"Are you sure you want to do this?"
Chat wrapped his arms around Marinette, pulling her close and sighing when she wiggled back into his chest. The pair of them were sprawled out on the floor, his sort-of girlfriend between his legs, trembling slightly.
She nodded, letting her words fall breathlessly between parted lips. "I'm sure."
Chat buried his face in the crook of her neck, placing a casual kiss to her shoulder. Honestly, this hadn't been the way he thought their date would go, but he was thrilled nonetheless, surprised yet pleased. Apprehensive too, of course, but he was trying not to show it. Marinette responded by reaching up to scratch his ear, and he nipped her playfully, hoping to alleviate the tension hanging in the air.
She inhaled sharply, and Chat couldn't help the low hum of pleasure at the way her breath caught because of him.
"You can always back out you know," he began, sounding a bit pathetic even to his ears. "You don't have to-"
"What the priest says goes, you know there's no turning back now," Marinette interrupted softly, more out of nerves than anything.
Chat snorted. "Yeah! 'Cause we totally should listen to a deranged priest when we could easily jump out of the window right?"
"Hush, Kitty, I'm busy trying not to die," she chided, un-pausing the game and nudging the character (a nosy journalist investigating an abandoned insane asylum that turned out to be not-so-abandoned after all) through an open door. "I hope that creepy large dude doesn't come back to kill me."
"Don't worry, Princess," Chat smirked with more bravado than he felt. "I'll protect you."
It was at that point that said 'creepy large dude' appeared from the corner, the game music intensified, and Chat let out an unholy shriek, gripping onto Marinette's shoulders for dear life.
"Marinette?" Sabine called from downstairs, causing both of them to freeze like the ending shot of an old sitcom. "Is everything ok? We heard you scream."
"Err- f-fine Mama!" Marinette cried back, shaking with effort not to laugh, and Chat felt heat creep up his face. "Just a scary part of my game! I'll try keeping it down!"
She paused the game, silent for a few moments, the control clutched so tightly in her hand that Chat feared she might break it in two. He sighed, hiding his face in her hair and mumbling a resigned, "go ahead, I deserve it."
Marinette burst out laughing, dropping the controller to squeeze his hands in her own. Despite his embarrassment, Chat's heart flipped traitorously at the sound. He did so love her laugh. A long time ago, he'd heard of the term 'music to my ears' but it was only recently that he truly understood it.
She was so lovely, and her laugh only made her lovelier.
"Oh my god kitty, you're worse than Adrien!" Marinette wheezed, and Chat was instantly brought out of his love-struck musings, her words dousing him in ice-water and making his blood run cold. Where previously his heart had been re-enacting its own version of cirque-du-soleil, it was now deadly still, silent and grave-like. "He was so freaked out earlier when we all tried this game I thought he was going to break Nino's arm off!"
But it was always like this, had been like this, since that fated Valentine's day two months previous. Marinette often talked about her friends, about her life, about the Gaming Club and, by extension, him too. Though she remained blissfully unaware of that fact.
All he could do is talk about Ladybug and, although it must've been exciting for Marinette to hear first-hand accounts of all their superhero misadventures, they weren't exactly on equal footing in terms of things they could share. Marinette didn't seem to mind, but that still didn't stop the guilt churning and twisting his guts every time she mentioned his alter-ego.
He laughed once, a desperately false sound despite his best efforts, and leaned back to his normal sitting position. Once again Marinette rested against his chest, and he was altogether glad that she couldn't see his face at that moment in time. He was an open book when it came to her, at least emotionally. He always would be.
"I guess we can't all be brave warrior princesses like you," he smiled, curling a lock of her hair around his finger idly, wondering what it would be like to touch it without the gloves as a barrier.
Marinette sighed, a gesture which made her shoulders slump and, before Chat could reach out for her, she pulled away. Shuffling towards the monitor, she flicked it off, her head bowed. Were it not for his super-hearing, Chat might've missed the way she whispered, "I'm not as brave as you think."
Suddenly, Chat felt awkward, sitting there in such a casual position when Marinette appeared to be in the midst of an internal dilemma, so he rose to his feet. He wasn't sure what caused her change in mood, if he was to blame or not, but he hoped to help somehow... despite the fact that his legs felt like there were about to melt off.
He was just about to ask her what she meant, do whatever he could in his power to make her believe that she was as brave as he knew she was, when she fixed him with a piercing gaze. The shock of her blue eyes, staring at him like a sea before the storm, rendered him mute. She looked away again, biting her lip.
"Chat?" she said finally. "I have a problem."
At once his brain exploded with infinite possibilities. First came the protective side- oh god who's hurt her? is someone bothering her? Can I help? Is she upset? Then came the fear- is she upset with me?! What did I do?! Ok, I've done lots of stuff- but what did I do SPECIFICALLY that she's upset with? After that was the mind-numbing panic- GET READY TO BEG FOR FORGIVENESS! YOU'RE A FRAUD AND A LIAR AND SHE KNOWS AND SHE HATES YOU. JUST SAY SORRY AND LEAP OUT OF THE WINDOW NOW BEFORE YOU FACE HER WRATH. RUN FRAIDY CAT! RUN!
Each and every one of these mental acrobatics occurred within the first five seconds after Marinette had spoken.
Deciding it would be best not to speak, Chat nodded once, closing the gap between them- simultaneously scared for himself and worried about Marinette. He faltered a few steps before her, wanting to reach out but afraid to cross that line. After all, if her problem was with him she'd hardly want to be touched by him... right?
But, as usual, Marinette seemed to sense his trepidation. Reaching out, she grasped both of his hands, cradling them in her own and Chat let out a sigh of relief.
"Our relationship... I... I love-" Marinette hesitated, looking down, and Chat's eyes widened. His heart leapt into his throat before crashing down again when she continued her sentence- "I love what we have going on. With us, I mean. We've gotten to know each other really well. But- but I'm not an idiot or anything! I know, like, because of who you are, we can't be open about it with other people. A-and I'm not asking for anything more! No, nothing like that! It's just uuuugh why is this so difficult?"
She dropped his hands, turning away with a groan of frustration as she waved her arms in the air, flailing, floundering, and all Chat could do was watch helplessly.
"Princess?" he whispered, wishing he had something better to say, more words of comfort. In an ideal world, he'd simply take the stupid ring off his finger and just be done with it all.
But that was reckless even by his standards.
Marinette sighed, wrapping her arms around herself as she twirled to face him, looking him in the eyes once more. There was no lie in them, just steely determination.
"I'm just going to go ahead and say it. I got asked out on a date today."
Huh. Chat suddenly understood what the journalist from the game must've felt like when the scary guy caught him and ripped out his guts.
"He's a really nice guy and we've been friends for a long time," Marinette continued, unknowingly twisting the knife deeper. "But I.... I can't do it because it would feel like a lie. I'm with you, even if we're not anything that can be labelled. I don't know, it feels dishonest somehow. What do you think?"
Chat swallowed, his throat tight, his mind reeling. What did he think? She was asking him what he thought about the possibility of her, the girl he loved, going on a date with someone else? Of course she had no idea about the depths of his feelings, because he'd never told her but that wasn't the point. She was asking him about dating someone else...
It would feel like a lie, it would feel dishonest, she had said.
Marinette hated liars. That was one of the first facts he'd learned about her when they'd started getting to know each other back at university.
"I... think," he uttered, stopping in an attempt to control his breathing, to alleviate the wavering in his voice. "I think that I care about you, I love... I love being with you like this." Coward! "But I know that it would be wrong for me to stop you from going on dates, if that's what would make you happy? I don't know, Mari."
Well at least he could be honest there. He didn't know what to do. It would be controlling, cruel and hypocritical of him to tell her he hated the idea of her going on dates with someone else, holding hands with someone else, kissing someone el-
No. No. Don't think about that.
How could he possibly ask her to remain true to him when he couldn't give her more, despite desperately wanting to?
"If it's what you want, I won't ever stop you," he whispered, stepping forwards to cup her cheek because oh god he needed to. He need to touch her, he need to remind himself that he could, that he was allowed to. "I'm not seeing anyone else right now except for you, but I won't ever hold you back, and I wouldn't ask the same from you because- well- you're right. I can't give you everything I wish I could."
Marinette's eyes lost the steel, flooded with warmth and something which he couldn't quite fathom. Yet her smile didn't reach them. She stood up on her toes, and Chat wrapped his arms around her, kissed her, breathed her in.
"I understand," was all she said in response.
***
Nathanael stood outside the door of the classroom, sketchbook clutched tightly to his chest, fear clutching tighter than that.
It had been a day since he'd asked Marinette on a date, and he'd still not gotten a response. Granted, she'd said she'd give him an answer after their shared art class (which lay just beyond the door beside him) but his nerves had stretched those twenty-four hours into an eternity.
Yet he couldn't bring himself to cross the threshold, into the classroom where he knew Marinette was already waiting. Forgetting his nerves, he briefly smiled to himself. She'd definitely gotten better about being late since they'd started university together.
Peeling the sketchbook away from his person, he glanced at the drawing which had taken him hours to do. It was a simple one, one where he and Marinette were dressed as superheroes of his own design. He'd drawn it weeks ago, and wanted to give it to her as a gift but was too nervous until she gave him an answer.
He sighed, resting his head against the wall, the half-open door mocking him. Despite knowing Marinette for many years, it was only recently that his feelings began to change. It was just a crush, he knew that, but he was trying to be more open with his emotions recently and the inner romantic in him wondered if it might become something more with time. Friends-to-lovers was always a popular romantic theme in the comics he loved so much after all.
"Are you SERIOUS right now?"
Nathanael jumped at the sound of someone yelling, coming from inside the room. Deciding he'd rather not interrupt whatever was going on (gosh wouldn't that be awkward?) he hovered outside the classroom instead, dithering.
Unfortunately, that meant unintentional eavesdropping. He glanced over his shoulder, nervously checking for other students and finding none lining up yet. Maybe they were still outside enjoying the first taste of spring, maybe he should do the same-
"I know ok?! You don't think I don't know how crummy this whole thing is?"
Nathanael stalled, just as he was beginning to walk away and offer privacy to those who were using their empty classroom as a chance to vent personal problems. That had sounded like Marinette...
"Girl," the first voice spoke again, less angry this time, and Nathanael recognised the owner as Alya- one of Marinette's closest friends. "I honestly don't know what to say right now. So... he said it was ok for you to see other guys? To date Nath?"
Nathanael's heart skipped a beat. Guilt and adrenaline pumped through his veins like poison, but he remained frozen to the spot. Was Marinette seeing someone?
"Yeah. That's basically it. I don't know what I was thinking! Maybe he doesn't like me as much I wanted him to? God I'm such an idiot Alya!" Marinette wailed. "I thought- I guess- I hoped that if I brought up that Nath asked me out that he might... I don't even know, fight for me I guess? I mean, don't get me wrong, Nath and I are so close but I could never date him- not when I'm in love with someone else. And I thought he would get that but he didn't!"
The sketchbook mocked him, the smiling faces of his and Marinette's superhero-forms seemed to twist before his eyes. Nathanael bowed his head, tears pooling in his eyes, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry...
It was no use. Who was he fooling really? Of course Marinette was in love with someone else. It made sense. They were just friends, that's all they'd ever be.
That's all he'd ever be to anyone.
Trying not to crumple like the bristles of a broken paintbrush, Nathanael hurried away, desperate to get home. He could skip class just this once, just for today. He could handle Marinette's rejection another time, respect her decision and move on, once he pulled himself together.
But, as he left the building, he failed to notice the dark wings of a butterfly following him on his way home...
Inside the classroom, Alya was sitting cross-legged on the professor's desk, nursing a to-go coffee in her hands and frowning down at Marinette, who was currently face-down against her own desk. "You're going to get drool on your sketchbook," she teased, trying to alleviate the tension hanging in the air.
"Add it to the list of stupid problems I have because I can't control my own life and I'm a massive idiot," came Marinette's muffled response.
Casting a raised eyebrow to Tikki, who smiled sympathetically at her, Alya huffed. In one graceful movement, she hopped off the desk, and sat in the chair opposite Marinette's.
Tikki was the first to break the silence. "It is kind-of a messy situation to be sure. But I think maybe if you talked to him-"
"And tell him what Tikki?" Marinette groaned, sitting up sharply. "That I've been his partner this whole time? That I've loved him forever? That every moment I've spent with him since Valentine's day has been equal parts amazing and terrifying? He'll just- just laugh at me or something and it will all be over! And before you start- I know if I keep going like this, it's not going to end well okay? But I have no idea how to fix it without causing some massive rift between us. I know that."
"Hey, hey, hey!" Alya shushed, wrapping her arms around Marinette, worried to discover she was trembling. "It's not like he's being truthful with his identity, whoever he may be."
"Exactly, Marinette. This is just your fear talking! You know deep down that he could never laugh at you, or hate you. Not after everything you've been through together!"
Marinette hesitated, leaning back in her chair and gazing into Tikki's hopeful eyes.
"She's right you know," Alya agreed, releasing Marinette and sitting back down, nodding her head sagely behind her coffee cup. "I'm not saying you should confess everything right away, especially when all of this is so new, but I think you're right too. If you keep going like this, you're only going to end up hurt. And I really don't want to go to prison for murdering a cat-boy when I've got such a promising journalism career ahead of me."
She winked, making Marinette giggle for the first time that day. The amusement she felt, however, was short lived- more of a plaster attempting to cover a gaping wound. Marinette sighed, twirling her fingers through her hair, through the green ribbons she'd taken to wearing the past couple of months.
"Right now, I just have to focus on letting Nath down easily," she said, wavering determination filling her, juxtaposing a creeping sense of dread. She hated to let Nathanael down, they'd been friends for so long.
Balling her hands into fists, Marinette's focus burned holes in the wall as she waited for the rest of the class to appear, along with Nathanael. Really the whole thing with Chat Noir could wait. Currently, she needed to make sure her friendship with Nathanael survived what was sure to be an awkward encounter. She was certain their relationship could prevail, providing she was kind enough. After all Nath's crush was a result of his growing sense of loneliness rather than actual feelings towards her, she was sure of that.
Not that she could blame him. Being unwillingly single did things to a person's self-esteem, of that she was acutely aware.
Besides, Nathanael was so sweet, he always had been. So she wanted to return the favour, even if she was rejecting him (to put it bluntly).
"It'll be ok, you know. You'll be ok," Alya's voice broke her out of the cycle of her own thoughts. "You and Nath go way back and, like Tikki said, you and cat-boy have gone through so much together. But even if things don't work out the way you hope, I know you'll be fine. Now-" she rubbed her hands together- "Are we done with your shit? Because I swear to god if I have to deal with my mansplaining fudgenut of a research partner for one more day I'm going to go to prison before I even get a chance to kick your lover's butt."
Marinette laughed, trying to ignore the steady slew of students entering the room and concentrate on helping Alya manage her fully justified anger. It was a welcome distraction, focusing on her friend's problems for a change.
***
Her problems, however, came crashing down at her with the force of a rampaging elephant of steroids as she slumped into her desk chair later that afternoon, exhausted and at her wits end.
Nathanael hadn't shown up to class, and all her texts to him had gone unseen. Either his phone was freaking out again, or he was deliberately avoiding her.
"Tikki why are men so painfully exhausting?" she grumbled, letting her chin rest on her keyboard. The sticky-notes app popped up on screen, automatically typing 'bhhhhhhhhhhhn' due to the placement of her chin on the keyboard.
'Bhhhhhhhhhhhn' pretty much summed up exactly what she was feeling at present.
"You know, Marinette," Tikki replied, nuzzling into her shoulder, a wicked grin on her face. "I've been around for thousands of years and I can say, with total certainty, that I have no idea why they are. They just are."
Marinette chortled, cuddling her precious companion. For some strange reason, she found that non-answer comforting.
"Ok well, boy problems can wait for the time being I guess. I better get to work."
She pulled herself up to her dressmaker's mannequin, where her latest design hung loosely. It was a commission, one she'd been slowly working on over the course of a couple of weeks. Since starting university, Marinette had been accepting commissions (usually of the cosplay variety) to help her pay for daily expenses. Adrien had actually commissioned her for this one, based on the one Final Fantasy game she'd shamefully not played, and the look of horror on his face when she admitted it was one she'd never forget. It was like she'd admitted to killing Santa.
She chuckled at the memory. At least there was one cute guy in her life who didn't cause her trouble.
(Ok Nino was cute too, she thought guiltily, but she couldn't really see him as cute considering her best friend was dating him and he was more like a brother really.)
Briefly, she considered asking Chat if he would model the outfit for her when it was done, before she did the final tweaks. Him and Adrien were similar in height after all.
As quickly as the thought came, however, she squashed it. No boys. No distractions. It was time for work.
The golden glow of the sun filtered through the room, the dulcet tones of the latest Jagged Stone release filtering through the speakers of her computer, and Marinette felt a kind of peace she hadn't experienced in a long time. She measured, tweaked, and sewed to her hearts content. The outfit called for some hand sewing and for that she was glad, despite the extra work. Hand sewing was always one of her favourite things to do. When it went right at least.
All the while Tikki floated around her, cracking jokes and encouraging remarks, and offering Marinette whatever tools she needed.
"It's so amazing you know," the Kwami said after some time, "to see how far you've come with your designs!"
Marinette smiled around the sewing needle currently being held between her lips. "That's good to know," she replied, removing the sewing needle from her mouth and sticking it back into the jacket. "I'd hate to be stuck at the same level I was years ag-"
A knock at her window interrupted her and she glanced at Tikki, who'd frozen mid-air.
So, that confirmed she hadn't been hearing things.
When the knocking appeared again, Marinette caught a glimpse of a purple glove and her heart lurched. Turning to Tikki she hissed at the Kwami to hide, whilst she herself half hid behind her mannequin.
"Marinette?" a voice called, before a head popped into view, and her eyes bulged. "Are you in there?"
Stepping around the mannequin, her jaw open wide, Marinette rubbed her eyes in disbelief. No. It wasn't possible, surely, she was seeing things. Surely it wasn't...
"NATHANAEL?"
But it wasn't Nathanael, not really, not how she knew him to be. His bright red hair was tied up in a ponytail, ends darkening to a sunburnt orange and somehow looking...spikier? His skin was a strange purple hue and his eyes gave off a faint glow.
Her heart, having previously launched itself into her throat, now dropped like a stone.
There was only one explanation for this.
An akuma.
There'd been a time, after the defeat of Hawk Moth two years ago, that Ladybug and Chat Noir had considered retiring for good. However, fate had other plans. For, although Hawk Moth had been stopped and the Butterfly Miraculous now lie dormant, a few akuma had escaped the last final cleanse. Without a wielder, they floated around the city like supernatural mosquitos, aimlessly attracted to negative energy and unable to multiply without the miraculous to give them more energy. When they found someone, they still possessed them, gave them powers, but with no Hawk Moth working behind the scenes, the victims were free to follow their own agenda. Sometimes that made them less dangerous, and sometimes more so.
Either way, it was certainly the reason for the sudden popularity rise the 'mindfulness' craze had taken in recent years. Luckily for everyone, akuma attacks were getting less and less frequent as the last of the purple butterflies dwindled. In fact, this was the first one this year, and they were already in April. All of this was irrelevant, however, because it was her friend who'd been chosen. Her friend who'd been upset enough to attract an akuma, her friend whom she needed to help.
But she was stuck. She couldn't transform. Not now at least.
Marinette continued to stare at Nathanael's floating head, her brain desperately scrambling for solutions and coming up blank, before he looked away with a blush.
"Umm... can I come in?"
She blinked, surprised by the gentleness in his tone, and nodded. Maybe if she knew what he wanted, she could help him without the need for any big battles. Nathanael wasn't exactly the fighting type, but nothing could be ruled out where akuma were involved.
Smiling shyly, Nathanael phased into the room, keeping his distance from her. In his arms, he held a tablet and pen, and her eyes were instantly drawn to them, thinking...
"I know, it's pretty cool, isn't it?" Nathanael grinned sheepishly. "I kind of look more villain-ish than I hoped though."
Marinette swallowed dumbly. "Kind of like an evillustrator."
Nathanael laughed, scratching the back of his head. "Yeah, I guess so! But I swear, you don't have to be afraid of me like this! I promise I won't hurt you. And I have really cool powers now, look!"
He raised the pen to the tablet, quickly drawing something Marinette couldn't see. Between them, a faint purple glow appeared and suddenly, a bouquet of gorgeous, red roses materialised.
Nathanael stooped to catch them before they hit the ground. Timidly, he handed them over to Marinette, his purpled cheeks darkening. "Umm... these are for you."
Marinette accepted them, held the bouquet in her hands, her mind spinning and searching for a reason as to why Nathanael had been akumatised, why he was here.
"I- I know this is really sudden and I don't want to freak you out," Nathanael stammered shyly, bringing the tablet back to his chest. "But- may I take you out tonight? As- as a date I mean. I can take you wherever you want to! With my powers and everything, I'm sure I can draw something you'd like."
Oh. Oh god.
An akuma was asking her on a date.
Well, she thought stupidly, at least she now knew the reason why Nath had attracted an akuma.
What if she said no? Would he get angry? Would he run away and hide? Would she even get the chance to sneak away and transform?
An idea hit her. It was risky, and Chat Noir would probably kill her for suggesting it, but it was the only way she could think to both keep her identity a secret, and keep Nathanael placated.
"I' d love to," she replied, breathless, forcing a smile on her face. No doubt it made her look like a demented clown. "Go on a date I mean. With you. I'd love to."
Nathanael beamed at her, and she tried to ignore the stabbing guilt at lying to him. Why was she lying so much these days? "Awesome! That's great! You won't regret it! Ok so can I meet you tonight by the love-lock bridge?"
Marinette nodded, awkwardly fumbling with the bouquet in her arms. "S-sure!"
"Great! Ok you don't have to decide what we do now, take your time ok? I'm going to practice drawing with this thing, it can get a bit sketchy. Oh!" His eyes brightened. "Pun unintended!"
With one breathless farewell, Nathanael waved at her, phasing out of the wall and disappearing from sight. The second he left, Marinette stumbled backwards into her desk chair, clutching her chest.
Tikki popped up from her hiding place, looking visibly relieved. "Well at least he's still nice, for now!" she said, as if that would provide any sense of relief to Marinette's troubled mind.
Marinette didn't reply. Instead, her fingers brushed against her miraculous as she glanced at the clock. Chat Noir was due to start his patrol in an hour, she could transform and contact him then.
In the meantime, she was pretty sure she was going to have a panic attack.
So much for a peaceful evening of sewing.