Rekindle
Tila dinuduyan siya sa saliw ng musika. Silang dalawa sa gitna.
The lights flickered as the time slows down synchronizing through their gentle sways. His grip tightened on her waist as if declaring her as his. Her arms on his shoulders. The familiarity, the comfortable warmth and the safeness that he always makes her feel. His strong angular face juxtaposing his soft stares from her eyes down to her lips. All of these sending bolts through her stomach.
He leaned in and whispered, "Lila, did you have any regrets?"
She smiled, a small one. Umiling siya dito.
"Honestly, no. I love where I am today."
It's true. Everything happened for a reason, she thought. Lila felt as if she's where she's supposed to be because of all the things that had happened in the past.
He breathed inwardly. "Then, it's good."
After the dinner and the little catching up, they decided to call it a night. Hinatid siya nito pauwi sa kanyang apartment.
"So can we go out again?" he asked when they got out of the car.
"Pag-iisipan ko."
It seems like it wasn't the answer he was expecting. Lila laughed in her head. Did he really think that she would just give in that easily?
"Don't think too much," he said and paused. "Think of me."
She snorted unbelievably. "You're not on your game anymore, Villavicencio."
He chuckled and held his nape. "Right. This isn't college anymore."
She bid him goodbye as he slid inside his car. He called her name again.
"Call me if you changed your mind," he said and drove away.
She might just really do that.
But she needed some time to assess her feelings towards him. What if this is just some lingering emotions she had back in college? Or just a nostalgic memory that she wanted to go back to.
Lila thought she had a great night with him. He changed and he did not. It's like he's the same person and he was also not at the same time. But it goes both ways as herself changed as well. Although some parts of her remained the same. Like how her eyes still quivers when he stares too much.
The truth is—there are so many questions left on her mind. A night wasn't enough to fill in the gaps. To know the answers, she invited him to the annual event inside SUN, Aliwan Week.
"Nagtagal talaga kayo no'ng ex mo?" she said nonchalantly. As if she wasn't dying to know the answer. Acting like it wasn't a big of a deal to ask.
"Si Raya? Almost a year din. But we ended things for good. Too many differences."
A year? That's quite a long time, she thought. She remembered the girl's name. His friends used to talk about this girl. Hindi niya tuloy maiwasang makaramdam ng kung ano. Jealousy? She hoped not.
"So sa tingin mo magtatagal tayo? O magbabago rin ang isip mo?"
He laughed. "You're always cornering me."
She shrugged. "Sinasabi ko lang. Life thought me to be tough, you know."
People walk past through them. Naglalakad sila sa kahabaan ng field. Along the isle were stalls of food and products sold by different org in the university. Sa di kalayuan ay may nangyayaring event. Some sort of music festival. Everything reminds her of college. The days she used to have with him.
"Hindi natin masasabi 'yan eh. Kung magtatagal. But one thing is for sure, I'm willing to work things out." He looked at her. "That is if you still do."
"Kaya nga ako nandito," she murmured.
They stopped by a stall.
"Isa lang, miss." Inabot nito ang pera.
"Marunong ka nang magtipid ah?" she commented.
"Life thought me well."
Natawa siya. "O pambawi do'n sa fine dining?"
"I know when to invest, Lila."
She went silent.
"Kaya ba isang balot ng japanese cake lang?"
"Marami pa kasi tayong kakainin. Lahat ng stall na 'yan?" He pointed the long lines of food stalls. "Pupuntahan natin."
"Siguraduhin mo lang kasi gutom ako."
"I like that you're speaking your mind."
Napangiti siya. One thing that changed in her. People used to take advantage of her silence. Hindi dahil wala siyang imik ay ayos lang sa kanya. She didn't want that for herself. She learned to say no and to speak out her voice.
"Ang hirap magturo ng Hapon, promise. Pero mababait naman sila mostly. May iba lang talaga na papagalitan ka."
She talked about Japan and her life there.
"How about your... father? Did you meet him?"
"No, he's..." she trailed off.
This was always an off topic. A sensitive part of her life that she wants to forget. Pero ito rin ang parte kung saan naroon ang kanyang ina.
"Tanggap ko naman na. I don't need anyone to complete who I am. Ang tagal kong na-realize 'yon."
Nagpatuloy silang naglakad. She was eating the last piece of Japanese cake. Ngayon ay fries ang kanyang hawak. It was his turn to talk about his career and the places he traveled to.
"It was so successful that it was terrifying. Parang ang dali ng lahat. After that, naging mabuti naman. Great job and benefits. I was doing what I always wanted to do. Pero iba pa rin naman kung nasaan ang puso mo." Napatingin ito sa kanya. "My home, I mean."
She pursed her lips. "So... babalik ka doon?"
"I still have a project here. Kung successful din, I might not go back at all."
The project sounded like an excuse but she didn't mind.
"Kukunin ko muna ang bag ko sa faculty," aniya.
Sumama naman ito papasok sa kanilang building. Half of the lights were out. Nakita niya si Sin na papalabas.
"Hi, is he the boyfriend?" tanong nito.
"Hindi. Papauwi ka na, Sin?"
Napahalakhak siya nang ngumiwi ang mukha nito.
"Oo, hinahanap na ako ng amo ko sa bahay."
Naiwan silang mag-isa sa loob ng faculty room. Inayos niya ang mga gamit sa desk. Ang daming papel na nagkalat. Mukhang hindi nilagyan ng pampabigat ng mga students ang mga test papers.
"It's nice here," he said.
Napalingon siya at suminghap nang makita ito nang kay lapit. She stepped back and the stapler fell on the floor.
"Oh." Yumuko ito para kunin.
"Ako na," she interupted but he already got it.
She gulped as the silence enveloped between them. He stepped closer at her until she felt his warm breath on her face. Dahan-dahan nitong hinawakan ang kanyang mukha. Napaawang ang kanyang bibig at naramdaman ang bahagyang paglapat ng mga labi nito.
Napasandal siya sa mesa. His arms resting on top of the table as he savored her lips. His kiss was inviting, igniting fire under her skin. Napakapit siya sa balikat nito. Her knees weakening, her insides twisting and her mind in shambles.
"God, I missed you so much," he whispered in between.
She gently pulled away. His hand still on the softness of her jaw.
"Wait..."
Napalunok siya. Her heart still racing so fast.
"I want to take this slow and sure. Ayoko nang maulit ang nakaraan."
Napatunghay siya at hinanap ang mga mata nito.
His eyes changed. "Of course. Promise me, there will be no more secrets now," he said.
She nodded. "I promise."
"Hindi ako makakadalo. May klase ako tuwing Saturdays, graduate school," she reasoned.
It's a weekday. Hinatid siya nito sa university early in the morning. It kind of became his routine. As if he's making up for everything. He said that his cousin's wedding is next week and he's inviting her to come. Kaso busy talaga siya. Tsaka hindi niya naman gaanong kilala.
"It's okay. I'll be fine alone," anito ngunit halata ang pagtatampo sa nakasimangot na mukha.
Napahakhak siya. "Ang drama mo."
On the weekend, she went on her class. Matapos naman ang klase niya, she decided to get some groceries. Kaya pumunta siya sa mall para mamili. Busy siya sa pagkilatis ng mga sanitary pads nang may mabangga siyang tao.
"Sorry!" anito.
Nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata nang mapagtanto kung sino ito.
"Jace?" she called.
It's him.
"Kumusta ka?" aniya.
Hindi makapaniwala nakikita niya ito. He looked so different. He had some color on his face. Although there were dark circles under his eyes, he actually looked alive.
Ngumiti ito. "Ayos naman. May dalawa na akong anak."
He got married? That's the last thing she was expecting from him. Napatingin siya sa dala nitong basket na may lamang malalaking diapers at karton ng mga gatas.
"Para sa kanila ba 'yan?" she asked.
"Oo. Kambal eh."
"Congrats." She meant it.
Aalis na sana siya ngunit muli itong humabol.
"Lila, patawarin mo ako sa mga nangyari noon. Alam kong sobrang sama ko sa'yo."
She didn't know what to say.
"Sorry talaga. Pasensya na. Sana hindi pa huli."
He used to apologized without remorse. But now she can see that he really wants to say sorry. Iyon lang naman ang hiling niya noon pa. For him to regret, learn and to apologize sincerely.
Kinagabihan ay may tumawag na unknown caller sa kanyang cellphone.
"Hello? Lila, ikaw ba 'to?" ika ng lalaki sa kabilang linya.
"Yes, sino sila?"
She heard incoherent noises from the background. Parang may nagbabangayan. What's happening?
"Si Eon 'to. Si kuya kasi, lasing na lasing."
Napabuntong-hininga siya. What did he do this time? It's so unlike him to cause trouble. Agad niyang pinuntuhan ang address na binigay ng kapatid nito. Eon called and told her that they were at the parking lot.
"Lila, dito!" tawag ni Eon.
Hawak nito ang nakapikit na Ewan. He looked groggy in his white dress shirt. His coat dangling on his one shoulder.
"Anong nangyari sa kanya?" Lumapit siya sa dalawa.
"Nag-one on one kasama 'yong si Gelo."
Napansin din niya ang commotion sa di kalayuan.
"Lamang ako! Kita mo, babalikan ako ni Lila!" sigaw ni Ewan bigla.
What's he doing?
"Ulol! Pare-pareho lang mga babae! Katawan lang ang habol sa mga lalaki!" a man yelled back.
Bumaling si Ewan sa kanya. Agad itong naglakad papalapit. Papaling-paling pa habang naka-ngisi. He's so drunk and he smelled so bad.
"Lila! My lovely Lila!"
"Ang baho mo!" Tinulak niya ito ngunit sinandal nito ang ulo sa kanyang balikat.
She held his arm to support his weight.
"Anong gagawin ko dito?" tanong niya kay Eon na ready nang umalis.
"Aren't you two back together? Walang mag-aalaga niyan sa bahay."
"Eh ikaw pala—
"Thank you! Bye!" Tumakbo ito papalayo.
She sighed and looked at Ewan. "Hay naku..."
Inakay niya ang lalaki hanggang sa makapagpara siya ng taxi. Now where is she going to drop him? Mukhang itinakwil na ito ng kapatid. It looks like she's going to be the one who will tend to him tonight. Kaya dinala niya na lang ito papasok sa kanyang apartment.
"Ang bigat mo! Aray!" daing niya.
He groaned. She fumbled for her keys and pulled him inside.
Tinuro siya nito. "Ang ganda-ganda mo naman—miss. Huwag mo 'kong iuwi... May iba nang nagmamay-ari sa'kin," anito.
Hindi niya mapigiling humalakhak. Lasing na nga talaga. He was talking and talking unintelligibly asking who she is and where he was.
"Ang ingay, Ewan. Ako 'to, ano ka ba."
Pinahiga niya sa kama ang lalaki. Tinanggal ang sapatos pati medyas nito. He also unbuttoned his shirt instinctively. Bigla naman itong huminto at pumikit. Is he now asleep? Inayos niya ang mga paa nito sa pagkakahiga.
"Dyan ka lang muna—
Akma siyang aalis ngunit naramdaman niya ang pagpigil nito sa kanyang kamay.
"Don't... don't leave me," he murmured.
His face half-asleep.
She sighed. "Para ka pa ring bata."
Lumuhod siya at hinimas nang bahagya ang mukha nito. He smiled gently as he closed his eyes. His breathing stabled. Mukhang mahimbing na itong tulog.
"Are you that tired?" tanong niya.
He only groaned. "Hmm..."
She traced his face. The little fringes falling from his forehead. His eyes, his nose and his lips. She missed all of him. Is it really fine to rekindle the love they had in the past? Will it last this time?