A/N - Things are really starting to heat up!!
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As she got out of bed that morning, Rey wasn't sure if she was more angry at herself or him. She wasn't entirely sure what had happened, but she knew that she had dreamed of him, and that the bond had connected them, with her ending up in his bed on the Finalizer.
In her dream, he did things to her that made her blush. They were intimate. And it felt good. Really good. But more than that, it had felt right. She headed to the 'fresher and thought about it some more. When she landed in his bed, did he take advantage of her? Touch her when she wasn't awake? She didn't think so, but she really didn't know.....
She did recall the feeling of being wrapped around him when she woke up. So unless he was able to do that while she was asleep, it meant that she wrapped herself around him. And if she was dreaming of being intimate with him, is it possible that she was the one who was touching him? She suddenly went very still. What if she was touching him and he didn't want her to? She did after all wake up to his shout. Maybe he was trying to get her to stop?
She was mortified at the thought. Gods, how could she ever face him again? She put her face in her hands and cried.
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He had had yet another long and grueling day. It seemed like everyone had wanted a piece of him. He sat through an endless number of meetings and briefings – trying to listen carefully, and make rational decisions. Many of his Generals – except for Hux of course – were slowly getting used to the fact that he was not Snoke, and didn't rule the same way that he did.
After Snoke's death, when he first became the Supreme Leader, Kylo was still quick to anger, and acted more like the ultimate Dictator. His wishes were to be obeyed in all circumstances, without question. One day, he had overheard one of the lower staff whisper to another "he puts the dick into dictator". They had both laughed and continued walking down the corridor. It took everything he had not to chase them down and run them both through with his saber. But that's what got him thinking that maybe the First Order could be something different, and that he didn't really need to be a Dictator.
Slowly, many of his Generals – once again, with the exception of Hux – seemed to be coming around to his new way of thinking. He now listened to their ideas, and often sought their opinions during meetings and briefings. He still listened more than he spoke, and when a final decision had to be made, he was the one who made it, and made it decisively. The First Order was still an authoritarian organization after all. But progress was being made. And for the first time in a long time of his shitty life, he began to feel a bit more human. He was the leader of the major ruling force trying to bring order to the galaxy, make some positive change in other people's shitty lives, and he had Rey. Well, he kind of had Rey.
As he dismissed the staff from his last meeting of the day, he took a deep breath and got ready to head to his quarters. He still wasn't sure if he was going to try to visit Rey tonight. She might need a bit more time. Throughout the day, his thoughts kept straying to her and their encounter – and he had to keep pushing them away, else he would've ended up distracted and would've likely had a raging hard-on while sitting in his meetings. Dangerous thoughts to be having when he was still so far away from his quarters.
He had almost made his escape when Hux stopped him on his way out of the room.
"Ren, can I speak to you for a moment?" Kylo's annoyance spiked at this obviously intentional slight.
His voice was surprisingly calm, but resigned when he responded. "General Hux. Its been many months now. You will address me as Supreme Leader or you will not address me at all. Understood?"
"Yes Supreme Leader. Of course." Hux smirked, and Kylo wanted to fling him across the room. He was tired, hungry, and he still hadn't made up his mind about going to see Rey tonight.
"Our discussions with the ruling parties on Vandor-1 are not going well. Apparently, they are not pleased with the prospect of First Order involvement in what they consider to be their business."
Kylo frowned and shook his head. "That would indicate to me that their administration is likely somehow connected to and benefits from their slave trade."
"Or, they have simply gotten used to free reign and doing whatever they wish. I am told that they are assembling a local band of rebels to help them keep us out!! Supreme Leader, we must quash this NOW, when its in its infancy! We strike hard and show the galaxy that when the First Order comes to your planet, you KNEEL!!" Hux was now visibly excited at the prospect of a new war, with spittle coming out of his mouth as he spoke, and pounded his fist against his hand.
Kylo spoke calmly – surprising even himself. "Calm down general. They are just trying to protect their turf, and are likely bluffing about any military type of action against us. Stand firm, and continue your negotiations. Slavery will not be tolerated any longer – and they will eventually be made to understand that. If necessary you can bring in some ground forces to neutralize one of the trader's operations. That will show them that the First Order is serious about ending slavery, without making their administration cower in terror from us."
"But sir....!"
"General Hux! You have your orders! This is the path that you will follow. If we are unsuccessful then we can discuss further, harsher actions! You may get your wish yet – but for now FOLLOW YOUR ORDERS!!" Kylo stared at him harshly.
Hux's eyes narrowed and his lips tightened to a scowl. "Yes Supreme Leader."
"Good. Keep me apprised of your progress." with that, Kylo turned to walk away.
"There is one other thing." This caused Kylo to stop and turn back to Hux. "We think we may have a lead on the whereabouts of the Resistance. We intercepted a transmission, and it seems they might be hiding in the Bissillirus system. If that's true, there are only a few habitable planets in that system, and we should have their exact location in a matter of days." He smiled evilly at Kylo, waiting for his response.
Kylo held is breath for a fraction of a second and then answered back. "Good. Let me know when their location is confirmed, and then we can plan our attack." He had to warn Rey that they were closing in, and that he could probably not hold off Hux and his followers for very long.
Hux seemed surprised at his response, but only nodded and said "Very good, Supreme Leader." He proceeded to walk away, but Kylo stopped him with a Force hold.
"General Hux. You are dismissed. Do not make me have to remind you again."
Hux grimaced before sniveling back. "Yes Supreme Leader. Sorry, Supreme Leader."
Kylo then walked by a still frozen Hux, and casually remarked over his shoulder. "Let this be my last reminder Hux. The hold will wear off once my annoyance cools to where I forget about it. You had better hope that is soon. I'd hate to have you spend the night like that." He couldn't help but grin to himself as he walked away.
By the time he got back to his rooms, Kylo had decided that he would try to visit Rey tonight. He figured that giving it more time would only allow any bad feelings to fester, and he would prefer to get it over with rather than wait another day.
After he cleaned up in the fresher, changed into more comfortable night clothes, and ate a quick meal, he was ready to face her wrath. He sat down on his bed, took a deep breath and focused.
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Rey was beside herself. It was getting late, and she wasn't sure that she had the nerve to face Ben. If he were coming to visit her, he probably would have showed up by now. She wasn't even sure that she could make the bond connect. It had been so long since she had actually visited him while awake – and had no idea how to do it. So instead, she sat on her bed, muttering to herself, wringing her hands, mostly stressing over what to do.
She was so distraught that she didn't even notice that Ben was there. She finally did when she heard him say her name.
"Rey....".
She looked up at him, with a world of uncertainty in her eyes, and tried to figure out what to say, and what to do.
Kylo had stood there watching her for a couple of minutes before trying to get her attention. She was clearly upset, but she didn't really seem angry. He tried to reach out to see what she was feeling. She seemed nervous, but most of all she felt hesitant, insecure, and embarrassed. Kylo was floored. She wasn't angry at him? Maybe there was some hope for a resolution here that didn't end up in his death or him becoming a eunuch.
Taking a bit of a risk, he took a few steps closer and sat down beside her on the bed. She was looking down at the floor. Her voice was quiet and hesitant when she finally spoke.
"I...I'm sorry."
Kylo's eyebrows shot up in disbelief. She was apologizing to him? He just shook his head.
"Rey, what do you think you're apologizing for? Are you sure you even know what happened?"
She still wouldn't look at him. Instead she just shook her head slowly and looked miserable. He sighed, and reached over to take her hand in his. She jumped a bit when he did this, and finally looked up at him.
"I'm really not quite sure what happened. All I know is that after you...left...yesterday I was a bit distracted." Kylo tried not to feel any sort of masculine pride over that statement, but couldn't help the warm feeling it gave him. "Last night, I was really tired and went right to bed when I returned to my room. I woke up sometime later in your bed – so I guess that I had went to visit you...somehow... .while I was sleeping." She blushed deep crimson. "And when I woke up I was kind of lying on you."
He felt she had more to say, so he just let her continue. "I'm still not sure how the connection works, and really haven't paid a lot of attention to it lately, since you've been the one that's usually visited me. But I suspect its got something to do with thinking about the other.... And I must have....after everything that happened yesterday.. I....I....I went to sleep thinking about you."
She had stopped short of saying she was dreaming about him, but he'd try to get to that a bit later.
He had no experience with this whatsoever, but he refused to allow her to feel awkward about an experience that was the best sexual interlude he'd had in his life thus far –accidental or not. And lets face it, Snoke had had him so wrapped up in rage and pain, from such a young age that there were no other interludes thus far. But he wouldn't let her feel ashamed about this. They were meant to be together – he now knew it in his bones. He was just as nervous and unsure about all of this as she was, but it had felt damn good, and it had felt right. Not dirty in any way – just intoxicating and kind of beautiful. The only way it could have been better was if she was actually awake, he chuckled to himself.
Then, he stopped. When did he start doing that? When did he start finding humour in things? It was after he killed Snoke for sure, but definitely not during those first few weeks after Crait. He had still been perpetually angry and volatile at that time, and the staff had tip toed around him even more than usual – more frightened than ever that he was now Supreme Leader.
No, it wasn't just Snoke. It was Rey - after he started visiting her regularly. After they started really speaking to each other. They had become friends – someone he could share things with. He hadn't had a friend since he was a small boy – almost since he had started hearing Snoke's voice in his head. They had gone from enemies to friends, and it looked like they were going down a road where they may become lovers – and that thought both excited and terrified him at the same time.
He lifted her hand a bit and stroked his thumb over her knuckles. She was still looking at him, still unsure. "Rey, you really have nothing to apologize for. Like you, I was alone when I fell asleep, and when I woke up a few hours later you were lying next to me, sound asleep. At some point, you rolled over closer to me, likely trying to find some warmth, and ended up sprawled over my side a little bit. I didn't want to wake you up, because honestly, I thought it would frighten you, and I thought you'd blame me and get angry. So I just let you sleep."
Her eyes narrowed and she looked at him skeptically. "But I think there was more than that. You're not telling me something."
He sighed, and scrubbed his hand over his face. She had looked so distressed when he first arrived, that he was hoping to spare her some of the details. But now she was looking at him distrustfully, and he thought that maybe there still might be a possibility she would make him a eunuch if he didn't give all the details.
"You were dreaming. Your arm was thrown over my torso, and at some point you started moving your hand around." That was as gentle as he could make it. There is no way he was going to say she was caressing him, and he would definitely NOT tell her that she was grinding herself against him in pleasure. That would likely be a bit too much for her to take.
Rey didn't know what to do, how to react. Her worst fears had just been confirmed. She had been dreaming, and she had been touching him against his will. She wrenched her hand out of his, and buried her face in her hands.
"Gods, I'm so mortified and I am so sorry!" She said through her hands. "I invaded your space and I was touching you – without your permission!" She was beginning to get even more upset. She took her hands away from her face and grabbed onto his bicep. "What if this happens again? What do we do? How do we control it? You have to promise me that if it happens again, you'll wake me up!"
He loved that when she got really flustered, she was unable to think clearly around him, to the point where she lost her nervousness.
"Rey. First of all, you do not need express permission to touch me." She was looking into his eyes, but then they flicked down to her hands on his bicep, and it seemed to surprise her that she was once again touching him. She jumped back a bit and let him go.
The corner of his mouth twitched in a slight grin. "Can I ask you a question, Rey?" Her eyes were back on his, and seemed solemn. "Last night, when you were dreaming...." As she looked at him her eyes flared in panic "Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to tell me what you were dreaming about...." She took a breath and seemed relieved. "But, Rey, were you dreaming of me?"
She immediately looked away, and down at the floor. She became very nervous, and once again began wringing her hands together. Very quietly, she responded. "Yes..."
He felt an immense sense of satisfaction surge through him at her quiet confirmation. She had been thinking of him. Wanting him, as a woman wants a man. And the thought shot desire through his veins like lightning. She felt the same as he did.
He reached over and gently grabbed her chin, tilting her face towards him so he could look into her eyes as he spoke, his voice turning husky. "Rey, I enjoyed having you wrapped around me. I enjoyed having you touch me. It felt good. Really, really good. The only thing that would have been better is if you had been awake while doing it."
She suddenly went very still. He had liked it – and hadn't been trying to get her to stop. A sense of immense relief – and something else – coursed through her. He was still looking deeply into her eyes and the atmosphere in the room immediately changed. It became hard to breathe, and all she wanted was to get closer to him.
"Did you.....touch me back?" she asked.
He looked straight at her and shook his head. "Not really. It didn't seem right, given that you were asleep. I did rub your back a little. My other hand was fisted at my side – very tightly – to keep from reaching out and....".
She cocked her head, and looked at him in confusion. "And?"
It was his turn to look away. But he found his courage and looked back up into her eyes. "Rey, if I had allowed myself to fully touch you as I so desperately wanted, I...I'm not sure what would have happened."
Suddenly Rey felt powerful. This man was admitting to her that he wanted her. As a man wants a woman. And though she had no experience with this kind of thing, it made her feel strong. But she wasn't quite sure why.
"What do you think would have happened?" she asked.
Ben almost groaned, thinking about how she had been last night, how she moaned as she had moved restlessly against him. He didn't want to frighten her, but he was once again completely aroused, and desperately trying to control himself – prevent himself from reaching out, grabbing her, and thoroughly ravishing her.
She had more clothing on tonight, but her neck was calling out to him like a beautiful beacon, and all he wanted to do was run his tongue along it. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from groaning aloud.
He finally answered her question. "I probably would have dragged you up against me and kissed you thoroughly."
Her eyes widened, and she responded a little breathlessly. "Oh....I....I think I would have liked that."
This time, he really did groan. He reached over, placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned his forehead onto hers. "Rey, do you have any idea what you're doing to me?"
She peeked up at him through her lashes and could see that his eyes were closed. His breathing was erratic, and he looked like he was in pain. She placed her palms on his chest and ran them up over his collarbone until her hands were wound around his neck, and waited.
He took a deep, steadying breath, opened his eyes and moved back a little to gaze into hers. "You are so beautiful Rey – inside and out. I don't deserve any of this, but I think this may be part of what we're meant to be, so I'm not going to fight it...".
Toying with the hair at the nape of his neck, she smiled up at him softly. "Me neither. I don't want to."
He ran his hands up her back, into her hair and grasped the back of her neck gently, pulling her toward him. Their lips crashed together, moving in sync with one another, their passion growing. He tried to be gentle, tried not to scare her by completely devouring her, but after last night, and their confessions just now, he simply couldn't help it. He was lost, and he knew it.
Their hands roamed, squeezed and pulled each other closer and closer. Their breathing became heavier, and the kiss became hotter, with tongues and teeth, threatening to get out of control. His mouth slanted over hers again and again in desperation, as he became completely lost in her – her scent, how she felt in his arms, and the little sounds of pleasure she was making as he explored her mouth with his tongue.
She was just as frantic for him. Ben had dragged her sideways onto his lap, and she pulled herself as close as she could get. Through her thin nightshirt, she could feel her breasts rubbing against his chest, sending a rush of desire to the area between her thighs. An ache was starting to build there, making her want to press herself against him. She felt his hands at her hips, shifting her on his lap to drag her even closer, and a jolt of pleasure shot through her at the friction to her core. Her arms wound more tightly around his neck and she attacked his lips with increasing fervor.
The kiss was getting out of control, but he couldn't help it. He was drunk on her – completely intoxicated by the sensations that her kisses, her touches and her soft sounds elicited in him. Almost mindless, he grasped her hips roughly to pull her closer and she let out a soft gasp of pleasure, which vibrated through him, causing his breath to huff out of him and his shaft to twitch and throb painfully. When he felt her nip and suck at his bottom lip, followed by the brush of her tongue on the roof of his mouth, he couldn't hold back a loud groan as a massive shudder coursed through him and began to pant heavily.
Starting to get overwhelmed, Rey pulled back, and rested her head on his chest to catch her breath, still trying to stay as close to Ben as possible.
Wrapping his arms around her shoulders and head, he kept her pressed tightly to him and placed a kiss into her hair, feeling her smile. They sat like that for a moment, both trying to calm down and get their breathing under control.
After a time, she pulled back, sitting up to look at him, and ran her hands through his hair. At this, he shuddered once again, and buried his face in her neck, placing a soft kiss there. He inhaled deeply, enjoying her scent, reveling in the sense of peace and calm that having her in his arms brought.
"Ben?" she asked shyly. "Would you have time tomorrow, or the next day, to help me build my lightsaber?"
Smiling against her neck, he replied. "Of course. You should gather the parts and make your hilt first though."
She nodded. "I've already started thinking about it." Smiling back at him, whispered. "I'm really excited."
He pulled back, looking at her, and absentmindedly ran his hand through her hair. "You should be. Its an important step. A saber that's made for you feels like no other, and is an extension of you. I guarantee you'll love it." Leaning forward, he gave her another soft kiss.
Enjoying his affection, she closed her eyes, feeling the connection start to break. "Goodnight..."
When she opened her eyes, she was alone once again. Sighing, she realized that she missed him already.
**
Kylo found himself alone in his quarters once again. Slowly rubbing his hand over his face, he inhaled deeply and let out a sigh on a long, slow exhale. Their relationship was definitely deepening, as they continued to get to know and rely on one another.
He smiled, remembering her angst over her "behaviour" when she visited him in her sleep. Everything about her drew him. Her beauty, her strength, her softness, her passion, and more.
Sighing again, he tried to envision how they could possibly end up together in the future. How could someone like him, with his darkness, his ugly past, with all he'd done, end up with her – someone who is light itself? It just seemed too complicated, too far-fetched to ever happen. Each of them were the other's secret from the rest of the galaxy. But he didn't care. It was clear that the Force was leading them somewhere, and at this point, he would follow where it led. Wherever it was leading, it felt important. She felt important. She was important.
The thought stopped him in his tracks. What exactly was she to him? She was his bond-mate, of course, but there was more. So much more. If the vision told him anything, it was that she was supposed to be his partner, his mate, the mother of any children he may be lucky enough to ever sire. But, what if none of that happened? His heart clenched painfully in his chest.
Visions were only possibilities, depending on one's choices – he knew that. What if something happened, and they didn't end up spending their lives together? The thought caused the air to rush from his lungs. She'd always be there – they'd likely always be connected through the bond. Could he bear it if her future ended up being with someone else? Someone like the pilot? Would he be able to endure feeling her joy with another through the bond? Her reactions when the other made love to her? He felt physically sick at the thought.
The realization dawned on him. She was absolutely everything to him. His life. His entire future. It would be empty without her. Nothing mattered without her. The First Order, anything. It would all be meaningless without her. He would have literally nothing without her. The thought terrified him.
Running a shaking hand through his hair, he tried get his emotions under control. He hated feeling like this. Uncertain, not in control, afraid. When he was younger, he always struggled to control his emotions, which usually waffled between extremes easily. Nobody had been able to understand that, nor could they help him deal with it. And because of what they saw as his instability, combined with his power, they feared him. It was one of the reasons that Snoke was able to get to him so easily, and so thoroughly.
Rey made him better though. She stabilized him. Understood and calmed him in ways that nobody else ever could. Part of that was surely because of the bond, but also, it was like she could see into his soul. And he could also see into hers – knew deep down that she was just lonely as he was. Feeling an enormous pressure in his chest, and tears pricking the corner of his eyes, he knew he needed do something – not willing to leave everything up to fate, or destiny.
His mind raced, reaching for any possibilities. An idea suddenly took hold, and the pressure in his chest shifted slightly. He knew what he had to do. Once he'd figured it out, it seemed simple. He took a deep breath and sighed, feeling a little calmer. It could work out. He just had to make her love him – that would be the final piece to cement them together – he was sure of it. With no experience in this area however, he had no idea how to do it – but he'd think about it some more, strategize, and come up with a plan. He was good at that.
But this was different. He was not good at dealing with people. He never had been. Rey was different though. Thinking back, he couldn't remember anyone else ever that he'd been able to talk to the way he did with her. So, that was a good sign. But how do you get a woman to fall in love? He had no clue. He'd have to do some research on what women wanted in a mate, and perhaps then could formulate his plan. Maybe there was some information in the archives? He had absolutely no one he could talk to about this, and hoped he'd be able to figure it out. Thinking about it more, his resolved faltered - he wasn't completely certain he could do it. Sighing, he figured there was nothing more he could do about it right now.
With that, he climbed into bed. It was then he realized that he forgot to mention that Hux was getting closer to finding them. At least it wasn't urgent – just yet. He'd tell her tomorrow.
His thoughts drifted to her lightsaber. A dual bladed saber would definitely be a challenge to construct. The key to an effective and easily usable tool would be in the design of the hilt. In his mind, he could visualize how it should look, with two separate ignition switches to be used as a single or double blade.
He sat up suddenly, as a new idea popped into his head. Excitement coursed through him. He could do this for her. It would ensure that she had the correct design for a great saber, as well as work towards part of his plan for their future. Grinning hugely, he hopped out of bed to prepare some sketches that he would bring to the fabrication shop tomorrow.