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When he woke up, he scanned his room, making sure everything was the same as how he left it the night before. Making sure no one came in while he was asleep and poisoned his brain. Making sure he was waking up in his living quarters in Wakanda and not a damp cell in some secret Hydra base. It was just something he did now.
Some may call it paranoia, others may call it adaptation. Either way, once he stepped outside and made sure he was alone, he allowed himself to take a breath.
Today was the day, the first day of official treatment. He had no idea what to expect; he was just hoping to high heavens that it would end up working. Freedom. That's all he wanted. Liberation from the chains Hydra had had around him since he fell from the train all those years ago.
He was apprehensive for sure, but he tried his best to keep himself optimistic. Bucky was sure that Shuri was smarter than any Hydra scientist he once came in contact with. So, if they can tear apart his mind, perhaps she can put it back together. Right?
Her in addition to (Y/N). That psychologist woman. He had spoken to her the day before at the lake. She was funny, and she seemed decently easy to talk to. That's a good sign, he guessed. She told him that she hadn't minded relocating to assist in his treatment, but he honestly couldn't make out her true feelings. She was rather hard to read. Perhaps it was a psychologist thing; he tried not to look too far into it.
He waited outside his door until two Wakandans came to escort him to Shuri. Bucky noticed they were armed. Guards. He wasn't surprised nor did he blame them. However, that didn't make it any easier to trust. He hadn't had that luxuy in a very long time. The former assassin fought against the voice in the back of his head telling him to analyze their every move in order to ensure that he wasn't in any danger. That any minute they weren't going to strap him down and rip his brain apart the way it had been so many times before. So many times. He gave the slightest wince at the thought. His brain suddenly felt prickly, painful memories creeping up on him.
Not now, don't think about it.
Sometimes, if he fixated on the thoughts for too long, he would drive himself to this panicked state of fear and constriction. He wasn't sure exactly what this thing was. All he knew was that these things - these episodes - were extremely unpleasant, and utterly unnecessary at the moment.
He shook his head (somehow hoping that this would rid him of the prickly memories like a dog shaking off water), strands of long brown hair swaying quickly in front of his eyes, and fixed his gaze to the floor.
Floor. Floor. Floor. Floor. Just the floor. The floor. The floor. The floor-
"Sergeant Barnes!" Shuri welcomed him happily.
Oh. He was in the lab now. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Let's do this.
"Good morning," he smiled, "and just Bucky's okay."
"Of course, of course. This is my lab! Best place in Wakanda in my humble opinion. Today's only the first day of treatment, so nothing too intensive. But, we will be working all the same!"
He glanced around the lab. The guards were at the doorway and they didn't look like they were leaving anytime soon. Again, he wasn't surprised. Moreover, sitting at a table a few feet from Shuri, was a familiar face. This familiar face soon met his gaze.
"Hi, Bucky" (Y/N) greeted, offering a polite smile. "See! I remembered this time."
Bucky grinned. "Are you still (Y/N), or is it Dr. (Y/L/N) since we're in the lab now?"
"I'm always (Y/N)."
"I don't know, if I went to school for as long as you did, I'd make everyone call me Doctor," Shuri added.
(Y/N) laughed. "Well, if you want to call me Doctor you're more than welcome, Shuri."
"That's the spirit, Doc," she declared before turning to Bucky. "Now, follow me and we'll get a quick MRI done."
"A what?" He quickly caught up to Shuri who already started walking away.
"An MRI. It stands for magnetic resonance imaging. Basically, scanners use strong magnetic fields, magnetic field gradients, and radio waves to generate images of the organs in the body."*
Yes, very basic.
(Y/N) leaned over to Bucky, explaining softly, "It's used to form pictures of the anatomy and the physiological processes of the body."**
"Oh."
"You just lay down and it scans you. Y'don't even feel anything."
"Thats... not too bad, I guess."
"It's a bit of a tight fit though, so I hope you're aren't claustrophobic."
Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, after cryo, I doubt tight spaces will be too much of a bother for me."
"Right," said (Y/N), "but it's still decently in your personal space. Just so you know - so there's no surprises."
He nodded. They didn't say anything until Shuri stopped short in front of them. She stood a couple feet from a shiny metal table which was lined up in front of an equally shiny and metallic semi-cricle arch. It was long enough to fit - well, would you look at that - a body.
"Oh. I guess there is a surprise," (Y/N) blurted, turning to Shuri, confused. "That isn't like any MRI machine I've ever seen."
"That's because you're in Wakanda," Shuri flashed a proud smile. "Tech's a bit... advanced here."
(Y/N) turned to Bucky. He thought he saw something resembling self consciousness flow across her features, but he wasn't sure.
"Sorry, I guess I was wrong. But, honestly this is way better than a typical MRI set up. It's much more open... and wide. Regularly, it would be like a super narrow tube with hardly any space inside. This way, you'll even be able to see us and the rest of the room."
That's good. More space. More freedom. And he'll be able to see her- them, see them.
Shuri clapped. "Alright! Shall we get started then?"
He had no idea how any of this worked; he was way out of his element here. He just barely learned what a damn MRI was, and had to hide his shock when he found out. Medicine has changed dramatically since 1945. Although it is helpful, he is completely clueless. Great.
"Do I jus-just lay on the table?" He asked, unsure.
"Yep! Just lie there and be absolutely still, and I'll do the rest," Shuri replied, reassuringly as she walked around to a control panel next to the machine, preparing to start.
Bucky took his place on the thin metal table, and he thought he was seeing things. Was it was levitating? Honestly, from what he's seen so far he wouldn't even be surprised. He stared up at the ceiling, getting lost in thought. A string of various questions and uncertainties fluttered through his battered mind.
Would the metal arm interfere with the magnet- oh. Right. No arm. Just a scan, no need to worry. (Y/N) said it would be fine. Can I even trust her Then again, can I even trust anyone yet? She's the best I got right now. Damn it, I wish I wasn't so wary of everyone.
"Hey," a gentle voice pulled him out.
He looked over to the left of him, the side with no arm. (Y/N).
"I can practically hear your brain whirring around right now - which is justified - but do you need anything?"
'Do you need anything?' He hadn't heard that phrase in a while.
He adjusted his body on the table. "I'm alright, just... a bit out of my element here."
She nodded, knowingly. "Honestly, me too. This lab looks like somethin' out of a sci-fi movie for me, so I can't imagine what it must feel like to you."
She was looking down at him. He felt vulnerable, exposed. It seemed like she noticed.
"Here, I have an idea."
With that, she turned and grabbed something from a nearby table. Rotating around to face him again, she displayed what she had taken: a pair of headphones... but without a wire? What the hell?
"Are they broken?" he asked, feeling perpetually confused.
"No, they're wirelessly connected to my phone. It's called bluetooth."
The look on his face was almost laughable.
"Bluetooth? What kind of name is Bluetooth?"
"The kind of name that I didn't invent nor should I be blamed for," she chuckled. "Do you want to listen to music while you're in there? It might help to keep you down on Earth with us."
Music. The thought was almost surreal. He hadn't been privileged with such a pleasure in longer than he'd care to admit. It actually seemed... nice.
"Y-yeah," he said, pondering. "That'd actually be nice."
"Awesome."
She leaned over him to put the headphones on his ears, causing him a very conflicting series of emotions.
First of all, close. She was very close to his face. His face, his eyes, his nose, his lips. It almost seemed a tad bit intimate. And then he realized he hadn't been this close to a woman in forever. A real woman, not some fellow assassin he had to take out. He hoped the shy embarrassment he felt didn't show on his cheeks.
Second of all, she was wrapping something around his head, his brain. He tried not to, but he couldn't stop the muscle memory of what he'd been conditioned to feel. Hydra's machine would wrap around his head and rip his psyche apart. His mind expected pain, the worst pain, the dehumanizing, out of body, mind splitting pain. He hoped the way he flinched ever so slightly didn't offend (Y/N).
She didn't seem offended, and her voice was soft. "You're good. Just music and a scan. Then you're done."
He looked up at her face, reassuring and calm. He took a deep breath.
"Good?" she asked.
He nodded. "Think so."
"If it's too much at any point just let us know, and we'll pull you right out. It's your comfort level, your choice."
His choice. Choice. Control. The prospect gave him comfort.
She gave him one last look before stepping away and signaling Shuri to start the machine. The seemingly levitating table began a smooth descent into the machine when the music started playing. It almost startled him, but he then he was pleasantly surprised by what he heard.
There were loud drums, guitar riffs with attitude, and voices that had so much emotion they were almost screaming. It was like no music he had ever heard before, and he loved it. In fact, he was so into it that he didn't even notice when the MRI had finished. That is, until he felt a feather light hand on his shoulder. His eyes opened, and (Y/N) had the biggest grin on her face. While taking the headphones off of him, she looked very pleased with herself.
She looked at Shuri but declared to no one in particular, "Bucky likes Rock and Roll!"
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* = from wikipedia
** = from wikipedia
what did you think of this chapter??? any predictions? lmk!!