-/-/-
Did Jade tell you about the breakup? Yeah? Then I'll tell you about what happened after the breakup. Oh, she told you that too? Basically, I don't have much to say except my side of the story.
So we broke up. It was a mutual decision, because I knew she was right and she knew I was tired. It wasn't worth going back and forth a bunch of places for a person who was tired of doing that too. Back then, we were high schoolers with no concept of Newton's laws of motion, which was, according to my really smart best friend Shayne, extremely essential in a relationship. I was disinterested with what he had to say about physics, possibly because I left my science side behind in high school, but last night prior to interview day, I needed to hear it from him, simply because I knew it was a bad place and a bad time to be in love with Jade again.
"Okay, so you know Newton, right? Apple fell on his head, decided to make the hardest science known in high school, died a virgin, et cetera," he explains on the phone as I lie down on my bed at two in the morning, drowning in thoughts of falling in love. "Basically, his three laws of motion state that to summarize: first, unmoving things wouldn't move unless moved by an outside force; second, force is equal to mass over acceleration; and third, for every action, there's an equal but opposite reaction."
"Yes, I remember that despite my last encounter with it was 13 years ago."
"Great, good, great," he continues. "I read in a book once that it's good to keep those in mind when you're in a relationship, simply because they all kinda explain how to move in relationships too. For inertia, take all the shots you can get, so basically move. For acceleration, do it in moderation so your partner wouldn't feel too forced and a little too loved. For interaction, everything you do will have an effect on your partner and may work like karma, so keep an eye out for that."
"Okay, so what you're saying is, I have to do this stuff for Jade?" I ask.
"No, you have to do it to each other together," he answers. "That's what makes a healthy relationship. It isn't only you taking and she giving or only the other way around. In physics, even the slightest digit in the decimal place counts in computation. That's what everyone takes into account when in a relationship. But that's all useless if you don't have the right formula. That's what you two lacked when you first dated in high school. Not chemistry or romance or biology or... I dunno, freaking English? It was the formula. You both had no idea what to do to keep each other around. All you had was love, but what would you do with all the love if you had no idea how to give it to someone else, yeah?"
And of course, it kept me awake. Well, maybe for a while, I fell asleep almost immediately afterwards. But it stuck to my head the entire morning, and I was more than ready to tell Jade that I wanted to try again. I wanted to ask her out on a real date, but it will always feel like magic as if it were last night's night out. I wanted to move into an apartment with her, no matter how far it seemed from Mythical. I wanted to fall in love with her for real this time, and not just the idea of her. Heck, if you'd ask me, I would even love to spend the rest of my life with her. She was that unforgettable, which made her all the more lovable.
So when she told me to trust her for the interview, I knew she was going to tell them the truth. All of the truth that she knows, so I threw all the other options I had to save our asses. But she probably doesn't know the truth I planned on telling her.
When she leaves the booth, all shaken up and slightly pale, I sit her down. "Hey, hey, hey... are you okay?"
"Mhm," she mumbles, clearly not okay. "But go inside. It's your turn."
"I'll be right back," I tell her, worried for her state. "Just sit tight, drink some water, and calm down, okay? It's gonna be alright. Trust me?"
She sighs and looks at me, nodding.
When I enter the booth, Laney's reading my file. I close the door behind me, and she looks up at me. "Your fiancée seems a little too stressed out," she remarks. "But I don't blame her. Her job for the past four years since Trump became president must have been the worst years of her career. So much shit on the news every single day. You really gotta thank God that she was assigned here in Japan and just so far away from that annoying orange, yeah?"
"Yeah," I reply, sitting down across her. "Let's bring it."
"Oh, yes, let us do so," she says, closing my folder and sliding it to her right. "From what I've gathered earlier in my interview with Jade, I presume both of you know a different thing that the other person don't know. I will tell you hers if you tell me what's your secret."
"Is it about the engagement?"
"Honestly, from the eye of someone who doesn't know you, you two would look completely ready for a lifetime commitment," she answers, grinning. "It's not about the engagement. We know that already, even though she told us that too. It's because I met you on your first day here and you said you were travelling alone."
I sigh and scratch the back of my neck. "Well, there goes that," I mumble.
"Yep. So just to clarify, you two aren't dating."
"Nope."
"Really?" she says, now even more confused than I was. "I swear, you two seem like you do. I'm sorry that I seem like I'm insinuating things, but it's just really there. I didn't need to point it out to Mark that you two were so in love."
"Well, you're half-right."
"Hmm?"
"I'm in love with Jade," I tell her, crossing my arms. "And I'm not even kidding. That's the secret you want to hear from me, but I'm in love with Jade Natalie Greene. I met her in a quiz bee back in high school, and she resented me for not knowing that the heart was the strongest muscle. But then we became study buddies, and then friends, and then we dated. When we broke up, I felt like I was crushed by heaven and hell that it took me half a decade to move on. And when I saw her thirteen years later in Japan, of all places, I knew I hadn't moved on. She was just out of my life back then, that's why I thought she was gone. But she's... she's just constantly running in my mind. And I want to keep it that way but in my heart. And I don't care if it's tiring; she can run in my heart all she wants because that's the strongest muscle."
"Wow," Laney mumbles, completely in awe. "She told me you were good in improv, but I didn't know you were that good."
"Thanks," was the only thing I could say.
She sighs, grabbing my folder and standing up. "Well, I don't really need to know anything else, that's all I needed to know," she says, shaking my hand and surprising me. "It was fun talking to you, Damien. Result's in a week, okay?"
"Wait, wait, you said you'd tell me what she told you if I told you what I was hiding," I reply, standing up.
Laney opens the door to reveal Jade still in a state of nervousness. "I think you need to hear it from her," she says before exiting the room and heading down the hallway.
I walk towards Jade, wondering what the hell she was hiding and watching her tremble with my every step. "What did you have to say to me?" I ask.
Jade reluctantly hands me a brown envelope that wasn't with her earlier. I open it and read the contents on the file inside. Red marks and all that jazz. An unfamiliar signature. A bold sign that says APPROVED. A flight headed out exactly six days from now. She tells me, "I'm about to leave."
"What?" I mumble. "What? Since when did you know?"
"I've been trying to tell you all day to be honest, I just couldn't," she explains. "It's just... I didn't want you to think I'm the one giving up on us again. Because I gave up on you last time, and I always did give up on you. But this time, even though I had an approved trip back to California, I didn't want you going through this alone. Going through your dad's death alone when I could have been there was already too much for you to handle. Going through each and every audition when I could have been there was already too much for you to handle. So this time, I stayed. And I hope that, in one week, you wouldn't be in here anymore either."
In the course of our high school relationship, Jade had cried three times. First time was when we were watching Bridget Jones's Diary, which was her favorite romantic comedy. Apparently, she always cries at the scene where Mark Darcy (Colin Firth's character, not the embassy agent) tells Bridget that he liked her just the way that she was. Second time was when she received her Yale rejection letter, and I wasn't there for it. The last time was during our breakup, which was the same week as the previous time. So I didn't have any idea when she was about to burst into tears until now when she's literally holding every tear she could in her eyes. She didn't want high school to happen again, even though our high school relationship was built on a weak foundation.
All I can think about right now is physics. Basically everything Shayne said last night. A relationship had to be equal despite opposite qualities, moderate but still moving, and it wouldn't budge unless stirred by outside forces. I knew that Jade took that into consideration when she went into the embassy for literally nothing but to save my ass when she couldn't save mine a few years ago. But I didn't care about the past anymore, because I could only think about the future I wanted to spend with her. I had so many plans. I still want to do them with her. And if I wanted that, I had to trust her in this plan.
So basically whatever she told Laney a few minutes before I declared my love was the only thing keeping my visa application afloat.
"I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to tell you, and I'm sorry I never really apologized to you for all the pain that I caused you in all those years," Jade keeps telling me. "I'm sorry you had to blindly put your trust in me. I am so sorry for everything, and in a week, I'll be out of your life for good. I just want to fix the one thing I never did back then when I should have. I just want... to make sure I pay you back for all the love you gave me which I was unable to carry because I was scared."
Think, Damien. She said you were good at improv. She knows you were good at improv. She knows that. She loved you for it.
"You... like daisies and lavender. Sometimes with peonies."
"What?" she asks.
"You love frozen yogurt to death. It keeps you more awake than coffee. It keeps you sane," I continue. "You love romantic comedies, even though your tough exterior doesn't really show it. You love them so much that, in fact, your favorite is Bridget Jones's Diary. Your favorite Pokemon is Gengar. You like to sleep with an eye mask, two pillows on each side and one pillow on your head. Your favorite breakfast is anything that has eggs, so... you really love breakfast. But you hate mushrooms. You also hate frogs, which is why, out of the four main sciences, you never considered majoring in Biology. You used to want to become a chemist, but you steered over to journalism because Mr. Ronson told you that you were such a good writer, because you became a columnist, because you spent your Saturdays in Yale for six months. You kept the ring I gave you as a peace offering when we first fought. Your middle name, even though you hate it but I just think it's perfect for you, is Natalie."
"What are you even saying?" she says, nearly sniffling as we walk out of the embassy building and into the parking lot. Looks like the Kims have long left the area. They already probably knew everything, but they pushed on with this plan. For me. Because Jade said so.
"I know so many things about you, and you don't know the first fact about me," I tell her.
"Uh, your middle name is Christian."
"Nope."
"You turned from a dog person to a cat person."
"Nu-uh."
"Your favorite Pokemon is Chansey."
"Yes, but not that."
"Then what?" she says, confused.
"I'm in love with---"
"Jade, there you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!" someone exclaims, and we both turn around to see a woman, probably in her 50s, walk towards us. "And this must be Damien, your, um... ex-boyfriend, as you said? My name's Nancy, I'm her boss back in San Francisco."
"Hi, yes, I am Damien," I reply, shaking her hand and trying not to lose my cool with my interrupted declaration of love.
"Well, time to go, dear," she tells Jade, pulling her by her arm. "I've been so tired dealing with your visa situation all month long, so I just flew my way here without telling Lily and got your visa approved again. Come on, we'll go back to your hotel so you can pack your things, and we're out of here. I think Damien here has everything handled already too, so not a problem."
"Er, but, wait," Jade says to her, looking worriedly at me. "It's still a week before my flight, and a week before Damien's results."
"Change of plans, we have a flight back to San Francisco tonight, because you have to start anchoring tomorrow, dear," she replies, shocking both of us. "Anyway, nice to meet you, Damien, and I hope to see you in America soon! Toodles now!"
In a physics equation, that's what you'd call the unsolvable. When I see Jade being pulled into her boss's car, I knew she had so much more to say, possibly more than I did because all I had left to say was one word. I just needed to tell her I was in love with her.
I'm no Newton, but I think I have to solve the unsolvable.
-/-/-