No matter how far we go in our life, fear will always follow us. Sometimes it drives us and sometimes it drowns us. But most of us will never try to find the root cause of it, because we all are very busy, trying to escape from it. And this escaping process will always end up in something we don't know.
Radha Is almost two years now. She talked, walked and does all sort of work with Avi. She talked fluently in her early stages. She is a happy girl. And ignorance is a bliss in her case. Meanwhile liya and Ajith tried many doctors, but no one could exactly diagnose what it is. The doctor's will be like "It might be", "it may be" "try this medicine" and most often it'll be "Don't worry".
"Ma, how are you?" Liya asked, holding the phone in one hand and feeding Radha on the other.
"How can one not be fine when you have a character like your Appa?".
Lakshmanan, liya's father is a drama artist with an experience of 50yrs and a kind of humourous old man who'll crack jokes without thinking where and when. He used to say "if there is no humour in life then most of the people will die out of tumor". And of course, it'll usually be late 60s.
"Everyone is fine here, liya. How are Radha and Avi?" Asked Preethi, from the other line.
"They both are talking in a language which we don't even know, ma. Avi will be like 'radha, you know this?" and she'll be like " I know this" and then when they see me watching them, they'll turn around, will show their innocent smile pretending that they know nothing" Liya said, with one eye on Radha to make sure whether or not she understood it.
Liya could hear her mother laugh.
"What did the doctor said?"
"As usual, ma. They don't know what is it exactly"
"How is she walking now? You said she is getting slipped a lot"
"Yes, ma. Not a lot, though. Ajith said it is usual when taking first steps. But Her walk doesn't look usual to me," liya said.
"It'll be fine, liya. It takes time" Preethi said. "What about the rituals I told you to perform at the nearby temple?"
This is where fear will often drive us to.There is a saying "The one who believe in God and the one who doesn't believe in God are the same. Because they both believe in something they don't know". Usually, when we don't know what to do, we'll put our full faith in something we don't know. And thus comes the GOD. This is what exactly happened in Radha's case.
"Yes, ma. Done all kinds of rituals in all the temples you told me to" liya said, irritably.
"Everything happens for reason. God will always be with us" Preethi said, assuring.
"Not when you do something knowingly" liya said in anger
"knowingly?" Preethi asked.
"You've done your obligations as you always wanted to, ma," liya said. "You always wanted to get me out of the house. And you did that. Job done!!"
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean, ma" liya said, sobbing.
"That's what every mother does. It's not getting you out of the house, liya" Preethi said.
"I don't even know how it'll be like to have a family in that age, ma. What is wrong if I get married at 27 instead of 23? Atleast I would have known something?"
"What are you talking about, liya? What others will say?"
"Yeah!!. This is what I call obligation, ma. Others will not live the life that I'm living now," liya said.
"It's not an obligation. We did only when you decided to"
"Me?.. You told me to discontinue my masters, I did. You told me to marry Ajith, I did. You told me to adjust all those terrible days. Im still doing it. But you never told me how to overcome the pain that I'm facing now because of all the things you told me to, ma," liya said.
Liya stood up and went inside the room and bolted.
She continues, "Since childhood, you taught me how to be an excellent housewife, how to get a good name from mother-in-law, how to do all the household works. But you know what is actually needed here? Do you know what I learned here?," liya said in her top most voice.
"Calm down, liya"
But she continued, "You know what I learned," she stressed the point again. "Being good is not difficult. Expecting others to say we are good is what makes that difficult!."
"That's how it will be in the beginning, liya."
"Beginning? It's been five long years, ma. I almost forgot who I Am. I don't know whether I'm good or bad. No matter how hard I do, no one is getting satisfied here. Does it mean that I'm not good ma? That's what you taught me right?"
"You are good, liya. I know. We all know"
"I'm not feeling like it anymore, ma. When I come to know that Radha cried late from Ajith in the hospital, you know how it feels like. It felt like as if someone stabs you deep into your heart. Is that a reward for being good?. Don't I have the right to know that?" She paused.," There is no point blaming Ajith. He too was brought up like the way I did. "She said consoling herself.
Preethi didn't utter a word.
"See, even now you are not telling me to talk against them. And also, you will not come and talk for your daughter. Because you already done all your obligations, and I belong to another family now. It's like I'm your daughter, but not anymore. And if I ask you why?, You'll say, that's how we are supposed to be. Then you'll talk about traditions, cultures and philosophy," said liya.
"Liya...."
"We are the cause for everything. And I can see that effect in Radha, ma "liya said.
"STOP IT!!, liya. What are you saying?"
"Touch your heart and say that you remember nothing when Radha is 6 months in the womb," liya said.
"Liya, how can that be?........."
Liya ended the call. Every night the guilt of what happened during that 6 months is killing her alive. She doesn't want to remind it again. She doesn't want to think about it again.
"Ma?" Avi knocked the door.
She quickly wiped off her tears and opened the door with a perfect fake smile.
*********
He is keenly watching radha's each step. He noticed something unusual in her walking when she entered the room with liya and Ajith. They took their respective seats in front of them.
"Ive heard about you from general physician and ortho specialist. Let me see the reports," he said.
He is that chief doctor suggested by others. Dr. Padmanaban. Neuro specialist.
After analysing the report, he looked at Radha and asked, "what is your name?".
She looked at him for seconds and did not answer.
"Radha" liya said for her.
"Let her tell" he said, now looking again at Radha.
She looked at her mom, who is now staring at her fiercely.
"My name is Radha" she said, exactly in the same way taught by liya.
"Good, Radha. Come here," he said..
She went, and he made her to sit in his lap. Radha is two years now. Her curiosity in stethoscope has faded away. She is now impressed by the paperweight that is placed on the table. He then took the stethoscope from his ears and placed it in Radha's. He placed the diaphragm near her heart and took a long breath. Radha imitated him and did the same. Her jaw dropped, eyes were wide open when she heard the sound.
"Did you hear that?," he asked. Radha nodded.
"How it sounds?"
"Tik, tik, tik, tik" she said, blinking for each tik.
"Really??. Let me hear it now." He said in awe.
He took the stethoscope from her ears and does his job.
"Oh, my god! I too hear tik, tik, tik, tik" he imitated her.
Radha giggled.
"Okay friends?" He asked, extending his fist.
Radha is well versed in it and gave a gentle Fist bump by saying "Friends"
"Okay radha, why are you at the hospital?"
She is no more scared of him. "AMMA told, I have an invisible wound inside my hand," she said showing her hand. "If I don't go to the hospital, then it will bleed ah"
"Did you see this?" He said, tapping at his specs. "Through this we can see the invisible" he said in a mysterious voice. "Can I?"
Kids believe everything. And they will believe anything if it is said by someone who they love. She extended her hand voluntarily.
When he was examining it deeply, she intervened "Did you see it?" In curiosity.
"Yes! Yes!. It was not big enough to bleed. It will be good if you take few medicines." He said, scratching his chin with a big smile.
"No injection, then?" She asked almost immediately.
"Did someone injected her? "He asked, dumbfounded.
"Lot of blood tests, doctor," liya said.
"Lot of blood test ah?. For what?. Do you think it's a fever or something." He said, wondering.
"Some doctors told us to do," liya said.
He then turned towards Radha and said "No injection here". Radha's face brightened.
He pressed a bell on the table. A nurse showed up. "Take her to the play area". She left.
"Does she get severe fever at one or two years?" Doctor asked, looking at the reports.
"No, doctor" Ajith said, firmly.
"It's definitely not a polio. It's a kind of neuro degenerative syndrome. Did you notice her walk?" he asked.
"She strolls and slips a lot. I thought it is usual when taking first steps,", Ajith said.
"It is not usual when she is having a problem in her hands," he said. He looked at Ajith's eyes and said, "it's affecting her leg too".
Ajith is stunned. Liya is broken.
"That's how nerves will affect every part of the body. And sorry to say it'll worsen." he paused. "Did you take any pills or tablets when you are conceive?"
"No, doctor" liya said. She was almost dead.
"Okay. But still we need to take nerve conduction test to know what kind of syndrome it is. Only then we can treat her. Bring her after two days. We'll make the arrangements,". He looked at liya and said, "I know how it hurts. Be strong. It's all we can do. And train her from now. It's not late"
"Do you believe in God?" He asked.
"I doubt it now" liya said while tears dropped, out of her control.
To be continued....