Philip Lester
Sunday 25th October (continued...)
I spent the entire night awake, guilt rotting in my body as I thought about the evening. I'd humiliated Dan and made him feel so scared and vulnerable. I was battling on whether or not I should leave him alone today, or hope I could catch him in the bookstore after my shift.
The hand drew nearer to the twelve on the clock looming on the far wall. I sighed, still battling my conscience, "You know what?" I thought to myself, "If he's working a shift, I'll go in. If he's not, it's not meant to be."
I threw my plastic gloves in the bin, worn so I could handle the food safely, and made my way out of the shop, saying goodbye to the other people on shift as I did so. I peered into the bookstore seeing Dan and David working the tills, although David seemed to be sorting out the cash registers rather than waiting to serve. There was also a customer in the store, browsing in the Crime section. I took a breath in, walking through the door and approaching Dan, "Hey." I smiled to the both of them.
"Oh, hey..." David trailed off, scouring his mind for my name.
"Phil." I reminded, giving a small chuckle. Dan was looking downwards with his nails marking the wooden desk and his cheeks puffing out wide with each breath he took.
"Do you need to talk to me or...are you buying?" David asked, a somewhat hopeful look on his face.
I chuckled out of politeness, shaking my head, "I was given a job at the grocer's." providing him with a smile of pity.
"Ah," he nodded, understanding, "Well, it was lovely to meet you, I've got to take this to the back." he shrugged, signalling to a small box of what I presumed was money. David walked to the man in Crime before he did so, "Trouble finding something to read, Jacob?"
The customer smiled, nodding, "You know what, you're right. I've been here too long, let me pay for this and I will be gone."
"Not at all!" David brushed off, "I was just checking in." he winked.
"Ah, I know the worker's tactics. I'll pay up." Jacob approached Dan as David slid to the backroom, "Are you waiting-" I was asked by the elderly gentleman.
"Oh, no, sorry, you go." I stepped to the side to let Jacob pay. He shuffled out of the store, making sure the glass door shut properly before he walked down the street.
My heart raced in my chest as I approached the counter, putting my hands on the surface as I looked downwards, neither Dan nor I peering up, "I'm-"
"I thought I told you to keep away." Dan sighed, shuffling backwards and sitting on his stool, hunching his arms into his lap.
"I know, but-"
"Then why are you here?!" he squealed, his voice cracking slightly. I looked up at him, concerned he was crying, but his face appeared bloodshot with frustration. My eyes flicked down to his lap, noticing his swollen wrists, which were slightly red at the skin. I furrowed my eyebrows inwards, Dan obviously noticing my concern and hiding the wounds.
I ran my hand over my mouth, beginning to feel responsible for this boy's safety. I swallowed the ball in my throat, "What will it take for you to trust me?" my arms were shaking beside me, so I slipped my fists into my jeans' pockets.
"Maybe for you not to make me feel harassed where I work? That would be a good place to start." Dan snapped.
I snatched my wrists out of hiding and slammed my palms against the till, "Stop being such a-" I paused.
"Such a what? Huh?" he mocked, holding eye contact against me.
I became wary of being in the only place where he'd been able to get hired. I sighed, "Meet me at the park after your shift, when are you done?"
He scoffed, "I'm not going anywhere with you!"
"I'll wait on the bench outside and follow you home." I admitted, taking a step back to leave.
"Then I'll call the fucking police!" he cried out.
"And they'll believe you?" I regretted the words the second they'd grinded through my teeth.
He laughed solemnly, nodding on the spot, "Fine. Fuck, guess you're right. Be here at five and you can take me to the bloody park."
I hummed, pulling my fists crossed into my sides in shame. I nodded my head, leaving the store. I'd be back in half an hour.
***
I waited outside Brooks for Dan, the cold air whispering into my ears as I hopped on the spot slightly, hoping to create some warmth. My eyes darted up when Dan appeared at the glass door, releasing the door handle to push himself through. He stayed silent, his eyes wandering anywhere else but at me.
I took a sigh, walking towards the park with him trailing slightly behind me. I coughed, hoping to start up some small talk, "How was your shift...other than me harassing you?" I gave a pathetic chuckle, desperately trying to clear the tension away.
"Yeah...alright. I like it there." he hummed, "And uh...what about you, what did you do today?"
"I was in work today, actually. I work over the weekends, I feel as though it gives those with families a time together." I smiled, shrugging my shoulders slightly.
"Oh," he whispered, "Don't you have a family?"
"I, yeah, sorry, wrong words...I do, but it's my parents and my brother but he's gone back up to university. My Dad's an...actually I'm not too sure what he does but he's some sort of advisor. Before that he was training to go down the medical route but he didn't like it. My Mum's a doctor. They both work weekends." I fiddled my tongue over the words, feeling as though they should be spoken, "What about you...?"
The park came into sight at the end of the road. Dan gulped, "You...met my father. My mum...well, I haven't had anything to do with her since she found her soulmate when I was young."
Silence filled the town around us. I began leading us to a bench to sit down, "I'm sorry, that sucks. Your parents weren't-"
"No, they both gave up. Well, they said they did. Mum ran away and my dad turned to alcohol." Dan shrugged, resting his back against the seat and crossing his legs over, "Why... what got you to get me over here?" he questioned
"Honestly..." I spoke, "I'm not sure. I was worried about you after yesterday and there's just..." I lost my words.
He scoffed, turning it into a small amount of laughter, "You pity me?"
"Not at all!" I shrieked, offended he'd accuse me of that. I sighed, "Hold it against me, but I'm curious about you. I could shove it under a rug if it wasn't that I spent the night being hammered under my own guilt for last night. Coming to apologise again seemed like an appropriate time to-"
"Interrogate me? I see how it is." he smirked, running his fingertips over his wrists.
"Pff." I wiped off.
"Can I be honest?" he stumbled nervously.
I answered clearly and truthfully, "Yeah."
"Really?" he checked.
"Dan, why wouldn't you be able to?"
"Because I've only met you three times." he tapped his knee.
"But it feels longer than that." I admitted.
"Strangely, yeah..." he agreed, "That's not what I was going to say, though. Uh, Phil? What about your Marking?" he nervously laughed, the sound coming through his raw throat.
I was taken aback by the question, not expecting it, but was truthfully going to ask the same thing at somepoint, "It's along my back. Covers it. It's so big in fact that my parents had it checked that it was a Marking and not a skin pigment issue." I giggled, finding that part funny.
Dan's eyebrows furrowed as he turned towards me and crossed his legs up on the bench, "So, it doesn't bother you?"
"No, not at all. It's unique. What about yours?"
"It's across my stomach. Well, that and see here?" he questioned, pointing below his chin, "It spreads there and onto my forearms." he showed me those lines, too. He whimpered, "I've always hated them. I was mocked for them for years by everyone I knew." he looked away, his eyes clouding over.
"Dan?"
"Yeah?" he responded, still drifting away.
"I bet they're beautiful."
"Yeah, well, I'll hopefully think the same thing one day." he shrugged, "What did you want to ask me?"
"Shut me up at any moment, but why did you get your reputation?"
"I got it because it's true. The rumours from the locals...I'm sure you've heard them by now, you've been here for a week or so. Well, they're not liars. Almost... actually as I've never drank a drop of alcohol and I've never touched a ciggy."
"You've wanked off in public?" I accused, lifting a brow as he stared pink-cheeked up at me.
"I've been at low points in my life." he murmured.
"God, Dan!" I playfully spat. He shrugged, kicking the pavement with his shoe. I mumbled, staring at the broken tip, "Want me to take you shopping?"
His eyes darted up at me, "What?"
"Well, you don't have to," I reminded, "But we can go into the main town. I'll get us the bus down. It can't be longer than half an hour?"
"It's twenty minutes," he agreed, "But uh, I'm good. I'm saving up to rent a place."
"Oh, Dan..." I realised, "I was offering to pay for a few bits."
"So, charity?" he spat.
"More of a gift. Even if it was charity, what would be wrong with that?" I picked him up on his defensiveness.
He snorted, "Suppose you're right. It doesn't take a genius to realise I look...like something else."
I smiled pitifully, standing up from the park bench, "When's your next shift?" I asked.
"Tomorrow. I get off at five as always." he stayed seated, sharing a smile with me.
"Is that a yes?"
"A yes to what?" he winked, looking away after.
"I won't play your games, Howell." I replied.
"No?"
"No." I asserted. His eyes shot towards me.
"Alright. See you at five." he grinned. It looked good on him.
"I'll take you shopping at the end of the week."
"Alright." he agreed, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye, Dan." I felt his eyes on me as I walked away.
~