Chapter Fifteen
I had a dream last night, a dream that I really wish came true. Which explains why I'm sitting on one of the chairs on the balcony that overlooks the city. I thought a bit of fresh air would do me justice since the dream made me worried about what's next.
After a series of mind-blowing sex with Nate last night I came thinking about kids, about the future of both of us, I am going to have to tell Nate about the fact that it's possible I won't be able to give him children. No matter how much I don't want to talk about it with him, I know that it is the right thing to do.
I think tomorrow would be the best day to book an appointment and go for x-ray's since it's been a while.
They put me on these pills when I went first but I don't really know if that's helping at all if I haven't even been on my period for months.
The city looks beautiful this time of the morning, it's weird seeing no one out in the streets and there's barely any lights on which makes the city look empty and almost like a ghost town, except it's a city.
"Loretta" Nate calls from behind me. He walks up to the balcony and takes a seat on the chair next to me.
"what's on your mind, why are you out here," he says kissing me lightly on my bare shoulder. I sigh deeply as I feel his lips connect with my skin that is bare from the blanket that I had wrapped around my body.
"just thinking, "I say bluntly. Nate reaches out and grabs my wrist before pulling me towards him so I fall into his lap.
I groan "Naate" when he hears this, his eyes widen before a genuine smile takes over his face. "I love that sound "his voice vibrates against my ear which lays directly on his chest.
"Are you serious about this, " I say pointing my finger at him first and then referring to me. He watches the action carefully.
"you mean you and me, you want to know if I am serious about you?" yes, that's exactly what I want, I want to know if you're going to just kick me out of your apartment when you find out I can't give you children.
"Loretta if last night didn't give you any clue then I don't know what will, I'm more than serious about you. Every day I think about us and what we're going to become, believe me, Loretta I love you "
A tear slowly rolls down my cheek but I quickly turn my head before kissing Nate lightly on his naked chest. I know this is strange but 1 year ago i never imagined that i would find a man who would honestly love me. Nate has brought many boys to shame and has been a light in a very dark tunnel that was my life.
"Thank you, I just really needed to hear that, "I say pushing my tears back. I don't want him to see me cry, I really don't. Nate suddenly grabs a hold of my hips before lifting me up as he rises from his seat. "Nate what are you doing put me down you baboon," I say patting at his back in hopes that he will let me down.
He just carries on walking back into his room with heavy long strides, he must be in a hurry.
"I'm going to show you just how serious I am" his voice becomes deeper and there's a hint of lust in the way he spoke to me. "because for some reason my girlfriend doesn't believe that I am serious for her after the night we just had, seems like she needs a little more convincing" his voice becomes humorous at the last part which makes me giggle.
When he hears my laugh he kisses me on the lips and carefully sits down on the bed with me still on his lap. When he moves around a little bit I realise that Nate isn't wearing any clothes and when he removes the sheet from under me. I can feel his member poking me.
"see that Loretta this is what you do to me" well I can see that. I grind a little which angers Nate a little because he growls slightly before grabbing my thighs and lifting me up.
"Nate what the fuck are you doi..." I could feel Nate lifting me up and then his tongue at my core it was an intense feeling and I was honestly so surprised at the sudden contact.
Nate Leans back onto the bed and has his head resting on two pillows. He places me back down on top of him and my legs rest on either side of his handsome face.
"You're so fucking beautiful Loretta, " Nate says as he looks up at me and my body. I'm most definitely blushing right now. I have never been this intense with someone before so don't shoot me if I shy away at Nate's affection towards me, if I blush at remarks like that.
The fact that I managed to leave the apartment in a happy and positive state was surprising, to say the least. After Nate decided to go for a round 3 this morning we both had stuff to do so we set out this morning in Nate's car to the city where he dropped me off at the Nevada hotel. I called My mum and Tammy telling them about my plans to visit the hospital and they were more than happy to come along with me for moral support.
"Call me when you finish, I have to head to Belfast but I'll be back before you know it, okay Loretta" I turn to Nate and lean over. I take a good look and wonder how I managed to get myself a guy like Nate. "you're really giving me a reason to not let you out of this car" he says looking back at me with equally as much desire.
"I love you, Nate, just because I'm over in London doesn't mean I won't go over there and claim what's mine," I say kissing him lightly on his lips before pulling the handle on the car and stepping out.
"For the love of good Loretta put clothes on if you're going to do that," he says with a deeper meaning behind his words. I smile at him quickly before walking through the groups of reporters waiting outside the hotel like always.
Before walking back, I turn back and catch a glimpse of Nate driving off into the busy streets of the city.
"sissy "my little brother's voice is the first thing I hear as I go behind the desk and answer a quick call. It was only the technician that's coming in today so I just told him to come to the hotel now just to get it over and done with.
"Eaton, you little rascal come hug your favourite sister," I say crouching down to his level. He opens his arms ready to go in for the kill but he's suddenly taken from my arms before I could even touch him.
"that would be meeeee," Tammy says flinging him into her arms and cradling him like he's a newborn still. Not a newborn when you're that size. I'm afraid he took after his dad as a big boy. He's already too big for his age which nearly makes my mum cry nearly every time I mention it to her.
There was a reason as to why she had Eaton after so many years. She loved the baby stage in her kids life so now that Eaton is growing and she is getting older it makes her emotional.
"not by blood, now give the baby back," I say stepping towards them both. A deep chuckle can be heard behind us both. I turn my head and see my dad standing at the reception desk.
"you're just going to stand there dad, this woman is trying to steal your baby" I exclaim, raising my voice slightly. His eyes widen at my loud voice but he just laughs again.
"from you, not me, and that woman happens to be your best friend so grow up" wow okay father no need to bite my head off. When did he become so, well, rude?
"Daniel Reeves, what did you just say to my baby" my mother's voice can be heard from the breakfast room adjacent to us. I smile at the changed posture of my father. His whole body tenses and he closes his eyes briefly when he realises that his wife is angry at him.
When my little brother hears "baby" he automatically looks towards her and screams "mama", mothers face brightens up before heading over to him.
"Yes, baby I'm here" she takes him from Tammy successfully making Tammy sad from the loss of the baby. She can easily get her own baby, so why is she bothering my little brother.
Mum walks over to me handing him over to me which forces a massive grin on my face. I enjoyed the moment of triumph as I looked back at both Tammy's and my father's faces.
"Now you apologise to your daughter or am I going to have to call her boyfriend to put you in your place" she threatens him by grabbing a hold of his jaw and forcing him to stare directly at her.
"not going to work honey, that boy is like a son he won't do a thing," he says with his head held high and a smirk plastered on his face.
"I'm sure I can easily change his mind," I say quite enough for only a few of us to hear as I see some more guests filing in.
After a few moments of making my brother laugh by shaking his hand in my arms, I turn to my dad.
"Why are we fighting, dad?" because I completely forgot the whole reason. Suddenly, we all burst out laughing because this is ridiculous all because I wanted to hug my brother who I haven't seen in ages. I really regret not being around as much as he grows up.
I knew how lonely it can be growing up alone so I didn't want him feeling like that when he had an older sister. I wanted him to rely on me.
"I don't know baby, but give your father a hug" he opens his arms up wide enough for me to fit in. I walk slowly to him after placing Eaton back into Tammy's arms. I fix my face into his chest as I wrap my arms around his shoulders.
"you're okay?" he asks quietly, just loud enough for me to hear.
"Just fine" I sigh but hell even I didn't find that convincing. He grabs my shoulders pulling me away but keeping his hands on me. "don't lie to your father it's not the brightest idea" he's right who am I to lie to my father because he's not stupid no matter how many times I tell myself he is.
"Let's talk, "he says, pulling me into the office. I catch the questioning gaze of my mother as she sees my dad's straight look as he walks into the office with me trailing behind.
"you're scared that he's going to leave you when he finds out"
"yes, I know him dad, I've seen how he is with children with Eaton with the kids that visit the buildings he owns, he wants children, but he also says he wants me" I close my eyes trying to keep the tears in, it seems like I'm super emotional tonight.
"baby, you can't just not tell him, he deserves to know, and by the way, that boy looks at you he's not going anywhere" he reaches out and grabs a hold of my hand.
"as your father, I can only give advice because you're old enough to make your own decisions now Loretta. But this will eat away at you for the following weeks if you don't sit down with Nate and talk to him about it and I personally don't want you suffering any longer"
By now even my own father has tears in his eyes, I wasn't prepared for that to get as deep as it just did. This is probably the first serious conversation I've had with my father.
"thank you, dad, I'm going to tell him, when the time is right, but for now I think I need to go and see my doctor after this "he nods his head in understanding and kisses me lightly on the forehead.
We both exit the office and enter the lobby where most of the guests have cleared away into their rooms leaving an empty space which makes it easier to see who's coming into the hotel.
"are you ready honey" mum comes over with her car keys in hand, Tammy follows behind silently as she texts someone on her phone. It's probably George since he's staying with his parents for the night because they just got back from their holiday to Italy and he hasn't seen them since the wedding.
"Sure, let me just go to the toilet, before I piss myself" I quickly ran off to the ground floor toilets. I caught a glimpse of her reaction before I ran off and it made me laugh. She obviously didn't want to hear about that at all. But she is my mother so it shouldn't really surprise her.
I have such a strange family I swear.
Hospitals always make me depressed every time I come here. The last time I was here was when Nate was in that accident and he refused to have me in the same room as his. It was a bad day for me and for a lot of us but I've made myself forget and move on.
Because I know Nate would hate to even think about it which means he wouldn't want me thinking about it either.
We arrived in the hospital after a few minutes driving, it took us about half an hour when you include the parking, and signing in at the front desk where the women told us exactly where to go.
" You first," I say to the man, I wasn't really watching where I was going so I practically collided head first into a door on my way to the right department.
Congratulations Loretta on looking like a total imbecile, he just smiles before motioning his hand, letting me go through first."Thank you " I thank him sliding through the gap quickly , trying to make this less awkward.
"No thank you Loretta," he says just above a whisper, I turn to face him quickly as I hear him say my name.
How the fuck does he know my name I've never met him before I'm sure of it.
when I turned around he was gone, the door swayed meaning he just closed it but my mother was already dragging me into the hallway so I didn't have time to really see who it was.
Maybe i'm just going crazy
I had about 5 minutes before my appointment so we decided to just wait it out until my doctor called my name. The nerves kept increasing as the moments went by and if the rapid shaking of my leg wasn't a hint to my mother who was sitting across from me then the way my hands wouldn't just stay in the same spot for longer than two seconds, that would give her the hint for sure.
"Loretta Reeves" the doctor pokes his head out of the door. I stand up immediately and start heading my way into his room. As I step there is another doctor standing there with a clipboard in his hands. I just smile at her before sitting in between my mother and Tammy in his office.
"Loretta, this is Claire she is just my assistant for the week please don't mind her. What can I do for you," the doctor notices my confused expression as I stare at the doctor standing in the corner of the room.
"sorry, nice to meet you" I quickly stand up and shake her hand. "doctor I want to talk about having children, I also want to know about my recent test." I make brief eye contact with my mum to which she just nods her head in understanding. .
"yes Loretta, let me just check the results" he taps wildly on his keyboard scanning the text with his eyes.
"Children then, is there a certain significant other that you have?" he says, wiggling his eyebrows, trust my doctor to make jokes, he always does that mainly because he is our family doctor so you could say we were quite comfortable with him.
"There is, I think he wants children and I'm scared doctor" he looks away from his screen and stares at me. His eyes soften when he looks at me. I just try and cover it up by smiling. "I wouldn't worry about it Loretta, there's always other options and besides it's never impossible." He takes a hold of my hand and gives it a comfortable squeeze.
I'm a little at ease at the gesture because my heart starts to relax in pace.
Claire removes the paper from the printer and hands it over to him to which he scans the context. My nerves seem to have kicked in overdrive as I watch his thoughtful expression as he flips over the page.
"okay Loretta , your scans show that you have cysts on your ovaries and that you have imbalanced levels of hormones which is causing the symptoms you have described to me and your obvious lack of periods. it's not something i want to operate on or anything but i would need to have a closer look.
"Does that mean she still has the chance for fertility andrew," My mom says looking at him. He thinks for a minute before proceeding.
"it's not impossible but we may need to give you some help which means we would actually give you the hormones it's nothing that's too hard butideally I would like to take action as soon as possible " he smiles at me " Loretta I want you to have children and whether it's now or a few years we need to take little steps to making that happen."
From the corner of my eye, I can see Claire and the other doctor smile at Andrew's personal words . This isn't my doctor speaking, it's a family friend, a guardian that I trust.
"I understand when we can start," I say to him. He smiles at me and stands up.
"now if you're okay with that" I nod my head saying that's completely fine. I turn to Tammy and my mom who are sitting there a little relieved at the results.
" Call us when you're done sweety, " my mom whispers to me as I give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. They both leave quickly and the door closes behind them leaving just me and the doctors.
He starts to put on gloves as I get undressed behind the curtain. It's probably very weird to a lot of people but Andrew is a professional and has been taking care of me all my life. He was the doctor that helped deliver little Eaton.
"just jump on here and we will just have a little look okay" he points to the bed on the left side of the room. I walk over to it and jump on the bed and get into a position.
After a few moments he starts to say random words that only doctors would really understand, they're literally having a conversation about my ovaries and vagina, not everyone can say that.
"okay everything seems fine, please sit up loretta" he pats down on my belly for extra effect, his cold hands make me giggle slightly. When my laughter died down Claire was suddenly whispering to Andrew and I tried to listen in but they were further away now and it was hard to know what they were saying.
"He's here, who told him okay okay tell them i'll come out " Andrews's voice is more clearer now and i hate to say this but by what he's saying I have a bad feeling about this.
The door shuts which means he probably stepped out, I finally put my clothes on and peer around the curtain. Claire is still here although she is busy writing on a piece of paper.
"where did the doctor go" I ask her because now I'm clueless to what is going on. she looks over at me with a nervous expression.
" I'm not quite sure but he will be back soon" she tried to reassure me but from the look on her face she knows exactly where he's gone.
Since she's probably here for training I don't attempt to make any problems with her day so I just keep my mouth shut.
I lean back against my chair and wait patiently.
The door opens slightly and Andrew pokes his head in "Claire, step out for just a minute" she jumps up and exits the room leaving me in here all alone.
I become a little irritated with the situation so I go towards the door and pull the handle to see whats going on exactly, what the hell did he see in my fucking vagina.
When I open the door wide enough I have to literally step back, the large form of a man was standing with his back to me right at the door.
How the fuck did he know i was here I question in my head when i realise who this man is. I would remember that scent anywhere, believe me I smelt it all night when he was fucking.
I admit it was a little sweatier and had a hint of another smell.
"get inside Loretta," his rough voice says as he turns around to face me, I bite down on my lip when I notice the angry look on his face. There's also a hint of worry etched on his face. "Nate i" I try to reach for him to explain myself.
"Do I have to repeat myself. Get inside Loretta" He says, his eyes boring into mine, leaving no room for objections.