Your daughter had gotten horribly sick that week. The small child had a fever that refused to break along with constant vomiting, which meant you ended up in the emergency room. The blindingly white walls and sickness of everyone who surrounded you put you on edge.
Having a sick child was incredibly stressful. You had called Spencer various times but had only managed to reach his voicemail. You cried as you laid next to your daughter, feeling hopeless as you watched the medication put her to sleep. Her small chest rose and fell as her pain finally subsided.
You still couldn't get a hold of Spencer when the two of you had arrived home. You immediately put your daughter to bed to rest her exhausted body. With a kiss on her forehead, you left her to sleep.
You were exhausted. You were tired of continually being alone. You knew Spencer's job was demanding. He had told you that when they two of you had first started dating, but it hadn't been a problem then. You would simply find something to entertain yourself with when he was gone. You joined a yoga class, went out for a stroll, visited the library, and read countless books. Spencer would return, and you would run into his arms overjoyed at seeing the man of your dreams again.
Things were different now. They were much more complicated. You had a daughter to take care of. You had always dreamed of being a mother, having a little mini version of yourself to chase after. But your dreams had always included a loving husband, someone who would be right by your side as you watched your children grow.
That seemed impossible when the man of your dreams was an FBI agent. Spencer had nearly missed the birth of his own daughter. You had phoned him as soon as you felt contractions but were unable to get through. So instead, you had reached out to Penelope, who immediately called everyone on the team. It was JJ who had picked up the phone and went on to inform Spencer that you had gone into labor. He arrived just before you began pushing, your sweet angel coming in a matter of minutes.
That was the one thing Spencer was actually around for. He had missed her first steps and her first words, which had unsurprisingly been "mama," considering you were the constant parent in her life.
It wasn't to say Spencer was a bad father. He adored her. But it always seemed like he was only around for the good days and not the bad. He was never around for the constant crying or the sicknesses, which put extra pressure on you. You were meant to be a team, and instead, it felt as though he always left you to fend for yourself.
You heard the door swing open as Spencer finally arrived home. You sat motionless on the couch, your usual feelings of joy at his arrival dimmed by the stressful day you had.
"Hey," Spencer greeted as he bent down to kiss your head. You immediately pulled away from his touch, causing him to frown. "Is something wrong?"
"You didn't answer your phone," you replied bluntly as he threw his satchel down.
"The town we were in didn't have service," he replied with a frown. "Did something happen?"
"I had to take Chelsea to the emergency room," you replied emotionlessly. "Her fever wouldn't break."
Spencer looked toward the hall, his eyes landing on his daughter's room with concern.
"Is she okay?" He asked softly.
"She is now," you replied. "We need to talk, Spencer."
Spencer studied your face as you spoke. The usual sparkle in your eyes was gone, replaced with a look of contempt. He frowned as he looked at your posture, the way you folded your arms across your chest, and the rigid way you sat.
"Don't," he begged, already knowing what was coming. He had spoken to Morgan the last time this had happened, and his friend had warned him that he needed to be more attentive. He warned him that a woman like you was capable of taking care of herself and moving on if she didn't receive the support she needed.
"Kid. She's a strong girl. If you think there won't be other guys out there willing to make it work with her, you're out of your mind. Don't let this job screw up the best thing in your life."
It was apparent that he had not taken his advice as he continued to miss every milestone his daughter accomplished, along with every hardship. It broke his heart, but only now did he realize how badly it shattered yours.
"I can't keep doing this. I need someone who will be here, Spencer," you replied as you stood, unable to sit still.
"I'm here now," he replied as he took a step forward. You shook your head, taking a step away from him and putting distance between you.
"You're never here when it matters. She was sick! I didn't know what to do!"
"You did the right thing taking her to the emergency room," Spencer assured as he desperately looked at you.
"It wasn't something I was supposed to do alone," you spat back harshly.
"What did you expect me to do?!" Spencer asked incredulously. "I was in another state! What could I have possibly done!"
"You could have come home! That's what parents do when their children are sick!" You exclaimed.
"How would having me there make any difference? She would be treated with or without me," Spencer replied with a scowl.
"It's called emotional support, Spencer," you replied with a scoff. You were at your breaking point. You had given Spencer chance after chance to prove that he would be a better father, to be a better husband.
"I have to go," you said as you sped toward the door, the turmoil of your emotions fueling your anger at having put up with such an unhealthy situation for so long. Spencer immediately ran after you, grabbing your arm and pulling you to a halt.
"We can talk about this. Please, we can fix it," he pleaded as his hands grabbed your face in desperation. He couldn't lose you. Not now. Not ever.
You pushed his hands away forcefully as you grabbed your coat and bag.
"Don't you dare follow me," you growled as you slipped your shoes on.
"Where are you going? It's late!" He exclaimed as he looked at the clock.
"I just need to be alone. Why don't you understand that?" You replied with a frustrated sigh. You needed time to think. You needed to figure out what was better for you, what was best for your daughter. "Take care of her while I'm gone."
"No, you can't leave," Spencer said frantically as you opened the door. He would follow you. You knew he would.
"For once in your life, be there for your daughter!" You yelled angrily as your chest heaved in frustration. Spencer stood frozen at your outburst, never having seen you react so furiously. You took a step back, unable to meet his gaze before storming out of the apartment.
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"Something on your mind, sweetheart?" The waitress asked as you stared blankly at the food in front of you. You sighed deeply before turning to look at the woman.
"Long day, I suppose," you replied as you forced a smile. The woman nodded in understanding.
"Why don't I bring you a milkshake? On the house," she said with a smile as she walked back to the kitchen. You sighed deeply as you slumped in the small booth completely defeated.
"Y/N?"
You looked up to see the sweet face of one of the kindest women you knew. It almost came as a relief to not have to sit in silence.
"Hey JJ," you replied as she took a seat across from you. "What brings you here?"
"Picking up some food before heading home. Will and Henry ate through the whole fridge while we were gone," she laughed. You nodded, only a hint of a smile gracing your features. She frowned as she noticed the redness in your eyes, a result of crying.
"Is something wrong?" She asked softly.
"How do you do it? How do you have a child and be constantly away?" You asked. There was no hate or judgment behind your question. Only a defeated tone let JJ know precisely what was going on without you having to say it.
"It's...hard. I missed a lot of Henry's milestones because of my job. But I love him and coming home to him, and Will, are what helps me through the days."
You nodded. JJ had proved to be a wonderful mother, and you had always admired her for it.
"Spencer loves you, and he loves your little girl so much," JJ said as she placed a hand on top of yours. "You should see him. I can't tell you how many times I've caught him staring at photos of you two on his phone. He's so proud of the both of you."
"It's just hard when he's never home," you replied quietly.
"Spencer has always been a workaholic. But I'm sure he'll understand that he needs to spend more time with his family. You just need to tell him," she replied with an encouraging smile. "And I mean to tell him straight out. You know how bad he is at understanding subtle hints."
You laughed, an actual genuine sound at her words. She smiled brightly at the fact your sad demeanor seemed to be breaking.
"Yeah. That's why it took us so long to start dating in the first place," you replied with a chuckle.
The waitress arrived at the table as she brought over a bag containing JJ's to-go order and your milkshake. You smiled at the blonde as she stood and gave you a tight hug.
"Thanks, JJ," you said as you returned her embrace.
"Anytime," she replied with a warm smile before she disappeared out the door.
You sighed deeply as you turned back to the food in front of you, picking up your fork as your appetite slowly returned.
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Spencer was already in bed when you arrived home. You slowly stripped off your clothing before climbing under the covers. He held his eyes closed, feigning sleep as you adjusted yourself. He let out a quiet sigh of relief that you had returned. He had worried that you had left for good, that you abandoned both him and his daughter. He felt silly for thinking that when he had first heard you enter. You would never have done that to the poor girl.
He felt his heart swell as you curled into his side, throwing an arm across his chest. His eyes threatened to overflow with tears at the fact that after all he had done, you still came home to be in his arms. He moved his arm to wrap around you tightly, momentarily forgetting that he was supposed to be sound asleep.
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"You're supposed to be at work," you said as you stood in the kitchen's doorway, lazily rubbing your eyes. Spencer smiled at your sleepiness as he flipped pancakes on the stove with your daughter on his hip. The young child watched with excitement as the pancake flipped in the air before landing back in the pan.
"Nope," Spencer replied as he turned the stove off and carried the plate of towering breakfast to the table. "I called Hotch and told him I needed to take my vacation days."
"Really?" You asked in happy disbelief as you sat down. He handed you your daughter before turning to retrieve butter and syrup for your meal.
"Would I lie to you?" He asked with a smile. You grinned, kissing the top of your daughter's head as she sat in your lap.
"How long?" You asked as you distributed the pancakes he had made onto plates.
"A month."
"A month?!" You exclaimed in surprise. Spencer never really took more than a week off, his desire to constantly work, pushing him to rush back to the BAU.
"I have a lot of vacation days saved up. This is only part of them," he replied with a small smile as he took a seat next to you. He took a moment to look at his two favorite girls, both still in pajamas with unruly bed hair, and committed the image to memory.
"Things are going to change. I promise." He spoke sincerely, his eyes shining with the hope that you'd believe him. You stared back silently before you grinned and gave him a tender kiss. He reveled in the feel of your lips against his.
"What are we going to do for an entire month?" You asked as Spencer took his daughter from your arms, allowing you to eat freely. He attacked the young girl's face with kisses, causing her cute giggles to fill the room.
"Whatever you want to do. I'm all yours," he replied happily. You nodded, a mischievous smile on your face.
"Now, that's an answer I can get used to."