03 | LE PETIT DANSEUR
luke could remember the very moment kai had expressed an interest in dance.
she was seven when she'd pleaded with him to take her to ballet lessons, all as part of her fanciful dream of becoming a prima ballerina. in an attempt to mimic the dancers on television, she would leap and twirl laps around the house, with her hair tied up in a velvet pink scrunchie and a delicate tulle skirt wrapped around her waist.
luke had been sure at the time that it would be nothing more than a phase she would go through, as many young girls around her age did, but brin was the one to encourage her fanatical enthusiasm for ballet and, within a week, she was attending lessons.
her commitment to dance was something he had never thought he'd witness from her at such a young age. she lived and breathed it, and the day she finally went en pointe had been the happiest of her life.
it was a testament, he thought, to her sheer determination to succeed, and he was happy that she enjoyed it as much as she did.
he sighed, pulling up the studio where she danced. pellets of rain thrummed heavily against his windscreen, and he was reminded once again of why he had to collect her today, in the first place. normally, she took the train home after her lessons, but the idea of her having to wade through weather as dismal and horrendous as this made luke uneasy.
he knew it wasn't an obligation, but it felt necessary.
checking the time on his dashboard, he acknowledged that he was a whole ten minutes early to pick her up. he wrapped his jacket around his body a little tighter, bracing himself for the vicious attack of water once he stepped out of his car.
he slammed his door shut, fumbling with his keys while he tried to lock the vehicle as quickly as possible; there was nothing he hated more than being drenched by rain. with great leaps of his long legs, he jogged across the parking lot, and into the warm confines of the dance studio.
his body racked with tremors from the rain's assault. he held himself stiffly, more than aware at this point that he had underdressed for the weather.
hobbling down the corridor of the vaguely familiar building, he shivered, feeling small droplets in his hair fall onto his forehead and trickle down to his nose. it took more effort than was necessary to navigate these hallways. he was sure brin knew the way better than he did, for she was the one who used to bring kai here to begin with.
the faint resonance of an airy piano tune met his ears as he turned a corner. he took this as a sign that he was getting close. following the lulling sound of the music, he was eventually faced by two double doors with narrow, wired glass windows. the bright light of the studio beyond streamed through them.
luke blinked his bleary eyes a bit, and stepped up to the door, unsure of whether or not parents were permitted to enter. he peeped through the glass, but was not able to make kai out from behind the fogged window.
with a deep inhale, he pushed the door open a tad, and stepped inside to find he was not the only parent present. about half a dozen women sat on fold-out chairs by the wall a few metres away, in the midst of deep, hushed conversation.
he gnawed his bottom lip sheepishly, and decided he'd lean by the frame of the door he'd just come through as his eyes scanned the sparsely scattered class of girls in search of kai.
a lissom figure then twirled into his line of vision, and it was then that he'd found her; there, in the centre of the room, his girl danced with the utmost grace and poise of a real ballerina, the spitting image of something straight out of a degas painting. his eyes were fixed, and the uncomfortable chafing of his drenched clothes was soon forgotten.
she carried herself effortlessly across the wooden floor, supporting her weight with the very tips of her toes every few moves. luke didn't know very much ballet terminology, but it was a known fact that dancing en pointe required an obscene amount of strength in the ankles.
her body flowed with the music, and each lift of her leg or bend of her arm was executed in perfect sync with the rhythm of the piece. luke was positively entranced by her.
"good, kai, good," the voice of her teacher echoed across the studio,"just sharpen those turns for me."
luke wouldn't have been surprised if the words of her teacher had gone over her head altogether, for she looked entirely consumed by the dance. her eyes were just barely open as she moved, her mind surely in a state of pure focus.
he was still as he watched, totally transfixed. it had been so long since he'd seen her dance, and he could barely comprehend her talent.
it was difficult for him to focus on anything other than the way she moved, especially now, as she danced centre stage, entirely eclipsing the abilities of her peers. she executed three perfect pirouettes, and turned to make a great leap across the floor (he had heard the word 'jeté' called out by the teacher).
her body moved with such a sophisticated fluidity, it was hard to believe that she was the one dancing. luke felt as though he was watching a stranger, a perfect unknown beauty from which his eyes could not detach themselves.
perhaps, his gaze was lingering a little too long.
the music gradually slowed to a halt, and kai tied up the very end of her routine, completing one final pirouette, then finishing, just as she opened her mahogany brown eyes to the unexpected sight of luke. a look of surprise flitted within them, before a beaming smile took shape upon her rosy face. his lips turned upwards into a grin just as radiant, only his brimmed with pride.
she was called back momentarily with what remained of her class to be briefed by her teacher, before collecting her things and meeting luke, a noticeable spring to her step.
"i didn't know you were picking me up." she greeted him sweetly, and embraced him. luke held her tightly to his side, and gave her shoulder a little squeeze.
"couldn't have you walking out in that weather." he murmured, listening as the rain grew heavier, drumming loudly against the roof of the studio. he then dipped his head down to meet her ear.
"you were fantastic, by the way." a blush stained her already flushed cheeks. she shrugged modestly against him.
"i'm rusty," she told him,"i barely practiced at all, this summer."
luke gave a soft scoff, and shook his head.
"don't give me that," he smirked,"you're probably the best dancer in this whole class."
her eyes widened in slight alarm.
"daddy, you can't— you can't say that here." she whispered urgently to him with crimson cheeks. he only laughed.
"i'll say whatever if it's true." he quipped, and began guiding her out through the double doors. kai adjusted her duffle bag, and looked down to see that she was still clad in both her leotard and satin wrap skirt.
"could i go change out of this really quick?" she turned to him,"i promise i'll be out in, like, five minutes."
"go on," he assured her amiably,"i'll be right here."
flashing him a kittenish smile, she retreated on light feet into the changing rooms across the corridor.
the rain had stopped the moment kai stepped out of the building, and it was a phenomenon so bizarre that luke had scarcely believed his eyes.
they both settled into the leather seats of his bmw, squinting into the evening sun that peaked out from behind the clouds, as the droplets left on the car's windscreen glinted and refracted the light, like thousands of little diamonds.
"i remember a time when all you thought about was dance." luke mused with a sigh, fixing his seatbelt. kai laughed.
"those were the days." she remarked absently, fastening the buckle of her own seatbelt. luke chewed the inside of his cheek, tracing his hand along the curve of his steering wheel.
"honestly, i never would've expected you to turn around and tell me you wanted to do nursing, of all things." he breathed, prompting a hint of a smile from kai. he went on.
"you were so dead-set on dancing for a prestigious ballet company when you graduated," he smiled at the thought,"you had it all planned out."
"i was seven." kai groaned, but couldn't help the warmth of reminiscing these memories.
"and absolutely everything you asked for had to be pink." he shook his head mirthfully as he recalled.
"yes, thank you. i haven't forgotten." she spoke sarcastically to him with a playful roll of her eyes.
a brief moment of silence fell over them, before luke released a long, wistful breath. he turned his head to observe her pretty features, realising then just how much had changed about her.
"where did that little girl go?" he mumbled quietly, to no one in particular, though kai had heard him as clear as day. she met his eyes, noticing how intently they studied her; they were so very blue.
he held their gaze for a moment longer than he was sure he'd ever done, and then looked away, swallowing the dryness in his throat.
"sorry." he whispered dismissively, though for what he was apologising, he did not know. he started up the car, aware of kai's eyes lingering on him for a few moments more, before she reverted them to her lap.
they completed the journey back home in predicted time, where brin awaited them with dinner.
"how's my little dancer?" she smiled down to kai, glowing with a pure and maternal kind of love. luke watched from the doorway of the kitchen as they held each other, gazing with vague longing.
kai and brin had a bond vastly different from the one she shared with luke. this had been evident from the very start. there were so many things that connected them, as mother and daughter, as women — things luke couldn't possibly understand.
of course, he was still as much her parent as brin, but something about the way he saw her was just so unlike anything he'd ever known. they saw inside of each other, knew every little idiosyncrasy. he felt connected to her in a way that was entirely different, yet impossible to articulate.
and it was a beautiful thing, but altogether so disparate from what he knew she had with brin.
"i'm fine," kai mumbled tiredly,"but my feet ache a bit. reminds me why i'm not dancing competitively."
"you could've, though," brin brushed some of the ebony hair out of the girl's face,"you had the drive, and the ability."
"i know, but—" kai cut herself off with a little yawn,"i realised after a few years that i didn't want my entire life to revolve around just dance."
brin listened in understanding,"i wanted to still be able to enjoy it, like i do, without having to worry about how perfect my turnout is — if that makes sense."
"as long as you're happy, kai," brin told her,"i don't mind what you decide to do. you're still so young, and you have so much going for you as it is."
luke continued to silently observe them, concealed by shadows in the doorway.
"you look exhausted," kai stated with an empathetic look, and engulfed her mother warmly,"how is work these days?"
"oh, busy," she sighed, and rocked them both a little,"but it always is."
"does it ever slow down?" kai mumbled against her mother's scrubs.
"never."
brin responded in a drowsy murmur,"and it only gets worse in flu season."
"i don't know how you do it." the young girl spoke soft words of wonderment. brin ran her hand up and down kai's back soothingly.
"... would i be able for it, do you think?" she then asked, voice laced with uncertainty.
"love, anything i can do, you can do," brin assured her,"there's no doubt in my mind that you'd make a fantastic nurse, one day... it just takes commitment."
luke saw just how happy it made kai to hear this. it let him remember how much she wanted to become a nurse; how much she wanted to be just like brin. he knew how much she idolised her mother, and it was enamouring.
he remained at the threshold of the kitchen doorway, detached now from the conversation as a whole. all he could fully process was the pure elation on kai's face, and the adoration in her eyes. it was the same adoration he had for her, only his was tenfold, and burst from him like an overflowing dam.
the prospects of kai becoming a nurse were all so promising, so hopeful, and yet all luke felt was melancholy, and the sense that time was passing him by — more specifically, time that could be spent with her.
she was growing, he knew. he could see it. it was glorious, and painful all at once to know that she was no longer the orphaned child they'd found all those years ago.
one day, she would leave. she would pick up the pieces of her life and move on, away from him. her presence in his life was never going to be permanent, and he knew he needed to accept it. he wanted the best for her, he did, but somewhere deep down inside of him, he wasn't sure he was going to be able to let go.
he feared severing the attachment. it was something he wasn't willing to lose, especially now, after all he'd done for her, after everything they'd been through.
it wasn't right, and he knew he had to be sensible about this, but she was all he lived for. he could not possibly just let her go.
what would be the sense in that?
——
kind of a filler chapter but it was necessary and super easy to write so woop
anyway hello!! hope everyone's doing ok now that school is back in session! college places here in ireland are due to be given out on friday and i'm shitting bricks shsh i'm praying i get at least one offer but if i don't then it is what it is!!
also i started selling my clothes on depop recently and i made two sales yesterday !! ya girl's gettin bank 😤
i won't say anymore but if yous enjoyed this chapter please spare a vote & tell me what you thought as it would be much appreciated!! ily and stay safe, friends :)
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