Christmas Day was here. I don't think I had ever been this excited before. As a child, the only thing I wished for was my parents. I wanted the two supposedly important people to me to be there on Christmas Day, watch me open my presents, and share the magic with me. Once I turned eight and realised that Santa didn't exist, it made the heartache worse. They didn't love me enough to want to picture my face when I opened presents they brought. So instead, grandma did. She brought all my presents and saw my face each year up until she died. But this year, I was about to witness my little girl. Whether she was weeks old or not, she was going to open her first present on Christmas Day with both her mummy and daddy.
"It's Christmas! It's Christmas!" I yelled with excitement, turning to Bax but to find the other side empty.
"Oh." I sighed. I wanted so bad to wake up with him here. Just one year where someone special was there that wasn't Avery.
I reluctantly climbed out of bed, the excitement completely gone, and made my way towards Angels room. At least I'd have this moment to cherish, even if he wasn't here.
I stepped into her room to find her cot empty and surrounded by darkness. It was pretty early so it was still a little dark out, but where could they possibly be. Now I really was feeling down. It was Christmas and I was on my own.
I yawned as I shuffled myself down the stairs, no pep in my step like before. I wanted so bad to turn around and get straight back into bed. Each year I spent Christmas Day either in bed or at Avery's, trying to drown my sorrows of my depressing family life from a child. I was extremely tempted to do the same.
Instead, though, I made my way to the lounge and lay down on the sofa. The room was pitch black, silent and, again, depressing.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!"
I jumped up, almost falling headfirst over the coffee table as Bax came into the room, yelling at top volume. My heart plummeted into my stomach at fright.
"Whats happening? I thought you had took Angel out or something?" That was literally the only explanation I had for the lack of life in the house.
"No baby, Merry Christmas. I love you so much, and I know each year this is extremely hard for you but this year it won't be. I intend to make your Christmas perfect." He's holding my face in his huge hands, cradling me.
Before I can speak back he's rested his lips on top of mine, giving them a slow caress. He tastes sweet like cinnamon and my tongue darts out for a much more needed taste. I hadn't realised I'd moaned until a growl rumbled from his chest in response and I realised it was me not him. But, fuck, did he make me feel things I hadn't before.
"Now, our daughter has so many presents to open and she can't wait for her mommy to see." He pulls me towards the Christmas tree, turns the festive lights on and gestures for me to sit still as he leaves the room. I sit in anticipation, excited and thrilled, as I wait.
When he returns no less than thirty seconds later, he brings Angel through in an actual Angel dress and headband, covered in white and silver glitter. She looks so cute I can't wait to have a morning munch on her. "Oh my! You look so beautiful! Did your daddy do this?" He passes her over to me as he sits beside me with a huge Cheshire grin on his face.
She swears the same little smirk, giggling and wriggling in my arms. "Oh baby, your daddy is so perfect isn't he?" Her smile tells me she agrees as I wrap her up against me. I've been wanting this cuddle since I woke up.
"Perfect, huh?" He's rubbing the stubble on his chin - which makes him look much more edible than usual - as he playfully smirks at me.
I look over Angels shoulder as I reply. "You have no clue just how much." The biting my lip action wasn't intended, yet it happened anyway. And I see as lust and hunger take over the way his eyes darken and the way his face softens into love. But he has no idea how much I really want him right now.
These past few weeks have been so difficult. I still can't remember anything, and yes it's driving me insane, but my heart just won't stop beating for this hunk of a man that is so sweet and dreamy. He's the perfect daddy - looks extremely hot while he's fulfilling the role - and is the perfect partner too. It's making it extremely difficult when I can't remember exactly what happened all those months, but I can't stop my body wanting him. He promised to tell me everything once Christmas was over as he wanted to make sure it was perfect for me. His words scared me, they still do, why would it be less perfect once he told me? Something tells me I'm not going to like how our past nine months have been, but I have to tell myself there's a reason we were together in the end and why I clearly, deep down, love him so hard. No matter what he says, I'm willing to push it behind if I did before. I just hope I can.
"Okay, first present is for Angel. I thought this was something we both wanted to see." He said, ignoring what I said. But the gleam in his eye tells me we will revisit it later. Upstairs. In bed. When Angel has a nap. And I can't wait.
I nod in response, excitement filling my bones. Angel has no clue what today is and she doesn't have any idea how to open a present, but we both 'assist' (basically, do it ourselves) and watch her face as she picks up her new baby toy. Sensory toys are magical for babies, and right now she's having the time of her life with her new giraffe that has a rattle inside. I also am too. While Bax holds me in his arms, and I hold Angel, we're both ecstatic and smiling like we're on cloud nine. I've never had a Christmas Day so magical and full of endless memories. I may have lost some, but I'm about to regain some, and those include Baxter.
"Merry Christmas, beautiful." He says again, only this time he's passing me a large box. I move to the side and pass him Angel as I open the box.
He's wrapped it so elegant I have to question whether he's had someone do it for him or he's actually attempted this himself and it's gone unexpectedly well. I think I'm going with the former. I untie the gold ribbon, tied into a perfect bow on the top, and pull the lid away. It's like a scene from a movie. There's thousands of red and green tissues paper underneath, with sequins scattered too. My heart contracts in my chest with so much emotion, I get breathless. As soon as I see the first picture, I'm gone. I pull the huge book out to see he's made a scrapbook of all the memories I couldn't remember. I sob my heart out as I hold it to my chest.
On the front it reads: 'My beautiful, Lucy. All the memories you lost, have now been found. Keep them safe and lock them away forever this time. All my love, Baxter and Angel.'
Too scared to open it and see all the times I don't remember, I keep it locked against my chest as I cry. This man is beyond words. It's the simplest, smallest thing to do, but it's the best gift I've ever received. I feel my hands shaking and my body trembling as he holds me.
"Say something, please." He pleads, worry laced in his words.
"I love you. I couldn't say it before, but now...Now I can. I might not be able to remember anything baby, but I sure as hell remember my love for you." I kiss him with so much passion and love, I almost don't realise tears are falling down his own cheeks. I pull back and see that small tears are marring his cheeks too.
I kiss Angels temple, and begin to open the book. My hands still shake, but I can't wait to open it now. I can't wait to see all our memories.
"I warn you, some things aren't all that great. It's more of a story of our life. But all books have their sad parts, the bits that make you want to throw the book across the room or make you want to cry. And I promise you, there's a happy ending beautiful. I just need you to say one word." He's looking at me so intently, I begin to get breathless again. But what did he mean by the last part? I presumed it would be in the book, so I excitedly carried on reading.
Page one: A night to remember
I giggled at his use of title. But I laugh more when I see what he's done with the page. This man is a genius. Underneath is pictures of the bar, a card stapled on smelling of his aftershave the night we met, one reeking of beer, and a piece of black material underneath.
"What's this?" I ask.
"Oh, that's a piece of the dress you wore. Figured that because you're never going to wear it again, I could cut it up." He smiled proudly and I laughed.
"What if I wanted to wear it again?" His eyes darkened and he growled.
"Oh baby girl, you will never leave the house dressed like that again. No man is ever seeing you that naked, I don't like to share, baby." The way he said it, playful but serious, made my sex clench. He could control me any day of the week if he was going to speak to me like that, it was so hot.
Angel had no clue what was happening, she was just happily playing with her giraffe as I continued through the book. When I reached the page of our first scan, my heart ached. I couldn't remember any of these. But as I looked at the scan picture, I had a moment of de ja vú. I felt like I'd seen the picture before which brought a fresh set of tears to my eyes. "I feel like I've seen this. I know I've seen this."
Bax kisses my tears away as he leans over me. As if my heart could take any more of his cute behaviour.
We carry on through the book and there's a picture of a man and woman I don't know.
"I know I wanted to wait till after Christmas to tell you, but this is what happened. You need to know. I'm sorry if this hurts you baby, but we were together when the accident happened."
The next few pages demonstrate exactly what happened. My memory loss was getting more frustrating. The hurt I felt reading these pages, was like a knife slicing my heart. Mr Marvin blackmailing Bax, me losing my job because of it - which I had no clue about and was desperate for answers - and then Bax choosing me. He chose me. That bit was all I needed to know.
"I'm so sorry for everything that he put you through, but I promise it's always been you. I've never felt this way about anyone Lucy, and it cut me inside when he did what he did. I love you so much. I can't live without you, there's no such thing as a world without you, and there's no such thing as happiness without you beside me. But you need to keep reading before I finish."
Confused, but blurred with emotions, I nod and continue through the book. I read about the accident - which makes a part of me physically sick - and then reach the page where Angel is born. As I'm reading Bax' words, I realise just how lonely and broken he was to see me in ITU. He missed me so much, was terrified I might not wake up, but he still cared effortlessly for our little girl. I already knew all this, but it was still beautiful to see he had written it and included pictures.
"There's one more page." He says, sounding shaky.
I turn, see a picture of the three of us and the title: 'she's home! And she said....'
I furrow my eyebrows, scanning the page for what I'm missing. All that's on there is a picture of us three and a space for another picture. I check to see if it's dropped out but don't see anything.
"Bax, what does-" As I swivel my head, I see him beside me on one knee, Angel with a small halo above her head and a ring perched on top.
"I love you. I always will and I will never stop taking care of you. Everything I said just was the truth. So, Lucy Partridge, will you Marry me?"
Marry him? He's asking me to marry him? My brain went into overdrive and I stared astonished, but I knew my answer...