R.I.P Chadwick. You inspired us young black princes and princesses to strive for Kings and Queens. Your legacy and impact will never be lived down. You fought and gave us several of your best bodies of work and for your hard work, resilience and determination we really show our appreciating for you and your love for your craft. Gone but won't ever be forgotten. Wakanda Forever! *T'Challa voice*
Chapter 45 – Bittersweet
Christopher Brown | October 4th 2020 | Tappahannock, VA
"Wha—" I jumped awake from my sleep feeling the vibrations from my phone. I sighed deeply then picked it up seeing a FaceTime request from my mother. I swiped the green answer button then yawned.
"Morning baby." She greeted. "Morning ma, wassup?" I wiped the sleep from my eyes then sat upright in the bed.
"Just calling to remind you that your sister gets into Richmond in about an hour and a half so you gotta pick them up." I nodded my head. "How long is she staying again?" I asked her. My mother planned this whole dinner for my dad to celebrate him having a successful surgery. He had a few more treatments and therapy to go through but I'm grateful he's still here standing strong.
"She's staying the week and my grandchildren gonna be there as well." Another yawn escaped my mouth. "What time did you go to sleep Chris?" She asked, worry on her face. "An hour ago. I've been up for more than 30 hours handling work stuff." I could feel the heaviness in my eyes and my hand was literally trembling while holding my phone.
"Baby you need sleep. If you continue to work yourself out like that you can catch a stroke and I don't need you sick right now." I nodded my head. "I know mama. How's daddy doing?" I quickly changed the subject. If it was up to me, she's keep talking about it and I didn't want her to worry about me.
"He's doing good. He's regaining his strength so he'd be back to his old self fully in no time." I smiled hearing that update about him. "Ohh and before you do have you heard anything about Royalty?"
Royalty was supposed to fly in along with my sister but Nia was throwing a fit about her flying with someone she doesn't know or trust. I understood what she was saying but I wouldn't make a suggestion about that if I didn't trust my sister. Sometimes she makes it seem like I'm incompetent of protecting my own child and I'm not. I've been talking care of her since the day she was born. The house she lives in I pay the mortgage and a fraction of the bills so she needs to humble herself. I have nothing against Nia but she can be a real bitch sometimes and I just pray she figures out her shit real soon.
"Whatever you got going on with Nia y'all need to sort it out. Y'all not finna make this petty stuff prevent my grandbaby from getting to know her family." You could even tell that my mother was also feeling some way about all this nonsense.
"Ma you know I try to reason with her. I offered to let them use the jet but Nia said she doesn't want my pity. What the hell does that even meant?" I really don't know what has gotten into Nia but it's getting out of hand. "I offered to buy their tickets and she hung up on me. I know I haven't done anything direct to hurt her so if she's holding something over my head then she needs to talk to God. I don't have time for this drama. Work is already stressing me out enough and I'm already worrying 'bout Beyoncé and this baby and that's all I need on my plate right now."
I'm overwhelmed right now but it was nothing that I couldn't be able to handle.
"I'll talk to her when she gets here then I'll let you two talk. Sometimes is bothering that girl and we're going to find out what it is."
We said out goodbyes and I dropped my phone on my lap. I was tired as hell but I had no time to rest. I had things to get done or else no one will do them for me.
>>>
Lyrtell and her children are finally here along with my mother and a few other family members who are helping to cook for the dinner. I'm not sure if I was to pick up Nia and Royalty from the airport. I don't even know what airport she's coming into, the landing time or the terminal. She hasn't been returning any of my calls nor texts and at this point I'm tired of the one sided communication with her. I'm too tired to even think about what could possibly be going through that Latina skull of hers.
I closed my door and walked to my bed. I kicked off my shoes and plopped down face first into the plush mattress. I got myself comfortable and just as I'm about to close my eyes there's knocking at my bedroom door.
"Chris you got a minute?" I sighed, it was Darren and the sound of his voice was very uneasy. "C'mon in Dar!" I shouted so he could hear me.
The door pushed open and he entered. He closed the door then walked over to the chair I had in the corner. "Wassup?" I asked him turning on my side to face him.
"It's about Myles..."
Why they always coming to me for relationship advice when I'm too fucked up to even love a girl the way she should be?
"So we're dating? I don't know! I like him I do but I'm not sure if he can even give me what I need—"
"DARREN!" He jumped from the sound of my voice. "Slow down bro. You running a race or sum'?" I asked him.
"Sorry..." He shyly chuckled. "I really wanna be with him but I don't know if he's ready. He'd make lowkey remarks then say something completely different and that confuses me! Like the other day we were at lunch and he called me his 'boy' but later that day he gives a completely different energy and that's stressing me out." He started to crack his knuckles and I knew whatever they had going on between then was starting to get to him.
"Look men are confusing especially when we are shown love we're not accustomed of getting from someone we're feeling. He's scared 'cause he never felt this way about a guy before so he's still trying to figure himself out. Myles lost himself for a long time and you're the first one I've known to actually spark something in him again so just be patient." I rubbed my eyes then blinked. I didn't wanna fall asleep on him when he came to me to help him solve his problem.
"But what should I about the mix signals?"
"Just confront him about them. Ask him what does he mean and where's his head at. Once you upfront with him you'll be good. He doesn't like secrecy nor does he like to be played." I think what I have told him was enough for him to know what to do next.
I watched as his mouth started to move too fast for the movement of his lips and I didn't even understand a word he was saying.
"DARREN! STOP TALKING!" He quickly shut his mouth and gave me a very awkward look. "You need to stop being afraid to go after what you want. Do this shit and you'll see how much better your mental will be." I turned away from him and got back in my sleeping position. One leg up while my hands are under the pillow my head was resting on.
"Get the fuck out.
>>>
"Chris." I could feel my body shaking and I groaned. "Go away." I turned on my side snuggling into the pillows.
"Daddy!" I felt the air leaving my lungs and I started to cough. I looked down on my chest to see an overly energetic Royalty. She was staring me in the eyes with all her teeth on display. "Hey baby girl." I smiled looking at her beautiful face.
"I missed you so much." I leaned up and placed a kiss on her tiny nose. "I missed you more daddy!" My smile grew as I listen to her words. My daughter is my everything and I'd do anything to keep her happy.
"Come on Roro. Let's leave daddy to get washed up so he can eat dinner." My mother picked her up and they headed for the door. She looked over her shoulder and gave me a wave. I waved back sliding to the foot of the bed.
I did a quick but thorough freshen up and made my way downstairs. I could hear the battering of metal to hard clay and chatter roared through my house. I walked into the dining room and everyone turned their head to face me.
"You don't look like shit anymore!" My dad shouted causing everyone to laugh. "Ha ha old man." I sat in the chair next which was not surprising to be next to Nia. I looked at her then scanned the table until my eyes landed on my sister. She rolled her eyes then sipped her drink. I chuckled at her antics.
"What's so funny?" I ignored Nia's question and focus my attention on the place mat in front of me. I really didn't have much to talk to her about and I was setting the pace for our relationship right now. Unless it's about Royalty I have nothing to communicate with her about.
"Here you go." I looked up seeing Manuel. "Aye! Wassup Manni!?" I patted his leg and he just laughed. "I'm good man." He also placed my drink on the table and I started to eat along with everyone else.
"So Chris..." I looked in the direction of my Aunt Pam. "Hey aunty." I greeted with then took a sip of the punch. "I heard you got a baby on the way..." My eyes went wild and I looked over at my mother. She just kept her head down while eating her food.
"Are you serious Chris!? Another one!?" I turned my head to Nia and just stared at her. "What's your problem?" I asked her. She just looked at me then turned back to her food.
"These five hours need to hurry up so her bitter ass can go back to LA." I heard my sister mumble and the entire room got quiet. "Wait..." I tapped Nia on the shoulder. She dropped her fork then looked at me with annoyance on her face but I could care less about her feelings.
"I thought she was staying with me for a few days Nia?" She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "No. You're even lucky you're seeing her right now. After all you haven't been coming to see her when you are to." Was she really trying to knock my hustle right now?
"It's called having a job. Maybe if you'd get one I wouldn't have to be giving your ass money every month." I got up from the table and made my way into the back yard.
"He read your trifling ass!"
I sparked a joint I had in my pocket and took a long and well needed inhale of its fumes. I released it and felt my body relax. Nia was slowly pissing me off and I needed to find a place of peace before I went off on her.
I heard the door slide open then closed. I didn't bother to look back because I could see her shadow on the ground next to mine.
"If you're coming here to say that I'm incompetent to do shit for my daughter then you can get your ass back on the plane you got here on." I took another puff then released. "I haven't been nothing but respectful in the case of Royalty but you been a real bitch lately." I looked back at her and she just stared at me.
Before I knew what the hell was happening, her lips were on mind. After a very mild struggle I finally got her off of me. I wiped my mouth of her saliva.
"What the fuck bro?" I exclaimed. "Chris you knew how long I've been wanting another baby but you just throw me aside like I'm a piece of ass! This isn't fair that you giving some random bitch a baby but you can't give me one!" I looked at her like she had her growing from her chests.
"Do you fuckin' hear yo'self!? You were a piece of ass and you already had my baby so what the fuck are you sayin' bruh!? I been told you from the get go that you ain't getting shit else from me so dead that shit right na'! And you coming up in here trying make me look like I aint' a damn good father and you hella fuckin' wrong for that man! I been bustin' my ass just to make sure my daughter and family eat and you being a bitch about me having a job ain't make so sense!" I yelled at her.
"This shit is tired bruh! 'Cause I be supposedly with someone you really acting out! You do this shit everytime—sit and make shit up in your head and that ain't right! Get your shit together or else this is gonna get serious." I was about to walk away but stopped in my tracks. "And call Gisselle a bitch again and we will have serious problems." I walked back in the house and heard shuffling and furniture squeaking.
I looked down at the blunt in my hand and it was crushed up. I sighed throwing it in the barbage then made my way through the house to the stairs.
"Daddy are you okay?" I looked at my baby girl peeping over the back of the couch. "Daddy's fine baby...just gonna change real quick."
Beyoncé Knowles | Houston, TX
Getting out of the car I smelt the familiar Houston air. I haven't been back in Houston in a long time and the emotions I was feeling were real. All I could think about were my times growing up, Destiny's Child and Chris. Those were my greatest memories living here.
I quickly blinked back the tears before they could even fall. I didn't need my emotions to start getting out of control since I was only in town for a few hours then I was back to the Hamptons but not before I go and reminisce on my past just a little bit.
"Bey you coming in or what!?" Solange yelled out for me. I snapped out of my trance and started walking to the entrance of Houston's World Music Studios.
I remember when Destiny's Child would come here and record songs for our albums. The nostalgia I was feeling was real and I was just soaking it all up.
"Girl you better not start to cry. I can see them eyes getting glossy." My sister lectured me and I couldn't help myself. I wiped the tear as it rolled down my cheek. I was feeling a lot of emotions today. It was mostly the hormones but it still didn't prevent me from feeling some type of sentiment to this place.
"I can't help it! So many great memories and ideas were built here." My throat was tightening due to me holding in my cries. I had to sing and my throat being all tight wasn't good but I'm a vocalist and nothing is going to prevent me from slaying these notes as I always do.
"Ah shit! Solange what'd you do to her?" Kanye asked as soon as we walked into the studio. "Nigga don't come for me!" She bucked at him then gave him a hug. He threw his hands up then turned to me.
"Well the Queen has finally arrived! I've been waiting to do this shit for the longest!" I laughed at his excitement. "Boy we just recording a song! We ain't getting married or nothin'!"
"Oh Jesus she done got country on our asses!" Solange threw her head back laughing. "Girl you just as country as my black ass!" I pushed her in the chair then sat my bag down next to her.
"Now before we do any singing I need food 'cause I'm starving!" Everyone laughed at me but I was dead-ass. I'm eating for two now and I need as much energy I could get.
"Y'all laughing but I'm serious." I walked into the booth and put the headphones over my ears. "Let me do the layering first then I can go get my damn food."
>>>
Once the layering was done I only had the bridge and last chorus to record. I had a few different background arrangements I also wanted to test out but I'm too hungry to do that right now. I took the headphones off of my head and walked back into the sound room with everyone else.
"Bey we just layered almost 200 vocals! What the hell we finna do with those?" Kanye asked me with utter shock and confusion. "If I say we layering vocals, we gonna layer vocals. Ion care if we gotta layer then shit 2000 times, we finna do it." I set him straight. Don't question my craft because I wouldn't do that to anyone. "Now where is this damn food? I'm hungry as hell." I mumbled walking to my seat next to Solo.
"She told you." Eddie clowned Kanye.
"The food will be here in ten Bey. Calm down." Solo rubbed my arm and I rolled my eyes.
I have no idea why I was so snappy. Usually when I get my mood swings it would just be sadness or joy but agitation was a new one. Usually Chris was the one who would be angry at people. This was so unlike me.
"I really went off on him? I feel bad now." I sighed leaning back into the leather chair. "Bey you're..." She looked around to see if anyone was paying mind. "...pregnant. This like this happen and it's out of our control now calm down and relax." I nodded my head listening to her.
"How do you feel about the song?" She asked me, switching the topic. "Well you know at first I ain't like it for I Am...Sasha Fierce but I love it for my upcoming project. It fits the retro feel and just what I need."
Why Don't You Love Me was a well written song. I feel in love with it when I first heard it and I wanted to record it but it didn't quite fit the flow of my last solo project. I've been working on my own material for some time now and finally getting to do what I want to freely.
I did many genres and none of my albums have every sound the same which was an amazing thing. This time I want to focus more on the RnB feel of things. Express the hurt, pain and joy. I'm getting into a space where I want to express myself more frequently than I do and that what I'm going to do. I know few may say she's channeling Dangerously In Love but this upcoming project will be completely different. None of the songs will sound the same.
I already shot one video for this project and I'm contemplating on if I want to do another visual album but I doubt it. I'll just do through the works until I'm satisfied. I just know once this pregnancy is over I'd be back to film my movie Black is King. I am halfway through with filming since we started in July so we've covered a lot of things so far. Once that is done I'll release this project then tour. I'm still planning out the logistics of things but I'll figure it out. I always do.
There was a knocking at the door and Kanye got up and answered it. He was talking to someone then I watched as he gave the person money and I could feel the joy boiling inside of me. He stepped back then closed the door. He turned around and I watch the different Krispy Kreme bags in hands ruffle together.
"Thank you Jesus!" I got up and rushed over to him.
>>>
So I finished recording my song and now I was on my way to the airport but before I go, I decided to take a real trip down memory lane. Driving down the very familiar road everything started to feel like home. I passed the basketball coat where Chris and I spent many nights just being with each other. I looked around and Huston has changed drastically. The houses weren't the same and some of my childhood hangout spots were no more. It saddened me a bit but its life.
"What the hell..." I mumbled as I watched the demolished pallor Chris and I used to eat at. I stopped the car and got out. I spotted a man walking by and I quickly stopped him.
"Excuse me sir!" He turned to me then smiled. "Aye! The Queen of the South!" He threw up the Third Ward sign and I did the same as well. I rep my city anywhere I go.
"You know what happened to this place?" I asked him pointing to the now almost gone structure. "Oh yeah! Ole Man Johnny sold the place to some man. Ion know who he is but I know he ain't from 'round here tho'." I looked at him then back at the building. "Thanks you." I gave him a polite smile and he returned it.
I walked closer to the place and looked through one of the windows. Most of the benches and tables were gone except the one Chris and I always sat at.
August 16th 2005 | Houston, TX
"Chris what are you doing okay?" I asked him. Since we came in here he's been real quiet and I wasn't sure what to do. Usually when he gets in his moods I'd give him his space but this felt different. I reached across to grab his hand but he pulled away from me. I raised my eyebrows in suspicion at his current behavior. He never pulled away from me. It was like I broke his heart.
"Chris..." he looked up at me with gloss in his eyes. I walked around the table and sat next to him. I grabbed his hand and unlocked his closed fist. His body was trembling and I scared me.
"Ch—"
"Just hold me." His voice was soft and raspy. I pulled his head unto my shoulder and interlocked our fingers. I felt hot tears seeping through my shirt and I knew he was crying. I didn't bother to question him in this moment. I wanted him to get through this before I even ask him. I know he had a slight temper and the last thing I want is him blowing up on me.
"Bey what you staring at?" I snapped my head back to see Solo standing behind me. I looked back at the table and saw the engraving on the top.
C&B Forever
"Nothing...just thought I saw something moving." I stepped away from the window and turned to face her.
"Uhh—" I cut myself short feeling a tear rolling down my cheek. I wiped it with a confused look on my face. When the hell did I start crying? Soon more tears were leaving my eyes and I had no idea why I was crying.
"You sure you okay?" Solo asked placing her hand on my upper arm. "Ye-yeah I'm good." I patted my face dry and cleared my throat. "Let's go by the old house."