Author's Note: I have posted Chapter 25 and 26 close together! So make sure you have read 25 first, or this chapter won't make sense! :)
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You piece of shit.
Hit.
Fucking useless.
Hit.
Get a fucking life.
Hit.
Be a man.
Hit.
I let my father's words to me fuel each punch as I pummelled the wall. My knuckles were bloodied and raw, but the pain was the only thing keeping me sane. Every snap of my fists against the hard concrete was like a reminder that I deserved this.
I had just dropped Charlotte off at her dorm and the look on her face, while she grabbed her bag, broke me. Physically, mentally, emotionally, broke me. I had forced myself not to look at her for the whole drive back to USC. I'd known that if I looked at her, really looked at her, I would have broken down. I would have told her everything, and I'm sure she would have been there for me. But she didn't deserve that, to be sunken down by my bullshit.
But then I'd snuck a peek. I had thought just a small one in my rearview mirror couldn't hurt. But it did. Fuck, did it hurt. Her eyes had been puffy and downcast. Her thick wet lashed clumped and stuck to her bright red cheeks. Her bottom lip had trembled before she pressed her lips firmly together, keeping them still. She had been trying to be strong, I could tell.
I wanted to get out and run to her, tell her that I was sorry. But I didn't. Fucking coward. Instead, I'd let her walk away, then I drove off looking for the nearest place to lose myself. An alleyway behind a bar had seemed good enough. No one would be there in the middle of the day. So it was private and had ample amounts of concrete walls. They were usually my stress-reliever of choice. I couldn't damage it, but it could damage me.
My dad is right. I am a piece of shit. I am fucking useless. I need to get a fucking life and be a man.
By the time I climbed into my truck to head to practise, I couldn't feel my fingers anymore. They were numb, just like me. I pulled a bottle of rubbing alcohol out from under my seat and doused my hands like it was water. I scrubbed off the blood while the alcohol stung each break in my skin.
I tried to relax as I drove to the field but it was hard. My hands throbbed in pain while my body itched from my old clothes. I tried to tell myself that I just needed to get to practise—football would make this better. But deep down, I think I knew nothing would ever actually help. I'd hurt Charlotte, and ruined everything. Sure, she was better off without me. Hopefully, she would realize that soon. But until then, I'd broken her and I would never forgive myself.
"Hey man, you look rough." Tyler slapped me on the shoulder as I walked by to get to my locker. I didn't respond. I needed to get my gear on as quickly as possible and get on the grass.
More of my teammates shuffled into the locker room as I got dressed but I kept my back to them. Just as I was about to pull my jersey over my head, I heard heavy footsteps slapping across the room quickly. A hush fell throughout the usually rambunctious room.
"You son of a bitch," was all I heard before I was pushed forward into my open locker. I caught myself, swinging around to see what the fuck was going on.
Emmett stood before me, his chest heaving as he glared at me. I didn't get a chance to even blink before he lifted his fist and connected it with my jaw. An audible crack rang through the silent room as our teammates looked on, shocked.
"How fucking dare you," he seethed. I didn't have a defence, and I didn't blame him. So I just stared back. My lack of reaction seemed to piss him off more as he pushed my chest hard, sending me back into the locker. The sharp metal stung my back as it shot between my shoulder blades, but I didn't stop him. I deserve this.
James and Tyler finally seemed to break from their trance as they jumped forward to flank Emmett, holding him back. Emmett fought against their hold, nearly breaking free several times. I had to hand it to the kid, he was brave. No one else would have messed with me like that, not without expecting to have hell to pay.
"Get the fuck off of me," Emmett struggled, "He fucking deserves it! Tell them what you did you piece of shit." I flinched at his words. The same words my dad had spat at me last night.
Tyler and James were both snapping their heads back and forth, trying to make sense of Emmett's anger and my lack of a reaction.
"What is he talking about?" James finally asked. I couldn't verbalize what I'd done, the pain I caused. So I just hung my head, ashamed of myself.
"He fucking kissed Charlotte, then told her she didn't mean anything to him," Emmett raged, still fighting against the hold of the other boys. I couldn't lift my head to see the reactions of my team. They had all come to care about Charlotte in their own way. Sure, some of them would definitely make a move if I weren't there. But most of them had begun to see her like a little sister.
I didn't bother correcting Emmett that I had actually said the kiss didn't mean anything—not her. Either way, I'd been lying and I was a coward. The silence from my team told me everything I needed to know. They thought so too.
"What the fuck is happening out here?" Coach barked from the doorway. Tyler and James quickly released Emmett but it was too late. Coach had already seen him being held back, and me with a bruising jaw. Fuck that kid could throw a punch. "Reynolds, you better have a really good excuse for getting violent in my locker room. USC has a zero policy for fighting on the team."
Emmett stared back at the coach's harsh glare. He didn't respond immediately but he also didn't cower away. "It was my fault coach," I said finally lifting my face fully for everyone to see. I must have looked bad because even Coach got shifty like he was uncomfortable. I'd already looked pretty rough coming in here with pale skin and deep bags. But now a stinging sensation was coming from my eyes and I knew I looked like a pussy about to cry.
"Trust me, I deserved it," I sighed as I fell back tiredly against the lockers. I didn't bother looking at Emmett. I hadn't said that for his forgiveness, he just didn't deserve to get kicked off the team for being more of a man than I could be.
"Alright, then finish getting geared up quickly and get on the field," Coach snapped and disappeared into his office.
I turned to see Emmett, Tyler, and James all still staring at me unsurely. The rest of the team had gone back to getting ready but I knew they were listening. "I'm fucking sorry, okay?" I said quietly. "I fucked it up I know. But Charlotte deserves better than me so it's better this way."
Emmett nodded slowly, having calmed down but clearly still angry. "You're right. She deserves the best, so if you can't man up, then stay the hell away from her," he warned before walking back to his locker.
"She's a good girl, bro. You just can't fuck around with girls like that," Tyler added apologetically before he followed Emmett.
James sat next to me on the bench, bumping my shoulder but staying silent for a moment. "I don't know man," he finally spoke, "I think she was good for you, you were good for each other."
I scoffed, not even knowing what to say to such bullshit.
"Look, I've known you since Freshman year and I don't think I've ever seen you as happy as you are with her. She makes you relax and act... normal. Sorry, but it's true."
"Yeah, that's all great. But just because she is good for me, doesn't mean I'm good for her. I'm trying not to be selfish here."
"That's such a fucking cop-out and you know it. You aren't a martyr, you're scared, man. When I first met Charlotte, she was a squeaky little mouse who could barely look me in the eye. But you helped her too. I mean, she's still shy but she relaxes around you."
I didn't want to think that James' words could be true. That there was a way I could be with Charlotte and not be toxic to her. I just couldn't see it. Maybe as her friend, but the second I'd kissed her, that went out the window. You can't close that door after it's been opened. I definitely couldn't, not after experiencing the euphoric pleasure of Charlotte's lips on mine.
Kissing had never meant anything to me before. It was just a means to an end. A bridge that you had to cross to get to the good stuff. But with Charlotte, I could have kissed her forever and been satisfied. Just thinking about it made me feel like a drug addict who was desperate for their next hit.
But I couldn't go there. I'd take from Charlotte, then take and take, and take some more. Until there was nothing left of her. The toxicity within me would feed on her purity and goodness, and I couldn't let that happen.
As I ran out on the field to join my team, all of whom were avoiding my eyes, I realized with a pang in the gut that I'd been right. Football was not going to fix this. Nothing could.
The rest of the week went by similarly. I had flipped between missing Charlotte, and trying to stay strong and keep away from her. I had stared at my phone for hours, wishing I could call her. I'd even driven towards her dorm, determined that I would apologize. But then I'd just keep driving, not wanting to make it worse. It had been my own personal hell.
I couldn't tell you a single thing any of my profs had talked about. Coach had also been riding my ass in practice. Thankfully, it's our bi-week so we don't have a game tonight—otherwise, I'd be getting benched. I just couldn't bring myself to care about anything without her. My team tip-toed around me as if I could snap at any moment. I didn't blame them, I'd been volatile in the past. But I didn't have the energy to do anything.
I was laying on my bed when a loud banging startled me. "James go away," I called out, knowing it was him.
James' voice drifted through my door. "Archer you can't mope forever. We're having people over and you are coming out."
"Yeah, go fuck yourself," I deadpanned. My door flew open and my eyes widened in shock.
"Seriously, dude. Your shitty attitude ruined the surprise." I opened my mouth and closed it several times, trying to process that Oliver was standing in my bedroom.
"So what's got you so bummed?" Oliver continued. I shot a glare at James. How could he think bringing Oliver of all fucking people here would help me. I'm upset about hurting his sister. I can't fucking tell him that.
I tried to school my face as I said, "Nothing major. Just my dad, you know the drill."
Oliver gave me an understanding nod. "Alright, well you just need some beer and girls and you'll bounce back, man." I shot James another glare. The thought of having random girls hanging off of me made me sick, but how could I tell Ollie that?
An hour later I was feeling a little better. James was full of shit, this wasn't a few people—it was a full-blown rager. Our house pulsed with loud music as bodies were packed from wall-to-wall. Whatever though, I'd been shooting whiskey with Oliver and playing beer pong with the boys and somewhere along the line, I actually started having some fun.
That was until a mop of dark curls caught my eye. Was that Charlotte? It had only been for a second but I was sure I recognized the wild hair. I raced into the crowd, bumping and pushing people out of the way as I tried to chase her. My heart pounded in my throat as I whipped my head around, trying to catch another glimpse.
Across the room, I spotted the curls again, only this time I knew it wasn't her. This girl stood a good few inches taller than Charlotte would. Plus the imposter's curls were dull and flat. How could I ever have thought that mousey brown was anything close to Charlotte's rich, dark, shiny hair?
I slumped into a chair, defeated and no longer in the party mood. Fuck I missed her. I was going crazy not being able to hold her, hear her light laughter, or even just talk to her. I was so deprived of Charlotte that I'd even convinced myself a random stranger was her.
"You look like you could use a little company," a feminine voice drifted over to me.
I looked up to see Teela standing way too close to my chair, leaning forward, giving me a straight shot down her cleavage. "I'm good thanks," I said tersely.
"Awe c'mon Archer. We used to have fun together," Teela whined. Her insincere pout and screechy voice were such a turnoff.
"Did we? I don't really remember." Teela flinched at my cruelty. I don't blame her, that was really a dick-move. To be fair, I really don't remember having fun with her. We'd hooked up a few times at the beginning of the year. But I'd been so wrapped up in Charlotte the last few months, I could barely remember ever caring about any other female.
Teela recovered quickly and simpered at me as she tucked her ass on the arm of my chair. I straightened my spine, trying to avoid any unnecessary contact. "Really?" She purred in my ear. A wave of chemicals wafted over me almost making me gag. "You don't remember our nights together? Because I definitely do... You're hard to forget Archer, especially your big—"
"Okay Jesus," I interrupted trying to shove her off of me. "Seriously, I'm not interested. Get the fuck away from me, your perfume is making me sick," I growled.
Teela looked over my shoulder for a moment, before smiling down at me. "No problem, Archer," she said with a sugary smile I didn't trust, "I'll just go grab a drink and check back later." She leaned in slightly, using a long fake nail to pick a piece of fluff off my shoulder. Then she got up and sauntered away. Thank fuck.
I stood up and turned around to go find myself something to drink as well when I froze. My heart dropped from my chest as every nerve on my body became exposed and raw. I sucked in a breath trying to form a sentence but I was hit with a wall of emotion that choked me into silence.
Charlotte was standing in the doorway of the house, staring right at me. Her oversized doe-eyes had a sheen to them as they flicked between me and something over my shoulder. I turned to see Teela's retreating back. Fuck. I whipped around to tell her it wasn't what it looked like, but it was too late.
Charlotte was gone.
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Okay, so hopefully posting two chapters back-to-back makes up for them being shorter! I'd considered putting the two POVs into one long chapter, but I wasn't ready to wreck the flow I'd created with switching POVs.
What do you think of Archer's perspective? Does it make up for how he treated Charlotte? Any theories on what happened with his dad?
As usual, if you enjoyed this chapter please vote or comment! :)