She stared at him for a moment, which was apparently longer than she thought, because he turned a bit pink with what she assumed was embarrassment, looking away.
A wave of familiar, but unknown emotion rushed over her from the bond. She felt she should know what it was, and knew she had felt the same towards him, but still had no clue what it was.
"Do you think that's a good idea? What if I lose control and I burn everyone?"
"It's not going to happen. Don't focus on that. We're just going to go and have fun. Severus could come too. You have money now that you have the vault, and I can always pay. Anything to get back at my parents, right?" Ruby found herself nodding, a smile forming.
"Yeah. Okay."
"Great!" He grinned. "When's a good time to go to Hogsmeade?"
"This weekend?" She honestly didn't know when Hogsmeade trips were. It hadn't been an option, even in the short time she'd been at Hogwarts.
"Yeah." He nodded. "We can leave right after breakfast this Saturday." She grinned, before standing up from the table.
"Sounds good. I need to get to class, Theus. I'll see you later?" He nodded, standing up. She found Severus a few minutes later on the way to class. Thankfully, while they didn't have the same classes for this period, they were going in the same direction. "Theus had an idea," she started.
"What is it?" He asked suspiciously.
"He said we should go to the Halloween party."
"No." He immediately shot down the idea.
"Why not?" She asked, puzzled.
"You can't date him, of all people." He hissed. Her eyebrows furrowed.
"Date?"
"Like going out? As a couple?"
"No." She shook her head. "He said it would take my mind off the fire and my magic."
"Did he say as friends?" He asked, eyes narrowed. He hadn't, actually. Did he mean as friends? Would there even be more? Could they even be more? What was more? Sev let out a long sigh as she puzzled over it, only coming up empty.
"So you'll come? We're going to Hogsmeade on Saturday to get costumes."
"We as in you and him, or as in the three of us?"
"The three of us?" Now that she thought about it, she honestly wasn't sure. But she didn't understand why Severus couldn't come too.
"That works then. You have the money you took out from Gringotts?" Ruby nodded.
"It's in my trunk." She paused for a moment. "What are Halloween parties even like?" He shrugged. He didn't know either.
"I guess we'll have to see."
The upcoming party was definitely distracting enough. Ruby had asked Narcissa about the party, which had, sadly, devolved in a long, late-night conversation, in which Ruby accidentally let slip who she was going with.
Narcissa had gaped at her for an entire two seconds, before leaping up excitedly.
"I KNEW IT!!!"
"As friends!" Ruby exclaimed. Why was that distinction so important? Was it as friends? She didn't know, didn't know why everyone seemed so fixated on a small detail, still didn't know what more there could be but kind of wanted whatever it was, felt she should know...
"Right." Narcissa frowned skeptically at her, before shrugging, as if deciding that it didn't matter what Ruby thought. "I'm sure that it's just as friends. So what are you planning to go as?" Ruby had no clue.
Saturday drew nearer at a rapid pace, Ruby's excitement overriding any anger or stress enough to keep her magic at bay, although no one expected it to last.
Wren had somehow been roped into going, and Ruby couldn't remember if Sirius had suggested it or if she had. This lead to Jana joining the group, likely purely out of spite. Then the other Marauders were somehow added, as well as Narcissa, Amaris and Regulus.
The large group of Slytherins and Gryffindors was an eyesore by the end of the hour, and they split into pairs. How Jana was paired with Remus, Ruby didn't know, but guessed it had been of the pureblood's own volition.
She and Sirius walked happily through the streets, warm despite the chill that signaled an early winter. They began at Honeydukes, Sirius insisting that she try as many kinds of candy as she could.
She laughed through a mouthful of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans as she watched Sirius try to toss a small bag of Pink Coconut Ice into his already fully-laden arm.
By the time they actually made it to the cash register, Ruby had convinced him to put most of the candy back, insisting she could try it another time, secretly knowing she would avoid a return to the shop any time soon. She did not have his sweet tooth, and while she did not mind candy and other desserts, she did not want them in large quantities.
So, with the remaining armful of sweets, they perused shops and shops of Halloween costumes, finally settling on a pair of matching archer costumes. The costumes would be delivered to their dorms within a few days.
"Do you want to go to the Three Broomsticks?" He asked, handing her a chocoball before tossing one into his mouth.
"Sure." She said, accepting the chocolate before sneakily slipping it into her pocket when he wasn't looking, having had enough candy for the day.
They sat side by side in a booth, each with a warm mug of butterbeer in their hands. Ruby felt her eyes drooping as the exhaustion of shopping crashed over her. She fell asleep quickly, waking as they were joined by the others, first Sev and Wren, then Amaris and Regulus and then the Marauders, Narcissa, and Jana.
"I miss Neverland." She mumbled as she sat in the window of the Gryffindor common room. She jerked up when a voice spoke up.
"Do you wish you could live there?" Why was Wren in the Gryffindor common room? How did she even get in?
"It feels safe." She said, not an answer, but still an admission. Of course she wished she could, but if felt wrong to want it. When she was around Neverland's residents, she felt she could be honest about her love for their home.
"Safe?" Whether Wren didn't understand, or simply wanted her to clarify, Ruby didn't know.
"It feels like I'm normal there, and I can't hurt anyone unless I really want to. I feel like I can control it when I'm there."
"You could live in Neverland, you know. Dad wouldn't mind, I don't think."
"I couldn't leave Sev and Theus though, and they would never want to live there."
"Well, then what if we just spend the nights there? The magic will help you sleep and you'll have more control if it's not constantly stressing you."
"Are you still fighting with Jana about my magic?" Ruby found herself asking, knowing this was likely an attempt to undermine the argument and win.
"This is about you." Wren insisted. "Our fight doesn't matter if you can't feel safe with your own magic. I'm just trying to help you."
"Would Pan be okay with me spending the nights in Neverland?"
"I'll get him to agree. You ready?" Ruby nearly pointed out that Wren had yet to receive Pan's permission for her presence on the island, but her magic craved its kin, and she kept silent, taking Wren's hand and stepping through the portal.
It wasn't quite dark yet in Neverland, so different from the sky at Hogwarts which already shone brightly with a million stars. The fire was still alight, the Lost Boys still dancing around to the wild, soothing music played on Pan's pipe.
Wren dragged her towards the fire, speaking in low tones with her father for a moment before skipping back.
"He said it's fine. Come on." Ruby had much less hesitation stepping into the magical dance around the fire, spinning and moving with the others, letting the music and movements lull her to sleep until she stumbled from the circle to find her bed.
Her red and gold magic was alight with power when she woke, surprised to see Pan crouched a few feet away, carving a block of wood.
"Thanks for letting me stay here." She said as she stood.
"Wren tells me you can't control your magic." She nodded, almost ashamed at the admission. "You don't seem to have any trouble with it here."
"Neverland feels safer. It's easy to control my magic when I'm here."
"You're not controlling your magic when you're here." Ruby didn't meet his piercing gaze, watching instead as his magic collided with hers for a moment, before hers receded, almost threatened.
"What?"
"Magic isn't meant to be controlled. You live alongside it. It's almost a separate entity. Let it have its freedom."
"When it's free, it burns things and tries to hurt people."
"Then it has obviously decided those people and places are a threat. Magic wasn't made for other worlds. They only want to control it. It belongs in Neverland, where everyone, including magic, is free."
"What if I can't be free from the other world?"
"Freedom is almost always a choice."
But as Ruby stepped through the portal, back to Hogwarts, she doubted she could ever return to Neverland. And that might not be so horrible after all.
The Halloween party was just around the corner, with excited whispers filling the halls as people gossiped about who had asked whom, and who was going with whom. Friends planned matching costumes, exchanging spells to change their appearances, or to make their costumes more realistic or vibrant.
The night arrived before Ruby was ready, but time wouldn't wait a moment for her to catch her breath. Instead, she allowed herself to be pulled into the bathroom with her friends.
Narcissa was dressed as a ghost, spells making her unnaturally pale, and transparent. Jana's costume was stunning, if a bit revealing. It seemed to be a moth, but the body of her costume was a high-cut, sleeveless black leotard.
Ruby pulled on the white medieval shirt which fell to mid-thigh but fell off her shoulders, and the dark brown leggings. The brown leather corset was difficult to put on, and Ruby couldn't really help, leaving Narcissa and Jana to squeeze the life out of her when they tightened it. Then she pulled on the forest green cape, letting the hood fall back to style her hair.
At her own insistence, the ebony hair was pulled into a ponytail before it was curled, so it couldn't spill all over the place and get in the way, much to her friend's chagrin.
They added some light makeup, which make Ruby's eyes seem larger than they actually were, she noted.
"Jana!" Amaris hissed when she saw the costume.
"Think he'll like it?" She smirked.
"He's gonna turn into a tomato." The werewolf deadpanned. "You look stunning by the way, Ruby."
"Thanks. You too." Amaris was dressed in the highly untactful costume of a werewolf. Ruby wondered if the golden eyes were merely a spell or Amaris's actual wolf eyes.
Regulus was dressed as a muggle version of wizards, along with Rabastan, Avery, and Mulciber. They seemed to have each picked a different color, but still matching almost identically. Regulus wore green, Avery had blue, Mulciber had yellow, and Rabastan had bright, horrifying, hot pink. Ruby wasn't going to question it.
Severus was wearing the dragon costume he'd shown Ruby before he got it. Wren was nowhere in sight, but maybe she'd gone ahead.
"You ready?" He asked as the group moved towards the Great Hall.
Her palms were sweaty, her heart was beating fast enough where she could feel it pounding, and her hands felt a bit too warm.
"Yeah. You?"
"I think so."
The Great Hall was different, with the tables gone to make a dance floor, tables lining the walls instead, covered in foods of every kind.
It took a long nerve-wracking moment to locate anyone she knew in the crowd as they dispersed, but she caught sight of Sirius, who was moving towards her.
"Hi. You look wonderful." His costume matched hers, a pair the shop owner had suggested. His green hood was up, hiding his hair from view. He looked wonderful too.
"You too." She told him, taking his arm and leading him away from the thick of the crowd, clenching her other hand in a tight fist to hide the smallest flicker. It disappeared a moment later, deprived of oxygen.
She was just going to have fun, and forget the fire for the evening.
She counted in her head as she danced, mostly with Sirius, but she danced a few with Sev, and a few with her other friends.
1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. Forward, Over, Right, Back, Left. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. Forward, Over, Right, Back, Left.
It was fine.
She was fine.
Everything was fine, at least in the moment.
She was happy.
"Theus?" She asked, letting go of the counting for a moment.
"Yeah?"
"Are we here as just friends? Or, um...more?"
"It's up to you." He shrugged. "Which would you prefer?" This was definitely not supposed to be entirely up to her.
"I... don't know what more means, really." She admitted quietly, eyes meeting his.
"Right." He nodded, not surprised, almost as if he had expected as much. "It's a relationship. Friends, but with love, and sometimes kissing, sometimes more than that. It's different for everyone else. Not love like you have for Severus, but more like... Narcissa and Malfoy have. They're going to get married once she graduates."
"Oh." She felt rather warm, but not in the terrifying way that entails magic fire. It was something happier, softer.
"You can think about it for a while. Let me know when you decide." She nodded.
A/N I'M SORRYYYYYY!!!!! Here's a chapter, and I'll try to update sooner next time. Have a chapter of pure filler that kind of moves the plot along anyway.
I am alive, and I guess semi-mentally healthy? I have stabilized, not up or down, just kind of there, so I guess that's good.
It's been like six months since I've updated. Well, I have poor time management skills and nothing to say for myself.
The fact that so many people are actually reading this is mind-blowing. You guys have also commented a lot, which inspires me soooooo much. Thank you so much to everyone for everything you've done (reading, voting, and commenting, and just being here) and that no one was mad enough about me not updating to tell me.
P.S. I have an BNHA fanfiction I update more frequently (still not that often). Would anyone be interested in reading it? It's fine if you're not. anime's not for everyone.