Fandom: B*witched
Title: Silent Movie
Chapter One: Awake and Breathe
P O V: Edele
My eyes sweep over my living room as I wait for my thirteen-year-old son Baird Chase DeChance to come downstairs. A cold chill runs through the course of my body leaving me shaken as I take a look around at my now empty house; Tears line my face burning my skin I can feel my nose starting to run. Nothing about this feels right; I feel so damn lonely none of my family live here in Ireland anymore, I haven't a soul to help me through this.
How did I get to this place? I've never been a loner growing up here; my family lived in a bungalow style home with my four sisters Tara, Allison, Naomi, and my twin sister Keavy and our only brother Shane. Our house had always been filled with music and laughter; we got on well hardly ever fighting with each other compared to most of our friends who had siblings. Keavy and I had rooms that were adjoined by a shared bathroom. Half the nights, we were cuddled in the same bed laughing as we flipped through magazines or giggled over cute boys.
At eighteen, Keavy and I went on tour with two of our best friends Lindsay and Sinead together we make up a girl-band called B*witched. Five years spent traveling all over the world assigned when to eat, where and when to sleep which places to go; we were together all the time—surrounded by hundreds of people in the industry.
There was never a moment to ourselves some days I didn't even know who I was without the other girls. Most days, I didn't notice we were way too busy to see anything about ourselves, never mind each other. Than after five years as the music industry changed, and record labels merged we were dropped suddenly. I was alone for the first time in my entire twenty-one-years on earth and for two weeks. I went on a drinking binge in America.
I was lost for so long afterwards, I returned to Dublin to figure out the next move I changed jobs a few times within the music industry over the next two years. At the same time, trying desperately to keep my twin sister from sinking into a state of depression; while I was able to shake it off with work. Keavy seemed to fall further and further unable to find herself lost in a trap of fame. Keavy didn't know who she was, where she fit into the world without the group without being in my shadow. For years she complimented suicide, which has shaken me to my core even now nearly twenty years later.
In the middle of Keavy's battle with depression, our cousin introduced me to a friend of hers, Aidan DeChance, a country star from America rising on the charts. I wasn't prepared to fall in love when she set us up on the blind date, but the minute I saw him I was gobsmacked by how gorgeous he was, the fact that he was a musician only intrigued me more.
We dated for over a year before we tied the knot. For a while, Keavy even dated Aidan's brother Tadhg but her depression caused them to fight even after discovering she was pregnant. Tadhg couldn't handle the changes in Keavy's moods or Keavy's inability some days to even get out of bed, to go to work, so he left. Maybe I should have seen the warnings if his brother was such a prince that he would leave the woman he swore he loved who was pregnant with his child may be the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I didn't see the warning though if I did, I had no clue it was warning me to run to save myself from the same fate of Keavy's depression.
For years after we married, our home was filled with love, laughter, and adventures a year after Aidan and I married; we had our first child, our son Baird a year later his sister Caoimhe Medb came into our worlds. We traveled a lot for Aidan's career until the kids became old enough to attend school full-time than the kids, and I settled in Ireland; maybe I should have known it would have ended this way, but I never dreamed forever would end. I never believed the rumors the fucking tabloids printed that Aidan was cheating on me; they wrote the same shit about me. Every time I stepped outside with one of my male co-stars or new artists emerging from my new record label, I knew I wasn't cheating.
I trusted Aidan's word in his vow to honor me, treasure me love me forever. Even when he was away touring with some of the most beautiful talented women in country music, I believed in our vow. Till now till this moment.
Tears roll down my cheeks I feel my throat tighten as my eyes land on the front door now only one pair of shoes sit by the wall where the shoe rack used to be filled with mud-covered shoes, now the stand is gone packed with all the other belongings being shipped to various parts of the world. Only my boots remain lonely and small in the space of our big house. Gone are the days of laughter and dreams being squealed out in between fits of tickles.
Tears roll steadily as I try to wrap my head around this; how could this be true? How could Aidan give up so easily on everything we built all the dreams we were dreaming? When did marriage become a vogue of one? Where were the signs I missed? The house is so quiet now. I don't know how Aidan feels; I wish I didn't give two shits, but I do. I love him. I don't know if I will ever stop loving him I want to I could then the pain wouldn't stab my heart so bad it wouldn't make my stomach clench or take my very breath away from me.
My foot slams into the back of the wall, my body sinks to the floor the room is spinning so badly; I feel as if I am going to vomit at any moment. One minute I am burning hot, the next I am shivering cold sweat rolls down my back, which hits the wall as my body convulse into sobs. My marriage is gone, my daughter has chosen to live with her father in America three months ago now, my son has adopted the same choice.
Pain and tension form in knots in the back of my skull I know a violent headache is coming for months I have been dealing with them. I can't do this anymore, not alone looking around; I feel that my whole world is ending everything is gone. In the blink of an eye, all my dreams, hopes, and plans were gone.
Why, and how are still mysteries to me? I don't know how I am supposed to live without my children in my life, or how I am supposed to love again how I can trust in love. I need someone to hold me to kiss my face to tell me I am worth it, that love is worth the risk. There's no one here even my twin isn't by my side my other half, my soul my heart the one person who knows me better than anyone in this world.
I scream, but no one comes to race down to see if I am okay, it's too late, I'm not okay I can't move on from this. I know I have to. I know life won't stop just because my world feels shattered. My head falls in between my knees as I continue to cry my whole body is shaking with such violent force the walls and floorboards shake.
My throat has tightened so tight it's raw I can't even get air inside to pass to my lungs I feel as if I am going to pass out. My chest is too tight, my heart racing how does God expect me to handle this? Why did he give this to me? Why introduce me to Aidan? Why give me these beautiful, talented, loving kids if he was always planning to rip them from me. Why give me a big family only to have every one of them move out of Ireland and leave me so lonely.
"I promise to love you forever, Edele, to treasure you and only you. For your uniqueness, fierce spirit, I swear to you in front of our families and friends to respect you. To honor our vows; honor you and be faithful to you and only you forever." Aidan's words from our wedding day ring inside my head, my emotions break even further tears which have bubbled up to my chest rip from my throat as I scream again. Leaving me curled up in a ball sobbing on my bare floor. Gone are the rugs which use to cover the dog's stains, hell the dog is even gone shipped off to my sister's place in England.
I need Keavy I need her hugs, her love her soothing words. I need my sister, the only person who has always gotten me, the only one who can understand just how badly this hurts. Air has become something in the past, like joy. I can't remember how it feels to be awake to be happy to be free from these demons or how it feels to breathe without life stabbing me in every body part in a million different directions.
Closing my eyes doesn't stop the spinning; my world is still faltering on edge I don't want to give up on this dream on my family, but they've given up on me and thrown me away as if I am trash left-over from yesterday's dinner. I want to fight I want to scream and never stop but it doesn't matter how loud I scream or how many tears I shed when I open my eyes there is no one around. I am alone, and it hurts I can't do this. I can't fight alone. Not with nothing under my feet, no safe landing, no assurance, anyone will catch me when I fall. I'm falling to pieces I'm breaking right before my eyes, and I can't stop this downward spiral.
The sound of footsteps is what brings me back to reality I pull myself together, going to the sink to wash my face. I can't let my son see me falling apart. I'm the Mam, I am supposed to be reliable, not fall apart. Leaning over the sink, I feel my stomach clench forcing my chest to contract into a coughing fit, which makes me gag. I fight with everything I have not to vomit or give in to the dizziness, threatening to consume me.
"Mam are you ready? I don't want to miss my flight." Deep breath Edele, take a deep breath, pick one foot up, place it in front of the other, and keep walking. I'll get through this; I have to God isn't giving me a choice. "I'm ready, Baird you got everything you need?" When I look at my son, I see he isn't listening anymore; his iPod earplugs are firmly placed in his ears turned up as he rocks out to whatever song he is listening too. Figures just like his dad whenever I try to talk to either one of them, they block me out, leaving me feeling hallowed, ignored, and stranded alone on my own island. Both of us pack the car and I get behind the wheel taking a deep breath praying we get there in one piece and I don't completely lose my shit.
"I can't wait to see dad, thank you, Mam, for letting me move to Nashville!" Keeping my eyes on the road, so we don't crash, I take slow deep breaths ignoring the pain which slams through my chest at Baird's words; he's a teenager; he has no idea how his enthusiasm over living with his father is killing me inside. My body isn't listening; however, I'm still having hot flashes mixed with cold shivering spells. I need to pull myself together to see my son off, to say goodbye to the country I love and was raised in to start a new life in England. It's so hard though; I have no idea how I am supposed to say goodbye to my son or board that plane to London I have zero clues how I am supposed to get through rehearsal today.
"I can't wait to be in America, Mam; dad says it's amazing over there! Caoimhe is already making friends; they're starting a country girl group. Dad says he can get me studio time with a producer; her name is Natasha, but everyone calls her Sasha T- cause she makes all the hits on today's radios. I believe dad, he never lies."
Baird's words cut through me, chocking what little air I have left inside my chest out in one strangled gasp; his words ring inside over and over again. I believe dad, he never lies. Is this the real reason my kids both decided to leave me do they think I accused their dad of cheating when I was the one cheating? Has Aidan filled their heads with lies?
Where did I go wrong in my marriage to make my family think I would lie and cheat? I would never cheat on anyone I swore forever too. I never thought about it, no matter how attractive the person I was working with was or how I connected with them on a personality level. Pulling into the Dublin airport, I find my body can move automatically despite the fact I feel as if I am stuck inside the center of a slow-moving storm cloud.
Rain is pouring down hard as we exit the car, grabbing our luggage; my son moves fast, but my feet seem stuck in slow-mo every move hurts my sore, tired body. I have no idea how long it's been since I've slept last or eaten more than a few bites without vomiting everything right back up. I feel the vibration of my phone inside my pocket; the only reason I hurry a little.
The next hour is filled with check in's at security points before we can rest once I'm sitting in the seat of the waiting area, I feel the room finally start to slow in it's spinning orbit as I pull my phone out of my pocket; My eyes blur as I read the text message from Keavy.
"Hey, sis just wanted to check in sweetie, I know today is rough but remember I am here for you always. I love you, I know you I get you and tonight I promise we will cuddle in bed you can scream all you want to cry all you need. No judgment, only love. Cathal is going to his mate's house, and Nathaniel is taking Laoise on a daddy's daughter camping trip. It'll just be us, and I promise all my love and energy will be to make you remember how valued you are and how loved you are by me. You are not alone, Edele no matter how alone you may feel, it isn't the truth. I can't wait to see you and hold you. Be strong twin for now till you get here, from then on I got you."
Keavy's message has my eyes welling up as I sit in the airport, slowly feeling myself break. I wanted to be happy, loved, I wanted a family I didn't think it was ever too much to ask for; maybe God felt it wasn't in my cards I don't know what he has planned for me. I don't know if I can handle this, but I know I have one person who is always by my side.
"Mam my plane is boarding." rising to meet my son, I am amazed at how much he has grown in the last year now Baird stands almost as tall as I am his arms have devolved nicely from all the training he has placed upon himself for football and stage work. Baird's eyes glow a beautiful shade of emerald, which brings out the platinum blond of his hair a trait he got from his dad's side, seeing as all my family has dark chestnut hair.
How much will my son change again before I see him? I haven't seen Caoimhe in three months. I fear I am starting to forget her voice, how she smiles or what she likes and doesn't like. Will I forget everything about my kids if they get too busy to see their Mam? All too soon, Barid rips himself from my arms rushing off to board the plane, leaving me shattered my knees feel weakened my head spins as the world shifts again dangerously off-kilter. "Edele?" I hear my name being called, but I can't tell who the voice is calling to me or even if I know the person. My whole body is propelled forward into a pit of black ocean waves slamming over my grip of gravity till I feel myself diving head-on into the black ocean.
A/N: Reviews are always welcome and appreciated especially positive ones if anyone who knows B*witched or any of the pop groups who were popular back in the late 90's in the UK paired together let me know. Keavy is married in this fic to Nathaniel but Lindsay and Sinead could be single if so desired and Edlele of course is single now.