The silence and stillness carried on for a while, something that set Jeongguk's pulse to a thousand beats per minute.
Just as he was about to question what was happening, he felt smooth fingers wrap around his nape, pulling him closer. Soft lips pressing against the side of his neck into a delicate kiss followed and caused him to flinch lightly by the unexpected and heart-fluttering gesture.
"You can stop me anytime you want."
Taehyung's whispering voice and hot breath grazing his skin sent a trail of goosebumps down his spine. He stayed mute, eyes still closed, lips parted in astonishment as another soft kiss was planted an inch away from the previous spot.
They weren't lustful kisses. They were sweet and tender just like his lips against his skin — as Jeongguk thought the very moment he felt the first small kiss on his neck. Time seemed to flow in slow motion for him as each kiss he gave him left a tingling sensation behind.
He had no idea what he felt about the myriad of kisses cloaking his neck. His mind went blank, his stomach tightened so much it took his breath away, but he knew one thing for sure; he didn't want him to stop.
Taehyung was on a whole other level of bliss. He knew it was too much and maybe over the line to do this, but he had to do something to erase the bad memories of his own hands wrapped around his neck. He could hear his jerky breaths as he drew delicate kisses on every inch of his neck that matched perfectly with his own rapid breath and erratic pulse.
He was beyond nervous and maybe a little daunted about Jeongguk's reaction; even though he hadn't moved or said anything at all from the moment he started showering his neck with kisses, he was still apprehensive about what his reaction would be afterwards.
Planting one last tender kiss and feeling throughout content since he got to have a taste of his soft skin, he withdrew and laid his eyes on him, contemplating his state.
His eyes were still closed, his lips parted, and his cheeks glowed with a rosy tint — the same the tips of his ears had. His chest rose and fell at a faster pace than usual as he tugged at his hair, something Taehyung himself was unable to perceive before since he was so lost and captivated by his smooth skin and sweet-scented aroma.
The younger sensed the warmth on his neck disappear, but he felt paralyzed. His mind was still empty of any thought as he was all out confused about what was supposed to happen then. So he kept his eyes closed and did nothing else because... fuck, why did it feel so good? And what was he supposed to do about it?
"Is it better?" Taehyung's voice broke him out of his inebriated state, but still, he didn't venture to open his eyes.
"Yes."
"Little bun, can you take some deep breaths for me?" he asked, worry etched all over his face as he noticed that his breath was still uneven.
He did what he was told; he inhaled deeply from his nose and exhaled from his mouth at a slow pace, squeezing his closed eyes.
"Was it... awful? Was it that scary to you? Maybe... I shouldn't have done that?" His voice was laced with doubt and bitterness as he thought that maybe it wasn't such a good idea.
"No," he muttered as he dragged his head down and let his eyes split open.
"No, I shouldn't have done that?"
"Shut up," Jeongguk suddenly tossed off in a murmur.
"Why are you telling me to shut up?"
"Because you don't let me think. I can't think when you're talking to me."
Taehyung sensed a shade of frustration in his quiet voice. "Okay," he said with a mild sigh. He mulled over his face as silence ticked on, and even though his hair was falling above his eyes since he had his head ducked, he could still distinguish his knitted brows and contracted jaw.
Minutes passed, and he was still patiently silent as Jeongguk asked him to, but the extended silence worried him more and more by the second. He discerned the boy squeezing his eyes, and he couldn't watch him struggle like this anymore. He held his cheeks in loving palms but didn't attempt to lift his head. "What is it, little bun? Tell me and I'll help you."
A quivery sigh passed through his lips as his grip on his nape tightened a notch. "I don't understand."
"You can tell me anything," he spoke in such a soothing tone that emboldened Jeongguk to finally raise his head.
"Why... Why did it feel so good?" The question slipped out of his mouth in a whisper, taking the other by surprise. "Why did it make my heart beat so fast? Why is it so comforting when you touch me, but with Wang was... so awful and scary?"
"Oh, little bun," he drawled, stringing their foreheads together. His eyes fluttered closed as he stroked his cheeks with the pad of his thumbs, letting the silence prevail over them for a stretch. "Because you trust me. Because I would never do anything you don't want me to do. I know I hurt you before, but I will never do it again, and you know that too."
Jeongguk's distressed expression mellowed at his words. He brought one hand to the side of his head and brushed his hair back. "You're right. I wanted you to do all these things. I want you... to do these things."
A gleeful smile popped up onto Taehyung's face as he glided his hands to his neck, holding it gently. "Yeah? Should I do it again then?" His smile widened as he spectated Jeongguk's eyes and nose crinkling with the dulcet giggle that spewed from his mouth. But then a frown shrouded his face real quick as he seemed to be in pain. "Your eye hurts, huh?" he asked, caressing his cheek, as he studied his bruised eye.
"It does. And it's your fault because you're making me laugh," Jeongguk said with a fake pout, making the other gasp as he decided to play along.
"My fault? It's not my fault if you think I'm funny."
"As if. You're the type of funny who's annoying." He shot him a contemptuous look as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"The point is that I am funny." He poked his side and a small yelp rang in his ears that had a sly smile sprawling on his features. "Oh? Are you ticklish, little bun?"
"I am, so don't tickle me because it'll hurt with the cuts on my back."
"I know. I wouldn't do it, anyway." Taehyung smiled and brought him closer by his nape, guiding his head into the crook of his neck, and the other happily encircled his back with his arms. "Are you sleepy?"
"No. This is nice. It's warm and comforting."
"It is. But it's late, so why don't you go take a shower and I'll make us something to eat, hmm?"
"Really? You'll cook?"
"Yes, Kookie. But I only have ingredients for japchae." The adorable sight of Jeongguk grinning and clapping his hands in tiny led Taehyung to chuckle. "Let's go to my room to give you clothes." He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, and they rose from their seats, heading to his bedroom.
Once he gave everything the younger needed to take a shower, he led him to the bathroom. "Don't shower with hot water because it'll hurt, okay?"
"Okay," Jeongguk said smilingly as he nodded, and the older returned the smile, patting his head.
Only one thought occupied Taehyung's mind as he was cooking with a tiny smile engraved on his lips. What are you doing to me, little bun?
Although he knew what it was. Partly. He couldn't deny it — he craved him greatly. He wanted to learn him, to learn things about him that no one else knew, to memorize every permanent scar on his body and kiss it until Jeongguk would be unable to remember how he got it. To hold him and protect him, to teach him more things and make him strong. Not that he wasn't already. He had been through a lot, but he was still there fighting. And that isn't as easy as it sounds.
Oh, how much he wanted to take him away from everything and keep him safe. He wasn't safe there, and as much as Taehyung wanted to protect him, he didn't know for how long he could do that. If it was in his hand, he would do that for the rest of his life, or at least, as long as Jeongguk wanted him to. But it wasn't, and he dreaded to think that he wouldn't be able to protect him one day.
It was actually so strange. How fast everything was happening, how fast everything changed. In such a short period of time, Jeongguk managed to bring out his soft and caring side, something Taehyung thought would never be possible to happen. But he did it, and Taehyung didn't know if he hated it or if he was grateful for it.
Everyone would think it didn't make sense for a drug dealer to have a soft side because that could only mean weakness, and Taehyung's weakness would only benefit his rivals. And for the worst part, it would make Kang utterly amused because he wouldn't hesitate at all to wreck his weakness. That was why Kang's sidekicks beat him up so much. Because Kang wanted to efface every ounce of his kindness and softness. And he had succeeded.
Until Jeongguk appeared in his life.
How could he push him away? How could he make him leave? Even if it was for his own good. He couldn't — he truly couldn't. That was why he gave Jeongguk the choice to do what he wanted and he promised he would obey and accept his choice. But Jeongguk didn't actually answer him.
He didn't make a permanent choice. He made a temporary one. He asked to take him to his house, let him take a shower, and help him change his bandages. To eat something together, talk some more, then lie down next to him, and hold his hand until he falls asleep. It was a perfect plan. But it was only for one day.
Taehyung didn't know what to expect the next day, and fuck, it terrified him.
Light steps interrupted his thoughts as he was about to finish cooking. He twisted around and glanced at the younger boy who was wearing his clothes, his hair still wet, waterdrops falling occasionally. He looked so adorable with Taehyung's oversized clothes as he stood there, holding his hands together and nibbling his bottom lip.
Taehyung had to bite his own to restrain the fond smile that desperately wanted to surface on his face but failed miserably. Because no matter how hard he tried, Jeongguk always had a way to make him smile, even when he wasn't doing anything.
Not wanting to seem like a kid who just encountered his crush and didn't know what the fuck to do about it, he turned around in a swift move, grabbed the pan, and divided the food into two plates. Of course, he put more on Jeongguk's plate since he had to regain his strength with everything that happened.
"How was your shower?" Taehyung questioned, the smile he endeavored to hide before now sweeping over his face freely since he had his back turned to him.
"It was, um, really nice, but it hurt a bit, you know, the cuts," Jeongguk stammered, not knowing why he felt bashful all of a sudden.
Or maybe, he did. He had to ask him to change his bandages for him, but fuck, why was it so hard? Why did he feel nervous about it?
"It will feel better, I promise."
Jeongguk remained silent for a few seconds as a thought crossed his mind. "You promised a lot of things today."
Taehyung froze as his statement caught him off guard, but he resumed what he was doing soon enough. He didn't say anything while he placed the pan in the sink and turned on the faucet to cool it down. "Do you have a point with that remark?"
He swallowed thickly as he couldn't understand what was hidden behind the tone he just used. Was he mad? Was he bothered by what he said? He had no idea. "It's just that I'm a bit gullible and I tend to hold on to promises. It means a lot to me... to promise something."
Was Taehyung indeed bothered by his remark? No, he wasn't bothered by his remark. He was bothered because Jeongguk didn't have faith in him. He didn't believe that Taehyung could keep the promises he had made to him. And no, it wasn't about the promise he just made. "Do you remember every promise I made to you?"
"Well, I do. The point is do you?"
Something flashed inside Taehyung, but he couldn't put a name on it. One thing was sure, though. He was definitely bothered. "You think I don't?" His tone was sharp, and he clutched the corner of the counter without realizing it. He shouldn't get mad over this — Jeongguk didn't do anything wrong.
"If I say yes, will you be mad?"
And Taehyung felt it, hitting him hard. It wasn't anger, it wasn't annoyance. It was pain. Disappointment. Not towards Jeongguk, but towards himself. He did make a lot of promises, but he couldn't keep them all. It wasn't in his hand to keep them all. "I remember every single thing I promised to you." He pivoted on his heel and faced him, fixing his gaze on him.
⚜✳⚜