<Patton Harrison POV>
Why does he care for them so much? They're nothing compared to him, so why be nice to peasants?
Staring at him while he slept I didn't want to look away, what if something happened to him while I was looking away? I would kill myself before someone harmed Gage.
He told you about Cassidy huh? I didn't kill her if that's what you're thinking. Just in the right place at the right time, or I guess it was the right place at the wrong time.
She was drifting down the river and I found her. Dragged her out and pulled out a pocket knife that Gage's dad gave me and just sliced at her.
Cassidy wasn't anything special, but she liked Gage and I couldn't have that. He didn't need lowlifes to like him, he deserved that best.
I wasn't the best, I know I wasn't. What I could do for him was anything though, anything he wanted I would do.
Even if he wanted to tie me in a basement and use me as a sex doll, I would be happy to serve him.
He saved me from mom. Mom told me only God could save me, and Gage did save me! Which makes him a God! And I would do anything for my God!
But...he didn't want any of that. Not as a toy, not a sex doll, not anything! He just kept me as a friend.
That's the thing: I didn't want to be a friend to him. I wanted it to be his everything.
What he said earlier didn't mean anything, I know he didn't mean it. Even though I was nothing compared to him, he kept me around and I'll stay forever.
Getting out of my bed I sat on Gage's bed and laid down. I heard Gage sigh and turn to me, "Hi." He said staring at me.
"Hey, I'm sorry." I said pressing my lips together.
"For what?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.
"I know you don't want me around." I said looking at his shirt and not meeting his eyes anymore.
"That's not what I meant Patton. I just think it's time to grow out of these old habits. Like...sleeping in my bed." He explained
"But...why? Do you not like what I do for you?" I asked, confused.
"Patton that's not the point, it's just time to grow up. Soon I'm going to have a boyfriend and I don't think they'll be ok with another boy sleeping in my bed." He said, making me frown.
'He doesn't need a boyfriend. All he needs is me, I'll cover his needs, not anyone else. Time to grow up huh?' I asked myself
Looking back up at him I leaned forward and kissed him lightly. He didn't fight it, but didn't kiss back.
Was I doing it wrong? I thought this was part of growing up. If he wanted to grow up I would grow up with him.
Pulling away his face flushed a bit, "What was that for?" He asked
"Isn't this growing up? Grown ups do this, isn't this what you wanted?" I asked, confused.
"No Patton. That isn't growing up. I meant we become more independent." Gage said slightly angry, "You've clung to me for years, it's time to be your own person." He said facing away from me.
Be my own person...? I was my own person. My person just decides to follow Gage, "Sleep in your own bed tonight Patton. You'll learn to be independent after you stop following me." Gage said
Hurt, I did as he said and left his bed. I wanted to cry, I made Gage mad at me. After an hour I got up and went to the bathroom.
Plugging the sink I let the water run until it almost reached the top. Putting my hand behind my head I pushed my head under the water and drowned myself a bit.
Not too much, just to the point where I was partly breathing in water. Then I lifted my face up and coughed out the water.
Gage's dad and Gage didn't wake up from the coughing luckily. Looking in the mirror my face was red and dripping in the water I had tried to drown myself in.
I deserve the pain of drowning. Gage was mad at me, I didn't want to die yet though.
My God was mad at me. I earned death, but I didn't want it. Anything else would do, even watching him from afar and not by his side.
Sighing, I pushed my head under water again. This time I let myself drown more, but my body fought against our end and made me lift my head up to face myself in the mirror.
"You made him mad, you deserve death. You caused him to be unhappy, you deserve death. You can't handle taking care of him, you deserve death. You...aren't enough for him, and for that you deserve to live and watch him be happy with others." I said to myself through the mirror.
It hurt me to say everything. Why couldn't I be enough for him...? Because I'm nothing better than everyone else, Gage was a god, and we were his people.
'Why am I not enough for you Gage? You're my world, so why am I not yours?' I asked myself.
Drying my face I laid back down in my bed and thought of how to make it up to Gage. I couldn't have him mad at me.
My heart was starting to hurt at the fact that he was mad at me. Even after 4 years he was still hung up on his mom, I thought getting rid of her would make him happy...
"I'm sorry Gage, I thought it would make you happy." I whispered and watched as he turned to me, "What?" He asked confused
I was startled at the fact he heard me, but that fact he did, broke me, "I'm sorry Gage! I just want you to be happy!" I cried, wiping my eyes.
Gage got off his bed and sat next to me on mine, "Hey, I'm sorry. I know you like being around me. This was the wrong way to go about it, ok? I'm sorry." He said, panicked at my reaction.
"Why don't you like my attention Gage?" I asked, sniffing.
"I do Patton. Just, we're 15, we will start to be interested in people and I want you to explore that. Not to just cling to me." He explained.
"I'm happy by your side Gage. Just by your side is where I'm happiest." I said desperate for his approval.
"Patton you could be happier if you do your own things." He tried nervously.
"No Gage." I said staring at him, "I just want to be by you." I said leaning against his chest and sighing.
"What do you mean?" Gage asked, confused.
"Gage you saved me from my mom. She always said that only God could save me! You save me Gage...you saved me Gage." I said nuzzling against his chest.
"I don't understand." He said looking down at me.
"You're God Gage, and for God I would do anything. Anything you could ever want me to do, I would do it for you." I explained smiling at the fact that I was finally being honest with him.
"Patton I'm not God." Gage said, making me smile and sigh.
"Yes, you are. Everything I do is for the benefit of you. I love that fate let me meet God." I said look up at him.
Gage shook his head, "No Patton. I'm not God, nor will ever be God." He tried to explain, but I wouldn't let his words change how I see him.
He was God and I would sacrifice anything and everything for him.
Pulling him onto my bed I pushed my head into his chest and wrapped us in the covers, "I think I finally got it." I said smiling.
"Good." Gage said hugging me.
"I need to know my place. I'm not by your side, I'm not equal to you." I said letting everything click.
"What-no!" Gage said, slightly scared.
"Yes," I said looking up to him, "We're not equal. I'm below you...That's ok. Just having you in my life is good enough." I said gripping his shirt tightly but still nuzzled into his neck.
"Patton you don't understand." Gage said, making me laugh a bit.
"Gage, I understand. I get it now." I said turning him over and straddling him, "I'm nothing but someone you will use and toss out, and I'm ok with that. As long as I please you..." I whispered, setting my forehead against his.
"No, no, no. Patton, this isn't what I meant at all." Gage said, still panicked.
"Don't worry, I completely get it. Now you know that I will do anything for you. Anything you want I'll do. You can use me like a fuck toy, abuse me, hurt me and everything." I said smiling at my suggestions.
"Patton-" Gage started but I stopped him.
"If you want me to hurt people, I will." I said smiling at him.
He went silent for a moment, "Patton, please be honest." He asked
"Of course." I said lifting my head off of his and staring at him.
"Did you kill mom?" He asked slowly. His eyes looked so beautiful when he asked, but he looked so sad.
It was my turn to go quiet. I wasn't allowed to lie to him, I just couldn't, "Yes, I did." I said honestly.
"Why?" He asked and I saw tears in his eyes.
"You didn't like her. She wasn't making you happy. I told you that I would fix it, and I did Gage." I explained waiting to be yelled at.
But...he didn't, he just stared at me, "I never asked for you to hurt her Patton." Gage said calmly.
"I did it for you though. You didn't have to ask Gage. She wasn't helping you feel better, I fixed it for you." I said
"No Patton, you just killed mom." He said sadly and it broke my heart
"I'm sorry Gage. I'll do better, I promise!" I said, wanting to make it up to him, but I don't think I can.
"Patton, don't ever do what you did again." Gage asked of me.
"But-" I tried to explain but he cut me off.
"Patton...Just don't do it again. Please." Gage asked.
Shaking my head, "No. Your mom deserved it...and so does everyone else who thinks they're above you." I said putting my God above everyone else.
"Did you kill anyone else?" He asked
Once again I shook my head, "No, but I will." I said being honest.
"Don't Patton. No more. We won't speak of this ever again." Gage said, grabbing my shoulders.
"Gage I won't ever let myself be caught. Even if I am, I promise you won't go down with me. I will make sure people know their place." I said happily.
"Please don't hurt anyone." He pleaded.
"I will hurt everyone besides you. You don't deserve to be hurt." I said, lightly cupping his face and smiling at how perfectly his face fit in my hands.
"You won't hurt me?" Gage asked, tears in his eyes making them shiny.
"Never Gage! I would never hurt you, even if you hurt me, I could never hurt you. Before I even think about hurting you, I will kill myself..." I said offended at the fact he even asked that.
Fun Fact: I noticed how many times I used 'I' in this chapter and I'm honestly ashamed. At least 1 'I' most sentences. Not the letter 'I' the word 'I'! 136 times I used the word 'I'.
Words: 1980