Nate fidgeted in the passenger seat of Erik's car, glancing over at the front door to his house one more time. They still had so much to talk about, so much to sort through. But staying at Erik's trashed apartment any longer wasn't something either one of them wanted. They'd quickly gathered the tattered remains of Erik's mother's books, shuffled them into a duffle bag, and headed for the door.
After driving around for what seemed like forever, Erik had safely confirmed that they were not being followed, and proceeded to drive Nate back to his house. Which, of course, led them to the current impass they seemed to be fighting over. And, go figure, Erik seemed to have regained his composure just enough to put up a fight.
"Erik, come one, you know you can't go back to your apartment."
"I have money. Renting a hotel room would be the best choice, given the events that have just transpired."
"No fucking way are you spending the night alone at some hotel room after what just happened."
A small smirk tugged at the corners of Erik's lips, one that Nate would have given anything for a few hours ago but was now contributing to his rising temper.
"You know, you're quite cute when you're worried, Nathaniel."
"This isn't a joke, Erik! This is serious! I mean, c'mon! Someone just broke into your apartment, trashed the one thing that they know meant the most to you, and did it while we were only a few floors up!"
"Nathaniel, you do realize what time it is, don't you? 3 A.M. . If I am correct in my assumption of what you are suggesting, I'd like to remind you that just earlier today you and your mother got into an altercation about the very thing your plan entails."
"I'll take care of that, alright. I mean...she can't just throw you out, not if I tell her either you stay or I go."
Erik's eyes narrowed, his features suddenly tensing. "That is absolutely out of the question. Nathaniel, I will not allow you to-"
"It's not your choice, Erik-"
Erik's voice was completely grave when he spoke, making it obvious that even if his mother did agree, he wouldn't stay.
"Nathaniel, I know how much I valued my relationship with my mother. I refuse to allow you to put yours in jeopardy because of me. This is not debatable."
Nate crossed his arms, letting out a frustrated huff. "Yeah, well, neither is the possibility of you staying the night by yourself after some creepy-ass stalker guy trashed your apartment. I mean, what if he found out whatever hotel you were staying at and tracked you down and-"
"You don't believe I could handle myself?" Erik asked, raising an eyebrow.
" I don't want to find out. I mean, what if this is more than one person, Erik."
"It's not."
Nate's eyes narrowed. Hell, he hadn't even bothered to ask if Erik had had any success in figuring out who the guy was.
"And how the hell do you know?"
"Because, this is personal. And there are only two people that know of what the letter entailed. Neither of them would work together, for obvious reasons."
When Erik didn't continue, Nate raised an eyebrow, prodding him on. Erik let out a heavy sigh, leaning forward.
"Sean wouldn't do this. Nor would he work with my father."
Nate's eyes bulged as his mind tried to wrap itself around the idea of what he'd just suggested. He really didn't like the prospect of Erik's father coming back into his life. The guy sounded totally unstable. And, on top of that, he'd probably try to kill him for what he'd done to Erik if he ever met him, and murder wasn't exactly on his to-do list.
"So....I mean, what if Sean told someone or something?"
"He wouldn't. He's quite committed to me, unfortunately. He should be a grade ahead of me, but he failed on purpose so that he'd be able to keep tabs on me throughout my final year of high school."
Wow. So, maybe Sean wasn't the warm and cuddly type, but Nate would definitely give him points for loyalty.
"And your father..."
Erik nodded, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly.
"Yes. He would know about my mother's death, and my role in it. Even after he left, she tried to call him- left desperate messages on his cell phone begging him to take her back. I'm sure she probably called him that day, to tell him what she planned to have me do in a final effort to force him to come back."
God. What a huge fucking mess the whole thing was, honestly. He felt bad for Erik's mother, he really did. But using her son as a tool to try and win a guy back that was basically a piece of shit in the first place didn't sit well with him.
"But...I mean, why would your father want to come back into your life after all these years? And why would he want to bring your family's history to light? I mean, wouldn't that incriminate him too?"
"That is not necessarily his purpose, if it is indeed him. He may just want to use what he knows as leverage. And, unless I could get one of the boys he molested to testify against him, which would be basically impossible considering I don't know their names, the pedophile accusations would simply be my word against his."
"Then what the hell does he want from you?"
Erik's features tightened, his eyes flickering back and forth along the blackened terrace.
"That is what I'm still trying to find out. I have no way of being sure it is him, other than by means of simple deduction. I could be entirely incorrect in my assumption, but I have no way of knowing. He seems to rather enjoy this game of cat and mouse...perhaps he derives some sort of pleasure from it. Or there is also the possibility that he blames me for my mother's death."
"But that was so his fault-"
"That may not be the way he sees it, Nathaniel. You see, I believe he loved my mother, but not in the usual sense. He loved the power and influence he had over her, the way he could build her up and then break her down with just one simple action. I suppose those were the same things he liked about all the boys he raped too. You see, I took that away from him, though, the day I killed my mother. He no longer had the power to make her suffer, to see her in pain because of what he'd done. And so, finally, I believe he's come to seek his revenge."
Reaching into his pocket, Erik pulled out the letter they'd found in his red corvette a few days earlier.
"You see...Shaming your mother from her grave, that would refer to her homophobia, and my relationship with you...Sacrificing your Queen for a pawn, no doubt a reference to the fact that I chose you over Sean, although Sean is the one that holds more power over me because he knows about my past....I'm sure you know how troublesome family ties can be, either a reference to my father's vengeful intent, or Sean and the possibility of angering him and having him react by revealing my secret....and no visitors under any circumstances, jealousy and I do not play well together, he wants me to be isolated, alone. I highly doubt he approves of my relationship with you. Taking pictures of us the other night after the dance was his way of letting me know he's watching me, and he sees what I'm doing with you."
Nate shook his head, utterly confused yet again. "But, I don't get it. Why does he have a problem with us being together? I mean, he can't be homophobic. He had sex with boys."
"It's quite simple, actually. Probably the most elementary aspect of all this. You make me happy, and he doesn't want that."
Nate immediately felt a warmth spread through his chest in reaction to Erik's words. He knew right now was so not the time to smile, but he couldn't help it. Turning to the right, he glanced back at his house one more time to hide the silly grin that had spread across his face. Yeah, it was stupid after everything that had just happened to get like this over a few simple words, but actually hearing Erik say that he made him happy was just...exactly what he needed right now, actually.
"Nathaniel, you know the longer you wait, the worse the repercussions are going to be when you face your mother."
Of course. That's why he thought he'd taken a sudden interest in the nice little outter décor of his house.
"Yeah, well, it's your fault. If you'd just agreed to come in and let me explain the situation to my mother in the first place, then we'd probably already be sleeping."
"Nathaniel, you and I both very well know that your mother will not just accept this, let alone allow me to stay at your house knowing that I am dating you."
Gah. Why did everything have to be so fucking complicated?
"Alright. Fine! You come up with something then!"
"I'm glad you finally asked." Erik said, an amused look spreading across his face. "I'm sure my brother Sean would be more than willing to allow me to stay with him for a few days."
Nate's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, but I thought you wanted to avoid drawing attention to the both of you so people wouldn't start to get suspicious and shit. I mean, don't you think people are going to ask questions about two older teenage boys living together?"
"Well, I don't see any other plausible possibility that appeases both you and I."
"How about a compromise? You stay with Sean for the next few days while I work on telling my mother that I'm gay. Then you come stay with me-"
"Nathaniel, I already told you-"
"I'm going to have to tell my mother about me being gay at some point anyways, Erik. Adding you into the mix isn't going to change that."
Erik paused, a pensive look spreading across his face as he leaned back in his seat. Finally, he let out a sigh of resignation, turning back to Nate.
"Very well. But if your mother doesn't want me staying there, you are in no way allowed to give her an ultimatum-"
"Yeah, I know. If she does agree, though, you have to stay here."
Erik raised an eyebrow, a suggestive smile spreading across his face.
"Agreed. I have to say, though, if you do get your way in all this, it will make the next few weeks quite interesting."
Nate flushed, picking up on the suggestions laced in Erik's words.
"Yeah-well-whatever. Just call me when you get to Sean's, alright?"
Turning his head so Erik wouldn't see him blush, Nate couldn't help but hope that Erik was right about the next few weeks being interesting. He could use a little mushy drama-free boyfriend time with him after all the shit that had just gone down.
Getting out of the car, Nate quietly made his way through the front door, creeping up to his room and checking to make sure his mother was sound asleep in her bedroom.
She probably figured he'd made up with Amber and gone over to her house to stay the night. They used to do that a lot, well, the staying the night part at least. He'd have to call her tomorrow and apologize. He still didn't agree with her, especially not after what he had just found out about Erik and his past, but he hadn't exactly handled the situation well either.
And, well, now that he knew what he did about Sean, he didn't know how the hell to feel about him. He'd tried to rape Amber, which totally put the guy on his shit list....but he'd done it because he was trying to stop Erik from turning out like his dad, which seemed to balance the whole equation out. And he'd bullied him for the past few months, but only because he cared about his brother....
He supposed he needed to call a truce with him at some point, too. The guy had Erik's best interests at heart, thought the way he'd gone about it had been totally wrong, which meant they both had at least one thing in common.
Deciding he'd try to end the day with some happy thoughts, Nate allowed his mind to explore the possibilities behind the meaning in Erik's last words. Yup. They might just be able to have a happy ending after all. All he needed to do was come clean to his mom...and ask her to let his boyfriend live with them. Yeah, fat chance in hell of that happening. But, hey, what Erik didn't know wouldn't hurt him, and if he gave his mother an ultimatum she'd have to say yes, right?
Nate woke up the next morning to the not-so-pleasant ringing of his mother's sharp voice in his ears.
"Nathaniel, where were you last night! Do you know how worried I was about you! I called Amber's parents and they told me you weren't there! I almost called the cops! For heaven sakes, you had me worried sick about you!"
Nate sat up, casting a groggy look in his mother's direction. He was so getting tired of this whole thing going on between them, with her pretending like they were just one nice happy family and him playing along.
"Mother I-"
"Where were you? You didn't think to pick up the phone and call me! Nathaniel, what in god's name were you thinking?"
"I was-"
"You had me up till midnight pacing back and forth in the living room. I had no idea what to do or who to call."
"I'm-"
"And you should have came and told me when you got home! I was just about to file a missing persons report. I thought you might have gotten taken by some pedophile or serial killer! And-"
"Shut up!"
Oh crap. Did he really just say that?
Nate's mother's face went lax as utter shock widened her eyes to the size of saucers.
"You never listen to me, mother! Not now, and not ever! You're always so busy trying to put up this little front like were just one perfect, happy family, but we're not! There's all this tension between us, filled with all the things we're not saying to each other. Well I'm tired of it! I'm gay! Alright! I like boys, not girls! There's a fucking reason Amber and I never dated! And you've known it all along! God knows you've spent so much energy trying to convince yourself of the lie you want to believe. And Erik, you know, my tutor, he's actually my boyfriend! Yeah, I went to homecoming with him! He's the only date I'll probably ever have to a school dance, and I couldn't even tell you because you're so fucking close-minded. Well, this is it. This is reality. I'm your son, and I'm gay."
Holy shit. A whole lot of word vomit had just come out that he couldn't take back. Ever. Nate let out a heavy sigh, actually feeling..relieved? He'd finally said it. He'd finally come clean to his mother. After 17 years of pretending, he was finally showing himself for who he truly was.
Nate's mother stood there for a second, a look of utter shock on her face before her features grew taunt, her eyes icy.
"You know I do not tolerate such things in this house, Nathaniel. We will start counseling immediately to correct this behavior, as well as explore alternative solutions to this...predicament."
Nate let out a cold laugh, shaking his head. "This isn't a predicament, mother. This is who I am. And I don't want to go to counseling. For once, I'm happy with myself."
"Yes, well, that's only because you don't know better. Homosexuality is a sickness, Nathaniel-"
"Do you realize how ignorant you sound right now? This isn't something that I caught from being around other people that are gay. I've always been like this, mother. And to an extent, you've always known it."
Nate's mother shifted from side to side, looking extremely uncomfortable.
"Nathaniel, we will deal with this later when you're more calm and-"
"No. Mother. We'll deal with this now. My boyfriend needs a place to stay, and either you let him stay here with me, or I'm leaving. For good."
It's funny, Nate had only intended it as a bluff, but hearing the words come out of his mouth, he realized he was completely serious.
Nate's mother's eyes flared, clearly enraged at what her son was trying to force her into.
"Absolutely not, Nathaniel. I will not enable you to indulge in this sickness-"
"Fine."
Nate walked over to his closet and pulled out a suitcase, plopping it on top of his bed and beginning to pack. He could tell by the way his mother's breathing had suddenly stopped that she had been bluffing. Well, newsflash, he hadn't. He was dead serious.
"Nathaniel, now think about this. You and I can work this out. We can work through this sickness-"
Nate tuned his mother out, refusing to listen to any more of her close-minded preaching. Packing up the last of his things, he made sure to grab his phone and the belt buckle off of his dresser as he headed out the door. He could hear his mother pleading with him to reconsider, but never once did she agree to his terms.
Erik was so not going to be happy with him. He'd promised not to do this, lied to his face, but there was no way he was going to let Erik stay in some apartment or hotel room alone anyways, which was what it would eventually come down to after he stayed with Sean for a few days.
Pulling out his phone, Nate shot Erik a quick text.
Hey, soooo, I had that talk with my mom and it didn't go so well. Pick me up in 10?
Oh, crap. He hadn't even thought to look at the time. It was 5:34 A.M. on a Monday morning. He would've explained the whole reason he was texting him so early, but he didn't want to reveal the rest to him over the phone. No, he'd prefer to do the pleading and apologizing that would be in order to make up for breaking the promise he'd made in person.