It was quiet inside my cage, my cell. Whatever it was - a fucking shit broom closet.
The song still played in my head. It was always playing, the easy street of make believe. Over and over and over, never stopping. Sometimes it felt like it just repeated certain parts of it.
We're on easy street -
God, it never stopped.
Ever since I had returned to my cage, Simon was always visiting, knife in hand. The cut along my face had scarred, no doubt horrifically. It would be a permanent reminder of my time in my cage, of what I'd endured, of what I'd continue to suffer with. I wondered if I'd ever actually escape this hell hole. I didn't think it was likely.
- and it feels so sweet -
Daryl and I were stuck there. I didn't know what was happening with the others. Weeks had possibly passed, and we were stuck in there, trying to survive every day whilst they were out there, threatened by Negan and his Saviors. It felt like we were powerless and divided.
I had to keep hope that they would figure out how to fight back against the Saviors, against Negan. If they couldn't, then I'd find a way myself. I'd figure out how to take Negan down. Maybe another would step into his spot, claim to be Negan, but no-one would be as good as Negan. Simon was crueller, and Negan wasn't. Dwight wasn't as good, looked like he could betray them.
- 'cause the world is 'bout a treat -
There was a woman, Regina, who was one of Negan's a second in command of sorts. She was harsh and cold, and I wondered how useful she'd be if she were to take Negan's place. They were all Negan, but weren't The Negan.
I heard footsteps, and I prepared myself. It had to be Simon, come to cut into my face once more, to batter me until I bled, until bruises bloomed across my skin.
- when you're on easy street -
The door to my cage opened, and I winced at the light pouring in. Was this the day I'd die?
"Up," said Dwight, and then grabbed my arm before I could do as asked. He yanked me to my feet, dragging me out of the room. I could see my dad up ahead, and did my best not to raise my head too much. Dwight would just shove it down roughly.
We walked through the corridors, moving past Saviors as we went. I recognised the path we were going down. We were going to Negan's room. I'd been there before, when Negan himself had tried asking me to join him, to become Negan myself. I'd denied it, like I had when Simon had asked. He'd been unimpressed, and maybe sad about it, before he'd had Dwight drag me away and had let Simon do what he wanted to me. I hadn't been able to move for days after that.
- we're breaking out the good champagne -
I didn't say anything, too nervous to voice any concerns I had. This wasn't going to end well. If it had my dad involved, I could only imagine what Negan had in store for us. It wouldn't be anything good.
"In here," Dwight said, pushing me in.
The man who had brought my dad in had a knife in his hand, and my dad was on the floor, on his knees. I didn't like how that looked. I thought of all the ways this could play out.
Negan entered from behind me.
- we're sitting pretty on the gravy train -
"Let the poor girl sit, Dwighty boy." He gestured to the bed, and Dwight pushed me in that direction. I planted my ass on the comfy bed, ignoring how comfy it really was. I was too terrified as to what Negan had cooked up for us. My entire body ached, and I wanted nothing more than to rest and get better. "Now, I know the pair of you aren't ones to back down. Which is why we've ... come to a solution of sorts,"
That didn't sound good.
"We have a few options for you. Option one: you claim you're Negan too, and all is forgiven. You'll work for points, and join us. Sounds great, right?" He looked between the two of us, and I didn't say anything. "Option two: I get my good ol' friend Simon hear to cut out your daddy's eye, a la Carl style. Now, I know you're wondering, how do I know he's your dad? Well, after seeing you two before getting beaten so bad your faces are swollen like shit, it's not hard to see the similarities. Now, that option's not the best one, but it'll get you both to behave. The third one? Robin puts herself up for marriage."
What the fuck? I thought, trying not to let the horror show on my face. I glanced over at my dad, who looked like he was silently seething. He couldn't do anything; we were helpless. None of those options were good.
- we sing every sweet refrain -
"I know, I know. Not the option either of you expected. Now, it won't be to me. No, Robbie's far too young for my taste. I like 'em young but legal," he joked, and I felt my nose upturn at that. Gross fucker. "No, it'll be to one of the younger men here. I've handpicked them, so you know they're gonna be good ones."
Neither of us said anything. What the fuck was going on? Was he serious?
Negan looked at us. "I'll give you two a moment to think it through."
I looked at my dad, and saw the way he shook his head.
We wouldn't bow down, call ourselves Negan. But what would that mean? He'd get my dad's eye cut out? What would happen to me?
"Well?"
- right here on easy street -
It was silent.
"Ah. Well, Simon, you know what to do."
Simon grinned devilishly, flicking his knife up in his hand. With his other one, he grabbed my dad's head by his hair, yanking his head back, neck exposed.
"NO!" I yelled lurching forwards, and the knife came to a stop barely an inch from my dad's eye. Dwight grabbed me, and I realised my hand was outstretched towards my dad. I couldn't let him be hurt because of me. My heart was hammering in my chest. This was the first time I'd seen him in weeks, and I couldn't watch him be harmed. "I'll - I'll be a bride to one of those guys. But I get to choose the one. Don't - don't hurt my dad."
"And we have a winner! Ding, ding, ding, ding!" Negan exclaimed joyfully. I dropped my hand, feeling the burn in my eyes from tears. I made a choice, and I'd have to stand by it.
Simon let go of my dad, and I felt the relief flood. He looked horrified. It was in his eyes, and the others couldn't read it. He'd wanted to lose an eye rather than have me be sent off to some random guy.
But I couldn't stand the idea of him losing his fucking eye.
- it's our moment in the sun -
"Alright, Dwighty boy, take Robbie dearest into my bedroom. My wives are in there ready to pretty the girl up. Which might take a bit of work, considering how she looks right now."
I ignored the jab about my looks. It was the least of my worries. I just looked at my dad, hoping that he understood how much I cared about him, what I'd do for him. He was my dad, and I didn't want him to have a messed up face because of me.
Dwight pulled me to my feet, leading me into the master bedroom, where the women were. I didn't even get a chance to talk to my dad. I don't know what I thought would happen.
They were all dressed in various black dresses, and looked as uncomfortable as I felt.
"You made your choice," Frankie said when Dwight shut the door behind him. "We heard what Negan had planned for you. You've done what you can for Daryl, and now you're paying the price. Let's get you washed and dressed."
- and it's only just begun -
They let me have the shower for a few minutes, and I scrubbed the dirt and blood off my skin. My hair felt cleaner than it had in a long while, and now I felt disgusted in myself. I dried off quick enough, and then Frankie came in, holding a white dress and some underwear. I didn't ask how they knew my sizes. I just nodded to her and she left me to get dressed.
Once that was done, I risked a glance in the mirror.
The dress fitted me as well as it could despite the weight I'd lost. It was a sort of summer dress, but right now it felt more like a wedding dress. My fingers trailed over the long scar on my face. It was the first time I was able to look at it. It didn't look great. A knife had been put through it enough consistent times during the healing process. It would never go away. It was almost hidden underneath bruising and other cuts.
- it's time to have a little fun -
Feeling like utter shit, I stepped out of the bathroom.
The others stepped up to the task. They dried my hair, attempted to style it, and even put makeup on me. They looked apologetic, and they knew I was too young for this kind of thing. They kept quietly saying sorry as they worked on my appearance. I tried not to think about it. I knew they were trying to hide the scar on my face that Simon had put there. There was no way I would ever be able to hide that.
One of the others - Evie? - found some shoes for me. I thanked her, even though we both wished it was something different.
"She all done?" Negan asked, entering with a show, arms spread out as the door banged into the wall. He grinned at me. "Fantastic. Come along, Roberta Dixon."
"You could not be more wrong on my name," I said under my breath. Negan just grinned at me. He took hold of my wrist and dragged me out of the room. I looked back to the women, who looked sorry.
- come and see why you should be on easy street -
We walked past Dwight, Simon and my dad. I sort of gave my dad an apologetic look. We didn't say anything, not wanting to risk punishment.
Negan was quite happy as we walked through the halls of Sanctuary. I kept my eyes on the ground as we walked. I mostly tried to make sure I didn't break my ankle in the heels I'd been given.
"Gents!" Negan called as we entered a sort of hall. "May I present to you, Robin fucking Dixon!"
I looked up, seeing multiple men - easily over twenty of them - standing there. Some were younger, some were older. One had blue hair, which really stood out. Most had blond or brown hair. They were all older than me.
- we got a front row seat -
"These men, here, Robin, have been handpicked. These men were picked just for you. Now, you can pick the bestest of the bunch, or else I'll pick the worst out for you," Negan told me.
I looked between them all. Most of them looked untrustworthy. They were all Saviors, so I was fucked either way.
There were a few younger guys - one with a slightly growing beard, some fresh-faced. I felt tension running through my back as I decided on my fate. I had to choose wisely, make sure I wasn't going to be with someone who would beat me like Simon did, who would cut up my face or assault me.
"Tick tock, Robbie," Negan said in a sing-song voice.
- oh, to a life that can't be beat -
"Fuck off, Negan," I replied in the same voice as him. He just kinda laughed behind me, like he was amused at my slight defiance.
I stepped past them all before settling on one of the guys. He looked down at me with kind brown eyes and a sorry smile. He looked like the nicest out of all the others. He was the only one who wasn't ogling at the long scar on my face, eyes on mine instead of the scar that traversed from my forehead down to my jaw.
"That's Alden," Negan said when he saw I'd come to a stop. "He's a good worker. He's going to help build fencing around that watch post your old people attacked."
I nodded but kept my eyes on Alden. "You."
"Nice to meet you, wifey," Alden said in a jokey way.
I cringed at that internally but smiled up at him. At least he was trying to make a joke out of it all.
- it's our moment in the sun -
"Fantastic." Negan all but shoved the others out of the hall. I saw some glare at me like they'd all wanted to get a piece of me. I knew I'd dodged a bullet there. Negan pulled us together and cleared his throat. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today," Negan started, and I kept my face neutral as Alden looked a bit confused. "Ah, fuck that. Through the power invested in me, in my powers as the leader of this new world, I pronounce you two husband and wife."
Ew. This was so wrong. This was so fucking gross. I was too gay for this. I had a girlfriend back home.
Pretend for your fucking life, a voice said in the back of my head. I just had to pretend, sneak along, get under the radar and run back home.
"Now, Robin, you'll be moving with Alden to the old outpost. You'll even have a room to yourselves. You'll be able to consummate your marriage -" What the fuck did that mean? "- and you'll spend your lives together as a happily married couple. For your sacrifice, your dad will have a few nice meals and some better clothes. You'll have a better life living as his wife."
I shared a look with Alden, and he shrugged at me slightly. He was still far better than the others, just based on appearance and how he held himself.
- and it's only just begun -
"Here are your rings, there's a car waiting for you two when you're done, have fun tonight consummating." Negan smiled at us, patted my head, and left us.
"Sorry," Alden said. I sighed, letting him put the ring on my finger.
"Wrong one," I said quietly, feeling a small smile on my face. "It's this one," I said, pulling the ring off, putting it on the proper finger. I took his one and put it on his finger. "There we go."
- it's time to have a little fun -
Alden looked uncomfortable. "How old are you?"
I shrugged. "I was ... twelve, thirteen, when the world went to shit. So about sixteen or seventeen now,"
"Fuck." Alden put a hand on his face. "You're a fair few years younger than me."
"You were the youngest one there. And the only one who didn't look at me like a piece of meat."
He lowered his head to mine. "We can talk in a more private place when we're at the watch post. Let's go."
I nodded, and let him take hold of my hand. We had appearances to keep up now.
- the world is 'bout a treat -
Alden led the way through the Sanctuary. I saw others glare at us, watch us as we made our way out to the front. There were a lot of men who looked down on me in a way that made me feel sick.
"Here," Alden said, shedding his jacket, putting it on me. I slipped my arms through it. "They tend to look away if you're covered up."
I nodded and took hold of his hand again. I had to play a game. I supposed it was like chess. I'd never played that before, didn't know the rules. But I did know in this game, I was going to fucking win. Negan wasn't going to get what he wanted from me.
The car was there waiting for us, just like Negan had promised. There was a truck in front of it, with other Saviors in there.
- when you're on easy street.
Alden opened the door, and I went in first. He got in, shutting the door behind him.
"Not much of a honeymoon, huh?" the driver said as he set off, following the truck. The song in my head hadn't stopped.
"Not really, Eric," Alden said, and I thought back to Aaron and Eric in Alexandria. I hoped they were OK. I wondered what they were doing, if they knew what was happening here. I knew Negan had to tease and taunt them back in Alexandria.
I leaned back in my seat, looking out of the window. The scenery flew past, and I tried to keep myself composed.
We're on easy street -
I hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye to my dad.
He had to know what I'd done, had to have done his best to overhear where I was going to end up. I knew that he would try and find me. My dad would get free, get away from the Sanctuary, and then he'd come looking for me. He had to.
Alden was quiet beside me. I guessed that was for the best. Neither of us could really say anything with the driver listening in on us.
I held onto the end of the sleeves, clutching it tightly as trees passed us. The jacket had Alden's scent to it, and I guessed it wasn't a bad smell. It just made me miss Enid. Miss everyone back in Alexandria. What was I supposed to do?
- and it feels so sweet -
The song never stopped. Looped forever. It was going to drive me insane. I just had to be glad that I wasn't in complete darkness now. That made it a little easier.
I could gain Alden's trust, betray him, steal some guns, knives, and go home. But I couldn't go home, not really; they'd know to look there first. Hilltop? That was where we were taking Maggie, so maybe I could go there, give her support, let her know that I wasn't dead, that my dad was still fighting. I'd help her with her baby.
That baby had to live; it was the only thing she had that could remind her of Glenn. Keep him and his memory alive.
My eyes burned at the memory of Glenn, and I missed him so much. He hadn't deserved to die that way. Neither had Abraham. It was difficult to come to terms with the fact that they were dead. Abraham was the sort of guy you'd think wouldn't die in the world we had. But he'd been brutally murdered. I sighed, blinking away the tears. I couldn't cry here. Not while I was surrounded by Saviors.
- 'cause the world is 'bout a treat -
Glenn had been so kind. He had done his best for all of us. And now he was gone. He wouldn't even get the chance to hold his baby.
"We're here," Alden said once the car came to a stop.
I looked over at him, nodding slightly. I followed him out of the car.
The driver, Eric, led us into the outpost. The Saviors around us watched as we walked in together. I did my best to ignore it, eyes on the path ahead of us. Alden put an arm around me, like that would do any good.
"This is your room," Eric said, and we looked over at him. "Just the two of you. Best one in the entire building. You know what's expected of you. Negan will be coming by tomorrow, to make sure you've done as asked. After a few days, you're back to work, the pair of you."
Eric shut the door behind him, and I felt uncomfortable. I looked around, spotting a closet, chest of drawers. There was a bookshelf and a window that pointed out into the fields. On the left, next to the door, was another door that led to a bathroom.
- when you're on easy street -
"I don't know about you, but I don't want to consummate our marriage," Alden said.
"I have no idea what that means, but neither do I."
Alden chuckled a little. "Uh ... it means the first night of a honeymoon, I guess. Where the two have se-"
"OK. Got it." I said, nodding my head. "Um. So ... what are we gonna do?"
"Well. Negan will be coming tomorrow, and it might be to see evidence that we -"
"Right,"
- we're breaking out the good champagne -
"So since neither of us wants to do that, I can cut my leg or something so that there's blood there," he said, and I was horrified at the fact straight people expected blood after the first time. "That's the only way he'll think we, y'know, did that."
I sat down on the bed, nodding a little. He sat down beside me, a foot away from me. "So ... we have a few days together, and then we're back to work. And Negan expects us to fuck a lot. Less than ideal. Better than seeing my dad get his eye cut out."
Alden looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry."
- sitting pretty on the gravy train -
"Not your fault, is it?" I asked, gripping the ends of the sleeves again. "Sorry I dragged you into this,"
"Well, our own bedroom, having a week off, and getting to know the girl who defies Negan ... I'm alright with being dragged into this. Besides, I don't think I'm your type,"
I frowned a little. "What?"
"Oh, so you're not a lesbian?"
"Fuckin' hell. Yes, I'm a lesbian," I said, then shoved at his arm. "I didn't know what the fuck you were playin' at."
- we sing every sweet refrain -
He smiled, amused. "I just ... had a feeling over it, y'know? I mean, I like guys and girls, so, uh, solidarity in that?"
OK. So we just came out to each other? Cool.
"Is it that obvious?" I asked, and he just kept that amused smile there. "Of course it is. Might as well have a tattoo that says 'raging lesbian' on my forehead. Yeah, solidarity in that," I said, nodding my head. "Uh, so how ... how are we gonna sleep?"
"The bed is big enough for us to not be so close to each other. We can work things out," he said, glancing behind us, to the moderately large bed we had. "I take it you wanna change out of that dress of yours,"
"Without a doubt. It's itchy."
- right here on easy street -
Alden chuckled and got up, searching through the closet. "There are some clothes here, take them and get changed in the bathroom. I'll get changed here." He turned and held them out to me. I took them with quiet thanks and slipped into the bathroom. I changed into the clothes and washed my face of all makeup. It had started to feel gunky and gross on my face, so I was glad to be rid of it.
I went back in, and Alden had already changed too.
We sat back on the bed, cross-legged, not really looking at each other.
Alden sighed, fiddling with the knife in his hands.
"Y'know, I'm not fond of this," he said. I looked up at him, unimpressed. "Sorry."
"Give it 'ere," I said, hand outstretched for the knife. He handed it over, and I was quick to cut at my shin, pyjama leg pulled up.
- it's our moment in the sun -
Alden made a wincing noise, and I ignored him, twisting my leg a little so the blood went onto the bedding. I handed the knife back, sighing a little.
"Not scared of shedding a bit of blood?"
"Not scared of much," I said, pointing to the scar on my face.
Alden looked at it properly for the first time. "Simon did that, right?" I nodded, and Alden winced, like he was imagining what I'd gone through to deserve the scar. "Most people would break at that. Not you."
"Got people at home, my dad was stuck there too. We don't give in."
"Who're your people?" he asked, genuinely curious. "I've heard the legend that is Rick Grimes. His son, shot in the face and lived."
I smiled at the memory of them. "Rick's a good guy. We got off to a rocky start at first. I knew Carl before he got shot. He's a determined guy. As for the others back home ... my girlfriend is back there. Don't even know if she's still alive."
- and it's only just begun -
Alden gave me a sad smile. "I'm sure you'll be able to visit home. See your girlfriend. Might not be in the conditions you want, but I know you'll see her again."
"You think so?"
"I also heard the legend of Robin Dixon. The Saviors have heard things from Alexandria. Was in the apocalypse all alone until you found Rick's group? You can't go through that and not be strong. S'why you didn't crack when Negan put pressure on you."
"Yeah. Made out of-of obsidian,"
"Obsidian breaks easy. It can be some of the sharpest stuff though."
"Then something that doesn't break easy," I retorted. "Bedrock."
Alden smiled at me, before it turned sad. "Simon tortured you, didn't he? I heard rumours."
"Not just the scars and the-the beatings. A song. All hours of the day," I said, and it felt nice that someone else knew, that I could talk to him. "I can hear it now. When it's quiet, that's when it's loudest."
- we're inviting you to come and see -
Alden laid down on the bed, and I copied his movement. I was laid on my right side as I looked at him, on his left side, his back to the door.
He started to sing quietly.
- on easy street -
I tried to concentrate on his singing.
"When you're down, and troubled,
And you need a helping hand,"
I wanted it to push the other song away.
"And nothing, oh, nothing is going right.
Just close your eyes and think of me."
I recognised the song. It was faint, but I could remember it from some time long gone.
"And soon, I will be there,
To brighten up your darkest night,"
Alden didn't stop as I shifted closer, arms moving around each other. I tried hard to keep my concentration on his words.
"You just call out my name,
And, you know, wherever I am,
I'll come running, to see you again,"
It was a beautiful song, and it reminded me of a time with Daryl and Merle. Maybe when I was five. Daryl trying his best to sing, Merle high and laughing at his poor attempts.
"Winter, spring, summer or fall.
All you've got to do is call,
And I'll be there,
You've got a friend."
I wanted to trust Alden, believe he was my friend. We were thrown into a harsh situation, and we had to make the best of it.
"If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds,
And that old north wind should begin to blow,"
"Keep your heat together,
And call my name out loud now,
Soon I'll be knocking upon your door," I sang along, remembering the words just enough to join in. I looked at Alden, who smiled, and we continued.
"You just call out my name,
And you know, wherever I am,
I'll come running, to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall,
All you've got to do is all,
And I'll be there," I stopped singing along, and pushed myself close into Alden's space, as he continued to sing. He was warm and held me tightly, protectively.
I fell to sleep with a different song in my head.