Severus got back into his office around six in the evening. He only had an hour or so before he had to go and patrol the halls. He couldn't imagine Quirrell being guilty of anything like Dumbledore had been suggesting. Death Eaters? Quirrell just wasn't the type. He was too nervous to speak plain and he wrung his hands all the time. He had said himself that his stuttering was due to his apprehensiveness while they were talking during the very first feast. Snape was curious and had asked him. None of that mattered now though. He would have plenty of time to mull over Quirrell and the question of his loyalty while he was walking the corridors on patrol like Albus had asked him to. Right now he had just enough time to write, at least part, of a letter to Lucy.
He got out the necessary tools and began to write. Once he finished, he sealed it up in an envelope and walked back into his quarters. Speedy, which he had named after Lucy's suggestion, was let out of her cage. She flew excitingly around in circles for a few seconds before finally landing on Severus's outstretched arm. He shook his head and smiled. He had grown fond of her for the time he had owned her, and her demeanor was the reason why. She was always so....excited.
Severus took the letter off of his desk and nestled it in Speedy's beak. "Take this to Lucy, Speedy. I just hope this isn't the last time, but after what I revealed, I don't know if she'll ever write to me again."
Speedy flew off and disappeared through the open door. Severus sighed. Now all he had to do was wait. The question is, how long would it be this time?
~ * ~
Lucy was eating supper when she heard a peck on the window at the front door. She grinned from ear to ear when she saw that it was Severus's owl. She couldn't wait to hear what he thought about her revelation. She felt guilty for not telling him that she was sick, but why worry him if she didn't have to? Besides, they were penpals. She would probably never see him again unless he came into Jo's store, and probably not even then because she was rarely ever there. October 5th was just a mishap, a coincidence. At least that was what she told herself. Had she been a hopeless romantic, she would have described it a little differently: fate. It definitely seemed a little odd that he would decide to show up at The Potion Notion the very day that she was there.
Lucy put it all out of her mind as she opened the letter slowly. She was almost afraid to see what was inside, afraid it would only depress her. Knowing that she was dying was one thing, but to be the only one who knew was another. She sighed. Her life had become so complicated all of a sudden. She stopped and held the letter close to her heart and walked back toward her bedroom. She knew Jo would be home soon and, in case the letter was upsetting, she didn't want her to see her cry. She had already been suspicious enough in the past few days with Lucy staying in her room more and more. She was afraid she would start blacking out around Jo. She had passed out again already just a couple of days ago and woke up, just before Jo arrived home from work, on the floor of the living room. She scrambled to her feet just before the door opened and acted as if nothing had happened. It was a close call, a mistake she couldn't afford to make again.
She walked into her bedroom and closed the door. It was the day she was supposed to take her medicine anyway. Twice a week, she had to drink that awful tasting tonic that Adam had given her. The worst part was that it didn't seem to be helping her at all. She had taken it twice already. She supposed that it would take at least a couple of weeks for the medicine to actually start working, but she was impatient. If it could help her live a little longer, she wanted it to start working immediately. Of course she was probably hoping on a broken stick, but still she was full of hope anyway.
Lucy sat down on the bed, opened up the letter, and began to read.
October 15, 1991
Dear Lucy,
Don't worry about the time. Time comes and goes. The important thing is that you wrote when you found the time.
I'm sorry that you haven't been feeling well. Is there anything I can do? I am very gifted with potions. Maybe I could whip something up for you to make you feel better. Let me know. I would be happy to.
I named my owl Speedy too. I thought the suggestion was a wonderful one. Thank you so much. Speaking of owls, the fact that Lulu is a person made my mouth drop open in silent shock. I'm glad you trust this person because having access to this castle puts a lot of students in danger. I'm sure you know that though. I have only one question: is it possible for you to tell me who this person is? I would love to know. Okay, I take that back. I'm dying to know.
I find it hard to believe that you have never had a man tell you that. But you are beautiful, Lucy, and as your friend I believe it is my duty to tell you so.
Don't feel bad for me just yet. You don't know the whole story yet, and I'm even more scared to tell you now because of the secret you told me. Death Eaters killed your sister and your parents. Lily was right to try and warn me away from the Dark Arts. It was sort of an obsession of mine. My way of thinking was simple: learn them inside and out because if you know them that well then you will have no problem defending yourself against them. That was my theory in the beginning.
Lily wasn't talking to me anymore though. I didn't get the chance to tell her that and I dove deeper into darkness. I started hanging around my fellow Slytherins and most of them were a bad influence. Bellatrix Lestrange was one of them. I assume you've heard of her. We became sort of...close in our last years at Hogwarts, and without Lily to warn me against it, I chose a very dangerous future for myself. The whole lot of us did. We decided that when we graduated we were going to join the Dark Lord's army, and that is exactly what we did. I became a Death Eater at eighteen years of age. I can only imagine what you must be thinking right now, Lucy. Please keep reading. Please don't judge me until you have read the entire story. I assure you that I had nothing to do with the deaths of your or Jo's parents or Renee. I promise you I didn't. My talents are what the Dark Lord used for missions a lot closer to home.
Lucy grabbed the parchment tightly in her hands. She wanted to rip it in half. Was she being tested? First she is diagnosed with a terminal disease and now she finds out that a man she has befriended is a Death Eater? Tears moistened her eyes. She didn't even know whether she wanted to read the rest of the story or not. What if it was more bad news? Suddenly a flash of the man in Rosmerta's pub presented itself to her inside her memory. His face was distorted with pain and remorse. She took a deep breath. As much as she wanted to pretend that she didn't want to read on, she couldn't stand not to. Reluctantly, she focused herself back to the letter.
It was a few years before anything happened. There were a few recons the Dark Lord sent me on, but nothing substantial. My job was mostly potions and fighting when necessary, especially against the Order of the Phoenix, a secret society formed by Dumbledore to fight the Dark Lord. Then he gave me an assignment I couldn't refuse, a chance to return to Hogwarts. The Dark Lord needed someone, one of his loyal servants, on the inside. He himself had been turned down for the post. I went to apply for the position and that was the night that changed my life forever. Because when I went to apply, I saw Dumbledore and someone else talking. It was Sybil Trelawney, and she didn't sound like herself. She was sort of in a trance. I put my ear to the door to listen. It was then that I realized she was delivering a prophecy about the Dark Lord and the one who would defeat him. Being the loyal servant I was at the time, I ran straight to Voldemort with the information that I had gathered. I had no idea what was about to happen. For when I told him what I had heard, he deducted that the only person it could mean was one year old Harry Potter, James and Lily's son. He vowed to hunt them down and kill them, to go anywhere he needed to find them. I begged him not to, to spare Lily's life. I even told him that I loved her. He said he would spare her if she did not get in the way of the boy, but only if she would join us. I told him I would persuade her. But I knew Lily well enough to know that if he tried to kill her son, he would have to go through her first. I decided I had to do something and fast. If not, she was going to die and I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I went to the one person Voldemort feared; I went to Dumbledore.
We met on a hill somewhere. He apparated in; it sounded like a tree cracking in half, and I begged him not to kill me. I told him everything and begged him to protect Lily for me, to hide her and her family if that was what it took. Then he asked me the question that changed my life forever: And what will you give me in return? I stood there for ages trying to think. I couldn't believe he had asked for something in return. Finally, I told him I would do anything. So, I turned spy for Dumbledore and I went back to the Dark Lord pretending nothing had changed. That day I became a double agent.
It wasn't long after that confrontation that Lily and James put their trust in the wrong person, Sirius Black. Sirius was their secret keeper and he sold them out to Voldemort. The Dark Lord found them and killed the both of them after that. He tried to kill Harry too, and that's when he was destroyed. Lily cast herself between them to shield Harry and provided him the ultimate protection. Lily's love protected Harry from death, a magic that the Dark Lord had not forseen. I went to Godric's Hollow to Lily's house as soon as I heard of her death. I went through all the debris, passing James's body on my way up the stairs. It wasn't until I got into the nursery that I completely lost it. Lily was lying there on the floor. I fell to my knees and I cried my eyes out. I picked her up and held her there, rocking back and forth. My heart shattered into a million piecs that day.
But the story doesn't end there. Not yet. After I left the house, I went straight to Dumbledore at Hogwarts. I told him that he was supposed to keep her safe. I was so angry with him. He told me that Harry survived, which I already knew, and that he would need protection once the Dark Lord returned. And do you know how he convinced me to agree to it? He told me that Harry had Lily's eyes. That was all I needed to hear. I made him promise not to tell anyone and I would protect Harry in secret. For Lily.
So far I have kept my promise. I'm extremely hard on him though. He looks like James. I guess that is the reason. But he has his mother's eyes, those same green, almond shaped eyes. Plus he needs to be strong. Another reason I am hard on him is that every time I look at him I am reminded of what I lost: Lily.
That's it. That is the story. All of it. Tell me, what do you think? Are you still going to associate with me after this? I can understand if you won't. Please take a little time to think about it before you respond. And I don't think it is strange at all that you don't want to see me in pain. I think it is incredibly sweet. I'm lucky to have you to talk to, Lucy. I hope I hear from you soon. You have changed me.
Sincerely,
Severus
Lucy wiped the tears away that had begun to fall down her cheeks. That was the saddest story she had ever heard in her life. No wonder he had thought it was he fault that Lily died. In a way, it sort of was. She would never tell Severus that of course, but he had been the one to set things in motion. Her death wasn't directly his fault, but he had contributed to it nonetheless. The fact that he was a Death Eater that had turned spy against Voldemort, now that was something she expected from him. That act reflected the remorseful version of Severus she had met at Rosmerta's ten years ago. It was time that Severus knew exactly what happened that night and why she had held onto him for all of these years.
She got out some parchment and her quill. She was going to tell him what happened the night she met him for the very first time. She was sure he would want to know and surprised that he hadn't asked her for that information yet. She didn't think it was anything to be embarrassed about, but he probably would. It was hard to tell. Lucy had even more of a reason to be fascinated by Severus now that she knew the whole story. It was a lot more complicated and devastating than she could have ever imagined. With a long sigh, she began to respond. She didn't want to waste any time. Of course he wouldn't get it until morning, but at least it would be ready to send out first thing.