Nate stared up at the speckled pattern on his ceiling, trying to make sense of all the thoughts playing bumper cars in his mind.
He had almost gotten Amber raped. He had made Erik lose his best friend. He was lying to his mother. He was failing math. And, on top of it all, Erik had some creepy ass stalker that was following them around playing peeping tom on the both of them. God.
How was it that just this morning everything had seemed perfect, and by the end of the day his whole life had gone to hell? More like Amber had put a different spin on things. Not much had changed, to be honest. She'd just brought up all the shit he'd been carefully pushing to the back of his mind these past few weeks.
Except for the little bit about Amber almost getting raped, of course. Thank god that asshole Sean hadn't succeeded. If he had...gah, ,Nate couldn't even think about it. He still loved Amber, in a brother/sister way, and he always would. I mean, how could he not? They'd both grown up together. Hell, she practically was his sister, or the closest thing to it that he'd ever get. And he'd been treating her like crap.
Knock. Knock.
Nate flinched, glancing over at the door. Crap. There was no way his mother hadn't heard him and Amber's little spat. Which meant a whole lot of shit was about to hit the fan.
"Come in..." Nate muttered, knowing he really didn't have a choice in the matter but saying the words anyways.
The door creaked open, a tense look on Nate's mother's face as she stood in the doorway. Nate took note of the distance she made an obvious choice to put between them instead of actually coming into the room.
Nate's mother cleared her throat, her eyes darting shiftily from the floor to Nate and then back down again.
"So...Nathaniel. I think we may need to have a talk."
Nate felt his whole frame tense up, involuntarily holding his breath as he waited for her to continue.
"You and Amber had a fight."
She stated it as if she'd just told him she'd found a secret stash of dirty magazines between his mattresses.
"Yeah..."
"And, perhaps...a few things were said...by her. Lies, rather. In the heat of the argument."
Nate felt physically sick as he realized what she was trying to do. She was giving him a chance to deny it, a chance for the two of them to pretend like he was normal, to go back to the way things were before and live a lie every day. The desperation in her eyes told him that she needed him to reassure her that what she'd heard wasn't true, that it had all been a lie.
But she knew. She had to.
And she would rather have the both of them live in blatant denial than face the truth, face the fact that her son was gay.
He couldn't deal. Not after he had just lost his best friend. He couldn't lose his mother too.
"Yeah...she was lying." He'd never felt more low in his life. Not once.
Nate's mother let out a sigh of relief, forcing a tight smile.
"That's what I thought. I knew I hadn't raised my son like that."
Of course. Because if she had, then she'd have to recognize the fact that she'd failed as a parent, leaving her son defective, as she'd probably say.
Yup. Defective. Diseased. Disturbed. Take your pick. That was what he'd be to her if he admitted the truth.
He couldn't breathe, not here in this room with her. The air was too heavy. The room was too small. She was too close. And he was too weak. Bolting up, Nate grabbed his phone and headed for the door.
"I need some air." He called over his shoulder, breaking into a dead run as he bolted out the door.
Sean flinched as he felt Erik's gloved hand come down on his back, careful to inflict as little pain as possible as he pulled another shard of glass from Sean's back.
Sean grunted, his whole body seizing up in pain as he clenched his teeth, determined not to scream. He'd already lost enough of his pride today. He didn't need to add screaming like a little pussy to the list.
"Thanks...for coming." Sean hissed through clenched teeth, though his voice was barely above a whisper. He'd been the only one Sean had trusted to call, the only person he knew he could count on despite all the bad shit that had happened between them lately.
Erik nodded, repeating the question he'd first asked when he'd arrived.
"Sean, who did this to you?"
Sean grunted as he felt Erik pull another shard of glass from his back, balling the white sheets on his bed into a tight ball with his fists.
"No one. It was an accident. I dropped the beer and fell. Stop being such a fucking hardass and drop it."
Erik was quiet for a moment, his eyes drifting across Sean's face, a masked expression on his face.
"Sean...I know you're lying to me."
Sean cursed inwardly. Erik had always been able to read him a hell of a lot better than he felt comfortable with.
"Just fucking drop it, alright."
"Sean, this could be important...a series of peculiar events have transpired over the past few weeks that have led me to believe the past may finally be catching up with us."
Sean's eyes narrowed. Even through the pain, he could still think straight enough to know that if Erik was telling him, things had to have gotten pretty serious.
"What the fuck haven't you bee telling me?"
"I received a letter recently. It contained information only you and I would know."
Sean swallowed hard, his throat suddenly feeling dry.
"I haven't told anyone. I swear."
"I know..." Erik's gaze drifted off, a pensive look spreading across his face for a second.
"Someone was watching Nathaniel and I last night. They-"
"I told you to stop fucking around with that gay-ass fag-"
Sean gasped as he felt Erik pull another shard of glass out of his back, this time making sure that he felt it when he did.
"Enough. This is not open for discussion."
"Erik, you know what it's going to fucking lead to. How can you even-"
"I'm not him, Sean."
Both boys fell silent, a few seconds passing before Erik spoke again.
"I am not telling you this because I desire a second opinion. I'm telling you this for your personal safety. Someone has an obvious problem with me, and I'm worried they may intend to harm those closest to me. They know things I wouldn't have thought possible. Which probably means they know about you and I. If someone did this to you, I need you to tell me."
"Well...that's not what happened. I'm not saying anyone did this to me, because they didn't..." Sean cleared his throat, forcing himself to continue. "But if they did, it would have been because of a personal issue. That's it. That's all I'm fucking saying."
"Sean. If someone-"
"Just fuck off, alright. I don't want you involved." God knew he already owed him more than he'd ever be able to make up for.
Erik let out a slow, drawn out sigh, pulling the last shard of glass from Sean's back before cleaning the open wounds with disinfectant and bandaging them.
"Fine. But understand two things. One, our security has been compromised. Someone knows about what happened. And they know about you and I-"
"Do you have any idea who it is?"
Erik's jaw tightened slightly. "I have a suspicion."
"Who-"
"You are not the only one that can withhold information, Sean. I know how you are. If I told you, the first thing you would do would be to take matters into your own hands-"
"Oh c'mon-"
"Sean, this person's dangerous. They know what they're doing. And they have the upper hand right now."
"So, why the hell are they doing this? And why haven't they-"
"Because, Sean. Whoever's doing this, to them it isn't just a matter of ill-intent. They're quite enjoying this game of cat and mouse, and they will continue to remain silent, knowing what they do, as long as they continue to derive pleasure from it. And in regards to why...that is none of your concern."
"Bullshit! You know what's going to happen when this little game between you and whoever's fucking with you ends, Erik."
Erik's eyes narrowed at Sean. "I made a choice that comes with certain consequences. That's all you need to know, if this event isn't related to it."
Sometimes he could be such a stubborn ass about everything.
"Erik, let me help-"
"It's not up to you to fix what I've done."
Sean's eyes flared with something most people thought him incapable of. Guilt.
"Erik...just don't do anything stupid without me. I want to know if any more of this shit goes down."
Erik stood up, his expression softening slightly as he looked down at Sean.
"You should know, Nathaniel, he is important to me. I don't want you touching him again, ever. Under no circumstances, Sean. I don't care if you think it's what's best for me. I will react accordingly if you choose to do so."
Sean nodded, feeling exhaustion take over as his eyes began to feel heavy, his body suddenly fatigued. He vaguely registered the feel of a blanket being draped over his body as he tried to stay conscious.
"Thanks....again."
Erik looked down at Sean, brushing his hair out of his face as the boy drifted off to sleep.
"That's what brothers are for, right?"
Trying to steady his breathing, Nate made a futile attempt to think straight. Where was he going? Why the hell couldn't he stand up to his mother? It was pathetic, really, that he needed her approval that much that he'd blatantly lie about part of who he was. A big part.
Letting out a heavy sigh, Nate whipped out his phone and texted the only person he knew could make him feel at all better.
Hey Erik. I know it's not Friday and all, but I could really use a movie night...or any excuse to get out of the house.
Nate only had to wait a few seconds to get a response out of Erik.
I'll be there in five.
Nate skimmed over the text, then reread it. Something was off about it. It wasn't like Erik to be this prompt. Well, looks like they'd both had a crappy weekend so far.
Sliding into Erik's car, Nate immediately noted the fact that the peppermint scent it normally carried was stronger than usual.
"Hello, Nathaniel."
Erik flashed him a tight smile. Something bad had definitely gone down.
"Hey. What's up?"
"Nothing relevant. What happened to warrant such a pressing need to be away from your house?"
Net let out another heavy sigh.
"Well, first, it was Amber. She came over and we got into a stupid fight. She started yelling at me about how I wasn't being a good friend to her and I was choosing you over her. Then she started spewing some bullshit about how you and I weren't good for each other-"
Erik's mouth twitched just slightly at that, though he kept his expression the same.
"Yeah. I know. Stupid, right? Anyways, she just said a lot of messed up crap and...well, apparently Sean tried to rape her."
Erik's eyes narrowed, his lips drawing into a thin line.
"Ah....It seems him and I have another conversation in order."
"Erik, I don't want you getting yourself beat up again-"
"Don't worry yourself with such things, Nathaniel. You already have more than enough problems to contend with."
"Erik-"
"I'll take care of it. I'm not arguing with you about this. Trust me. Besides, I believe you've already had more than your fair share of fighting to deal with today. This should be your time to cool down, not worry yourself even more."
He was right. He didn't want his time with Erik to be spent arguing. Which meant he'd have to wait to figure out what had happened to get Erik all tense and shit, no doubt it wasn't exactly something he wanted to talk about. If he wanted him to know, he would've told him. That didn't mean Nate was just going to let it go, though. Not by a long shot.
Staring up at the makeshift screen on Erik's rooftop, Nate allowed his mind to slowly let go of all the drama that had happened earlier that day, allowing his mind to focus solely on the image of Jasmine and Aladin ridding on the magic carpet. Yup. Disney movies always had a nostalgic, relaxing sort of effect on him, as childish as it was, and he was grateful Erik seemed to have picked up on it.
Jolting slightly, Nate took a sharp breath as he felt something on his shoulders. Erik's hands. He hadn't noticed Erik move behind him, which was a first, considering most of the time he was acutely aware of every little motion Erik made during times like these when they were both alone.
"Just relax." Erik whispered, his hands moving along Nate's shoulders, apply pressure to just the right places. A massage, Erik was giving him a massage. There was nothing sexual about it, which for once, Nate was grateful for. It was purely considerate...caring.
At first, Nate was tense as hell, his whole body stiff even more so than before just because Erik was touching him. After a few minutes, though, he began to relax and actually enjoy the therapeutic sensation. By the end of the movie, he felt completely at ease.
Neither one of them moved as the credits started rolling, and then the screen went completely black. Nate didn't feel like going home. No doubt his mother would light into him about taking off without tell her, and being gone for so long, especially after dark, and he wasn't ready to deal with another fight.
Erik's hands had stopped the amazing therapeutic motions they'd been treating him to, but were still resting on his shoulders.
Finally, Erik spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Nathaniel...there are a lot of things that...I wish I could tell you. But I feel that doing so would jeopardize you even further."
"Erik, you know I'm not worried about all that crap. I mean, whatever it is, I can handle it."
Erik let out a tight laugh. "How quickly you promise yourself to something you know nothing of."
Nate wished he could see Erik right now. He wished he could turn around and look him in the eyes. But it wouldn't matter anyways, because they were in complete darkness.
"I don't need to know. You've been telling me to trust you this whole time, right? Well, I do. Finally. I trust you. But this can't be one sided. You need to trust me to and tell me what the hell is going on. Because honestly, Erik, everything else in my life right now is just...a mess. I need to know I'm not fucking up by trusting you just to find out things haven't been mutual."
A heavy silence passed between them, neither one moving. Finally, Erik slid his hands off of Nate's shoulders, leaving a tingly trail down Nate's back before standing up. Nate followed suit, turning to face where he knew Erik was standing.
"Very well...this isn't the place to discuss such matters, though."
Nate could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he followed Erik back down to his apartment. Finally, he was going to get some answers. Erik was actually trusting him, instead of shuffling him off to the sidelines like some troublesome child.
Coming to a sharp stop, Nate almost ran straight into Erik as he stood frozen in the doorway to his apartment.
"Erik, what-"
Before he could finish his question, Erik surged forward, breaking into a dead run. Nate followed suit, only to freeze after moving forward a few steps.
The grammar books that had once rested on Erik's bookshelf were now scattered in tattered heaps across his apartment floor. Everything else had remained untouched. But the books were shredded to shit, every single one of them.
A steely look spread across Erik's face as he dropped down to his knees, sifting through the remains. His movements were frantic, as if he was trying to comprehend the mess scattered at his knees.
Nate felt a surge of fear ripple through him as he stood in the doorway. Erik was muttering something to himself, his eyes glazed over like he was about to cry. Except he didn't. He was too busy trying to make sense of the mess.
"Erik, I-"
Erik snapped his head up, as if pulled out of whatever trance he'd been in as he met Nate's gaze. A look of realization spread across his face as he bolted up and sprinted into his bedroom.
Nate stood frozen in the doorway, paralyzed by fear. He wasn't scared, not of the person that had done this. He was scared of what he'd seen in Erik's eyes. This person, whoever it was, had finally gotten to him. Bad.
And right now, he needed to be there for him. He had no idea what was going on, or what he'd be able to do, but he sure as hell wasn't going to leave him alone after what had just happened. Erik had been there for him plenty of times. Now it was his turn to do the same.
Forcing himself forward, Nate followed Erik into the bedroom. Erik was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the only opened drawer in the dresser parallel to it. The book. There'd been a book there, Nate remembered from the time he'd gone snooping through his apartment earlier.
"Erik..."
Nate slowly approached his boyfriend, sitting down beside him and following his gaze. He had no idea what to say. Hell, he had no idea what exactly he was even dealing with here.
"The books...we can replace them."
"No..." Erik whispered, his voice flat and monotone. "They were hers."
"Your mother's?"
Erik nodded, his eyes far off and distant. Nate did the only thing he knew he could, taking Erik's hand in his and squeezing it gently.
"Erik...I'm sorry."
"It's my fault, you know."
"What?"
Erik slowly turned his head, his empty gaze meeting Nate's.
"My mother. I killed her."