Season One - Episode Six
Word Count: 10369
—
Chaos. No, that's an understatement. Pandemonium. I'm not even sure that'd cover it. Absolute fear, confusion and disarray was all I could see all around me; doctor, nurses and patients sprinting around with no direction. Just away.
Since people started getting sick, the hospital had asked me to up my volunteering hours to help out so obviously, in a heartbeat, I said yes. Had I known it'd become like this, overwhelming terror to the point of freezing on the spot, unsure what to do or go or say, I may have rethought my answer.
Not only was it the sick patients I had to die from, but also the men with guns who came, shooting up anyone they could see. Noise mixed with the sound of my rapid heart, I dashed down the corridor, my flat, nursing shoes skidding slightly on the ground as I did so, I tried desperately to find some sort of hiding space. I wanted to help. I wanted to help those who couldn't help themselves, but I was scared as hell. I couldn't.
Call me a coward. I'd agree.
Seeing my colleagues, those who had taught and looked after me so well, slumped against a wall with a bullet would in their head caused shivers that I couldn't even begin to explain.
I couldn't think. I couldn't hear. I couldn't do a thing.
"Rose!?
But that voice stabbed through the commotion, never failing to get my attention.
"Dad?" I spun around, seeing him in his police uniform, looking just as panicked and confused as the rest of them. Darting over, I flung my arms around him, desperately needing some sort of comfort, knowing I'd find that in him.
"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He pulled me back, cupping my face as his frantic eyes scanned over every inch of me, looking for even the smallest of things.
"No, no, I'm okay. I just want to leave. I want to go home." Eyes welling up as I begged, trying to pull him down the corridor, away from the sounds of gunfire.
"Rose," he pulled me back slightly with apologetic eyes, "Rick. I can't leave without him."
Why couldn't he be a coward like me?
Covering my face for a split second, rubbing away the tears that threatened to spill, I threw my hair back with a nod, "The next floor."
Nodding, he firmly grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him, ignoring how my feet could skid across the ground, unable to keep up. He kept us at a reasonable distance from anyone, covering when more military dudes could pass us, not wanting to be on the receiving end of whatever the hell they were doing.
It wasn't long due to the speed he was yanking for us to reach the same floor as Rick's, but something stopped me for a second.
The sight of military men spraying bullets into my coworkers heads, then something coming out of the doors and freaking biting into them.
Please tell me this is some kind of nightmare.
Handing flinging over my mouth, even my dad had to pause to take in the sight. Screams of pure pain echoed down the corridor and he seemed to think the same. We need to get the hell out of here.
"This one," I jogged down, reaching Rick's room, pushing open the door for us to get in and just as quickly closing it behind us.
"Okay," he breathed out, eyes his body and machine, "I'm gonna get you out of here, bud," he promised, coming closer, tucking his hands under his legs and back in attempt to lift him up.
"Dad," I spoke sadly, pointing towards the machine that was keeping him alive, stopping him in his movement.
"Okay," he nodded, placing him back onto the bed, "Okay. What do I do?"
"I don't know," my eyes widened, having absolutely no clue, "I just give out food and talk to old people. I don't know about comas and stuff." Throwing my hair back in a tangled mess, coming to his side.
Hearing the door click, my dad ducked us both down the side of the bed, not wanting to be seen as a dude with the gun scans the room. Please don't shoot him, please, please don't shoot him, I silently begged as I felt his eyes linger on Rick's body, before his men ordered him away.
I breathed out, looking up at my dad as he gave me a supportive nod, allowing me to feel slightly more secure.
Increasing sounds of gunfire made him crouch slightly, hovering over Rick's body as he pleaded with him desperately, "Listen to me, if you're gonna wake up, I need you to do it now. Okay? Now." His voice broke slightly, breaking my heart with it.
Holding back tears, yet again, I just watched as my dad begged for the life of his best friend to be restored, no part of him wanting to leave him behind, "Please, man, just show me a sign. Anyone." He paused, trying to listen for any signs of breathing, or a heartbeat, but finding none, "Please Rick."
"The place is coming down!" A voice from beyond the door yelled, the military countering it with their retreat.
Coming down?
"Dad," I prayed with him softly, grabbing his hand to tug him away, "Dad, we need to go."
"I can't leave him," he squeaked out, trying to hold his compose but it quickly slipped away as water welled in his eyes, "Rick, please."
"It isn't your fault," I promised him, placing my hand firmly on his shoulder so he'd look me directly in the eyes, both our eyes showing the same sadness and guilt.
Nodding, he glanced down at Rick's body again before squeezing closed his eyes, "I'm sorry, man."
I leaned down and pressed my lips gently against Rick's forehead, "We'll take care of Lori and Carl, I promise," it was the least we could do after failing him.
We then rushed out the room before all three of us were dead, my dad quick to block his door, not wanting whatever those people were to get in there. Those creatures that seemed to attack without thought. "We need to get Carl and Lori," He told me, once again grabbing my hand to drag me out of the hospital.
"How can we tell them that..." I trailed off, glancing back at the blocked door.
"Don't worry about that," he spoke, words hard as he kept his eyes trailed in front of us, "I'll handle that."
Nodding, I quickly wiped away the escaping tears. How can you tell a ten-year-old boy that his dad is never coming back?
--
"Daryl, you cover his back," my dad instructed as the light poured out in front of us from the now open doors.
"Hello? Hello?" Rick called out, heading slowly towards it, unsure.
We all followed in after him, reaching a spectacularly clean lobby, something I definitely haven't seen in a very long time. Well, I haven't seen anything clean in a long time.
"Hello?" Rick repeated down we were all inside, Daryl still watching for Walkers.
The clicking of a gun caught our attention, turning to see some doctor looking guy in a doorway with a massive looking rifle, "Anybody infected?" He ordered firmly.
"One of our group was. He didn't make it," Rick's head titled down slightly as his hands laid on his hips, the sadness from our loss still present in our group.
"Why are you here?" The doctor dude demanded, eyes staring intensely at us all, "What do you want?"
Rick paused, giving him the most convincing, humane look I've ever seen on a man's face, "A chance."
"That's an awful lot these days," he countered honestly, his grip never loosening from the gun in his hands.
"I know," Rick agreed.
The dude looked at the rest of us, eyes scanning as if to find any visible signs that we were lying, "You all submit to a blood test. That's the price of admission."
"We can do that." Rick nodded for us, barely even glancing back. Not that anyone was going to go against that.
Even if needles scared the hell out of me.
Sensing that, my dad gently squeezed my shoulder, passing a comforting smile as he listened to the two of them. "You'd think after everything, needles would be the last thing I'm scared of," I joked quietly, voice barely a whisper in fears that the doctor would hear my voice and instantly kick me out. I don't know why he would, he's just a little creepy.
"You got stuff to bring in, you do it now. Once this door closes, it stays closed." Yeah, as if we'd have anything useful in our cars. We barely had ourselves.
We followed him through a corridor, everything white and clean, but I hung back with Glenn, "I hope he's got food."
"Of course he's got food," Glenn grinned slightly before a suspicious look took over, "It's just whether he'll share."
Laughing softly, I nodded in agreement as we all squeezed into an elevator. "VI, seal the main entrance. Kill the power up here." The doctor spoke clearly, the sounds of rattles and clangs following.
"That's so cool," I muttered to Carl, his eyes wide with interest and obvious agreement.
"Rick Grimes," he held his hand out for the doctor to shake but received barely a dismissive look as he turned his head away.
"Dr. Edwin Jenner."
Daryl eyed his gun slightly, "Doctors always go around packing heat like that?"
"There were plenty left lying around," Jenner explained, "I familiarized myself. But you look harmless enough," he glanced down at Carl with a soft, teasing smile, "Except you, I'll have to keep my eye on you."
I playfully nudged him, giving him a teasing smile as he suppressed his smile up at us both. Sharing a look with my dad, I suddenly felt relaxed. Even if this Doctor Jenner seemed a bit unhinged, we had secure walls around us, and that was the main ingredient of safety even before the world ended.
After the elevator doors open, we all flood into some narrower hallways, still not quite considered small, but enough to make us shuffle closer. "Are we underground?" Carol nervously asked, her face paling slightly.
"Are you claustrophobic?" Dr. Jenner questioned nonchalantly.
"A little," she admitted shy, keeping her daughter close to her.
"Try not to think about it," Dr. Jenner replied, little care in his tone. You'd think he'd be happy to see living people not trying to kill him.
Through some doors, we entered a massive room, the type you'd see in Si-Fi movies, from what I could gather in the dark, "Vi, bring up the lights in the big room."
Suddenly, piercing lights illuminated the whole area and all the thoughts I had was confirmed. This was straight out of a movie. Everything so clean and white. If only I was ever smart enough to work in a place like this. A scientist. Imagine.
"Welcome to Zone 4," Jenner smiled at us, although there was no happiness behind it, although the others didn't seem to pick it up, to in awe from our surroundings. Being inside walls, and not a RV or a tent, was paradise. A place we could really call home.
Though, it was eerily quiet.
"Where is everybody? The other doctors, the staff?" Rick asked for us, thinking similarly to the rest of us.
"I'm it," he sorrowfully admitted, "It's just me."
"What about the person you were speaking with?" Lori furrowed her brows, her slender arms crossed, "VI?"
Pausing, Jenner looked up again, "Hi, say hello to our guests. Tell them... welcome."
"Hello, guests. Welcome," the robotic female voice spoke from somewhere, I don't know, but it was freaking cool.
"I'm all that's left. I'm sorry," he repeated, pulling me from the admiration I had for this Centre. Never had I imagined I'd ever be inside the CDC. It was awesome.
--
After taking our blood tests, which I can promise I did not flinch or close my eyes or anything of the sort- do you believe me? Okay, so I may have talked my way through it, trying to distract myself with words, much to Jenner's annoyance.
But now, none of that mattered in the slightest but the unbelievable was happening. I was still scared that I'd blink, and it wouldn't be true.
We were all sat eating pasta and drinking wine like the old times, like the outside world wasn't broken, like a family.
It was incredible.
"You not having a drink, Rose?" Dale humored from across the table, watching as I sipped on my water.
"No, no way," I shook my head with a laugh, "Last time I drank alcohol, I almost died. I couldn't even walk the next day," I joked, though it wasn't far from the truth. I'd drank so much; I couldn't stop shaking the morning after. I'd spent the entire day in bed.
"You what?" My dad's forehead wrinkles as he peered across at me from the seat besides, forcing me to suppress my laughter.
"It was after Cory's eighteenth," I shrugged, letting the humor slip through, "That's why I stayed at Maria's for a day longer than I said. I was too sick to move."
"I'm glad I don't have a daughter," Rick kidded, taking a sip of his wine with amusement written over his features, but I wasn't giving him a free pass, so I glared the best I could while feeling as happy as I did.
"What about Carl?" Dale teased down at the kid.
"What about him?" Lori countered, already knowing where he was going, inviting him to stop while he was ahead.
But of course, this was Dale, he wasn't going to stop.
"You know, in Italy, children have a little bit of wine with dinner, and in France." He explained while feeding himself a fork of pasta.
"Well, when Carl is in Italy or France, he can have some then," Lori backfired, giving him a pointed look before tending to her meal again- trying to hide her glee.
"We're eating pasta, that's pretty Italian to me," I shrugged with a smirk, backing Carl.
"What's it gonna hurt?" Rick agreed, amused to see the displeasure on his wife's face, "Come on."
Giving in, Lori let Dale pour small glass full for him, laughing as he did so. "What?" Carl wondered, but Dale only shook his head, chuckles never seizing.
We all knew where it was heading.
"There you are, young lad," Dale passed the wine glass over, letting Carl take it into his small hands.
As soon as he tilted it to his lips, it was barely a sip later until he cringed his face up, releasing an, "Eww," as he quickly put the glass back down- laughter erupting from the adults around.
"That's my boy. That's my boy," Lori smiled proudly, taking his glass and pouring the contents into her own, "Good boy."
"Yuck. That tastes nasty," Carl wrinkled his nose, shaking his head slightly as he watched the adults around him take sips of the liquid he detested so much.
"Well, just stick to soda pop there, bud," my dad added, a little stale compared to the rest of us, but still feeling comfier than he was a few hours ago. It takes him awhile to trust people, which is okay, but it does ruin moments like this for him. "Both of you," he looked between Carl and I, warning in his playful eyes.
"Not you, Glenn," Daryl pointed towards him, a rare sight as Daryl smiled.
"What?" Glenn blinked towards him, confused, the wine already taking it's effected.
"Keep drinking, little man. I want to see how red your face can get."
Laughter again, an unfamiliar sound I'm starting to love.
The clicking of glass interrupted the entertainment, Rick raising to his feet confidently, "It seems to me we haven't thanked our host properly."
"He is more than just our host," T-Dog added gratefully, giving Jenner the credit he deserved.
"Hear, hear!" Dale cheered in agreement.
"Here's to you, Doc, booyah!" Daryl also took me by surprise by cheering, obviously the alcohol affecting him just as much as little Glenn.
Everyone around cheered, clinking their glasses together while I noticed Rick thank Jenner sincerely, seeing his lips mouth the words appreciatively. Catching his eyes, I sent Jenner a similar seeming tilt of the head and a genuine smile, wanting him to know I was too.
He might be a little miserable, but who can blame him? He saved our lives when he didn't have to.
"So when are you gonna tell us what the hell happened here, Doc?" Instead my dad chimed in, not the same, lightheartedness that the rest of us obtained, "All the- the other doctors that were supposed to be figuring out what happened, where are they?"
Way to kill the mood, dad.
"We're celebrating, Shane. Don't do this now," Rick begged him but the firmness in his tone made it clear it wasn't a request.
Not that it bothered my dad.
"Whoa, wait a second. This is why we're here, right?" He continued, matching Rick's tone, "This was your move- supposed to find all the answers. Instead we," he chuckled humorlessly, "We found him. Found one man, why?"
I mean, when he puts it like that. I find it hard to believe that out of every single person, only one made it. We were just some normal people from Atlanta and we somehow made it in tents and a RV. How can a bunch of doctors locked securely inside the CDC not?
But Jenner only embraced the silence and intrigued look, keeping his breath steady, "Well, when things got bad, a lot of people just left, went off to be with their families. And when things got worse, when the military cordon got overrun, the rest bolted."
"Every last one?" My dad continued to press.
"Dad," I spoke harshly but quietly, not wanting to bring to mood down any further, but Jenner only continued.
"No, many couldn't face walking out the door. They... opted out. There was a rash of suicides." He nodded, the common sadness that I'd come to associate him, "That was a bad time."
"You didn't leave. Why?" Andrea wondered.
"I just kept working, hoping to do some good," he laughed like it was the stupidest idea he'd ever had. A heartbreaking laugh of a man who'd given up.
After a long pause, Glenn spoke up, "Dude, you're such a buzzkill."
Welcome to my world, guys.
--
Later, Jenner was giving us all the grand tour, "Most of the facility is powered down including housing so you'll have to make do here. The couches are comfortable, but there are cots in storage if you like. There's a rec room down the hall that you kids might enjoy, just don't plug in the video games, okay? Or anything that draws power. The same applies- if you shower, go easy on the hot water."
We all froze.
"Hot water?" Glenn repeated, stunned.
"That's what the man said." T-Dog grinned.
"I call dibs," I pushed through the crowd, running straight towards the stalls, ready to let boiling water scorch my skin red and raw.
It wasn't long before I was naked under the water, savoring it as patting down against my body, soaking it, removing all the dirt and grime that had gathered over the past few weeks, freeing me of the awful scent that followed me around. Taking advantage of the safe walls, I didn't hesitate to turn it into my own private concert, not caring if it annoyed the others.
Taking the songs from the movie 'Mamma Mia', a masterpiece that was released two years ago, showcasing an array of ABBA songs for those who's never heard of it, I blessed- or cursed- the ears of the others by blasting out my lungs the lyrics from 'Take a Chance on Me.'
"If you're all alone, when the pretty birds have flown, honey I'm still free. Take a chance on me. Gonna do my very best, and it ain't no lie, if you put me to the test, if you let me try."
"Rose!" Banging from nearby interrupted, "Can you hurry up?"
"Nope!" I called back playfully, though meaning it. I was going to enjoy this for as long as possible.
--
After my throat burned from the singing and my body smelt fresh, I put back on my clothes to go visit Jenner in the main room. Crossing my arms for comfort, I approached him in his chair, a little hesitant and awkward. Luckily, he spoke first, "Did you enjoy the showers?"
"Very much so, thank you," I nodded back, an embarrassed smile growing when I saw the teasing look on his face, similar to when he was mocking Carl playfully.
"Sounded like it," he smiled back, the sadness in his eyes never fading despite how much he seemed to plaster fake emotions on his face.
"I just," I stepped closer to him kindly, "I just wanted to apologize for my dad. He's just protective of us all," I shrugged, trying to make it sound normal, "I guess when something doesn't sit right with him, he calls it out."
"I understand," Jenner nodded and honestly, it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest. Nothing did.
"Um, yeah," I nodded, spinning to leave just as a stumbly Rick wondered into the room with a wine bottle still in his hand.
"Oh, hi Rose," he smiled, wobbling slightly as his steps doubled, before falling back onto them. Was Rick Grimes drunk? Now this is amusing.
"Hey Rick, you feel okay?" I asked, bemused as I couldn't stop my brows from raising slightly.
"I'm okay," he nodded, placing his hand on my shoulder as if to convince me, but the force of it only made my knees buckle slightly. "Sorry," he laughed, pulling it away before tilting his head at me.
Dude, why are you just staring at me?
"I remember when you were Carl's age," his head never moved, staying tilted to the side. If the wind changes, he'll stay that way.
"Uh, yeah, me too," I chuckled slightly, glancing at Jenner to see him watching in amusement too.
"He'll be your age one day," he continued, placing his hand back onto my shoulder, gentler this time.
"Yeah, he will," I just agreed, knowing the easiest thing to do would be just to go along with whatever he was saying.
"He'll be old one day," he gazed off before instantly going towards Jenner, as if he hadn't said anything at all, "How'd the blood?"
"No surprises," Jenner informed him, ignoring his intoxicated state.
"I came to thank you," Rick told him, his words slightly slurred.
"You did," Jenner spoke as Rick went to leave on some machine, only to fall onto the ground, forcing me to cover my mouth to stop the laughter from coming out.
"You alright?" Jenner asked genuinely, watching as he tumbled.
"You don't know what it's like," Rick began, his word now spilling the pain and hurt that he'd pent up this whole time, especially the humorless laugh he let out, "You don't know what it's like out there. You may think you do, but you don't." He continued, gaze at nothing in particular as he let his guts spill, "We'd have died out there. It was only a matter of time. There's too many of those things."
Wow, so much for optimism.
"My- my boy...my- my wife, I never- I never told them what I really thought. I never even hinted, just- just kept it in and kept us moving, you know. Just kept it in. Kept us..." Then he just broken.
I had no idea.
Immediately, I went down to his level, wrapping my arms around his neck from behind, something I used to do when I was little as I rested my cheek against him, listening as Jenner tells him it'll all be okay. "It will be," I agreed firmly, "We'll adapt, and we'll fight, and we'll grow. It's what humans do." I don't know if I believed my own words, but I knew the first step to making them come true was living by them.
If the world changed, we'll just have to change with it. Make it our own.
Whether he believed it, I don't know, but he accepted my comfort as he caressed my arms lightly as I kept them tightly around him.
--
Later in the night, after getting the drunk Rick back to his wife, I headed back to a space I could call my own bed. On the way, a very, very red faced, drunk Glenn stood in the doorway, "Rosie." He beamed.
"Rose," I correctly, crossing my arms as I stood opposite him, seeing how even when leaning against the wall, he could barely stand.
"Rosie," he teased again, sticking his tongue out childishly.
Great. How many drunk men am I going to have to babysit tonight?
"What?" I sighed, similar with Rick, I knew the easiest thing would be just to go with it.
"I have something to tell you," he whispered, beckoning me closer with his finger. I did as I was told. He leaned closer to my ear, his voice coming out low yet still incredibly slurred, "I don't think I like you like you like me."
Oh.
"I know," I admitted, although I didn't, as I pulled away, nodding with him.
"Oh good." He breathed out, "I felt bad telling you, because I wanted to. You're sweet and pretty but I just don't like you like that," he blabbered on, every word hitting a nerve.
"Okay, Glenn, I get it," I tried butting him but obviously, in his drunken state, he wasn't going to stop.
"But," he held his finger up, "I still want to sleep with you."
Huh?
"What?" I blinked, mouth agape.
"Rose," his voice quivered slightly, "I don't want to die a virgin."
"Oh my God," I couldn't stop from spilling out, too astonished to form real words, "Glenn, you can't- I- I can't help with that."
"Why not? I thought you liked me," he pouted, looking as adorable as ever.
"Yeah, exactly. You think I could sleep with you and not let them grow? Nuh-huh, I'm not putting myself through that," I strictly told him before pointing back towards his room, "Now go to bed and hope you don't remember this in the morning."
"But-"
"Bed." Reluctantly, like a sulking baby, he turned back towards the cot he'd gotten out the storage room, heading to sleep.
Rubbing my temple, I once again attempted to find a place to sleep, only for yet another man's voice to stop me.
Why when the worlds ending did I get stuck with the most annoying guys on the planet?
"That was a train wreck," Daryl commented as he headed towards me from down the hallway, a mocking smirk on his face with a bottle of wine in his hand.
Please don't be drunk.
"Like you care, Dixon," I rolled my eyes as we got closer, not having the energy to take his rude comments tonight. I have had to look after too many men as it is.
"Nah, I don't," he agreed as we passed each other, only for me to turn and spin on my heel.
Eying his bottle, I asked, "You drinking that?"
He stopped too, glancing down at the wine before back at me, "Was gonna."
"Can I have some?" Ignoring my manners, Daryl not being deserving of them, I questioned with barely any care in my voice.
Without a word, he just handed the bottle over, letting me snatch it out of his hand and head into the REC room- a space that no one was. With everyone asleep, I could finally relax.
Not realizing he'd followed behind until he sat beside me on one of the couches, he leaned back as I drank straight from the bottle, embracing the bitter yet sweet taste, "Thought you didn't wanna drink."
"Now I do, is that alright, dad?" I sassed him, frustrated at the questions he kept throwing my way. He didn't care, so why keep asking me stuff. Just let me drink my now claimed wine.
He let silence lay between us as I kept drinking, wanting nothing more than to feel the buzz it should be giving me it never taking much usually. After about twenty minutes, he leaned back, his arm draped across the back of it, "So, you didn't want to have sex with Chinaman?"
Not bothering to correct him on his ethnicity, knowing there's no point, I tucked my feet onto the edge of the pillow, "I did, but it's hard to get over someone when you're under them."
He let out what I'm amusing should've been some sort of chuckle, but it sounded more like air being released, but that didn't stop my less than sober mouth, "Do you know how long it's been?" I gaped over at him, "Like, a really long time."
"Uh-huh," he nodded, his beautiful blue eyes sparkling as he watched.
"Do you know how close I was to going to T-Dog for something," I emphasized, groaning as I flung my head back in frustration. "But I know he'd laugh in my face and kick me out, then probably tell my dad."
Unable to stop, I just kept going, "And Rick's married, so I can't go there, do you know who that leaves?" I creased my brows sadly at him, watching as he raised his, waiting for me to continue, "Dale."
The foreign sound of his laugher entered the room, deep and grumbly with a slightly tilt back of his head, like he hadn't expected it to happen. It was a sound I wish I heard more, but there was no time to admire it, too busy in my self-pity. "And I can't do Dale, he's old."
"He is," Daryl agreed, rubbing his chin slightly as he just listened.
"I wish Merle was here," I hugged my legs, letting my chin lay on my knees, "He'd do it in a heartbeat. Looks like he'd be good at it too."
"Naw, you don't want to sleep with that dog, got all kinda nasty diseases," Daryl scrunched his nose slightly. But I just shrugged, meaning every word, which only seemed to press him further, "What bout me?"
Laughing, I glanced over at him, "I'd rather not have an arrow between my eyes, thank you very much."
But his gaze never falter, face becoming more serious, "I ain't gonna say no."
What?
"Huh?" I squeaked; eyes wide. But he never replied, going back to his usual silence, only staring back at me. "This isn't some kind of joke, is it? Because that's really cruel."
"Naw," he shook his head the tiniest amount.
Could I go there with Daryl Dixon? Perhaps if I wasn't so desperate, or tipsy.
"No one finds out," I pointed a finger at him with a stern look.
"Promise," he agreed, still not moving from his spot, making me unsure if this was all some kind of joke.
"And forget about it after?" I continued cautiously, earning a firm nod as a reply.
At least he has pretty eyes, even if his soul is ugly.
Placing my knee onto the couch, I cautiously, slowly leaned in closer to him, ready for him to jump up and laugh in my face, before walking out the room. But the closer I got, the harder it was for him to do that, making it all seem very real.
With my knee on the couch, my hand holding my stable as I leaned in, I had to place my other one on the couch arm cross his body to stop myself from falling onto him; him still not moving an inch. Then, it happened.
I kissed Daryl Dixon. Like, on his lips.
What is wrong with me?
Whatever it was, it only got worse when he began to move his back with mine. It became invading my rational thoughts, leaving me with only the imagine of having him. Some redneck asshole with muscular arms and an amount of masculinity that'd make any man jealous.
Okay, yep, I wanted him.
So that's exactly what I took. His hands tangled in my hair, holding me closer, spinning us so I was on my back, I did a thing that I was so impossible I couldn't even say I'd never imagine it.
I had sex with Daryl Dixon on a couch in the CDC.
--
I felt dirty. Both externally and internally. I should never have let Daryl touch me. I shouldn't have ever let myself touch him. How the hell was I supposed to look him in the eye after that? He was an asshole as it is, I can't even begin to imagine what he's going to be like now.
I couldn't even enjoy the eggs Jenner had made us for breakfast, trying to listen to the conversation around but finding it hard to do so. I just wanted to hide in a pit. At least Glenn looked worse than I felt.
"Hello," Rick smiled sheepishly as he entered the room, looking a little worse for wear.
"Morning," Dale greeted cheerfully.
"Are you hungover? Mom said you'd be." Carl grinned up as Rick took his space beside him.
"Mom is right," Rick nodded, sharing a playful yet pained look with Lori as he ruffled his hair.
"Mom has that annoying habit," Lori joked with honesty behind her worse, giving Rick a pointed look as she sipped on her coffee.
How I had missed the smell of coffee.
"Eggs. Powdered, but – but I do them good," T-Dog proudly beamed, interrupted by Glenn's pained groan at the smell of food.
Good.
"I bet you can't tell," T-Dog dished him a plate, "Protein helps the hangover." Which only earned him yet another moan.
After another moment, my dad finally entered the room, "Hey."
"Hey, feel as bad as I do?" Rick joked, having many morning like this- going to the bar together the night before only to wake up feeling a wreck.
"Worse," he replied. I smiled up at- what the hell is on his neck?
"What the hell happened to you? Your neck?" T-Dog stared at the red marks, deep and prominent.
Seeing the confused look on his face, I expanded, "You have scratches on your neck. Did someone do something to you?" Because I'll give them some right back if they did.
"I must've done it in my sleep," he dismissed, sitting in front of me to begin filling his own plate.
"Never seen you do that before," Rick commented with concern.
"Me neither," his eyes flickered to Lori, a weird mixture of hate and love circling, "Not like me at all."
I looked between them, seeing how she avoided his eyes at all costs, staring down at her plate as he glared across at her. Had something happened that I didn't know about? Or was it the stupid sexual tension that's getting out of hand?
"Morning," Jenner greeted as he walked into the room.
"Hey, Doc," my dad nodded back, visibly relieved at the intrusion on the conversation. Something happened, and I'm determined to find out what.
"Good morning," I smiled towards him, similar to everyone else as they greeted him too.
"Doctor, I don't mean to slam you with questions first thing-" Dale began, quickly being interrupted by the doctor.
"But you will anyway."
"We didn't come here for eggs," Andrea finished, looking at him firmly, mentally stating what we were all thinking.
We came here for answers and so far, we had none.
--
We all sat through some sort of demonstration of the virus. How it took the life of a person, their memories, unique person erased before only the brainstem reanimating. Then, only when the person's brain is destroyed, do they really die. The show was quite impressive, if I can say, but it didn't help us in the slightest.
Destroy the brain. It didn't tell us anything we didn't already know. That's all I really gathered from it.
"You have no idea what it is, do you?" Andrea gawked at him, probably thinking the same as me from the look on her face. He just said a whole bunch of words without a lot of meaning.
"It could be microbial, virus, parasitic, fungal." Jenner shrugged.
"Or the wrath of God," Jacqui added on hesitantly.
"There is that," Jenner nodded, although I could tell by his expression that it wasn't something he believed.
"Somebody must know something. Somewhere," Andrea gasped, the thought of everything being gone too much.
"There are others, right? Other facilities?" Carol chimed in, practically begging with her eyes.
"There may be some. People like me," Jenner nodded. So, lone scientists who have clearly mentally given up?
"But you don't know? How can you not know?" Rick pressed him further, not being able to fathom the idea that we are alone in this.
I don't want to be the first one to say it but, I don't think there are people working to help us anymore. It's every man for himself. It's just the way of the world. Why can't these adults accept it?
"Everything went down. Communications, directives, all of it. I've been in the dark for almost a month," Jenner explained calmly to him, his tone never revealing what he felt inside.
"So it's not just here? There's nothing left anywhere? Nothing? That's what you're really saying, right?" Andrea searched his face for answers, but the lack of any emotion told her everything she needed.
"Jesus," Jacqui held her stomach, looking mortified.
"Man, I'm gonna get shitfaced drunk again," Daryl cursed, looking just as defeated as the rest of them.
Him last night was shitfaced drunk? Or was that after when he regretted it just as much?
Now's not the time, Rose. Not the time.
"Dr. Jenner, I know this has been taxing for you and I hate to ask one more question, but," Dale looked up at the countdown, watching as the number gets smaller with every second, "That clock, it's counting down. What happens at zero?"
"The basement generators, they run out of fuel," Jenner informed him.
"And then what?" Rick asked, not satisfied with the answer Dale received, but by the looks of it, Jenner wasn't going to give him one as he walked out of the room. That didn't stop Rick thought. "VI, what happens when the power runs out?"
"When the power runs out," the female, robotic voice started, "facility-wide decontamination will occur."
--
While my dad, Rick and a few others try work something out with the generators, I stayed in the room with Lori as Carl played with Sophia in the REC room. If I was going to get answers, I wasn't going to get them from my dad.
I leaned back against the wall, crossing my arms as she sat on the cot, "So, what happened to my dad's neck?"
Her eyes instantly met mine before slowly diverting to the ground. "Can I ask you something?" She murmured, ensuring that her hair was away from her face.
"Sure," I nodded, wanting to be involved, sick of being left in the dark.
"Did Shane truly think Rick was dead?" She sighed out, staring up with conflict.
"Yes, we both did," I immediately told her honestly, sitting down on the cot beside her, "He tried carrying him but after the machines went off, well, obviously things didn't look good," I leaned my head against the wall, "He tried to listen for a heartbeat, breathing, anything, but he couldn't find one." I turned to her, keeping my eyes locked with hers so she could see the sincerity in mine, "He blocked the door so nothing could get in. He loves Rick, he loves you, he would've lied to you about that. I wouldn't."
She just nodded, pushing back tears that formed just in time as Carl ran into the room, "Mom, can I-" A sudden sound of silence overtook her attention, standing to place her hand over the vent, "Mom? Something wrong?"
"Uh, nothing, it's just," she looked across at me with slight concern, "the air conditioning has gone off."
"That's concerning," I commented with furrowed brows, looking back out into the hallway to see the others having the same curious looks. "Yours is off too?" I asked Dale, getting a confirmation nod back, his brushy brows furrowed in the center.
Just as he asked, Jenner begins walking down the hallway, a flat expression. "Why is the air off?" Carol asked him politely.
"And the lights in our room," Lori added, crossing her arms as he continued walking.
A bottle of whiskey in his hand, Daryl stumbled into the doorway, looking pissed off, "What's going on? Why is everything turned off?"
Without a word, Jenner took the bottle from his hand, "The energy is being prioritized."
"Air isn't a priority?" Dale gaped, "And the lights?" But Jenner only took a swig of the whiskey, straight from the bottle.
"It's not up to me. Zone 5 is shutting itself down," he informed us as he continued to drink from the bottle, heading towards the main room as the rest of us trailed behind him- with an extremely mad looking Daryl.
"Hey! Hey, what the hell does that mean?" Daryl snapped, his paces heavy and determined. But it doesn't seem to faze Jenner as he just carried on with his whiskey. "Hey, man, I'm talking to you. What do you mean it's shutting itself down? How can a building do anything?"
"You'd be surprised," Jenner dismissed.
As Jenner passed Rick, I pushed up to the front, wanting to be by the side of my dad, "Jenner, what's happening?"
"The system is dropping all the nonessential uses of power. It's designed to keep the computers running to the last possible second. That started as we approached the half-hour mark. Right on schedule." Jenner explained, like we had any idea what he was taking about. He took a final swig before handing the bottle over to Daryl, stopping at the steps into the main room. He turned to Andrea, "It was the French."
The hell is he talking about now?
"What?" Andrea snapped, equally as confused.
"They were the last ones to hold out as far as I know. While our people were bolting out the doors and committing suicide in the hallways, they stayed in the labs till the end," he clarified, no signs of hope anywhere to be heard, "They thought they were close to a solution."
"What happened?" Jacqui pressed.
"The same thing that happened here," He chuckled humorlessly, "No power grid. Ran out of juice. The world runs on fossil fuel. I mean, how stupid is that?" He was so bitter, so angry.
"Let me tell you-"
"To hell with it, Shane." Rick jabbed in, furious, "I don't even care. Lori, grab our things. Everybody get your stuff. We're getting out of here, now!" He ordered, pointing towards the door leading out.
Out of nowhere, stopping us in our tracks, massive alarms began blaring, "30 minutes to decontamination."
What the hell is going on?
"Doc, what's going on here," Daryl spat suspiciously, but he just began typing some things into the computer.
This is all freaking me out. I don't even know what to do.
"Everybody, ya'll heard Rick." My dad commanded, following him towards the steps, ignoring Jenner.
"Get your stuff and let's go! Go now!" Rick ushered, gently pushing my shoulder to move my forward. I hadn't even noticed I was frozen to the ground.
It's only when Rick began rushing towards the door that the, what I'm assuming is the shutter, came down. Locked solid. No way around. No way out. If I wasn't claustrophobic before, I think I was beginning to be.
"No," Glenn placed his hand on the door, "Did you just lock us in? He just locked us in."
But Jenner didn't care. He just sat at his stupid little computer screen and began recording some piece of crap. "You son of a bitch," Daryl lunged towards him.
"Shane! Shane!" Rick yelled towards my dad, ordering him to stop Dixon before he did damage.
"You locked us in here!" Daryl seethed, veins popping from the strain he yelled, "You lying-"
After commotion between them all, Rick strode over to him, "Jenner, open that door now." He demanded.
"There's no point." Jenner stated, "Everything topside is locked down. The emergency exits are sealed."
How can he sound so nonchalant?
"Then open them," I begged as water being pooling under my lids, but I refused to let them all. I need to be strong.
"That's not something I control. The computers do," he looked up at me from his seat, not a shred of regret or pity to be seen, "I told you once that front door closed, it wouldn't open again. You heard me say that," He condescends, "It's better this way."
What the hell is better this way? What way?
"What is? What happens in 28 minutes?" Rick pressed, sweat beginning to form on his forehead. But Jenner doesn't respond, just clicking away on his damn computer.
"What the hell happens in 28 minutes, Jenner!" I snapped, taking an attempted threatening step forward.
"Come on!" Daryl barked, backing us up.
But something in Jenner seemed to snap, his voice coming out distraught and tired, yet still stern and lost, "You know what this place is?! We protected the public from very nasty stuff!" He continued, standing guard, "Weaponized smallpox! Ebola strains that could wipe out half the country! Stuff you don't want getting out! Ever!"
"We appreciate that," I stepped in, but I doubted that I sounded like I meant it, "But that doesn't mean you can lock us in, so open the damn door."
In class Jenner fashion, worse than Daryl I've come to notice, he just ignores what we said, sitting back down at his computer.
I thought I'd be happy to see one after so long, but this one I was ready to smash in.
"In the event of a catastrophic power failure- in a terrorist attack, for example- H.I.T.s are deployed to prevent organisms from getting out," he explained with a little more calmness.
Why can't he just speak English?
"H.I.T.s?" Rick waited for him to explain further.
"Vi, define." He spoke.
"H.I.T.s- high-impulse thermo baric fuel-air explosives consist of a two-stage aerosol ignition-" It carried on but whatever the hell it meant I had no idea, all I got from it was 'explosives' and 'between 5,000 and 6,000 degrees'. None of which sounded good.
"It sets fire to air," Jenner clarified.
What?
Sophia pours into Carol's arms, both unable to hold back their waterfall of tears as they trickled down their faces. But Jenner spoke words further, "An end to sorrow, grief, regret. Everything."
A smash echoed, Daryl throwing the whiskey bottle at the door as he continued to yell out, my dad trying to help as he uses the fire axe against the door with T-Dog. But I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I hate to say it, but all I could do was let the singular tears drop from my eyes.
We were going to die. Disintegrate. Just be gone.
We'd made it past the outbreak just to die in an explosion after being locked in by a mad scientist.
"You should've just left well enough alone. It would've been so much easier," He commented.
"Easier for who?" Lori commented, holding onto Carl as she glares at him.
"All of you. You know what's out there. A short brutal life and an agonizing death." He spat, so at least it made it easier to stop my tears from being so freaking annoyed at him. Once again, he looked towards Andrea, "Your sister, what was her name?"
Don't go there, Doc.
"Amy," She replied.
"Amy," he nodded, "You know what this does. You've seen it," he looked at Rick, "Is that what you really want for your wife and son?
Distraught, drained with little fight, Rick still managed to speak emphatically, "I don't want this!"
"Can't make a dent," my dad groaned as the axe bounced off the door.
"Those doors are designed to withstand a rocket launcher." Jenner informed him matter-of-factly.
"Well your head ain't," Daryl seethed, swinging his axe back, having to be held back by my dad and Rick.
"Just back up! Back up!" He told him firmly.
"You do want this," Jenner told him, so confidently so, "Last night you said you knew it was just a matter of time before everyone you loved was dead."
Wow. Asshole.
"What?" T-Dog paused, sharing the look of betrayal that the rest of the group showed, looking at him like he'd lied to them his entire life. In a way, I guess he did.
"What?" My dad took a step towards him, "You really said that? After all your big talk?"
Rick noticed the shock on Lori's face, the hurt she felt clear, "I had to keep hope alive, didn't I?" He tried, so hard, to sound sincere.
"There is no hope," Jenner inputted, "There never was."
"That's bull crap!" I yelled, "Didn't you listen to what I said?! We'll fight it and we'll overcome it! We won't just lie back and let it destroy us."
"You're just a kid, you don't understand," he spoke with pity, the only time he seemed to feel bad, but it only pissed me off more.
"I'm not a kid," I told him firmly.
"There's always hope. Maybe it won't be you, maybe not here but somebody somewhere-"
"What part of 'everything is gone' do you not understand?" Andrea snapped, taking me by surprise.
Not you.
"Listen to your friend. She gets it. This is what takes us down. This is our extinction event."
"Only if you give up. I'm never going to give up. Don't take that choice away from us," I begged him, hating the way my voice cracked as I spoke, sounding so desperate. I mean, I was.
"This isn't right," Carol spoke through her tears, "You can't just keep us here."
"One tiny movement," Jenner smiled, "A millisecond- no pain."
"My daughter doesn't deserve to die like this," she held Sophia close to her, both their tears still falling.
"Wouldn't it be kinder, more compassionate just to hold your loved ones and wait for the clock to run down?" Jacqui seemed to subconsciously agree, her head nodding slightly.
"It'd be kinder to try and give them a future," I narrowed my eyes at him as I unintentionally clenched my fists.
"Then let them die horribly?" He spoke but not for long. I darted over, slamming my fist straight into his cheek only to be yanked back by Rick.
"Rose, don't," He tried but it wasn't before long that my dad had the same idea, cocking the shotgun and striding over to him.
"Shane, no!" He ran over to him, releasing my arm only to be shoved out the way.
"Out of my way, Rick! Stay out of my way." He threated, closing in on Jenner, "Open that door or I'm gonna blow your head off. Do you hear me?"
"Brother," Rick tried to reason as my dad held the gun steady in Jenner's face and honestly, I wouldn't even bat an eyelid if he killed him right now. It's what the asshole wanted anyway, why not give it to him? "Brother, this is not the way you do this. We will never get out of here."
"Shane, you listen to him," Lori interjected.
"It's too late," Shane glared, his jaw tight.
"He dies, we all-" But it was too late. My dad started shooting off at the computers, destroying all he can, screaming, yelling, more frightening than I had ever seen him. But that only because he's the most frightened I'd ever seen him.
"We all die! Shane!" Rick tries to fight the gun out of his hands, pushing and pulling, "Shane!" I'm not entirely sure what happened, but somehow, Rick managed to beat my dad to the ground, pinning him with the shotgun butt, "Are you done now? Are you done?"
"Get off him, Rick," I demanded, getting a glance before he slowly lowers the gun, pulling away from my dad.
"Yeah, I guess we all are." My dad spat out, watching as Rick passes the gun over to T-Dog.
I held my hand out to help him up, probably not doing much help as he pushes himself up, but I guess the thought is what counts. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly against him as he rests his chin on top of my head, "I love you, Rose."
I squeezed him tightly, resting my cheek, "We're not done.
"I think you're lying," Rick accused Jenner, taking my attention over to him but refusing to let go of my dad.
"What?" Jenner blinked back.
"You're lying about no hope. If that were true, you'd have bolted with the rest or taken the easy way out. You didn't," he stared across at him, interested, stern, "You chose the hard path. Why?"
"It doesn't matter," Jenner tried to dismiss but the strain in his voice only pushed Rick further.
"It does matter. It always matters. You stayed when others ran. Why?" He pressed on.
"Not because I wanted to," He sighed, turning away, "I made a promise," he glanced up at the main screen where his test subject was still on, "To her, my wife."
"Test subject 19 was your wife?" Lori gaped.
"She begged me to keep going as long as I could. How could I say no?" He breathed out, the sadness returning.
Behind us, Daryl continued trying to use the axe on the door but obviously it wasn't doing a thing. He just didn't want to give up without trying. At least he had that quality about him.
"She was dying," Jenner continued, "It should've been me on that table. I wouldn't have mattered to anybody. She was a loss to the world," he swallowed heavily, the love in his eyes shining as he stared at her picture on his desk, "Hell, she ran this place. I just worked here. In our field, she was an Einstein. Me? I'm just...Edwin Jenner. She could've done something about this. Not me."
"Oh boohoo. We've all lost people, it doesn't mean we then kill others," I spat, earning a glare from Rick and Lori but I didn't care. This asshole didn't deserve sympathy. Stuck in his self-pity enough to sentence us to death. It wasn't fair.
"Your wife didn't have a choice." Rick tried to overshadow me, which wasn't hard to do, taking Jenner's attention away from me, "You do. That's all we want; a choice, a chance."
"Let us keep trying as long as we can." Lori begged him.
"I told you the topside's locked down. I can't open those," he spoke as he typed something into the security pad thingys, suddenly opening the door Daryl's banging on.
"Come on!" Daryl yelled, ushering everyone to run out.
My dad dragged my hand, yanking me along with the rest, everyone yelling at everyone else to get out, Carol demanding Sophia to stay close while Lori held onto Carl for dear life.
"I'm grateful," I heard Rick speak as he shook his head.
"A day will come where you won't be." Jenner responded honestly. He was probably right, but how bad could it get? We got to have faith that things can only get better, right?
We made it relatively far before yelling echoed over the noise behind us, T-Dog and Jacqui going at each other's throats, her face more sympathetic than his. My dad clearly notices too, quickly pulling at T-Dog, "Dog, come on, man. Come on! Let's go!" He frantically pulling us all out.
"I'm staying too." Andrea's voice spoke, stopping me in my tracks.
"Andrea, no," Dale's eyes dropped, sinking into despair.
"Andrea, please, don't do this," I began begging, only got my dad to yank me towards the main entrance, not giving me an opportunity to even try. "No, let me talk to her! Let me talk to her!"
"No, Rose, we need to go," he argued back, his grip tightening.
"If you get the doors open, I'll come." I stared up at him sternly, "Let me try."
His face twisted, clearly not pleased with any of it, "The second we get those doors open, you come running."
"I promise," I nodded, instantly running back into the main room, seeing Dale and Andrea still at each other's throats. "Andrea, please, I need you. You're the closest friend I've got," I sincerely told her, ignoring Dale as I grasped her hands in mine.
"I can't, Rose. There's nothing left for us out there," Andrea smiled sadly, gently placing her hand on my cheek- a somewhat, motheringly way.
"Yes, there is," I told her, "We don't know what the future holds. We don't know what could happen; good or bad."
"It's pretty obvious," she laughs humorlessly.
"Is it?" I cocked a brow, pausing. "I had sex with Daryl Dixon last night."
"What?" Her eyes widened in surprise, brows shooting higher.
"Was that obviously going to happen? No. We don't know," I laughed slightly, amused by how stupid it sounded when I said it out loud, and even better at the shock on her features.
An explosion caught my attention, yelling of the others as the ground shook ever so slightly. "Rose!" My dad's voice seeped through the walls.
"Go," She spoke softly.
"I will, but I know you'll make the right decision," I quickly gave her a final hug before sprinting back into the entrance room, seeing a slight break in the window, big enough to get through.
"Come on!" My dad held his hand out, grasping mine slightly as he pulled me through the gap at laser speed, avoiding the walkers that approached us.
The others were already sprinting back towards the RV, Carl's and Sophia's little legs struggling to keep up with the rest, Rick, Daryl and my dad taking down walkers as they went. The burn in my legs and lack of oxygen in my lungs kept me pushing further, feeling alive now more than ever.
The adrenaline pumping through my veins, keeping my legs moving as we ran for our lives, I realized something scary. I loved this. I love the feeling of running for my life, danger just around the corner, the possibility of death only seconds away.
This was new.
Jumping last in the RV, Rick quickly turned on the engine, ready to drive away as fast as he could, until Lori spoke, "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. They're coming."
Looking out, the adrenaline was replaced with pure happiness, seeing Dale and Andrea jumping out of the glass. Running towards us, unable to stop the walkers, they just kept running.
Seeing the walkers close in on them, I knew I couldn't just stand back and watch. I had to do something to help my friends.
Gripping my knife, I hopped out the RV room, ignoring the yells of my dad and the others as I sprinted towards Andrea and Dale, "Get to the RV!" I yelled, quickly stabbing the walkers head without much though, the blade sinking between its eyes.
This is easier than I thought.
Taking down another, too close to them for my liking, I quickly spun around to race back with Andrea and Dale, ready to attack if I need to. Honking, Lori stuck her head out the door, "Get down! Dale, Rose! Down!"
Crap.
Jumping behind some sandbags, I sheltered my head in preparation with Dale and Andrea by my side. Unbelievably loud bang shook the ground, a shocking light from behind my eyelids as I squeezed them close, before everything went quiet, a string of buzzing in my ear. Not being able to hear a thing, rubble falling from the building, a cloud if fire before turning to smoke, I just stared up at it in shock.
Peeking over, if you hadn't known where the CDC was located, you'd have no idea that this was the building. It reminded me of the nuclear plant in Chernobyl, crumbling and destroyed with unimaginable magnitude.
We were seconds away from being a part of it.
Hearing the door fling open behind, Dale put both his hands out for Andrea and I to take, helping us to our feet, "Come on, come on."
Shakily, I steadied my legs as I approached the RV, Glenn holding the door open for us, "Get in, get in, get in, get in!"
Pulling us through, Andrea fell onto a seat, tears pouring from her face as she gave Dale the second most violent glare I'd ever seen- Rick setting off down the road. The first was the one my dad was giving me, "What the hell was that?" He snapped.
"That was an air getting set on fire," I replied breathlessly, knowing full well that wasn't what he was talking about.
"You don't-"
"Can we not do this now?" Glenn chimed in, cutting off my dad before he glanced over at me, sending an attempt at a comforting smile, "Are you okay?"
I nodded, "I'm fine."
Letting silence fall, I took a seat beside Andrea, letting my head fall on her shoulder as I catch my breath. I know she hated Dale for making her leave, but I was still thankful. Saying that right now would be insensitive though. Maybe one day she'll be thankful too.
Where the hell we go next, I don't know.