin ng huli. He just bursted into laughter.
Minsan talaga naiisip ko, si Zath ang may pinakamalakas ang tama sa kanilang magbabanda. I can’t understand him sometimes.
I frozed when Rush suddenly went beside me. “One button is open,” he whispered as he tried to fix something on my dress. Nakagat ko ang labi at nilingon siya. Halos tumigil bigla ang paghinga ko nang maramdaman ang palad niyang nakalapat na sa bewang ko. Profanities flooded my mind. What is he doing?
Nakita ko ang kakaibang tingin na ibinabato niya kay Riggs bago ibinalik ang seryosong tingin sa akin. “Are you with Mallory? Where is she?” he asked. Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita kaya tumikhim muna ako at lumunok. I am so tensed... it almost feel like my heart is somersaulting inside my chest.
“D-dancefloor. She’ll be back later.” Mariin ko ulit na kinagat ang labi nang maramdaman ang kamay niyang bahagyang pumisil sa aking bewang.
Iginala ko ang paningin at nakitang may mga nakamasid na agad sa’min. I can even spot someone murmuring to each other while looking at us. Bigla akong kinabahan nang maisip na baka makuha rin ang atensyon nina Iris at April kung nandito sila.
Nakita kong tumigil din sina Tase Mortell at ngayo’y pinagmamasdan din kami ni Rush. Mas naging nakakaloko naman ang ngisi ni Zath.
“You can join us for a while if you want. I hope Mallory won’t mind?” ani Rush kaya mas lalo akong naguluhan. Tumayo na rin si Riggs at nakatingin sa kamay ng katabi ko.
“Dude, we were talking. Don’t be so rude,” Riggs said. Parang biglang may pumalibot na tensyon sa amin kaya nagpasya na akong lumayo kay Rush pero hindi niya naman ako binitawan.
“I don’t fucking care. I’m taking her.” Nagulat ako sa pabalang na sagot ni Rush. He sounded more irritated now. Nangunot na ang noo ni Riggs at mukhang hindi nagustuhan ang tono ng kausap. Pansin ko ang pagtapik sa kaniya ng isang lalaki na kasama rin namin sa couch at may ibinulong.
“Rush...” I whispered. Hindi siya nagsalita at walang ano-ano’y hinila ako paalis doon. Mahigpit na ang pagkakahawak niya sa bewang ko habang parang nawawala naman ako sa sarili. I feel like I’m floating and all I can think of is Rush’s attitude towards Riggs. What just happened?
Paglingon ko ay nakita kong hindi naman nakasunod sa amin sina Zath at kaming dalawa lang talaga ni Rush. Tinatangay niya na ako ngayon palabas ng bar at kita ko ang bawat matang nakasunod sa aming dalawa.
Hindi ako nakapagsalita hanggang marating namin ang parking lot kung saan natanaw ko ang sasakyan niya. Seryoso pa rin siya nang tuluyang tumigil sa harap ng kotse at tiningnan ako. He blew a loud breath as he massaged the bridge of his nose. While me... I just stared at him. I noticed that something is missing on his face. Wala na ang piercing na nakita ko sa ilong niya kanina.
Napaisip tuloy ako. Masakit ’yon diba? Or it wasn’t real?
“Alectrona, that guy almost kissed you,” he said on a not so amused voice.
“Ha?” Mas lalo akong naguluhan. Mas lalo lang din na nagsalubong ang kilay niya at padarag na binuksan ang passenger side ng kaniyang kotse.
“Get in.”
“W-what? Wait...why?” Malakas pa rin ang kabog sa dibdib ko habang nakamasid sa kaniya. Why is he acting so weird?
“Let’s go for a drive,” aniya at nag-iwas ng tingin. I tried to catch his eyes but he remained his gaze on the side.
“I can’t. Mallory will look for me,” I answered hesistantly.
“We’ll come back here for her later... Just...” he bit his lip. Mukhang maging siya ay naguguluhan din sa sariling inaasal.
I just sighed and went inside his car. Isinarado niya ang pinto at umikot para pumasok naman sa driver seat.
Pareho kaming tahimik lang habang nagmamaneho siya. I don’t know where he is taking me but I’ll just let him. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito na lang ang pagtitiwala ko at basta-basta lang din talaga akong sumasama sa kaniya. We just knew each other personally weeks ago but...
Huminga ako nang malalim at kinuha ang cellphone para i-text si Mallory. I just hope she is still able to read it.
It was just a 15-minute drive because the road is almost empty at this hour. Ngayon ko lang din na-realize na halos ganitong oras kami madalas na nagkakasama.
He stopped the car on a huge public park. May iilang street lights sa paligid at natatanaw ko sa may hindi kalayuan ang benches at playground.
I still don’t have any idea on why he brought me here when we got out of the car and he led me to a concrete bench. We were both silent as we sat there. Tanging mga kuliglig lang ang maririnig at kung hindi ko lang kasama si Rush, iisipin kong bigla na lang may susulpot dito at viola! Parang pang horror movie ang lugar na ’to kapag gabi.
I hunched my back to remove the strap of my heels. Mas sumakit ang paa ko’t naramdaman ang paltos. Ipinatong ko na lang ang paa sa heels at bahagyang inikot-ikot ’yon.
“Does it hurt? Do you want me to massage it?” biglang sabi ni Rush kaya napalingon ako sa kaniya. He’s staring at my feet and frowning a bit.
Nang hindi ako gumalaw ay hinawakan niya ang binti ko at bigla na lang akong itinagilid. My eyes just widen and I couldn’t even protest. Patagilid na akong naka-upo at ang binti ko’y nakapatong sa hita niya. He fixed the hem of my dress before he started massaging my feet.
Nakagat ko ang labi habang pinagmamasdan siya. He’s too serious with what he is doing. Hindi ko rin itatangging nakakaramdam ako ng ginhawa dahil sa ginagawa niya sa paa ko.
I didn’t know that the rock star, Rush Zedova, has a side like this.
Hinaplos niya ang parteng namumula at bahagyang pinisil ’yon. I breathed heavily as I looked at the dark sky. It was only being lighted by the stars and the bright moon.
“I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have dragged you like that without your permission,” he said. Ngumiti lang ako. I honestly didn’t mind. It’s stupid, pero parang natutuwa pa nga ata ako sa mga ginagawa niya.
Hindi na lang ako nagsalita at dinama ang malamig na simoy ng hangin.
Hindi ko maintindihan ang nangyayari sa’kin dahil sa mga ginagawa ni Rush. I just feel so confused and comfortable at the same time whenever I’m with him. Everything he does affects me differently.
This is Rush Zedova, the vocalist of the popular band, Ludic Selcouth. This is the dream of their fangirls. Be with them, be held by them...
I’m getting all those freely through this man.
Ilang sandali pa ay naramdaman ko na ang pagtigil niya at nanatili na lang na nakapatong ang kaniyang palad sa binti ko. I stared at him as the wind blew his hair. Nakatitig din siya sa’kin at tila ba may namumuong kung ano sa pagitan namin. Walang nagsasalita, tanging mata lang na parang nilulunod ang isa’t-isa.
I swallowed and eventually lowered my gaze when I couldn’t take the feeling anymore. His eyes are too much... Para bang tuluyan akong malulunod kapag hindi ako nag-iwas ng tingin.
“Were you pissed a while ago?" I absentmindedly asked. Huli na nang mapagtanto ko ang itinanong. Shit, why would I even ask him that?!
His lips protruded. He slid down his hand on my ankles and carefully place my feet on the ground. Inayos ko naman ang dress na suot at umayos ng upo. Parang nanghihinayang ako na hindi maintindihan. I feel comfortable with that position...
Tumitig na lang ako sa harapan habang bahagyang pinaglalaruan ang sariling kamay.
“Did it look like it to you?” he asked back.
Ngumuso ako at pinigilan ang sarili na lumingon sa kaniya. “Kind of...”
The wind blew wildly. Naramdaman ko na lang na pumunta na naman ang kamay niya sa bewang ko at hinila ako palapit sa kaniya. I almost stopped breathing when my hand accidentally fell on his lap. Agad ko ’yong tinanggal doon at ikinuyom. Shit... Sobrang lapit namin sa isa’t-isa.
Using his other hand, he tucked my hair behind my ear so it won’t go hanging on my face because of the wind. “Why do you think I was pissed off?” Napapikit ako nang maramdamang lumapat ang labi niya sa sintido ko. He rest his lips on my temple while my face is almost touching his neck now.
“I don’t know...” I said, almost whispering.
He sighed and went silent. We remained on that position for god knows how long. My cheek was already resting on his shoulder with my eyes closed, savoring everything that’s going on.
There was something on his presence that had always make me feel this kind of comfort. For some reason, I felt both safe and vulnerable with him. This isn’t the time to let my weak side win over me, but the way he holds me makes me want to let everything out.
When was the last time I felt this? It’s when my mom was still alive. For years, I craved for this intimate feeling.
Sa tagal kong namalagi sa puder nila Tita Carolina ay ngayon ko lang naramdaman na parang may handang sumalo sa’kin. Mallory is always there for me... but sometimes I can’t tell everything to her just because I don’t want to burden her more. She has her own problems and I didn’t want to add on her worries.
Wala mang nagsasalita sa amin ni Rush ngayon ay pakiramdam ko’y may kung ano sa presensya niya na magpapalabas sa mga nararamdaman ko. How can he do this? He shouldn’t be hugging me like this...
With those thoughts, I suddenly felt the side of my eyes heating. I closed my eyes tightly when a single tear escaped. Mariin kong kinagat ang labi habang pilit na kinokontrol ang sarili.
Why am I suddenly being like this? Even with my best friend, I won’t cry even if I'm already telling her my problems. Pero ngayon...wala naman akong sinasabi ay nararamdaman ko ’to.
I felt his body stiffened when I accidentally released a sob. I bit my lips even harder when all the tears fell uncontrollably.
He forced to lift my face as he cupped my left cheek. Mariin kong ipinikit ang mata habang hinihiling na sana’y hindi niya makita ang mga luhang patuloy na nalalaglag don.
Am I a fool for feeling this? He is a mere acquaintance, why am I bringing my heavy baggage here with him?
“Hey... Why...” Rinig ko ang pagsinghap niya nang muli akong mapahikbi. Nahihiya na ako pero hindi ko naman mapigilan ang mga luha. Nakakainis, bakit ngayon pa nila naisipang lumabas? Pwede namang mamaya na lang pag-uwi ko.
He completely hugged me this time. Literal na nakakulong na ako sa mga braso niya habang nababasa na ng luha ko ang button down shirt na kaniyang suot. It was so embarrassing, but the more he embrace me, the more my emotions get uncontrollable.
Kasabay ng pag-ihip ng hangin ang pagyakap ko sa kaniya pabalik. I was hugging him so tightly but he didn’t even flinch. Ramdam ko ang paghaplos niya sa buhok ko habang tuluyan nang nakawala ang mga hikbi na pilit kong pinipigilan.
An almost quite voice suddenly rose in the air. I stopped when I heard him singing softly while stroking my hair.
I hugged him even tighter as I burried my face on his neck. Is he seriously singing right now? My cries completely stopped and a smile slowly crept into my lips.
I closed my eyes as I absorbed his soothing voice.
It was unbelievable. His presence can make me feel vulnerable, but his voice can also calm the storm inside me.