You sit outside the bunker in your car for what seemed like hours. You know you need to go in and talk to Sam and Dean, especially Dean, but something inside you says to start your car back up and just drive as far as you can. You close your eyes as your tears start to fall onto the steering wheel. You screwed up big time.
"Y/N?" You jump and turn to see Castiel sitting in the front passenger seat.
"Cas, what the hell? You scared me!" you wipe your tears quickly.
"You were praying. I wanted to see if you were okay." He says, concern etched across his face.
"I'm fine." you answer quickly, but one look at your tear-stained face proves otherwise.
"Y/N, what have you done?" he asks sadly, and the words echo in your mind. You flash back to Dean's horrified face, to Sam shaking his head no over and over.
"What have you done?" Cas repeats, and you see the words coming from Dean's mouth. "Y/N? Talk to me." Cas urges you.
"I did the right thing Cas, and I won't apologize for it. Cain said that the Mark would destroy Dean, it would make him hurt the people he loved, and I couldn't-" you are full-fledged sobbing now. "I couldn't let that happen to him. I couldn't watch him do that to himself!"
"So you volunteer yourself for this burden? Y/N, no one should have to carry this on their shoulders, especially not you. You're so worried about Dean, why is that? Why don't you think of yourself?" he demands.
You sigh. "Because I love him more than I love myself."
Cas doesn't even look surprised. "I assumed as much. You need to talk to him, tell him how you feel. We've all been worried." After you'd taken the Mark you'd just left. You couldn't stand the way Dean looked at you, like you'd hurt and betrayed him. You'd been gone for weeks now, but then you got a voicemail for Sam saying it was time to come home, and you knew he was right.
"Will you come with me Cas?" you plead.
"No, Y/N. I think you know this is something you need to do on your own." He tells you, and you know that he's right.
"Does he hate me?" you ask, afraid of the answer.
"Talk to him, Y/N. Today. Now." With that, he's gone. You climb out of the car and make your way to the bunker.
~~~~~~~~~~
Y/N?" Sam asks as you walk into the library. He stands and after a moment of hesitation, crosses the room and wraps you in a hug. "Are you okay? You didn't answer any of my calls." He says accusingly.
"I'm fine Sammy. I just needed to get away for a while. Clear my head. I'm okay, really." You insist.
WHAM! You realize that Dean has left the library and gone to his bedroom, slamming the door. Sam smiles at you weakly.
"He's pretty pissed, Y/N. We don't know what the hell you were thinking. What were you thinking? Why did you do this? Is it some kind of martyr thing?" You head reels from the questions flying from his mouth.
"Sam, do you really not know why I did this? You have no idea?" you ask in response.
He steps back and studies your face. You can see the moment the realization dawns on him. "Holy shit, Y/N, really? Since when?" He suddenly breaks into a wide grin.
"I don't know. Seems like forever, and why are you smiling?"
"You'll find out. You need to go talk to him. Explain why you did this. He'll understand." He urges you.
"He'll never understand. What's more, he'll never forgive me. I knew that when I did this. I just-" you stop, fighting tears again.
Sam hugs you again and you lean into him.
"I just didn't know it would hurt so damn bad." You sob.
He pulls back and takes your chin in your hand, forcing your face up to him. "Y/N. You know you have to tell him. You need to tell him. He may not forgive you, but it'll help him understand. He thinks you did it because you think he's too weak, or that you don't trust him not to flip out and kill us all."
"What? No, I don't think that! I just wanted to spare him some pain. He's done so much for me, for everyone. He didn't need another cross to bear. I swear Sam, I never meant-"
"Y/N." Sam grabs your shoulders. "Tell him, not me. I get why you took the Mark, and I, well, I'm actually grateful."
You blink up at him, surprised. He smiles, and you get what he's saying. He didn't want Dean to bear the Mark either. You hug him again and, taking a deep breath, head towards Dean's room.
~~~~~~~~~~
You raise your hand to knock, but knowing Dean he's sitting on the bed with his headphones in. You push open the door. He's exactly where you thought he'd be, his eyes closed, head resting against the wall. You study him for a moment. He looks tired, almost like he's been crying. He senses you and opens his eyes. They're red, and you realize that he has been crying. Shit. You never wanted that.
"Get out." He says coldly. You shake your head and step into his room, shutting the door behind you. He rolls his eyes.
"Dean." He stares at the wall above your head. You feel a flush of anger. Damn it, he could at least listen to what I have to say. You think to yourself. In a bold move, you stalk to his bed and yank his headphones off his ears, tossing them on the bed.
"I said get out." He repeats.
"I need to talk to you, Dean. We have to talk about this." You plead.
"I don't have a damn thing to say to you. You lied straight to my face and you betrayed me. I don't want an explanation; I just want you to go." He snaps, and you feel yourself tear up yet again.
"Dean, please. Let me explain. I want to tell you why I did this; I need to tell you why I did this. It wasn't to betray you." You hear yourself begging and hate the sound, but you have to make him understand.
"Oh, I know why you did it. You told me when we first met. You don't trust anyone; you don't care about anyone. You thought I couldn't handle the Mark the whole time we talked about me taking it! Well, little girl, what makes you think you can handle it? I'm at least ten times stronger than you, and I have Sam to keep me sane. Who do you have?" he taunts.
His words cut you deeply. He knows he and Sam are all you have, and to throw that in your face is just cruel of him. "Well, I certainly don't have you!" you hiss at him. "The minute someone goes against what the almighty Dean says, you cut them out! No one can question you, huh? You know it all!"
"That's right. You've been hunting for what, a minute? What gives you the right to decide you're more qualified to take the Mark? Who do you think you are?" he demands. He's jumped off the bed and is standing beside it glaring at you, his fists clenched, his face red with rage.
"I'm your friend, Dean! I was trying to help you!" you shout at him. "Help me?" he scoffs. "I seriously doubt that."
"Of course you do! You wanna talk about me not trusting anyone, look at yourself!" you yell back at him.
"I was right not to trust you, look what you did! The first chance you get, you sneak out of here, you almost get yourself killed. If Sam and I hadn't figured out where you were going, you would have died! Do you think I could have handled that, Y/N? Were you trying to scare me to death? I thought my heart was going to give out before we even got to you and Cain!" he's shaking now, and you don't know if it's with rage or something else.
"Dean. I didn't do this because I didn't trust you, or because I think I'm stronger than you. I promise you that." Your voice has dropped, and he can tell you're fighting tears. Suddenly he grabs you and pushes you against the bedroom door, pinning your body between him and the metal frame.
"Don't lie to me!" he roars. "Enough lies!"
"Damn it, Dean, I'm not lying! Get off me!" you shout.
"Tell the truth!" he demands and you know you should be scared, terrified even, but you're not. He'd never hurt you, ever.
He senses he might have gone too far and his demeanor changes. He lets go of your shoulders, his hands dropping to your waist. He hangs his head and his voice is so low you can barely hear him. "Why, sweetheart? Tell me why you did this to me, to you, to us." He says, and the pain in his voice is more than you can bear.
"You know why." You whisper, reaching up to brush away your tears.
His head jerks up. "Y/N, shit. Please don't cry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He whispers, brushing a kiss across your temple. "Just tell me why. I need to hear you say it."
You shift, suddenly irritated with him. "Why is it so important, Dean?" you snap. "I took the Mark, it's done. You should be thanking me. I spared you from the pain and the torment that comes with it, and you reward me with the silent treatment, then anger? Fuck you, Winchester!"
His head snaps up, his green eyes glowing with anger and something else you don't recognize. "You did me a favor? Have you lost your mind? Now I have to worry about you even more than I already do! About what this Mark is going to do to you! Do you think that's easy for me? To know that the woman I love is going through hell for me? To know that I can't save you?"
You stare at him in shock. He looks confused, then the realization of what he's said dawns on him. He starts to pull away from you, but you put your hands on either side of his face, holding him to you.
"Dean, I love you. That's why I did this. I love you too much to see you suffer. Cain said the Mark would change you, make you something dark. I couldn't see that happen. I just couldn't. I love you too much."
His face tenses, then relief spreads across his features. He pulls you tight against him. "Sweetheart, you could have told me. You just ran. I was so worried. Why didn't you just tell me all this?" he whispers and you press your lips to his neck.
"I'm telling you now. I love you, Dean. I love you so, so much."
His hand fists your hair and he pulls your head upward, pressing his lips against yours, hard and sweet. You kiss him back, your hands roaming up and down his back. "I want you." He moans into your mouth. You respond by yanking his black t-shirt over his head and pressing a kiss to his chest. He throws his head back and groans. You pepper kisses across his chest, trailing your mouth down to flick your tongue across his nipple. He growls, and you're suddenly in the air, his hands holding your thighs.
He lies you down on the bed then pulls you upright, taking your shirt over your head. He moans at the sight of your breasts on display for him. "Y/N, you're so beautiful. So fucking beautiful." He says, and you believe him. His mouth is on yours again, nipping your bottom lip.
"Do you know how long I've wanted this?" he asks, kissing your jaw. "To hold you like this? To bury myself in you?" You moan at his words. "You're all mine, sweetheart." He tells you. "Say it." He commands.
"Dean, I'm yours. I love you." You whimper and you feel him smile against your neck. He nibbles and bites, leaving love marks on your neck, your shoulders, your chest. It feels amazing, to be marked by him, for him to make you his. Your hands clutch at his back, rubbing his strong muscles, occasionally digging your nails into his skin when he hits a sensitive spot.
When his mouth closes over your nipple you cry out and thrust upward against him. His bulge presses into your clit, sending pleasure shooting through your core. His hand slips down and undoes your jean button, then your zipper, and suddenly his long finger is inside you, stroking your tight walls.
"Oh God Dean!" you cry out. The feeling is exquisite. He finds your G-spot and inserts another finger, curling them against the sensitive area. You reach for his zipper and tug hard, then push his jeans downward. Your hands find his cock and he lets out a loud moan.
"Yes, Y/N. Lord, yes." he gasps. You wrap your fingers around him and stroke up and down his shaft. He's so impressively large, and you worry how he's going to fit inside you. Dean reads your thoughts and says, "Don't worry baby. I'll get you wet and ready, promise." You blush at his words and he chuckles.
He begins slow lazy kisses down your chest and stomach. His tongue tastes your flesh and you shudder, goosebumps rising on your skin. By the time he's made his way between your legs, you're shaking. His tongue darts across your clit and you tense up. His fingers are still inside you working their magic.
"Relax baby. I'm gonna make this so good for you. Wanted you for so long, wanted this for so long." He mumbles. You force your body to relax and he continues his tender flicks against you. You feel a pressure start to build between your legs.
After a few minutes, his sweet flicks just aren't enough and you whisper, "Dean, please, more." He closes his lips over your sweet spot and sucks hard. Your hips buck upward and you throw back your head, moaning his name. He angles his fingers against your G-spot again and strokes hard and fast. You come on his fingers and his mouth, screaming his name, screaming that you love him. Your body goes limp as you come down from the amazing spiral of your orgasm.
He comes to lie to beside you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you against him. "How was that baby girl? Are you ready for me?" he asks, kissing your shoulder. He starts to kiss your mouth, then hesitates, unsure if you want him to after what he's just done. You lean towards him and press your lips against his.
"I want you." You tell him, looking into deep into his eyes. His grin is heartbreaking.
He rolls you onto your back gently and positions his cock at your entrance. "We'll go slow, okay sweetheart? I want this to be so good for you, the best you've had." You start to tell him it already is, but he's pressing himself inside you and you lose your words at the sensation. He enters you inch by delicious inch, giving your body time to stretch and accommodate him. It's slightly painful, but his mouth is on your nipple and his hand strokes your clit, making you even wetter if that's possible.
You've taken his full length but he stays completely still, gauging your reaction. You move your hips against him slowly, and he bites his lip, groaning your name. He pins your hands above your head, and you feel his body go tense. You look up and he's staring down at you with a hard expression. You realize he's looking at the Mark.
"Dean-" you start to say and he leans down slowly, pressing his lips against it. His tongue strokes the Mark and you moan, both surprised and turned on. "It's going to be okay." You whisper, and he pulls back, nodding curtly. You lift your hips and he groans. "Please Dean, fuck me." You beg. "Forget everything else. Just be with me. Fuck me, please."
He frowns at your words and you wonder if you've said something wrong. "Make love, Y/N." he says. "I'm making love to you." Your heart soars. "You make love when you're in love, you don't fuck." He says, and then he's thrusting in and out of you, kissing you. You meet every thrust with your own. You love him with everything you have, you'd give him anything he wanted from you. He is so beautiful, so perfect above you. You watch him take you, his body tight and taunt, his eyes closed, his mouth forming a delicious "O" as he slides his cock in and out of you.
He opens his eyes and realizes you're watching him. You close yours and thrust your hips harder. "Open your eyes, Y/N." he urges you. "I want to see you when I make you come." You feel yourself get even wetter at his words. He shifts and wiggles his hips, hitting the head of his cock right on your G-spot. The pressure starts to build and you squeeze his ass with both hands, encouraging him to move against you, harder and deeper. He obliges and the sensation between your thighs is almost too much to bear.
You stare into his green eyes, mesmerized. Just when you think you can't take the feeling any longer, he grinds hard against you and says, "Come for me, sweet girl. Come on my cock. I want to feel you explode." You feel the pressure burst and you're flying on the pleasure, rocking on the waves of sweet bliss. You've never orgasmed like this before, it takes your breath and leaves you screaming at the same time. You yell his name; yell that you love him. At one point you're praying for the feeling to never end, then praying for it to stop.
When you gather yourself, Dean is still on top of you, thrusting hard. His skin is coated in a fine layer of sweat. You lean upward and lick his chest, then bite his nipple. He moans and tugs on your legs. You wrap them around his waist and squeeze your pussy muscles around his cock over and over, urging him to come inside you. He yells something intelligible and you can tell he's close.
"Open your eyes, Dean. I wanna see you come inside me." You order him. His eyes snap open. You thrust upward against him. "Come for me, Dean. I wanna feel you come." You say and he erupts with a loud yell.
He falls forward onto your chest, and you wrap your arms around his shoulders. You're exhausted and content. You start to drift off when you feel his chest vibrating against your stomach. You open your eyes and look down, shock spreads over your face.
He's singing. You catch the line, "She don't know no lover, none that I've ever seen."
You can't help but laugh. "She talks to angels? Seriously?" He lifts his head and grins at you.
You twist out from under him, and he presses his chest against your back, his arm fitting snuggly under your neck, his leg thrown over yours. You take his hand and hold it against your chest. You feel him relax and know he's falling asleep.
"Dean?" you say, and he lets out a little moan to let you know he's still awake. "Are we going to finish our talk from earlier?" You turn on your back to look at him. His face has gone dark again.
"I don't think we should, at least not right now." You say quickly, pressing a kiss to his lips. "But we do need to discuss this eventually." He opens his mouth to say something, closes it, then opens it again.
"I love you, Y/N. I can't just stand by and watch this thing take over you and change you. You're so sweet, so fucking good and sweet, and I be damned if the mark takes you away from me and makes you something else." He says fiercely. "I'll do whatever I have to do to keep you safe, to keep you as my sweet girl." He swears.
"I love you too Dean. No matter what this mark does to me, I will always love you." You promise him. He smiles down at you. "Let's talk about this tomorrow, okay? I just want us to be okay a little while longer, and I know if we start back down this road, it's going to lead to another fight." You plead.
Dean kisses you gently. "Well sweet girl, as much as I hate the fighting, the making up is fantastic."
______________________________________________________________
You start to nod off when you hear voices outside the door. You tilt your head up and listen.
"Sam, she was praying. I heard her. What if she needs something?" you hear Castiel say.
Confused, you think back. When was I praying? You remember when you orgasmed, the urgent prayer you had said, begging for your release to never end, then praying for it to stop so you could breathe again. Oh shit.
You roll out of the bed and grab Dean's t-shirt, throwing it over your head. Dean is sleeping soundly and you smile at the sight of him sprawled out, his glorious ass bare. You step into the hallway and Castiel gasps. You look down and realize that your neck is covered in red marks.
"Did Dean attack you? Are you alright? You prayed and I came as quickly as I could, but Sam wouldn't let me come to you." Castiel says.
You choke back laughter. "I'm okay Cas, promise. Dean and I were just, um, working through our problems." Sam snorts and you glare at him.
"Oh, okay then. I'm glad you two are finally talking, but why were you praying?" Cas asks.
"Yeah, Y/N. Why were you praying?" Sam asks with a wide smile.
"Shut up, Sammy. Everything's fine, Cas." You assure him. He nods and you step back into Dean's room.
"I still don't get it. She's covered in bruises. Did he hurt her?" you hear Cas ask Sam.
"Those are love marks, Castiel." Sam tells him. "When you're, um, making love with someone, some people like to bite and nibble on the other person. It's a sign of affection."
"Really?" you hear the surprise in his voice. "The things people do for love never cease to amaze me."
Your smile fades and you stare down at the Mark burned into your arm. Me too, Cas. Me too.
You climb back into bed and wrap your body around Dean's. He lets out a little grunt of satisfaction. Your heart is filled with so much love for him you think it might burst. You did right by him you tell yourself. You'd do it all over again. Anything to keep him happy. Anything for love.