(The title has been used to trick all one-year-old nerds into subscribing to PewDiePie and Markiplier.).
Scroll to the bottom to find the answer of 1 + 1
Story starts below:
Chapter 1 + 1: Mark
"PewDiePie!" called Mark, once upon a Saturday afternoon, peering into Pewdz's house.
Pewdz turned in his sleep, right before he heard the shattering of glass.
"What was that?" Pewdz asked.
But to no one; Marzia wasn't anywhere in sight.
"Must be the wind," Pewdz muttered to himself. He grabbed the pillow tightly, and tightened his eyes closed together...
A few moments later, Markiplier stormed into his room.
"PEWDZ!"
"What? I'm sleeping," Pewdz said; he was facing the blank wall beside him...
"Pewdz!" Mark called again, angrily.
"What? What do you want, Markiplier?"
"I came here from the States, by plane--" Mark's eyes were swelling with rage "--waited for you and your lady in the airport, for hours! And had to navigate, all on my own, to your house, because you moved. And now... WAITED for you, outside, your house... For 30 MINUTES.
"Broke into your house, broke into your bedroom, and now screaming at you in your own bedroom!"
"Yeah?" Pewdz shrugged.
"Yeah," Mark whistled, in self-deprecation. "Yeah-- of course. I'm an idiot, aren't I?"
Pewdz was already asleep.
"...I'm an idiot with the brain half the size of a peanut, and I don't know what I'm saying," Mark rumbled on. "You know, I respect you as a friend. But you're not being a friend right now-- you're being selfish. And friends aren't usually selfish to one another.
"Well, except if they are video game players, and in that case, it means they're not, and that they'll kill each other, and it will be tragic--"
'RIIING!'
"Hello!" Mark answered.
"Hi, Mark."
It was Marzia.
"I'm at the airport, where are you?" she continued.
"I'm..." And Mark chuckled. "I'm at your house, arguing with your husband."
"Yeah, well, he's probably asleep."
"No he's not," Mark said. "He's listening to me, in his bed, in silence... while I... trash-talk--"
His words vaporized as he stared at the motionless man.
"Oh, so you're at the door?" Marzia asked.
"No, I'm in your house," Mark said.
"Oh, okay; I'll meet you there then."
'Beep!'
The call ended...
Mark was left there, baffled, and with a look of embarrassment on his face...
* * * * *
Police sirens...
Slow at first, but over time, heavier and louder...
'Weeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuh!'
'Weeeeeeeeuuuuuh!'
'Weeeeeeuuuuuh!'
Then they stopped close-by...
Mark was seated in the sitting room, drinking a cup of tea while watching one of his ol' videos...
"My name is Markiplier, and welcome to... Firewatch."
He paused the video and looked to the door; he could hear footsteps...
"Police!"
The door flew open.
Guns flew up.
Men in blue stared at the confused Markiplier...
"Put down your weapons," the main officer said. "It's only Markiplier."
"Pfft; it's only Markiplier?" Mark said contemptuously. "Do you know who I am-- sir?"
"Yes, I know who you are," the officer said, slowly walking into the room. "Did you see-- any... um... anyone break into this house?"
"Is Marzia with you?" Mark's face started to warp.
"Just answer the question."
"Answer mine first!" Mark's eyes were bold.
"Well, sir, do you see this gun?"
"Yes, I can see the gun, officer. It's a pistol, sir, type 45 Magnum-- played lots of games."
"Yes, I know you've played lots of games, Mark," the officer said. "Now, who broke in?"
"Mark?"
Marzia pushed through the officers that were behind the door...
"Mark!"
"It was I," Mark muttered inaudibly.
"You're alright," Marzia said.
Mark leaned in... for a handshake. "I am!"
"And Pewdz?" she asked.
"Fine too," Mark said.
"Did the thug steal anything?"
"There was no thug," Mark muttered.
"What?"
"There was no thug," Mark repeated.
"There was no thug-- you're... the thug?"
"Here to steal all your hearts," he said, chuckling.
"So he escaped?" Marzia asked.
"No; there is no thug. I meant that it was I... who broke in...to your house. Well, I was the 'thug' when I got a strike too."
"Wait, you broke... into our house?"
"You're under arrest--"
"No, officer," Marzia intercepted. "It's fine."
"But--"
"No, buts. Mark is a friend."
"Will you feature us in a music video, Mark?" the officer asked. "I know how to play the bass."
"No, Davie504 already took the spot," Mark uttered silently.
"Okay."
* * * * *
VROOM!
The squad cars were gone...
"I can't believe you just broke into our house," Marzia said. "You're going to pay for it."
"I will," Mark said.
"Good morning." Pewdz said.
He had a tambourine in his hand.
"Good afternoon," Mark greeted back, whilst grinding his teeth.
"What's your problem?"
"Um... You know-- waited..."
"Hey," Marzia flashed a stern look. "Don't talk like that with a broken window that's your problem!"
"Broken window?" Pewdz stepped back.
"See for your self."
"OUGHA OUGHA!!" Pewdz screeched. "What is wrong with you, Markiplier? Can't you see... that I have paid money for-- well, I don't really care much about the window."
"What do you mean?" Marzia asked.
"Mark is my homie, and I don't disregard homies."
Tears started to well up in Mark's eyes...
"Thanks, Pewdz."
"Yeah, I'll pay for it," Pewdz said.
And a warm smile formed on Mark's face.
**
Answer = 2, kids!