Liliana
I gaze at the vast blue in front of me stretched for miles and miles.
So surreal. So peaceful.
Nothing like it can ever relate to anything. The soft breeze carries the salty scent from the sea.
Closing my eyes I inhale the scent. This is paradise. I feel here at ease. My whole self is rejuvenated by the sea breeze and the scent of salty sand it carries. My demons don't haunt me here. This place is sacred. Like the Catholic church. It had always felt like home here, in Nonna's private villa.
The French styled mansion was a wedding gift from Nonno to Nonna and I adore every nook of this villa. Right from the french doors to the french windows which have soft white curtains dancing on the tune of the wind. They had spent their entire life educating and raising the kids here.
Papa and Aunt Gabriella.
When Aunt Gabriella got married, Papa followed suit after six months moving out of the mansion. Papa wanted everyone under one roof. But, Nonno was adamant for spending his days with Nonna. Yes, Nonno was downright Italian. But at the same time, he wanted his children to be independent.
This was paradise to Nonno and Nonna. Their home.
Their own little sanctuary.
We always had family dinner every Saturday. It was a rule Nonno made and we still follow it. When Nonno died Nonna refused to move out. Although, Papa insisted her to move in with us. He was even ready to stay here. However, Nonna being stubborn, refused. She preferred to cherish the memories of her love life. She wanted the whole place to herself. Or so she had declared, which I highly doubt. I believe Nonna did not want to interrupt with Papa and Mamma's life just like Nonno.
Once, I vaguely recall Nonna confessing; Nonno's soul was here. She refused to let go of the love they shared. I didn't get the chance to meet Nonno, he died before I was adopted. However, from the stories, I heard he was as dangerous as Papa.
Everyone feared the Italian Capo Vincenzo De Luca. I had seen the pictures of him with the rest of the family. Even in the black and white photographs which hung on the walls in the corridors, he did seem dangerous to me. He was intimidating. He didn't smile in the photographs. His face remained neutral, devoid of any emotions. Nonna said he preserved it for her. She moreover uncovered, he was a downright romantic husband and a lover which was very hard to reckon with.
"shine in the dark and be your own star." Nonna's voice breaks me from my reverie.
"Huh? Sorry Nonna," I quickly apologise to the older woman.
To say old would be an insult to her. Because even in her late eighties Valentina De Luca still had the killer looks.
Belladonna. Nonno used to call her.
Belladonna, oh yeah, Nonna was beautiful in her days and still is, however she was also known as a killer. She knew her ways with the guns. I'm sure she has one hidden in her skirt and beneath the pillow. After all, she was the Italian capo's wife! And now, The Elder.
"What are you thinking, Bambina?" Her emerald eyes are trained on me. Worry marring in them.
I shake my head in silent apology. To the outer world, she might be The Elder but to me she was Nonna. Always Nonna.
The person who spoke for me and when she spoke, her words were the law. No one dared to go against.
Aunt Gabriella was furious at her mother's decision but didn't dare to cross her. I still got the chills when Aunt Gabriella is in the same room. No one dared to cross the head of the family. Of course, Papa is now 'The Capo' having the full right to make the decisions regarding family or the business matter. However, when it comes to important family crisis or war; The Elder was involved.
I still remember the day, like it was yesterday. The memory of that night burning fresh and bright before my eyes. The first time I came here. Papa had rescued me with him. That night it could have been the end of me, I could have died if not for Papa.
A small part of me did die.
Papa had crouched on the ground not bothering the disastrous surroundings. The dangers he had crossed for me, I'll forever be grateful. He isn't my biological father but he is more than just that. He is a father whom I longed for when I was trapped there. When I was desperate for the escape.
He had called in advance and informed Mamma to be at Nonna's place. Mamma had sized me up and down, scooped me from Papa's arms and sprinted towards the bathroom. No questions were asked. Nothing. She had personally cleaned me, fed me and sing to me to sleep. That was the first time in years I had fallen asleep with a motherly figure wrapping me in her warmth.
Later, in the night a boy had climbed up the bed and had hugged me.
He was Gio.
How did I know? Because when I woke up the next morning he was still sleeping. His soft snores resonating in the room. He had his arm wrapped around me. As if, he was protecting me. And he did. I laid there unmoving listening to his steady heartbeats. Whenever he was there beside me, I felt protected. He was a raging teen then. Attaining his teenage age with all those hormonal issues.
The next day was mayhem at the villa. Papa's cousins and Aunt Gabriella had called upon in the villa. The whole family was there. Some starring at me in pity, others in disgust. Neither of which I wanted. Nonna had already decided to take me in. Some of Papa's cousins didn't agree with Nonna's decision. I was an outsider. I didn't know who my parents were, or from where I came. I didn't even know my last name except for my name, Liliana.
Sergio and Rocco Papa's cousin didn't agree with the whole ordeal in the first, saying I won't fit in the family. Uncle Sergio flatly proclaimed I was a disgrace to their family.
Papa had lost it then. He almost killed his own brother because of me. But Aunt Gabriella was vicious. Furious almost.
"You are taking in the whore, Madre!" She screamed at Nonna looking at me in pure disdain.
"She is my granddaughter now, Gabriella." Nonna had spoken calmly.
Everyone in the room had silenced except me. My young version shook like a leaf in the rain while Mamma hugged my quivering self. Gio trying his best in making me laugh with his funny faces, whilst I caught the glimpses of him glaring at whoever made nasty comments about me. Aunt Gabriella didn't speak anything later, she collected her purse and stormed off muttering a string of curses which I didn't understand back then.
But now I know.
She hated me.
She hated my mere presence.
I never disrespected her. It would have been a shame on me. I smiled at her sweetly every time and she discarded me like I was the dust on her rich, shiny Gucci shoes.
The storm had eventually calmed and everyone had accepted me in the family. Even Uncle Sergio and Rocco. Uncle Rocco scared me with his height. Now that didn't even matter.
Aunt Gabriella never accepted me. She always looked at me like I am an outsider which I am, but with everyone's acceptance, it made me feel special. Like, I belonged here. I, however, don't know what her vendetta is against me.
Whenever we were in the same room for the family dinner or social gatherings she would send a look of disgust over me. I didn't let it bother me. Or whenever she found me alone she would scold me for no reason. I didn't comprehend how she could be so bitchy towards me when she had a daughter of her own.
Caterina Romano, two years older than me, is no less than her mother. Both, mother and daughter found their ways to humiliate me or torment me. Always implying that I was adopted. Or bringing up the past during family gatherings which were uncalled for.
With her tanned Italian skin, striking facial features, model-like figure, dirty blonde hair and blue eyes, Caterina had the whole men-planet kissing the ground she walked on. Her face could be printed on every front page of the newspaper, or her name could be found in too five of the search history in Google. All due to her endless string of boyfriends. She plopped from one boyfriend to others as if she was changing her panties.
Thank the Lord, Gio and Angelo were on my side. They always left acerbic comments at her which riled her up eventually leading to leaving me alone which was perfectly fine with me. I didn't mind being alone. I was used to it. I was used to loneliness which somehow got filled with books.
"You are going to explode your little brain," Nonna said squeezing my hand wrecking my train of thoughts.
"I'm sorry." I apologised again.
"You say sorry like you breathe the air." She scolded me.
I opened my mouth but she stopped me.
"Don't, Bambina. I might be getting old and on my death bed but that doesn't mean I don't know to read minds. Especially yours." She tapped her forefinger on my forehead.
"Don't say it like that," I complained ignoring she could read me like an open book. Her brows knitted together in confusion "that you are on your death bed."
She chuckled softly. "But its true, Bambina. With every day passing by, and with time ticking, with every breath, I'm breathing I'm getting near to meet my amóre." Her gaze lingered at the sea a faraway look nestled in her emerald eyes.
Nonna was diagnosed with a third stage brain tumour seven months ago. Papa had done his best to cure but her old age didn't agree with the treatment. The chemotherapy was too harsh on her frail body. The day I had gotten the whiff of her being diagnosed, I felt like the earth had disappeared from my feet.
Unshed tears commenced brimming in my eyes.
"There there," she pulled me closer to her making the swing sway more at the mere action. We were sitting in the backyard on the swing overlooking the sea. The canopy of the swing providing shade from the sun.
"Now, I won't be gone before you get married. I'll be there to see you off on your big day."
I stilled.
Married. Me. Dominic. Her.
I felt dizzy. The knots began coiling in my stomach tighter and tighter. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. My chest tightened. My breathing came in short pants. Nausea hit me. I kneeled in the grass below gasping for air. Inhaling and exhaling several times. It was too much to handle. The past, the agony that came with it tagging along.
Nonna sensed my state, she crouched down with me, rubbing my back muttering the words from the Bible. I felt at ease after some time. The softness of her hand soothing me. Her prayers a bandage to my broken soul. I got up on wobbly legs helping her to get up. We both collapsed on the swing. She passed me a glass of lemon juice and I gulped down most of the lemonade in one go. Closing my eyes I stayed in her embrace inhaling her rose scent.
She felt good.
She felt warm.
The coldness inside me perished for a moment.
"Are you okay, Bambina?" Her emerald eyes shined with concern when I peeked at her.
"Yeah. Just dizzy. I think the sun got me" I lied. I didn't want to tell her about my worries. She already had a plate full of them. But I think she already knew.
"You don't like my decision for you." She said in a low voice.
Yep. She knew.
It wasn't a question rather a statement.
Shaking her head she continued, "I won't say he is a good man. Far from it. But.." she paused, lifting my chin gently, her emerald eyes sparkled with determination as she continued, "you will have to make a good man out of him."
My eyes widened at her statement. I was stunned. No, my brain didn't comprehend what Nonna said.
"I...I...I don't know" I stuttered.
There was nothing good about him. His whole presence screamed danger. I had caught a glimpse of it that day. All the rumours were true.
He. Is. Ruthless.
The way he carried himself, it was predatory and I felt like a damn prey waiting for him to feast on. And now, I was just offered to him on a silver platter. Just the thought of him had my heart in frenzy mode.
Good?
Love?
Affection?
These words were not there in his vocabulary.
Those words died ten years ago. All gone with her.
"He is a made man Bambina. The man born in families like ours, they don't have a soft heart. Their hearts are ironclad. They are trained to have no emotions. Show no weakness. Because weakness can kill them. It can destroy their empire and our rivals wait for that opportunity to feast on."
"Gio is nothing like that. Neither is Angelo" I interrupted her.
Yes, they were dangerous. To the outer world that is. To me, they were my brother and my best friend who I played with. After I had done the damage I doubted he will be like Gio. Caring. As if.
"That's because it is you. Your Nonno?" A faint smile tugged up her lips memorizing him "he had the cold stone face. Before meeting me, that stubborn man didn't know what love was. I changed him. Somehow he changed me too." She spoke with admiration.
I didn't know what to say so I kept quiet listening to her tales.
"Men are men, bambino. They don't show weakness. They don't cry. Their ego is bigger than their brain." She chuckled to herself as if remembering old times before continuing, "and even bigger than the dick" she barked a laugh this time.
Was I stunned?
Shocked?
Nope.
Despite that I found myself laughing too.
This was Nonna and her free, casual self. Her splutter of laughter died and she continued "that is when we women come in. We need to take care of them. There's always good in bad. Devil was once an angel, remember that." She squeezed my hand in reassurance.
"I highly doubt that" words tumbled from me before I registered what I said.
Instead of scolding me, she laughed. Head thrown backwards laugh.
Belly gripping laugh.
"You Bambina you ...oh, if only he was here he would have loved you. He always wanted a granddaughter. You just came late and he left early. I don't approve of Caterina. She is a rich, pompous kid. She should be taught thoroughly on how to behave." She scrunched up her nose as if she wanted to wipe off the memory.
Taking both my hands she spoke, a bright smile lighting her face reaching her eyes "You promise me you will make him kneel for you."
"What?" My eyes bulged out.
"Oh, I meant, you will teach him what love is." She winked at me.
"Oh" Love?
I didn't myself know what love is. How am I able to teach him?
"I know you have it in you." She gave my hand a light squeeze. My throat clogged with an unknown emotion. The past surged on the surface.
"You know what happened back then" I chocked out.
"Oh, Bambina. Honey, it was in the past. Let it go. "
"How can I? It was my fault. I.."
"Forget it, Bambina. Focus on the present. The future Mio Amore is waiting for you. Don't let the ghosts from the past haunt you." I nodded.
My eyes burning with unshed tears. I will not cry.
No. I will not cry. I sucked in a long breath before releasing it slowly.
"There, feeling better?"
I nodded not finding confident in my voice.
I laid my head on her shoulder as she hummed softly.
We sit there watching the blue brine, for how long I don't know. Time ticked and it was almost sunset. The backyard filled with birds chirping, returning home. A flock of birds flew over us, their chirping echoing in the sky. The sky tinted orange, pink, yellow, turquoise and shades of blue. The water mirrored the hues from the sky. The horizon was difficult to find since now it looked like a canvas of an oil painting. The sun setting far in the distance parted the horizon.
The beauty took my breath away. It was so breathtaking, so mesmerizing. I speculated God must be having an ample of time to paint the sky. The lanterns in the backyard lit illuminating the ambience.
The sun was nearly on the horizon when Nonna muttered, "He should be here by now."
Huh?
"Are you expecting someone Nonna? Oh, I should go then." I got up but she held my arm.
"I want you here, " Nonna said.
"But.." I started but never got the chance to finish.
As if on cue Mario, Nonna's bodyguard came to announce.
"He's here, Madre."
My brain ignored the fact that Mario called Nonna Madre because it was solely focused on the figure now walking towards us. Why was he here? Why was my fiancé here? What purpose did he have?
His powerful strides made my heart run for a marathon.
He walked casually like this was his house.
My world froze.
My safety bubble tore open.
My throat dried.
Yet, my traitorous heart thumped.
The beating grew louder in my ears. I am afraid Nonna would be able to hear it.
I'm struck by the lightening the way he carries himself. The power radiating from him made me immobilized.
And when his eyes collided with mine I forgot what it meant to breathe.
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Hi Kittens,
How are you all?
It breaks my heart to say that Chadwick Boseman is no longer with us 😔 The Black Panther is gone. But, his legacy will stay with us forever. May his soul rest in peace. 🙏 #wakandaforever
Be kind, be generous and always be forgiving kittens.
The world requires much love. So, spread love.
P.S...Why do you think Dom has visited? And who is Lili referring to as 'her'?