Hinata's POV
I can't believe it. I...told him. Maybe he's too dumb and won't realize that I actually have feelings for him? Maybe he'll just think I was trying to make him jealous as a sort of "fighting" thing? I'm scared...no - terrified. Like I've just been caught doing something bad red-handed. Please be stupid and don't realize it. Please, please be dumb! I don't want him to know. I want to stay friends. I don't want to gross him out.
"I- you did all this...to see how I'd react?! Are you stupid? Trying to start a fight because you think you're so high and mighty? Huh? Well, guess what! Two can play that game! Just wait and see! Starting tomorrow, I'm not tossing to you unless necessary!" Kageyama yelled, scrunching his eyes. He was beyond mad...but thankfully he didn't figure it out. It made me wonder though. What Tsukki had said. Did he...actually like me? Or was that just Tsukki being the "King of Salt"?
Ugh! I wish I could read his mind sometimes. It's hard to understand what he's thinking, because he always has this annoyed face. That or he usually just looks calm-
"Wait, what? You're not tossing to me anymore? What about our quick attack? We need to work on it to improve it and make it better!" The realization struck me like a bullet. He wasn't going to toss to me anymore. Ever? Why? Because I pulled a stupid stunt? Because I wanted to see if Kageyama actually liked me back? This is stupid! I did all this and I still don't know if the volleyball idiot even likes me or not. This all just ended in me becoming a random girls boyfriend, a broken heart, a failed attempt at trying to see Kageyama's true feelings, and now I'm going to be stripped away the privileges of spiking Kageyama's sets. Great.
Seriously though. What's the big deal? I thought he liked me? Shouldn't he be...well...happy that it turns out I like him back? Or- oh...wait. I never really told him I liked him, did I? No...so I guess it's my fault? Do I really want to tell him though? I mean, Tsukki explained everything to me in great detail, so I know he - maybe - likes me. Why'd he go to Tsukki for advice though? That's weird... anyway! I'm going to tell him! It's time I finally just took all my bottled up feelings, opened the cap, and let it pour out all over Kageyama. It's been...what...a year since I started liking him?
"Kageyama! I did it because I wanted to see if you liked me back! But...now I know...maybe... - thanks to Tsukki - that you actually do like me! When he told me, I almost squealed in excitement," I clutched my shirt, feeling the pressure of finally telling him get to me. I was scared, but also weirdly relieved. I opened my mouth to continue, but my throat felt too dry. I felt like coughing. I looked away from Kageyama, feeling his gaze pierce into me. His big, beautiful blue eyes were watching my every move. Like a crow stalking its prey. Waiting for it's next move. Waiting to scoop it up and carry it home. Waiting...to devour it. I shivered, but kept going.
"I wanted to tell you sooner...under the blossom tree. I wanted to let you know how I felt, but...I was afraid. I was afraid you didn't like me back, so I thought that if I were to get a girlfriend and tell you about it, I could see how you reacted and determined whether or not you liked me. But, now I'm realizing all the damage I've done. My emotions got the best of me, and I didn't even know what I was doing. All of this was for nothing. Now I have to tell this poor girl I never really liked her. Now you hate me. Now you won't toss to me. Now...now I feel like a failure," I felt tears trickle down my face. Like small streams of water.
I looked up to see Kageyama's face. He looked unimpressed. This is what I feared. Maybe he didn't like me back? Maybe Tsukki was lying? I held my breath, waiting for Kageyama's response. I wanted to run away and forget everything. I wanted to run and hide somewhere to cry, but my legs weren't moving. I couldn't move. Out of fear? No. It was because I was genuinely curious as to see what Kageyama's answer was. Did he like me back? Does he officially hate me? Is he going to reject or accept me? The suspense of the matter was killing me. It was like a dramatic romance movie, where the protagonist spills their feelings out and the lover accepts and they have a happily ever after...
...except, I don't think we're going to have a happily ever after...
...what if he rejects me and tells everyone about my gross, messed up feelings...?
...what if everyone gets grossed out about me and kicks me from the volleyball team...?
...what if-
"Why?"
I looked up to see Kageyama crying. Again. Why was he so emotional today? Well, I guess I did mess with his feelings a bit. I'd be sad too.
"Answer me!" He yelled. His stern voice shook inside my chest.
"A-answer...answer what?" I asked, scared shitless.
He looked down at his feet before turning around again to look out the window of the nurses office.
"Why do you like me?" His voice was calm, but it had a bitter side to it. I could sense his pain. He thought I was lying.
"I- because...I don't fully understand my feelings yet. So...how would I know why I like you. Just...every time I'm around you...every time I think or look at you, my heart races at 100 miles per hour. Every time you smile at me...even if it is kind of creepy..., or congratulate me, it makes me feel high on some weird ecstasy. You make me feel happy. Even when you're mad at me," I felt...happy telling him how I felt. I could finally get the words out. I could finally stop feeling so guilty. Hopefully.
"I just want to be happy. With you. I want you to be happy. With me. Is that too much to ask for? Can I not have what I want? Even if it sounds selfish! I just want to cuddle you! I want to be there when you're sad! When you're mad or grumpy! Can't you understand that? Can't you just...just tell me how you truly feel? Please...?" The tears spilled out of my eyes even more now. I felt snot slowly drip out of my nose, and my throat got stuffy and plugged. I just needed an answer.
"I want to know if what Tsukki said was true!" I cried out, voice cracking.
"It wasn't," Kageyama looked down at his feet, avoiding contact with me.
"I don't believe you. Why would Tsukki waste his time and-"
"I don't like you! I never did! Now leave me alone, you stupid, idiotic, orange haired freak! Who would ever like you!" Kageyama gaze fell onto me. He was shaking with rage. His eyes were glossy, so he must want to cry right now.
"I- how could you say that?" It hurt. What he said really hurt me. Worse than he probably thinks. I thought...
"I got enough courage to finally tell you how I feel, and you say this? You could have just rejected me a lot nicer, you know! That...that hurt really bad!" I began sobbing. Ugh, I really am sort of pathetic. I couldn't even control it. The tears just poured out and my throat opened up as I let out a stifled sob. A heart aching sob. I watched as Kageyama's eyes shifted. He looked...upset?
"I- listen. I'm...how do I say this? I'm...I didn't mean what I said. I'm just...trying to process what you just said to me. I'm...Please forgive me. I'm sorry, Hinata," Kageyama sighed, walking over to give me a hug. Apart of me wanted to push him away and continue being mad at him, but I knew I'd probably never get another chance to hug him again, so I knew to cherish this moment before it took the chance to fly away. Before I could never grasp the feeling of his chest against my face again.
Before I could ever catch the light of his eyes. Catch the small smirk in the corner of his lip. Catch the feeling of his lips pressed against mine...wait what? His lips pressed against mine? Are we- are we really?
"I'm sorry. I should have asked. I'm just...I'm just sort of - happy!" Kageyama stepped a few feet away from me, before he plastered a huge smile on his face. It took me a minute to process what had just happened. He kissed me! He actually kissed me? Oh, my God! I jumped up, pumping my fists into the air as I let out a happy laugh. My smile replaced the sad tears dripping down my face, making them seem like happy tears. Kageyama laughed. So, it turned out amazing! Oh...but how was I supposed to deal with Mikki? I can worry about that later though.
I pulled Kageyama into a sloppy kiss. The moment of ecstasy was ruined, however, by none other than Tsukishima Kei. He walked in, expression slightly shocked, slightly mad. He scoffed, pushing his glasses up.
"Bad time? Oh, well. I don't care. I told you idiots to get to the gym! Now Daichi is mad and is yelling at me because you idiots didn't listen to me! I hope it was worth it, which I'm guessing you two idiots are probably going to say 'yes', because you're both finally dating. Ew. The freak duo; two crazy bastards who are now officially partners," I could see a small smirk appear on Tsukki face. Why?
"Well, we aren't dating...yet," Kageyama shrugged, leaving Tsukki's jaw dropped.
"You two aren't dating, but you're making out with eachother? I'd say that's a sign you're dating. Now, hurry up and go to the gym," Tsukki rolled his eyes. Just as he was about to leave, he turned around and said, "I don't know how long you two are going to be able to keep it a secret, but good luck". And with that, he left. So...was he on...our side? Was he...rooting for us? Waiting for us to confess? Was he...happy we did? I didn't know Tsukki had that side to him. Kind of nice, not going to lie. It was refreshing.
As me and Kageyama walked to the gym, I felt Kageyama's hand brush against mine. He was trying to hold my hand. I snickered and teased him, before grasping his hand. I squeezed it, brung it up to my mouth, and kissed it. Yes, I just kissed Kageyama's hand. Was I embarrassed? A little bit, but that's because I felt like we were moving a little too fast, but I liked it. I liked the warmth of his hand in mine. I liked the way he tried to hide the smile that was on his face. I like everything about him. I still felt guilty for what I'm going to have to tell Mikki. She really did like me. I just hope she understands...
"Shōyō...?"
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Authors Note
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(This chapter has been heavily edited and the mature scene was taken out due to the author not really liking it)
Aah! I finally finished this one. The story's just getting good! Soo, stick around a little longer?
I'm super sorry I haven't been updating it as much. Schools a pain.
Anyway, thank you for reading! I'll try and update sooner~❤