Fade in to Grif and Simmons looking straight down
Grif: "Yep, that's a hole alright."
Simmons: "That's what I told you!"
Grif: "Huh. And Sarge's body is gone."
Simmons: "Right. I think it fell through that hole in to the cavern."
Grif: "Maybe he just disappeared. Dead things do that when you bury 'em. That's part of the circle of life, you know. It's a miracle when you think about it. No reason to go randomly exploring caves which may or may not contain hundreds of evil bats, that would just be interfering with God's divine plan."
Simmons: "Okay, A, Sarge wasn't dead; B, decomposing takes months, not minutes; C, his armour would still be here; and D, shut up, you're going down there. Now."
Grif: "Why? What do we really need Sarge for anyway? All he ever did was yell at us a bunch and tell us we suck, we'll just split up his duties. You yell at me and I'll tell you you suck."
Simmons: "Shut up and get in the hole Grif!"
Grif: "You suck, Simmons. Hoho man, this new system's already workin' out great! We should have thought of this years ago."
Simmons: "Grif, don't you understand that because we lost Sister, we're horribly outnumbered. We already lost Donut and Sarge, now it's four on two. The Blues are probably gearing up for an enormous attack right now. At any moment they're gonna come over that hill, guns blazing yelling "CHAAAARGE!"."
Cut to the battleground that suddenly surrounds the Blues as Tex, Alpha, and Aur'an ruthlessly shoots at them
Church: "RETREAT!!!"
Tucker: "Aaaaaaahhhh!"
Caboose: "Running, running, running, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap."
Sister: "Who is that?"
Tucker: "That's Tex, Alpha or Alaska, and the alien named Aur'an."
Sister: "Whoah, the black and blue ones are badasses."
Caboose: (hit) "Ow."
Sister: "They're kinda hot."
The Blues take cover behind their base
Tucker: "FYI, Tex isn't a guy, she's a girl. Unless your talking about Alpha...who's a guy."
Sister: "Oh, sorry. She's a badass, and so is the blue one! They're kinda hot!
Tucker: "Tex is actually Church's ex-girlfriend."
Sister: "Oh yeah? Why aren't you guys dating any more?"
Church: "Are you seriously asking that question right now?"
Caboose: "Isn't Alpha and Tex dating each other?"
Church: "WHAT?!"
Caboose: "Oh nothing. It's just, last time I was shot, I got a Purple Heart. Yeah uh I hope this time, I get a Purple Lung. You see eventually I, I hope to build an entire purple person. And we will be best friends."
Tucker: "Maybe you should ask for a Purple Brain."
Caboose: "You're just jealous, 'cause you have no friends."
Tucker: Why are they shooting at us?"
Church: (aggravated) "How do I know? And why are you acting like this is unusual?"
Tucker: "What's wrong with you?"
Church: "Nothing."
Tucker: "Still thinking about Alpha and Tex dating?"
Church: "No..."
Tucker: "Okay, Well, go out there and tell them to stop."
Church: "Yeah sure, I'll get right on that."
Sister: "Uh, aren't you like, the leader or something?"
Church: "Uh- yes Sister, I am the leader, which is why I am officially appointing you, our Field Negotiator."
Sister: "Awesome!"
Church: "Yes, congratulations we're all very proud of you. Your first job is to get the freelancers and alien to stop firing at us."
Sister: "Cool."
Sister stands up in to the line of fire
Sister: "Hey, Stop shooting you stupid bitches!"
Tucker: "Nice negotiating."
Church: "They're not firing. I think that actually worked. Maybe they're outta ammo. Let me check."
Church stands up and is immediately shot in the head, leaving a standing ghost and ugly body behind
Church: "Nope, they still has ammo."
Tucker: "Nice recon work."
Church: "I'm gonna go get my body back."
Tucker: "Yeah, good idea."
Cut to the inside of the cavern, as Grif falls screaming to the ground and lands on the front of his face
Simmons: (landing gracefully behind him) "Tada!"
Grif: (standing up) "Ugh, you didn't have to push."
Simmons: "Yeah I didn't have to, but it sure was fun. I got a cool screenshot from my visor of you flailing too. Guess who has a new desktop wallpaper... This guy!"
Back to the Blues courageously behind their base
Church: "Hey Tucker, is my body on straight?"
Tucker: "Dude I don't even know what that means."
Tex: "Freeze! Nobody move."
Alpha and Aur'an arrive next to her, their guns pointing at blue team.
Tucker: "We're already not moving. You could have just said "everyone keep doing what you're not doing."."
Tex: "Shut up!"
Tucker: "Whatever."
Church: "Tex, what is your problem?"
Alpha: "Our problem is that O'Malley isn't in Doc any more. He's jumped in to somebody new, and we're not trustin' anybody until we find out who."
Church: "Yeah, we already know all that. We're on top of the situation."
Tex: "You are? Then who did O'Malley jump in to?"
Church: "Oh. Yeah I meant, I meant we were on top of everything right up until that point."
Tex: "Typical."
Sister: "Who's O'Malley?"
Tucker: "Eah, it's just some computer program that wants to destroy the Universe. He infects people around here from time to time, but neh, it's no big deal."
Sister: "Sounds scary."
Tucker: "Naw, it's all good baby, I'll protect you."
Sister: "Hyeah, that's what the last guy said, and now I can't stop scratchin'."
Tucker: "Okay, never mind."
Church: "None of us are infected Tex, but I am a little worried about the tank. She's been actin' really weird lately. Can an A.I. implant in a ... Tex?"
Tex/Alpha: "Who's the girl?"
Church: "What? Who Sister? Oh she's just a new recruit."
Tex: "You mean to tell me I'm only gone a few weeks, and you guys get yourselves a new girl?"
Alpha: "Good luck, Church."
Church: "Oh. Um..."
Tucker: "Whoa. Tread lightly dude, tread lightly."
Caboose: "You know, I wasn't actually scared, until right, just, now."
Church: "Also, that reminds me...Alpha, we need to talk."