*alas, we have reached my FAVORITE episode of rick and morty. i've been dying to write and put cas in this episode. also, because of a comment that cas makes in this chapter, i should mention, i will not be writing smut. it makes me uncomfortable and i just don't like writing it. so, if you're hoping for smut between cas and rick; sorry to burst that bubble. anyways, i hope you guys enjoy! this is edited btw.*
The door burst open with a quick blast of green energy, Rick jumping into the room. "Jerry, wake the fuck up!" Cas shouted with a wide grin.
"Jerry! Jerry, come on! We gotta go!" Rick exclaimed as he ran over to Jerry, shaking him. "You gotta come with us, Jerry! It's important, Jerry. *Burps* The fate of the galaxy rests on your shoulders. Let's go! Put some pants on." Rick demanded before changing his mind and grabbing Jerry by the ankle to drag him out of bed. Cas quickly covered her eyes at the sight of a naked Jerry, "N-never mind, there's no time for pants, Jerry. I'll make you a pair of pants on the way," Rick rambled before shouting about a Rick, Jerry and Cas adventure.
"I really think we should have made time for pants," Cas argued back. Rick shrugged and began to drag Jerry to the ship, practically throwing him into the back seat before Cas slid into the passenger seat. "Buckle up!" Cas grinned as she buckled the seat belt.
"T-there's no seatbelt back here!" Jerry whined and Cas shrugged.
"Well, then hold on," Cas stated like it was obvious before turning back to face out the windshield as Rick began to start the ship.
An awkward silence filled the ship as it began its way into space, Rick honestly not even sure where to take Jerry on the adventure. Cas sat next to him, glancing over at Rick a few times, as if waiting for him to be the first on to speak up or make Jerry his pants. Rick finally broke the silence, explaining a clearly half-assed lie about where they were taking Jerry. "... Then I thought, 'Hey, what about Jerry? He's - He's good with regular folk.' This is a real situation where- where- where Jerry could really shine. He's a master convincer," Rick lied off the top of his head.
"Rick, I'm not an idiot. I know what this is," Jerry said sadly, looking down.
"Oh. Okay, well, I told Morty, 'Look, parents get divorced. They get sad. He'll be fine.'" Rick began, "But I think he's worried you're gonna, you know..." Rick trailed off, not sure how to word it. Cas held a finger gun up to her temple, pretending to pull the trigger and making a noise with her tongue. "Thank you, Cas. And you know how Morty gets when he's emotional. It impedes mine and Cas' work. So, I told him we'd take you out and give you a win." Cas turned her head slightly, putting her feet on the dash as she flashed Jerry another smile, nodding with Rick's words.
"Wait. My son asked you to take me on some kind of pity adventure to keep me from killing myself?" Jerry asked, surprised by that.
"What did you think it was?" Cas asked, glancing back at him again.
"An execution," Jerry shrugged simply.
"Geez. You really do need a win," Rick commented.
"No! I don't know. I mean, you never made me the pants so..." Jerry trailed off awkwardly.
"So, you thought we were gonna drive you into the middle of the galaxy and shove you into the vacuum of space with your dick hanging out? And we're seeing how you'd react if that were about to happen? I mean, shit, I'll make you the pants right now. Take me two seconds to make you pants. Cassie, get your feet of my dash and take control," Rick said as he began to reach around his car, taking both his hands off the wheel as he did so. Cas quickly pulled her feet from the dash, holding both hands up in front of her chest, the green wisps of energy reaching her hands. The car began to steady slightly under her influence, Rick digging around the mess of empty bottles from him and snack bags from Cas.
"I have pants at home," Jerry whined.
"Jerry, if I make pants, they'll be better than your pants at home." Rick commented, reaching up to take the wheel again. Cas put her hands down, but put her feet on the dash once more. "Also, if we wanted to kill you-"
"Yeah, I get it. It would be amazing," Jerry interrupted. "Please, take me home. I'll tell my son we had an amazing adventure."
"Well, if it's all the same, we should probably get our story straight. I think Morty would realize when we tell one story and then you tell a completely different one because you suck at improv and lying," Cas said and Rick pointed at her in agreement.
"Rick called me a master convincer!" Jerry argued.
"You believed him?" Cas asked with a slight laugh.
"Relax, Jerry, I know where to go where we can get our story straight," Rick spoke up. "And get your feet off my dash, Cas," Rick mumbled, reaching over to smack Cas' feet off his dash.
"Okay, old man," Cas teased.
"Oh, that's how it's gonna be?" Rick asked, raising his brow.
"Oh, that's how it's gonna be," Cas nodded with an innocent smile.
Rick landed steadily on the ground of the large building on the planet. It was covered by some sort of force field, though Cas knew why. It projected an immortality field that prevented death of any kind on in the area that was filled with bars, casino's and other various types of places like that. It was actually rather perfect for a vacation and one of the fancier places that Cas had seen on an adventure with Rick. It was also the smartest place to bring Jerry. "Huh, this seems kind of fancy," Jerry commented, finally fully clothed thanks to Rick.
"Jerry, for all you know, this is the equivalent of an alien truck stop. You have no frame of reference. You're in a universe beyond your imagining," Rick snapped slightly as Cas bounded over to him, gripping his hand. "But, yes, it is super fancy," Rick added as he tossed his keys to the valet.
"I mean, our job here is the make Morty happy. Unfortunately, that means we can't let you die by taking you somewhere dangerous," Cas shrugged.
As if on cue, a spear came out of no where, stabbing Rick in the chest and pinning him to the wall. Cas' eyes widened for a second but she did nothing, despite Jerry's freaking out. A pink alien approached them, Jerry smacking her shoulder a few times as he cried out, Cas trying to smack his hands off of her. "Rick Sanchez. I told you if I ever saw your face in here again, I would stick you like the pig you are," the alien threatened, sticking the spear further into Rick's chest.
"Shnoopy Bloopers, I told you if you tried," Rick coughed out, a bit of blood dripping from his mouth. He grabbed the empty glass from the table next to him before stabbing it into Shnoopy's throat. "There'd be two funerals," Rick finished as the alien fell to the ground. Jerry screamed out, smacking Cas' shoulder in fear once more.
"Cas! Help him! Why don't you care?" Jerry cried out and Cas smacked his hand off her.
"Stop hitting me. He's fine," She mumbled as the spear shot out of Rick's chest and the wound healed quickly. Rick grunted at the feeling before laughing loudly, hugging the pink alien as he stood up as well.
"My friend. It has been too long," Shnoopy Bloopers chuckled. "You must be Cassiopeia," The alien held out a hand, which Cas shook with a bright smile.
"Cas, please," Cas corrected, following the two towards the bar.
"Oh, it's great to see you again, buddy," Rick laughed out. Cas watched them do some sort of handshake as she took a seat at the bar. Rick sat to her right and Jerry took the seat next to her left.
"Mr. and Mrs. Sanchez gets whatever they want," Shnoopy told the bartender before walking off. Cas turned to Rick with an amused smile at Shnoopy calling her Sanchez as well. "Look at that. Mrs. Sanchez," She teased and Rick rolled his eyes but Cas smiled softly when he didn't bother correcting his friend. Granted, he had walked off by now but Cas still found more in the gesture than what was on the surface. Both Rick and Cas didn't care too much for the whole idea of marriage, especially after Rick's first failed one, but for Cas it felt nice to hear the name Sanchez attached to hers for once.
"The resorts covering in an immortality field," Rick explained to the confused Jerry. "You can't die here. That's the gimmick," Rick said and motioned to two kids that chased each other around.
"Okay, but still - bad parenting," Jerry said as one of the kids shot the other. The child healed quickly and the game resumed. "Yeah, I kind of agree on that. Definitely will not end well," Cas muttered, watching the children run around again.
"Eh, rich a-holes are rich a-holes," Rick shrugged as the bartender put a beverage in front of all three of them. "They all pay top dollar to come here and enjoy a consequence free vacation. No death, no disease, no dismemberment. Wouldn't even die if Cas pulled the metal out of you. Or from a heart attack," Rick explained, motioning to an alien who was shoving plate after plate of food in his mouth.
"Got it. The perfect place to take the most fragile being in the universe," Jerry commented.
"Don't expect us to refute that. You hit the nail on the head," Cas said simply. "I doubt Morty's gonna let us off the hook if we come back without you." Rick added on in agreement as Cas sipped from her, thankfully, non-alcoholic beverage.
"Yeah, but what if you came home with Jeff Goldblum?" Jerry asked and Cas furrowed her brows.
"What the fuck are you talking about, Jerry?" Rick asked, sipping from his very alcoholic drink. Jerry turned, looking towards two aliens behind them. Cas followed his gaze, almost choking on her drink as Rick spit his out. The alien behind them had a pattern on his body that looked exactly like Jeff Goldblum. "Jesus! Holy fucking shit!" Rick laughed out, "Yo, what's up, 'Big Chill'? Don't go into that telepod!" Rick called out, laughing along with Jerry and Cas.
"Maybe we would have fun on a fake adventure," Jerry laughed.
"On a fake adventure," Rick emphasized.
"Speaking of," Jerry began, pausing to take a sip of his beverage. "What are we going to tell Morty?"
"I don't know. But whatever it is, we're gonna need a couple more of these babies!" Rick grinned about his beverage, the two men reaching in front of Cas to clink their glasses. Cas tapped hers against their glasses with a smile.
"... and that's when Malakai the Squid came, rips off his face and beneath it is my face." Jerry smiled as he finished his potential idea of their fake adventure. Cas had a bored look on her face as she snacked on the bowl of god knows what that was in front of them on the bar. By now, she had leaned back enough to lean against Rick, one of her feet on up on the bar as she tossed the snacks into her mouth. Half of Rick's brow was raised as he shared bored look with his girlfriend, before looking back to Jerry, who was still sporting a proud grin.
"I liked it," An alien a few seats away from the commented after a brief moment of silence.
"Thank you, sir," Jerry flashed him a polite smile.
"Yeah cause the opinion of a total stranger means so much to me and Rick," Cas commented, tossing one of the snacks into her mouth. "Yeah, of course he likes it. Look at him. Motherfucker got two heads and three trunks." Rick added on and Jerry sighed but still kept a smile on his face.
"Alright, we'll put a pin in it," Jerry got up, "I'm gonna go take a leak."
Rick ordered the two refills of their drinks and a new bowl of snacks. "We could always just leave him here and tell Morty we lost him." Cas shrugged, looking up at Rick from her position leaning against his chest. "It's not even that far fetched. I mean, we lost him at the mini-golf place that one time. And at the mall a few weeks later. Oh and we left him at the movies once," Cas pointed out and Rick snorted loudly at that, one of his arms wrapping around her waist.
"I love the way you think, baby," Rick replied.
"You know, we could always try and set him up with someone. Help him get over Beth and out of our lives." Cas tried again and Rick took a short sip from his beverage.
"You'd really wanna doom a person with the tragic fate of post-divorce Jerry?" Rick chuckled and Cas gave a look of agreement. "Plus, I bet anything he's still whipped for Beth," Rick burped out and Cas looked up at Rick.
"It's not like it's hard to get straight men whipped for women. I mean, I managed to get you, the most stubborn asshole in the universe, utterly whipped for me and you're not even straight." Cas shrugged and Rick rose half his brow at that. Both of them were fairly open about their sexuality's with each other, Rick never hiding his pansexuality and Cas just never labeled herself to others but found herself in the category of bisexual. "Don't even deny it, darlin'. You're completely, hopelessly whipped for me," Cas smirked.
"I am not whipped for you, Cassie," Rick huffed and Cas rose a brow at the use of the name he was adamant only he could use. "Shut up," Rick mumbled and Cas smiled in victory at his lack of a refute or any evidence to prove her wrong.
"Don't tell Mrs. Sanchez to shut up," Cas joked with a wide grin. Rick rolled his eyes at her but couldn't help the twitch of a smile coming to his face. "Now. My master plan for getting Jerry a date and far, far away from us. You know any places around here to get a date, Trunks?" Cas looked over towards the alien a few seats away.
After a brief conversation, Jerry came back, a blank look on his face as he sat down between Cas and the alien. "Hey, Jerry, Triple Trunks here says he knows a place where the ladies drop panties for anyone bi-pedal," Rick said.
"Yeah, I'm not really interested. My heart still belongs to Beth," Jerry replied with a sad tone.
"Oh. Huh, okay," Rick said and began to sip his drink awkwardly. "Yikes," Cas whispered as she picked up the bowl of snacks. Jerry looked over at that couple with his brows furrowed.
"What? You two don't think I have a shot?"
"We didn't say that," Rick replied quickly.
"Excuse me. May I have another one of these?" Jerry ordered from the bartender before turning back to Rick and Cas. She noticed the weird look on his face but Jerry spoke up before she could. "Things weren't always so bad between Beth and me. We had some good times when we were younger." Jerry began.
"Oh, yeah, I bet. That's how teenage pregnancy happens, my friend," Rick responded.
"Yeah, no." Jerry chuckled, "Things were pretty great, even until a couple of years ago."
"If that's what helps you sleep at night," Cas commented quietly. Jerry glanced at her and Cas rose a brow, "What? It's not hard for another girl to tell when another girl is looking for the door. Take it from someone with experience, Jerry. You just are looking for someone to blame because you can't admit the relationship was doomed from the start."
"You're implying around the time I moved in with you guys, too," Rick added.
"Oh, I guess you're right," Jerry replied as if he didn't notice.
"Jerry, you know, I hope you're not suggesting that I had anything to do with your marriage breaking up. There were some major issues between you and Beth that have been there since you guys met," Rick said. "Hey, to new beginnings," Rick grinned and held up his drink as Jerry glared slightly.
"To the Whirly Dirly," Jerry said with an odd tone.
"The Whirly Dirly?" Cas cocked her head and both her and Rick glanced at each other and then back to Jerry. "What's going on here? When did you get cool?!" Rick asked Jerry with an excited tone and Cas broke out into an equally excited smile.
"When you stole my wife!" Jerry joked, laughing loudly.
Cas bounced on her heels, as she stood in line between Rick and Jerry. She gripped Rick's hand tightly as if to stop the nerves bubbling in her stomach. "You've been on roller coasters before," Rick pointed out, noticing the clammy feeling coming to her hands. Cas frowned at that, wiping her hand against her jeans before gripping the sleeve of his lab coat, something she seemed to do when she was nervous. Rick picked up on that nervous habit rather quickly.
"Yeah, ones made for toddlers," Cas snapped. "I'm perfectly content with the only things I ever ride being my motorcycle, the ship and you, Rick." Cas added with the same tone, making Jerry grimace at the last part. Rick, however, was filled with excitement, he didn't even acknowledge her slightly explicit comment.
"Oh, man. This is gonna be awesome!" Rick grinned, pulling Cas behind him into the seat. Jerry climbed in next to them, making Cas tightly squeezed between them while she buried her head into Rick's shoulder. "I gotta hand it to you, Jerry. This was a solid idea," Rick looked over Cas to Jerry.
"Uh, yeah. Uh-huh," Jerry said awkwardly and looked behind him.
"And you know what? I'll cop to it. I put a lot of strain on your marriage. It wasn't fair. I'm sorry," Rick finished and Jerry gave a shocked look. "I didn't respect your marriage. I certainly didn't do it any favors. And for what it's worth, I'll apologize to Beth for it when we get home. Cas will make sure of it," Rick nodded and Jerry instantly began to freak out while Rick shouted excitedly.
"I hate you both so much right now," Cas mumbled, her words muffled by Rick's shoulder. She had now wrapped both her arms around him, gripping him tighter than she thought she could.
"Stop the ride! We gotta get off," Jerry said, frantically. He began to push at the bar rapidly, failing at moving it even an inch. "We gotta get out of this thing. We gotta get out!" Cas lifted her head at the sudden feeling of metal around her, turning to look over Rick's shoulder at the two on the cart behind them. She could both feel and see the weapons in their hands and he eyes widened.
"Rick, he's right," Cas said, yet the fear of the rollercoaster didn't allow her to anything to move her hands, leaving her paralyzed. Jerry finally managed to move the bar, making Cas whine in fear at the added level of danger.
"Come on! We haven't even gotten to first Whirly," Rick argued.
"Oh, no. This sucks. It's so boring. I mean, I'm falling asleep here." Jerry tried to convince Rick, "Let's just get out and crawl down the sides."
Cas yelped loudly as the roller coaster took off, hiding her face back in Rick's shoulder as he screamed from excitement and Jerry from fear. "Get down! Duck down!" Jerry shouted, "It's more fun when you scrunch down!" Cas peaked out at Jerry's exclamation, seeing the man behind them begin to aim at Rick.
"Rick!" She shouted, her instincts kicking in quickly. In the blink of an eye, she had pulled Rick down, grabbing Jerry by the collar of his shirt to pull him down too but he took the shot just as they dipped back into the immortality field. "Shit! Sorry, Jerry!" Cas exclaimed and Rick's eyes widened as he quickly turned, leaving Cas' grip to lunge at the alien behind them. Cas held her hand out, tossing both their blasters away from them with a wisp of green energy before Rick tossed the red alien off the cart and turning to the light blue one.
"Rick, up here!" Jerry called out as Rick got the alien into a headlock. "There's a spot where you can kill him!"
"Good call, Jerry!" Rick called back, snapping the alien's neck as they exited the field for a brief moment. He let go of the body, the momentum flinging it far from them and Rick landing back in the seat next to Cas. "Hey, how'd you know about that?" Rick asked but before Jerry could respond, Rick was grabbed by his shoulders by ropes coming from a helicopter and pulled up. Jerry and Cas reached out, grabbing Rick's legs to hold him down.
With one hand, Cas reached up into Rick's lab coat, pressing a button on the device attached to it. She pushed the lab coat off of Rick, the ropes pulling the empty coat up. "Way to go, Cas!" Rick called out as the coat exploded, taking the helicopter with it. Cas didn't count on the helicopter crashing into the roller coaster. It caused a chain reaction which left the immortality field down and the part of the coaster they were on to go rolling into the surrounding forest. Cas landed poorly in an awkward angle on her right leg, causing her to yelp out in pain as they landed.
"So, uh, Jerry," Rick began with an angry tone as he stood up. He helped Cas up, who was glaring over at Jerry while she leaned against Rick due to the pain in her side and down her right leg. "Big fan of the Whirly Dirly, are you?"
"Not anymore. Obviously," Jerry chuckled.
"But when you were, how did you know about it?" Rick asked, only to be distracted by a grunting noise from the red alien from earlier.
"We had a deal, Jerry Smith," The alien choked out before slumping down dead.
Both Cas and Rick turned back to Jerry, glaring towards the cowardly man who grinned sheepishly. "It's a really common name," Jerry tried. Cas looked up at Rick, nodding at him as he let go of her to start walking after Jerry who was backing up. "Now, take it easy, Rick. You've been in a serious roller coaster crash and Cas is injured. It's - It's no time to be thinking about who did or didn't play a role in your attempted murder." Jerry stepped into the mouth of an alien on accident as he finished, crying out as it wrapped around his ankle.
"Come on, Rick. Let's just go," Cas called out. "He's not worth it," She said from her position, leaning against the crashed cart to keep pressure off her leg.
"Hey! Look, I confess, okay?" Jerry tried as the creature moved farther up his body, reaching his waist. "They told me about all the bad stuff you did to this planet and it reminded me of all the bad stuff you did to me. But then you said you were sorry, and I realized you're not a monster - not like this thing. Fuck, it's got me good," Jerry cried out.
"You good, Cassie?" Rick glanced over at her, ignoring Jerry as he picked around at the crash site. He picked up a brightly colored snake, squeezing its venom into half of a coconut like fruit.
"Peachy," Cas mumbled, pulling up her shirt to show the ugly bruise that was forming on her stomach. Despite being in the middle, Cas had gotten the brunt of the crash, being tossed out and landing at an awkward angle on her leg before she could even process what happened. She knew her leg wasn't broken and the bruises would be gone fairly quickly but the pain still made it almost impossible for her to stand on her own.
"This is a mislead, right? You're inventing a thing to save me," Jerry asked.
"That would be called a knife, Jerry. It's been invented already," Cas snapped, glaring over towards him. Jerry flashed her a sympathetic look, hoping to get what shred of her that still hopefully cared for him to show up.
"I'm making a way for me and Cas to get out of here," Rick added on, pulling a seat from the crashed cart. "One seat should be do it, right, Cas?" Rick asked and Cas nodded at that.
"I'm sorry! I made a mistake," Jerry cried. "I won't do it again!"
"Nobody ever does," Rick said as he attached the chair to a small platform.
Jerry struggled for a moment, falling onto his face, a purple liquid coating him. "You self-righteous piece of shit! You took my family!" Jerry exclaimed, slamming his fist to the ground angrily.
"I took your family?" Rick said, turning back to face Jerry with an angry look on his face. "Who do you think had more taken from them when you shot 20ccs of liquid dream-killer into my daughter? She was Rick's daughter, Jerry. She had options!" Both Cas and the alien snake trying to eat Jerry let out a quiet 'oof' at that comment before Rick continued, grabbing a bug from mid air as he spoke. "That all ended because she felt sorry for you. You act like prey, but you're a predator! You use pity to lure in your victims! That's how you survive. I survive because I know everything. Cas survives because of her abilities and unwavering loyalty. That snake survives because children wander off. You survive because people think 'Oh, this poor piece of shit. He never gets a break. I can't stand the sound of the defending silent wails of his wilting soul. I guess I'll hire him or marry him.'"
Cas watched as Jerry gave up struggling, allowing Rick's words to sink in and the snake creature to swallow him. He muffled out cries of Cas and Rick's name but the couple watched him disappear. "Do we really have to save him?" Cas asked as Rick pulled a sharp shard of shrapnel from the debris.
"Unfortunately," Rick mumbled and stalked over to the snake. He sliced it open, killing it, and pulled Jerry out, who was covered in sticky, yellow liquid.
"I knew you wouldn't let me die," Jerry said with a relieved but shaky voice.
"That was never an option," Rick replied vaguely.
"Because you never had a son?" Jerry asked and Rick immediately dropped him at the comment. He grabbed Jerry by the collar of his shirt and dragged him to the single chair surrounded by everything else he had created.
"No, because I need a living organism coated in Gibble Snake bile to attract a Shmooglite Runner," Rick replied. He pushed Jerry into the chair and strapped him in before aiding Cas behind the bush with him.
"Wait? What's happening?" Jerry asked, wiggling slightly to attempt to get out.
"Use that confusion, Jerry! It'll make you wriggle like an abandoned newborn more," Cas chuckled slightly as she put her arm around Rick as he lead her. Rick pressed the button on his remote, the fans he created spinning quickly to spread the scent of the bile that covered Jerry.
"Jesus Christ! What the fuck, Rick?!" Jerry cried out as a Shmooglite Runner peaked up from the bushes. It unhinged its jaws as it ran towards Jerry, hissing loudly. "Help! Help me!"
Rick stood up quickly, using a blow dart of his own creation and the venom from the much smaller snake creature to stop the Shmooglite. It slumped over, unconscious and Rick pulled Cas up again, sticking a device in the side of the creatures head when they approached it. It didn't take long for the creature to wake up, Rick's device allowing him to control it. He helped Cas lift herself onto its back and handed her the device while he unbuckled Jerry. "Get in," He snapped and pushed Jerry towards the kangaroo like pouch on the creature before jumping up to sit behind Cas.
"There's a space sport 20 miles south, darlin'," Cas said as she looked down at the device. She winced slightly as the Shmooglite ran, jostling her very sore leg.
"Keep us on course to there. We'll be able to board a galaxy class cruise ship and jump through a worm hole that will put us within spitting distance of the Milky Way," Rick explained and Cas nodded. Rick looked down at Jerry who was in the pouch, trying not to laugh as what Cas assumed to be the Shmooglite's genitalia smacking Jerry in the face with every step. "But hey, it's about the journey, not the destination, right, Jerry?" Rick laughed, failing to hold it back.
They made it to the space port and got in line for the ship. It was a rather long line but thankfully, the three made it to the be scanned. Jerry entered first, getting the all clear from the alien. He stepped forward as Cas went through, limping slightly. The lights went changed to red and Cas sighed quietly. "We'll have to neutralize your abilities as a precaution, ma'am," The alien told her and Cas just nodded. She was far too tired to even think about arguing even as the needle pricked her neck. The alien then waved her through and as mad as she was at Jerry, she allowed herself to hold on to his shoulder to keep weight off her leg as Rick went through. The lights and screens flashed red and he was grabbed by his arms and legs by the scanner. "Oh, come on," Rick mumbled.
"What's happening?" Jerry asked and Cas glanced at the screen, noticing Rick's personal enhancements had set the scanner off.
"Your friend has class C or above cybernetic augmentations. Emphasis on the above," The alien explained, motioning to the screen. "In any case, he needs to be neutralized," The alien added, pressing a button. Rick winced as a syringe popped out, sticking him in the neck. His demeanor changed quickly and he groaned, rubbing his head like it hurt.
"Brain hurty," Rick commented and Cas rose a brow.
"Um, what did you do?" Cas asked as a drugged look came to Rick's face.
"It's a synaptic dampener that blocks violent tendencies and controversial thought," the bright green alien told her. "He will now be an ideal passenger."
"I want cookies and a 90-minute cut of 'Avatar'," The drugged Rick grinned like a child. Cas smiled softly at that, "Oh, darlin', no one truly wants a 90-minute cut of that movie," She commented. She moved herself off Jerry, wrapping her arm around Rick and putting his around her shoulders. Rick pouted down at her as she silently grimaced at the pain in her leg but ignore the feeling.
"Seriously?" Jerry asked and began to snap in front of Rick's face. "Quit it," Rick whined and Cas slapped Jerry's hand away with a slight glare.
"It'll wear off in six hours," The alien told them. "It's cheaper than banning dangerous people from flights. I mean, let everybody buy a ticket, right? Otherwise the terrorists win," the alien shrugged as drool began to drip from Rick's mouth. Cas sighed, reaching up to wipe wipe it away with the sleeve of her dark green hoodie. It was beyond saving and she'd had to throw it out anyways so she didn't mind.
"Come on, darlin'," She smiled softly and the couple began their way to the ship, Jerry in front of them.
"You're so pretty," The drugged Rick grinned, dragging out the words.
"So I've heard," Cas chuckled as she helped him into the seat. She took the one next to him, forcing Jerry to sit across from them. "You could stand to say it more often though," She added, patting his cheek slightly. He laughed like a child would at the feeling, leaning into Cas' hand.
"They have sweet smiggle honey cookies and low-calorie petroleum flakes," Jerry read off the menu in a mocking tone, interrupting Cas and Rick.
"Obviously cookies," Rick replied.
"Let's get you the flakes then," Jerry said in the same mocking tone.
"Okay, but it's not what I wanted," Rick grumbled and cross his arms.
"Well, maybe next time you won't be such a dumb piece of shut and you can pick for yourself," Jerry ridiculed. Cas glared at him as if daring him to say something else.
"That's not nice," Rick commented.
"What was that? Did you just have a controversial thought?" Jerry joked, "That's what I thought, bitch. You little-" Jerry began to falsely lunge at Rick to make him flinch but his fist was suddenly wrapped in Cas' hand. The glare in Cas' eyes made him back down slightly, though Cas could see he was still enjoying taking advantage of the drugged Rick.
"This is the best," Jerry chuckled quietly, leaving back in his seat.
"I agree," a bright blue alien came up to them, holding his weapon under the napkin on his arm. "You've made things even easier than if you hadn't been incompetent," The alien moved the weapon from pointing at Cas, rp pointing at Rick.
"Uh-oh. We get shoot-shoot now," Rick commented, leaning forward to look at the alien.
The large blue alien, who Cas learned was named Risotto Groupon, lead them through the ship towards where escape pods were lord against the wall. Cas hated the fact that she was helpless. The pain in her side and leg left her limping still and the neutralization of her powers had yet to wear off, not that she expected it too by now. Though, the slightly suggestive joke made by the PA system made the three humans, or partial human in Cas' case, snort. "Nice," the neutralized Rick laughed quietly. His laughter was cut as Risotto forced him to his knees, causing him to grunt. Cas was next, yelping loudly at the sudden painful sensation.
"Jerry, step over there and lock yourself in the escape pod," Risotto ordered.
"You're not killing us?" Jerry asked, confused.
"I'm killing Rick and the girl. You're free to go. You're no threat to me or anyone," Risotto clarified. Cas gave a look of agreement at the last part, noticing Jerry's sadden face at the alien's comment.
"Now you're just being mean," Jerry frowned.
"I don't think he's supposed to be the nice one here," Cas grumbled. Rick stood quickly, pulling Cas up beside him, "Yeah, you're mean - no offense." Rick said, adding the last part rather quickly.
"Mean would be shooting you, Jerry. This is saving a bullet," Risotto explained. "Go back to your quietly ashamed family and live out the rest of your days in denial of your vagina fantasies." Risotto told him and Cas glanced over at Jerry with one eyebrow raised at the last part. Jerry's face morphed to anger at that.
"It was a one time thought that everyone has!" Jerry exclaimed before lunging for Risotto with a grunt.
"Everyone?" Cas cocked her head at that at Rick's eyes widened at Jerry's actions.
"What are you doing?" Risotto asked, an annoyed tone in his voice as Jerry clutched on to his large arm, trying to reach for the weapon.
"I'm being triumphantly brave," Jerry told him. Cas let out an 'eh' with a shrug at that, earning a slight glare from Jerry as he tried to fight off Risotto but failed.
"It's not triumphant or brave. You're not risking anything." Risotto responded, making no move to remove Jerry from him.
"You might shoot me," Jerry pointed out.
"I think you know I won't. Because you know I feel sorry for you. You're just doing this so you can tell yourself you fought-" Risotto's response was cut off by Jerry biting into his arm. Risotto flung his arm causing Jerry to fly off and his grip to tighten on the weapon, accidentally shooting the temporal shield generator, causing it to fail. The PA system from before announced the failure as Risotto cocked his weapon and pointed it to Jerry. "Congratulations, Jerry. You get to die a man."
"That's okay! I'll leave! Please don't shoot. I'm the vagina guy, remember?" Jerry pleaded holding his hands out on defense.
"Our hero," Cas mumbled under her breath, rolling her eyes at Jerry's cowardice.
The gun shot rang but Cas couldn't explain what happened even if she wanted too. Risotto, Jerry and Rick all began to morph around her. Colors appeared before her eyes as well as the sound of Rick and Jerry's voice in her head. There were many visuals that Cas couldn't wrap her head around, which included versions of themselves trying to force together like different colored play dough a child would mix. It was cut rather short though as the vision quickly ended, leaving Cas with a hell of a headache.
"Brain hurty," Cas mumbled, echoing Rick's complaint from earlier. She rubbed her head slightly, but noticed the empty feeling had left her body. She lifted her hands up in front of herself, a relieved smile on her face as the green wisps came back to lick at her skin.
"Oh, god. I feel like our souls were united and we were all one with eternity," Jerry looked down at his own hands.
"Yeah, imagine being the only girl," Cas mumbled.
"Our body's unchanged, yet our minds have lived a thousand lifetimes," Risotto said, a different tone in his voice. Cas could see the regret filling his eyes as he looked down at his weapon then up to Rick. "Is that enough time for me to forgive you?" Risotto asked but a smirk made its way to Rick's face.
"I don't know, but it's enough time for a synaptic dampener to wear off," Rick pressed his temple, his arm forming into a weapon as he pointed it towards Risotto. A small suction cup shot out, attaching to Risotto's gun and pulling it back towards Rick. He reached out out for it, only for Cas to have to push it forward with her own abilities so Rick could grab it after awkwardly reaching for it as it was just outside of his grasp. He flashed Cas a quick smile of thanks before pulling the trigger.
"Jesus!" Jerry exclaimed as Risotto fell to the ground, pink blood oozing from the wound. "He hadn't decided he was still going to kill us!"
"And? He was still thinking about it," Cas pointed out.
"Cas is right. He was talking himself into it. I've seen it before," Rick said, his arm morphing back into its natural state. "Cosmic apotheosis wears off faster than salvia." Rick stated, shrugging slightly.
"I'm starting to believe you because I just finished merging with both of your essences for an endless epoch, and I'm already back to thinking you're both assholes." Jerry responded and Cas shrugged at his words, not particularly caring about Jerry's opinion on her attitude or anything in general.
"Fine with us. Let's just go our separate ways. Sounds like you and the word 'epoch' have a lot of catching up to do," Rick commented. Cas nodded and began to follow Rick up the stairs to the escape pod. She was about to sit down before Jerry shoved himself in, begging for them to not leave him.
"I'm so close to strangling him," Cas mumbled.
The escape pod ride had been as annoying as expected. Cas was the first to step out of the pod, annoyed by how Jerry spent the whole ride detailing everything he saw while in wormhole, despite all of them seeing the same thing. "We are never doing another adventure with Jerry again," Cas told him and Rick was quick to nod in agreement. Rick climbed out after her and Jerry after him.
"Uh, I guess we better get on the same page about our fake adventure," Rick spoke up. He put his arm around Cas' waist, holding her up, as he spoke once more. "I'll make you a deal. We'll leave out the part where you tried to murder me and partially tried to murder Cas," Rick told Jerry.
"And I'll leave out the part where you admitted to sabotaging our marriage," Jerry agreed. Rick held out his hand and Jerry took it, the two shaking hands.
Rick looked down at Cas and then to the door before back at Jerry. "You want to...?" Rick asked awkwardly.
"Nah, if the family sees me like this, they'll feel sorry for me. Which is no longer my signature move," Jerry said with a smile. Cas gave him an impressed look before smiling slightly in return. "Later days, amigo," Jerry said, saluting them with two fingers before turning around. Rick gave the same impressed look as Cas, nodding his head to Jerry in response before turning towards the house with Cas.
"Yeah, how long you think that'll last?" Cas asked, an amused tone in her voice. "Five bucks says a few minutes," Cas added, looking up at Rick.
"Eh, I give him a few hours at most," Rick joked and Cas chuckled loudly at that.
"Actually," Jerry's voice was heard only seconds after Rick finished. Cas smirked up at Rick, being the one closest to correct about how long it would take Jerry to result back to pity. "I realized I don't have my wallet and my bus pass is in there so maybe-" Jerry said quickly but was cut off by Rick.
"Stay strong, Jerry. I believe in you!" Rick grinned as he opened the door.
"You can do it!" Cas added with a smile, waving at Jerry as Rick shut the door to the house. "I believe you owe me five bucks, darlin'," Cas smirked again and Rick rolled his eyes.
"Whatever," Rick grinned.
"Hey, never doubt that Mrs. Sanchez is always right," Cas teased, earning a laugh from Rick.