Van
I couldn't help but feel a little smug driving out of Chester with Abby beside me in the passenger seat. This was my chance to prove to her that I could be everything she needed. I just had to make sure I didn't fuck it up.
My heart had been in my mouth when Eve had let me in. I was so worried that my plan would backfire, it felt almost narcissistic to presume that Abby would want to spend time with me, but I knew I had to try. Especially after Michelle had told me that she'd overheard Dave's rant about how she was somehow going to hold me back. What the fuck did he know?
None of the bad shit that had happened since I'd known her was her fault. Chris had controlled her and terrorised her, then I'd been blinded by my assumptions and stubbornness and I'd fucked things up at the start of the tour. Despite all this Abby had remained constant throughout. Sweet, unassuming and gentle. My heart swelled just looking at her sitting there beside me.
"What?" She said, cheeks a little flushed, her voice high and light.
I grinned, my concentration going back to the road ahead. "Nothing..."
"You keep looking at me funny. Have I got something on my face or something?"
I watched her pull down the visor, looking at her reflection in the small mirror there. I couldn't help but laugh.
"There's nothing there. I'm just thinking, that's all..."
She turned to me. "Oh yeah? What about?"
I mentally made a note to keep things light. The last thing I wanted to do was come on too strong. Where had that got me last time?
"I was just thinking about how nice you look today. That dress looks great on you."
"Oh! Errr... thanks..." she awkwardly pulled at the hem and I tried to keep my eyes ahead, smiling to myself at her obvious discomfort on receiving a compliment. Well, she'd just have to get used to that if I got my way and I was going to spend more time with her.
"I didn't know what to wear, Michelle said it was going to be a complete surprise," she said. "Turns out it was even more of a surprise than I thought!"
"I hope you didn't mind us tricking you," I said, a little wary. "I know lots has happened between us but I really don't want to lose you as a friend."
She paused. "Look I'm sorry if you think I was avoiding you..."
"Hey!" I cut in, glancing over to see her expression a little taken aback by my interruption but I carried on regardless. "A couple of ground rules for today..."
Her face fell, she almost looked worried. I carried on, grinning to show I wasn't being serious although I spoke in a slightly stern tone.
"Rule number one, no apologising, okay? You gotta stop doing that. Most of the time it's not even remotely your fault!"
"Sor... oh shit, I'm doing it again! I don't even know I'm doing it!" She giggled, putting her face in her hands.
"I'll let you off... this time..." I gave her a cheeky grin.
She smiled. "So... what else? You said there were a couple of ground rules..."
I paused, considering what to say. "Errr... right, number two, everything today is my treat, okay? No trying to pay for anything. It's your birthday and I get to spoil you."
"Okay..." she said slowly, and I knew then that she wouldn't stick to that. Abby was the kind of girl who'd feel uncomfortable with that. Not like Alice who'd balk at the idea of not being wined and dined and treated like a princess.
"Anything else?"
"No... just have fun I guess," I replied. "And try to relax..."
She looked away, pretending to look out the window but I suspected she was trying to hide a blush. I could see her holding herself slightly stiffly, almost like she was nervous. I hated that she obviously didn't feel completely at ease with me and I wondered why. Was she worried about being herself around me? Or was it just that she was still a little shy with me? Maybe she was just being polite, going along with the flow today, humouring me. Maybe she didn't really want to be here.
I tried to push the negative thoughts away, tried to find the confidence that usually came so easily to me. But it didn't with Abby. She was the only girl who'd ever had that effect on me. She left me uncertain, vulnerable even.
"Come on Van, where are you taking me? Are you gonna tell me?" Abby's voice interrupted my thoughts. Countryside was all around us now as we drove into Wales.
"It's a surprise, like I said."
I could see her looking intently at her surroundings as we drove, reading the road signs that we passed. Rhyl, Prestatyn, Colwyn Bay.
"I'd guess we were spending the day at the beach, but then you don't look dressed for the beach," she said thoughtfully. I could see her glancing up and down at me out the corner of my eye.
"Maybe we are..."
We drove past a sign for Llandudno and I saw her sit forward in her seat.
"Llandudno! Michelle told me Bob used to live there. It's where you guys all grew up isn't it? Where you met? Well, apart from Johnny of course."
She sounded excited, pleased with herself that she'd worked it out. I rewarded her with a nod.
"Uh-huh, my old hometown."
"Trip down memory lane, huh?" She said.
"Kind of," I replied. "You know I used to hate it, growing up here in bloody North Wales. It was fine as a kid, but then when I got older... as you can imagine trying to make it as a band here... it wasn't easy to get noticed."
"I get that," she said, looking out at the scenery. "But it's kinda beautiful don't you think?"
"Yeah, it is beautiful..."
I wasn't looking at the lush green fields that rolled past us though. Whilst Abby's attention was elsewhere I took my chance to let my gaze wander over her. Her dress had ridden up her thighs. Her skin looked so soft...
".... dead lucky really..."
I realised Abby was looking at me, waiting for a response.
"Huh? Sorry I... zoned out for a bit there. You gotta be careful on these windy roads..."
If Abby noticed my slightly flustered response she didn't let on, she just repeated herself. I was all ears this time, keeping my eyes on the road.
"I was just saying about growing up in Manchester. I hated living in a huge city. You were really lucky growing up here."
"I didn't realise you grew up in Manchester. When did you move?"
Abby had only spoken about her past once, the night she'd told me about her parents. It was the only time she'd ever really let me in. I wanted to know all about her, everything, the good and the bad.
"Oh... we moved when mum died. Eve said we needed a fresh start..."
She trailed off, looking out the window again. I could feel the sadness radiating off her.
"But we used to spend holidays in Wales, we even went to Llandudno a few times." She seemed to brighten, but it was short-lived. "That was before my dad left of course..."
"I'd love to hear all about it," I said. "The holidays, you growing up."
She was quiet again, looking at the scenery whizzing past. When she glanced up at me she was smiling, a little sad but like she was really trying not to be.
"But I thought you said we were having fun today?" Then she looked up, her head whipping around, twisting in her seat. "I think you've just missed the turning for Llandudno."
I shook my head. "No... we'll come back. We're going somewhere else first."
We drove on a bit, taking the coastal road, and we finally reached our destination. I pulled up in the car park of an impressive sprawling hotel overlooking the sea, perched on the cliffs.
"I'm pretty sure this is the place," I said, pulling out my phone and checking the website.
Abby peered out the windscreen, a puzzled look on her face. I realised what she might have been thinking with me pulling up outside a hotel and hurriedly started speaking to explain myself.
"The restaurant here's supposed to be one of the best. Larry's been doing some research. He reckons it's got Michelin stars or something, whatever that is."
I watched her carefully for her reaction. She looked awkward, unsure.
"It looks a bit posh," she said in a small voice.
"Only the best for you," I said with a grin, reaching for the door handle. "Come on, I'm starving."
As we approached she looked up at the building, eyes a little wide, tentative, kind of vulnerable. I was suddenly struck with an overwhelming desire to reach out for her and put an arm around her shoulder but I held back. "Are you okay?"
"Mmm yeah... it's just I don't normally go to places like this. It looks expensive."
I noticed her running a hand through her hair, self-consciously smoothing down her dress as we stepped through the door.
Immediately a smartly dressed waiter greeted us, his smile faltering as he took in my bruised appearance before he slapped it back on, ushering us to a table right at the back of the restaurant.
"D'ya reckon they're hiding the riff-raff out the way sitting us back here, eh?" I chuckled to Abby once the waiter was out of ear-shot, and the smile she returned was strained. I'd noticed how she'd let her hair fall over her face as we'd walked in.
"What must we look like all bruised up in somewhere like this?"
"You..." I leant across the table, brushing the strands of hair off her face. "... have nothing to worry about there..."
Her eyes met mine briefly and darted away, and I slid the wine list across the table to her. She looked at it, eyes going a little wide.
"I don't think I'll bother..."
"Just 'cause I'm driving, doesn't mean you can't have something," I said. "What about champagne? You like that, don't you?"
"Have you seen the prices?" She said in hushed tones, as the waiter approached with menus, informing us of the special dishes of the day and then stepping away.
"Did he say oysters? Aren't they supposed to be an aphrodisiac, eh?" I said, a mischievous grin on my face.
Her cheeks lit up with a flush as she giggled, lifting up the menu to hide behind as she perused it.
Minutes later she was still looking, her brows a little furrowed. "You gotta let me pay for mine Van... I know what you said but..."
"No buts," I said hastily. "So what you having?"
"I don't even know what half this stuff is..."
I hadn't even looked at my own menu, my eyes fixed on her. This wasn't how I'd planned it. In my head I'd go all out, lavish the best of everything on her and she'd be blown away by my romantic gesture, falling easily into my arms. But she just looked hugely uncomfortable, like the proverbial fish out of water.
"Next you'll be saying you'd prefer fish and chips on the seafront," I joked, and her eyes flicked to mine for a second, a hint of a genuine smile, before she looked back at the menu.
I leant over the table, beckoning her to do the same and she did. "Abby... be honest with me now... do you want to just get out of here?"
She looked conflicted, screwing up her face a little. "It's fine honestly... it's really sweet of you..."
I knew then... she didn't want to offend me, she didn't want to seem ungrateful, but I had this all wrong. I was trying too hard. I wasn't going to win Abby over by taking her for fancy meals or buying her the most expensive bottle of champagne on the menu. She wasn't impressed with any of that stuff.
Wasn't the whole point of me bringing her back to where I grew up about showing her the real me? The importance of not forgetting where you came from was something ingrained in me from an early age. This wasn't me. And it certainly wasn't Abby.
I quickly stood up and held out my hand towards her. She looked up, puzzled.
"Come on..."
"But what about..." she trailed off, looking behind me.
I turned to see the waiter making his way back to our table. "Sir, are you ready to order?"
"We've... errr... we've changed our minds," I said, ignoring the discontented look I was receiving, looking only at Abby, urging her to take my hand.
Then she did, and I pulled her up out of her seat, heading for the door with her trailing behind me, not stopping until we'd reached outside where I turned to face her, not letting go of her hand.
"We didn't have to leave you know," she said, a little crease on her forehead like she was worrying, and she most likely was. Worrying that she was somehow to blame for something again.
I sighed. "I got it all wrong. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to... I don't know... impress you I guess."
"But Van... you don't have to do anything to impress me."
Something passed between us then as we stood, motionless for a moment. I imagined closing the small gap between us, holding her tight and kissing her until we were both breathless.
She broke eye contact, looking down, like she felt it too and was overwhelmed for a second. Then a little smile formed on her lips, like a thought had occurred to her and it had amused her. She looked up.
"So... are there any good chippys in Llandudno then?"
Her smile grew wider as I grinned back at her. It lit up her whole face, her eyes sparkling as we laughed together. I was so impatient that she wasn't mine, but I knew I couldn't rush this. I had to take my time.
"Come on... I know just the place."