"Tess!" I groan when I reach over and feel she isn't in bed. "Ye" she walks back into the room. "What time is it?" I yawn. "8.00 in the morning." Why the fuck is she up so early. "Come back to bed" She lays down next to me and turns over. "I cant." She gives me a quick kiss and gets back up. "Why not?" I sigh. "I have a massage booked in 30 minutes" she grins. "I can give you a massage.Better than the one the lady is gonna give you." She rolls her eyes and starts to put her sandals on. "As tempting as that sounds i think im gonna pass. My muscles are killing me after climbing up that cliff like 100 times yesterday" I know what she means. My muscles are killing me too but hopefully she can use that time to relax and chill out. "Ok then. Is it ok if I use your computer?" She looks at me weird because I would never ask before I would just do whatever I want. "Ye sure. Can you not ask next time though. I liked when you would just go on it before without asking." That makes absolute no sense on why sje would like that. "Um OK. Sure." She can see im confused. "It just lets me know that your still you and you haven't changed completely. I liked how you just never gave a fuck what anyone thinks.me included.". "Tess your opinion is the only one I give a fuck about." She gives me a kiss and leaves for her spa thingy. I get up and dressed and as usual its like 203847⁰ outside. I walk over to tessas bag and grab her computer. I sit there thinking about ehat I can do to pass the time before tess comes back. I could check my emails that I havent looked at in years or i could watch netflix. I open Google and a real estate page is open. I remeber telling tess to look at renting out a studio instead so we can loce together and keep her work stuff there. Before i know it I'm looking at apartments for both of us. I know i just a few weeks ago I signed for the apartment but hopefully if I look i could find something more to both mine and tessas liking rather than just mine. She did say she liked the apartment when we looked but i know she meant she likes it because it suits me so well. I keep scrolling through until one apartment catches my eye. Its got big windows that look out into a private garden and a pretty large living room and kitchen. I think tess might like it but I will show her before I even consider getting another apartment right after I just started paying for a different one. I open a new tab and sign into my Gmail account. '5000+ emails' This might take a while. I open the first email and read over quickly to check if its important and then delete it. Almost an hour later im still going through emails. I've deleted every email besides the ones who's names I recognise. Theres a few from vance and some publishing companies ive heard of. I open an email from a company called 'Academic press' which is a publishing company from back in London.
'Dear Mr Scott,
We would like to talk to you about possibly publishing another book of yours. All our employees at Academic Press loved your first book and so did a lot of people around the world.We think you would benefit very well from publishing more books of your own. Hope to hear from you soon.'
-Academic Press
Wow. I check the date the email was sent and it was from years ago. Theres no harm in replying and ive been thinking about publishing another book. I email back saying that I would be open to the idea and click on the next email from Vance.
'Dear Hardin, this is Vance by the way. I know we haven't talked in a while and I know you left but I heard you published a book not too long ago that did rather well. My only issue is it wasn't publsihed with me. I would love to publish more of your books if your open to the idea of writing more? I'm not even sure if you'll see this because i know you cut out all contact with everyone and most people think your dead.So did i for a while but i heard about a book being published and I read it and thats when i knew it was you. I havent told anyone about it because I figured you will come back when the time is right and I know you wouldn't be able to endure not seeing Tessa for the rest of your life so I figured It would give her piece of mind if she still thinks your dead. I know that's a little harsh but she hasn't been doing well. I hope I hear from you soon.' -Christian
Well I obviously don't need to worry about getting a job anytime soon. The rest of the emails are asking the exact same thing from all different publishing houses.
"Hey." Tessa walks in wearing her robe looking fine as hell.
"Hey. Did you have fun?" She sits down next to me and gives me a quick kiss.
"If fun counts as a 26 year old man digging his thumbs into my shoulder blades then yes it was lots of fun."
"Man. Why was a man doing it?" I cant help but get beyond annoyed hearing that.
"Oh it wasnt a man I just love annoying you sometimes." She rests her head on my shoulder.
"What are you looking at?" I click back on the website with the apartment.
"Youve already got an apartment." Thats exactly why I looked at new ones.
"Ye i know but I want it to be our apartment. I dknt want you to see it as just my apartment." Makes perfect sense to me and i font want her saying to people 'im staying at hardins apartment.' Its OUR apartment but she won't see it as that.
"Ok then. Why don't we just get a house instead?" Huh.
"Why would get a house?" I never thought about getting a house. Mainly because me and tess were always so rocky in our relationship before that if we got a house it would be too much trouble to go through mortgages,bills,electric etc.
"Can i ask you about something? It was a sensitive subject before but I wanna know if anythings changed." I dont know which sensitive subject this will be because there were always so many topics that would cause an argument. I nod and she takes a deep breath.
"Are you still against having kids?" Oh god. I take a minute to think about this because i don't want to upset tess but I also havent thought about whether I still dont want kids. I have to admit that the incident when the 2 girls saved my life did change my opinion on how I feel about all kids. When I was seeing tess before the only kid I could really tolerate being around was Smith who still annoyed me from time to time but he was a very smart child. Having a child is a massive deal to me. Theres nothing more I would love than to have little Tessa's running around the house but i fear that I will be a bad father.
"Um, i dont know." Fear of failing is my only problem in this situation.
"What makes you so unsure whether you want them or not." I dont want to tell tess about this but lying won't do me any good. I know that from experience.
"Tess i would love to have kids some day. The thought of having little versions of you running around the house makes me so happy... but I'm afraid that im going to be a bad father and I dont want my kids to experience anything close to what I went through as a child." She moves the computer and sits on my lap taking my face between both of her hands.
"Hardin. I've known you for a long time now and not the hardin that other see. I know the real you and not once through our relationship before did I ever think you would be a bad father. You have so much love to give but you just choose not to give it. I know we are still pretty young and I know it would probably be hard for me to even get pregnant. I just want to know if in the future you would be open to trying to have a baby." Some how and i don't know how she always knows the right thing to say.
"Ok. I am willing to try and have a baby with you. In the future." She smiles and wraps her arms around me in excitment. I know how much being a mother means to her and having her believe in me gives me confidence that I won't be a bad father.
"I love you hardin." She presses her lips to mine.
"I love you too." She quickly breaks the kiss and sits up.
"What." She looks at me like i just committed a crime.
"I said i love you. Are you ok?"
"No im not OK. You said 'I love you TOO'. You always hated when I said that before because it made you feel like i was just agreeing with you." She seems so offended.
"Ok i won't do it again. Besides you should definitely know by now that im not just agreeing with you."
"Please dont say 'too' again though. I don't want that to change." I pull her onto my lap again.
"I love you Tess. Does that make you feel better?" She nods and goes in for a deeper kiss wrapping her arms around my neck and moving her hips against me.
A few hours later...
"Hardin we should probably get up soon.We dont want to waste anymore time than we already have." She continues to draw small circles on my chest with her fingers.
"I assure you that was not a waste of time but you are right we should probably get dressed again." I give her a quick kiss and get dressed for the 2nd time today.
"What age do you wanna have kids then?" What have I gotten myself into.
"I dont wanna put an age on it. I feel like when we both are ready and feel like its the right time time we can try." I think that's fair.
"But what if it takes a few months or even a year before I actually get pregnant." I knew this was going to be one of her worries once I said that i do eventually want kiss in the furure.
"Baby i dont want you to worry about that. When it happens it will happen. I will still love you no matter how long it takes." I hope she doesnt worry about this too much. Besides I think I still need at least another year before I'm ready to be a father and I want Tessa to myself for a little while longer. We are still really young. Im 25 and tessas only 23.
"Ok then. But can we still look at getting a house instead of an apartment." She does that thing where kids go all soft and mushy just to get what they want. She doesnt have to convince me im on board with the idea.
"Ye sure. Oh i forgot to tell you Vance and like about 100 other publishing houses have approached me to write another book. Would you be OK with that?" She nods.
"Ye as long as you promise that i get to read it this time." I knew that was coming.
"Deal. Now can we get ready and head out to wherever it is you want to go today." She rolls over so the blanket comes off her completely.
"Can we go shopping. I want to get something for everyone when we go home." Shopping isn't my favourite activity to do in the world but I would have to endure it at some point while we are here.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know when you want the next one! -Anna