I hate my life. I hate Cassie Jenkins.
The first day of senior year in high school was over and like so many times before I sat on my favourite bench by the pond in the park. I was alone and for the umpteenth time I wished high school to be over altogether. I had hoped this year would be different, but it only took one day to know it just would be more of the same misery. I had been naïve to think anything would be different, when I was the same and my bullies too. If anything, things were worse than ever because this year I was totally on my own, without a single ally.
I started off high school much like everyone else, apprehensively optimistic, trying to fit in, find friends and my place in the ranking somewhere between jocks, cheerleaders and nerds. I never expected to be among the most popular students, but I didn't expect to end up like the amoeba at the bottom of the food chain either. However, that was where Cassie Jenkins decided that I belonged.
Cassie Jenkins was high school royalty from the start. During the first week I happened to catch her attention when I tripped in the cantina, tray in hand and spilled my lunch over her. For a moment we both took in the sight of my lunch splayed over her fashiobable outfit and I hoped she would look up on me and smile, so we could laugh at the mess together. When she raised her head, her face was scrunched in fury and disgust and before I could even begin to apologize she cut me short.
"Do you have any idea what this top costs? Or this skirt? They are ruined! Not to mention I will look like a pile of garbage for the rest of the day!"
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean-"
"I don't even want to hear your pathetic apology. What's your name?"
We had already had classes together and I knew who she was, but obviously she had not noticed me.
"Selena Seabrooke."
"Selena Seabrooke." She repeated the name sounding like it caused a foul taste in her mouth. " I promise you that you will regret this. All the way through high school."
Unfortunately she stayed true to this promise. If the most popular girl in school hates your guts and declares that anyone who befriends you will become an outcast along with you, life inevitably becomes hard. Cassie did not forget and she certainly did not forgive. I suppose every truly popular girl needs to have someone to pick at to make themselves seem even more amazing by contrast and that day Cassie Jenkins selected me to fulfil that part. She never missed a chance to bully me, in class and outside. Cassie was popular for obvious reasons. She was very pretty, a cheerleader and her family was filthy rich so everyone followed her lead. Because she decided to hate me and broadcasted those feelings, basically everyone kept their distance, except my one friend Alison.
Alison Stewart and I found each other when we were paired during chemistry in freshman year. Alison was a strong person and something of a loner so she did not care what anyone else thought. To begins with she was oblivious to Cassie's campaign against me. When she found out she was outraged, but did not let it affect our friendship. When I realised she actually wanted to be my friend despite everything, I was so happy and relieved I nearly cried.
Alison asked if I wanted to hang out after school one day and since then we had been best friends, supported each other and had loads of fun. Well, the kind of fun two nerdy girls who never are invited to parties can have, but we could talk and laugh about anything together. We used to hang out all the time and it made life bearable when Cassie and her entourage did nasty things and boys completely ignored us, something which Alison simply did not care about but which hurt me more than I ever showed anyone. I cried myself to sleep so many nights for being called things, being pushed in the hallway, finding my locker smeared with smelly things, but most of all because I hated being an outsider. I was an ordinary girl who had wished an average high school experience with friends and, if I was lucky, a boyfriend. Instead I was an outcast with one single friend and I could not shrug it off and be cool about it like Alison could. I was incredibly grateful I had her at least, but this summer her parents had moved across the country, naturally taking her with them and now we could only keep in touch over FaceTime. She was still my friend but she was not here anymore. I already missed her like crazy and I was more alone than ever.
I had nurtured a small hope of finding some new friends this year. Today Cassie had made it clear that it would not happen on her watch.
This morning scrutinized myself in the full-length mirror, before getting dressed, desperately looking for any change in my appearance that miraculously might have happened over night. One of Cassie's favourite things to mock me about was my looks. If I changed, she would maybe stop seeing me as provokingly unattractive and have one less thing to tease me about. Watching myself did not give much hope though. My reflection was as disappointing as ever, there was really nothing remarkable about me even if I don't agree that I am as horrendous as Cassie says I am. Unfortunately what Cassie says, everyone else agrees to.
I don't have ugly features, but no one would describe me as pretty either. I am not gifted with high cheek bones or if I am they are hidden under the still lingering baby fat on my face. I don't have full, pouty lips or a perfectly straight cute nose. My eyes are my best asset, sea green, large and framed by long dark eyelashes, but unfortunately I need glasses which make them look smaller and not very noticeable. I have long, thick hair but the colour is a dull dark shade of blonde. Most days it is a bit frizzy and not shiny at all. Cassie says it resembles the fur of a rat and sadly I have to admit she isn't entirely wrong.
So far, I have only described the part of me that is bland, but my body is a true disaster. Even if my face is a bit round, I am not overweight. On the contrary I don't have any curves at all. I mean none. Zero. Nada. Niente. With only a month to go to my eighteenth birthday I have a pathetically flat chest and my non-existent butt is a sad sight. My waist is narrow, so that is fine I guess, but with no curves to accentuate it my entire figure looks pretty much like a straight line. Or an uncooked spaghetti, like Cassie also use to say and, again, I have to admit she isn't entirely wrong. She knows that saying spiteful things that are true is what hurts the most and she is truly an expert in that area.
How I wished I had changed over summer, entered some sort of late puberty phase and returned a different girl than last year, beautiful and full of confidence, but unfortunately I looked same as I had when last semester ended, apart from sporting a tan. I know there are much more important things in life than looks. I have been gifted with a well-functioning brain so my grades consist mostly of A's and my future is probably bright, but I really wish for something that would make Cassie give me some slack and allow me to make friends.
Instead, she and her minions had immediately registered that Alison was missing this year and without a friend by my side, they had attacked me more viciously than usual, pouring the remnants of their lunch in my lap. In the past their assaults were most often verbal, only occasionally physical. This start of the year was not promising.
"Welcome to senior year Selena, I'll make it memorable for you. I thought this was a fitting welcome considering what you did to me first year."
I sat there in shock as tomato soup dripped down my skirt and bare legs and heard their evil laughter ring in my ears. No one came to my defence. No one stood up and told her it was a shitty thing to do. Perhaps some wanted to, but they knew they would get a piece of Cassie's wrath if they did and it simply wasn't worth it for a nobody like me. I held back my tears until I was locked up in a toilet booth, there I sobbed silently for a while before returning to class holding my back straight. Never would I let her see how she got to me and somehow I survived this day like all the previous.
With a sigh I got up from the bench and started walking towards home. Only one year to go, I told myself. Then I am off to college and will not have to see Cassie ever again. I was going to call Alison tonight to at least share my misery with her and hopefully have a laugh together. She always made me feel better.
I had not walked far, when I came around a bend on the path and came upon an unexpected scene. Cassie and a group of her minions were on the road ahead of me. I would have turned and sneaked away before they noticed me, if they had not seemed busy abusing someone weaker than me. They were all gathered in a circle around an old woman, a tramp I sometimes had seen in the park. She was dirty, with clothes in tatters and the park seemed to be her home. She usually pushed around a shopping cart with her few belongings. Now it was turned over with all its contents spilled over the grass. She had fallen to the ground (or had they pushed her?) and the girls were hovering around her, mocking her and calling her names.
"How are people like you even allowed in public places?" I heard Cassie ask. "You're so filthy and you smell. Nobody wants to be close to someone like you."
"I'm not forcing you to be", the old woman answered defiantly.
"You're in our way. We have the right to be in this park, to walk this park, without coming across scum like you", Cassie exclaimed with narrowed eyes and the other girls mumbled encouraging. I noticed it was quite similar to what she used to say about me in school, but this was worse. This was an old defenceless woman, who no doubt had been handed a shitty hand in life and did not deserve this treatment.
"And look at all the garbage you are pushing around." Cassie disgustedly pointed at the overturned shopping cart. "Girls, I think we should do this park and everyone in it a favour and dump that cart in the pond. Are you with me?"
The stupid minions cheered and moved towards the cart, even if they seemed a bit reluctant to actually touch it.
"Stop it!"
Startled they all froze, then turned and stared at me. I knew it would get me into more trouble but I couldn't passively let them abuse a poor old woman. I had to speak up.
"Just stop it! What's wrong with you people? Don't you feel any compassion? I thought you were cowards coming after me in group but this is another low - attacking an old lady!"
"A filthy tramp! And what makes it your business? Is it your grandma, huh?"
The minions giggled insecurely. Perhaps they knew deep down that what they were doing was wrong.
"It's not but it doesn't matter. Why would you treat someone who already has a tough life like this? Do you feel brave for kicking on someone who is already lying down."
"We're not kicking."
"I meant metaphorically, if your pea-sized brain uderstands what that means."
I wasn't sure how I had the courage to speak to Cassie like that, but fury mixed with concern for the old woman made the words pour out of my mouth. I couldn't quite believe what I was saying and Cassie looked every bit as shocked as I.
"Don't care about her, just carry on", she ordered but less confident than before and the girls hesitated.
"For once, show you have some spine and don't do as she says. Just leave or I'll call the police. Or your parents. I wonder how proud your parents would be to find out you were attacking an old woman."
I could see in Cassie's furious eyes that I had won already before her words confirmed it. She did not want to involve her parents.
"Come girls, let's not waste more time on this loser. That loser..." she nodded towards me. "...we'll take care of tomorrow at school."
She started walking away with the others in tow and I could see by the way they exhaled and let their shoulders down that they were relieved our little stand-off was over. They were truly cowards just following Cassie's directions. Maybe some of them were decent deep down.
"Sleep well if you can tonight loser. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, but I wouldn't if I were you", Cassie shouted over her shoulder before they disappeared.
I felt hatred burn inside me, followed by a flash of fear. This was going to cost me dearly. However, there were other more important things to be concerned about right now.
I turned to the old lady and held out my hands to help her get up.
"Are you alright?"
She nodded.
"Did they harm you?"
A shake of her head.
When she was standing on her feet and did not seem like she would fall again, I moved over to the shopping cart, turned it on its wheels again and began picking up her scattered belongings.
"Thank you." She spoke with raspy voice.
I looked up on her, as I bent for a pillowcase of dubious level of cleanliness.
"I couldn't let them treat you like that."
"You could, but you chose not to. That's a big difference."
I shrugged my shoulders. Now when adrenaline was not pumping through my angry body I started to feel a bit shaky and almost nauseous.
"You knew them from before?" she asked.
"All too well. They make my daily high school life a living hell."
"I see."
I chewed my lip and was surprised how easy it was to tell her this. Very few adults knew about the situation. I had not told my dad who always is busy minding his business, and not my snotty sister who was away at college and cared little for me even before she left. I wished I could tell mum but she died when I was ten. Teachers would know had they paid any attention, but it is easier to turn a blind eye than trying to deal with the uncomfortable situation when a popular student with influential parents is a bully.
"There will be repercussions because you helped me."
It was not a question, but I answered.
"Yes, but it won't make a big difference. I don't like it but I can take it."
"I'm sorry for you and I'm very grateful you stood up for me. I hope you won't regret it."
"I won't. I would do it again." I gave her a weak smile and meant it.
" I want to give you a gift."
She moved towards me and I expected she would pick out something from the shopping cart and give me. Something dirty that I wouldn't know what to do with.
"It's not necessary. Anybody with some decency would do the same."
"You have a good heart Selena, and there are many people who would not do the same."
How did she know my name? The girls must have said it earlier.
To my surprise she did not reach for the cart. Instead she cupped my face between her palms and looked me straight in the eyes. Hers were astonishingly young and sharp in contrast to her haggard face, yet seemed to contain a wealth of wisdom. Her palms were cool and soft against my skin and actually smelled of soap.
"My gift is threefold, " she said slowly and solemnly. "You will be a seductress with the power to seduce almost anyone you chose. You will be most talented at lovemaking. Last but not least important, you will take immense pleasure in lovemaking."
I stared at her in disbelief. She must be crazy and I couldn't help breaking off the serious moment with a giggling snort.
"What?"
"You will be a seduct-"
"I heard you the first time even if no one I know actually use the word lovemaking. But a seductress? Me? Just look at me! I'm hardly material for that. And good at sex? I'm a virgin and boys see through me, so I don't see any kind of sex happening in the near future. I hope I will like it the day I actually find one guy who can stand sleeping with me and my concave boobs. I expect it won't happen before college."
She just smiled a knowing smile, her eyes were gleaming with energy and I noticed how the palms touching my cheeks had turned hot. I wanted to move away but my feet seemed rooted to the ground and I could feel a wave of heat travelling from my face, through my body. I could not utter another word.
After what felt like an eternity she let go, she broke eye contact and removed her hands, turned and started pushing her shopping cart in front of her, away from me.
"Things will change. Believe it. Enjoy your gift Selena", she said and I noticed how her voice sounded less raspy than before. Then she was gone and I could move again at last. It was almost like I had been under a spell, if I had believed in such things.
This day couldn't get any weirder. I should head home, try not to fret about tomorrow and have a shower. Even if she had smelled clean, one never knew. Then I ought to forget this even happened.
Seductress. As if.
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I would love if you let me know what you think of this first chapter. I promise that Selena will take you on quite a journey if you stick around.