Kit sat uncomfortably, slumped over on the couch in the living room of Cirenworth house. The dim evening light filtered through the curtains in rays of gold and blue, casting him in dramatic shadows. His pale blue eyes danced uneasily, unable to focus.
Across the room on the other couch sat Ty, fiddling with the bronze centurion pin on his lapel. Kit couldn't meet his gaze, but chanced a few glances on his direction. He was even more beautiful than he had been three years ago; his features now sharper, more defined. His hair was longer, still impossibly dark, and curling slightly around his ears. Kit smiled, because the one thing that hadn't changed were Ty's eyes - silver with flecks of black, wide pupils that darted about and ringed in a fan of dark lashes. Kit had thought it the first time he'd seen him, and again he thought How beautiful.
"Excuse me?" Ty said. He didn't look at at him, he just fixed his eyes at a spot above Kit's left shoulder. He had always done that, never enjoying eye contact, but now it seemed less for Ty's benefit and more a conscious act of coldness. "Sorry?" Kit asked, confused. "You said something. You said 'How beautiful'. What did you mean?" Ty said. It wasn't accusatory, it was a statement. An observation. Never the less, Kit panicked. "Um- well- nothing really. I was just thinking. I didn't mean to say that out loud. Forget about it." He said quickly, sounding perhaps a little bit harsh. Ty dropped his gaze to the floor once again, and panic spiralled in Kit. It had been so long since they had seen each other that he had forgotten how careful he should be not to hurt his feelings. "I only mean- it isn't important. I was being silly. I didn't mean to be blunt. Sorry."
"It doesn't matter. Can we just- not talk... until Tessa gets back can we just not talk?" Ty asked, sounding stressed. He moved his hand to grip the couch cushion, his already pale skin turning white at the knuckles. "Yeah, okay. If that would make you more comfortable. Sorry." Kit answerd quickly. Ty nodded. Tessa had left the room a while ago to search the library for the book Ty had asked for. He was in Devon on a mission from the Scholomance, and Cirenworth had the best library for miles around. It was the only place within driving distance Ty could find the book he needed. Kit was sure that if there was another way, Ty would have done that. He was sure that Ty would rather have done anything than come here. He was sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he must have hated him so much that going there, where he knew kit would be, was a last resort. That was also likely why Ty couldn't look at him, or sit on the same couch, or even say his name. Tears pricked at Kit's eyes, and he swallowed hard to push them away. Or maybe, Kit thought to himself, maybe he's just indifferent. Like he was before. You didn't mean anything to him. He said so. Ty never lies.
The click of Tessa's shoes on the wooden floor broke Kit out of his thoughts, and he looked up with a plastered on smile to see his Mum, an old, leather bound book in one arm and his kid sister in the other. "Min-mins!" Kit cried, reaching out to take Mina from Tessa and sit her in his own lap. She giggled, and said a gargled "Kit-kat!" As she cuddled into her brother and then crawled of the couch to sit on the floor.
"Here you go Tiberius. It's the right edition. Is there anything else we can do for you?" Tessa said with a polite smile. Kit could tell that his Mum sensed some kind of tension between him and Ty, so he suspected she was trying to stay positive and not make things awkward. "No," Ty said "thank you. This is exactly what I needed. I should get going." He rose from the couch and smoothed out his gear jacket. "Oh do stay for tea, Ty. We're having pasta." Tessa smiled again, full of kindness. Kit's heart raced. A part of him wanted Ty to leave, for this awkwardness to be over, but the rest of him was begging Raziel that Ty would decide to stay. He hadn't seen Ty in three years, and it had been agony. He was terrified that if he let Ty walk out the door now, he may never see him again. "I would, but I have to read this whole thing by the morning. It'll take hours. Thank you for the offer." Ty was clearly uncomfortable, pulling on the wires of his headphones.
Kit wasn't sure what came over him, but he had spoken before he even knew what he was doing. "Stay."
There was a moment of complete silence, and a shift in Ty's face that Kit had never seen before. His lips tightened, he blinked suddenly and his ears turned red. For the first time in three years, he looked Kit dead in the eyes.
"Why should I? You didn't." He snapped, and turned on his heels to walk through the front door. Kit froze in shock, and looked to Tessa for some kind of anchor, because the floor was swaying under him, and abruptly he was on a cliff, and he could see Ty in the distance, cast in silver light. He was standing on the shore, and visible next to him above the black ocean was the white shadow of Livvy. They both looked ethereal, angelic, hardly tangible. He tried to call out to them, but as the tide went out it dragged them with it, and they went silently into the sea. Kit couldn't move, and he watched his only friends washed away out of sight.
Suddenly Kit snapped out of his daze, and he was running after Ty at full speed. "Wait!" He called, his voice hoarse and desperate. He pulled up short when Ty stop walking in front of him, and they almost crashed together. Ty didn't turn, he didn't speak. He stood perfectly still with his back to Kit, but his ragged breathing could be heard over the howling of the wind. Kit's thoughts were spinning. "Please don't go. Talk to me. Are you upset?"
Ty did something neither of them expected. He laughed. "Am I upset?" He said, turning to face kit, who realised he had just said something quite stupid. "You-" Ty's beautiful voice was beginning to sound strained. His eyes glittered under the moonlight. "You left me. You left LA and you left us all and you didn't even say goodbye. I waited for weeks. I waited for you to come back because I thought you were my friend and I believed you when you said you weren't pretending. I waited for months. I was so worried about you. Then Emma got a letter from Jem saying that you were with them. That you'd moved to England. That you'd found a whole new family. That was when I realised that I was wrong. You'd been lying. I hate lying. I can never tell when people aren't telling the truth. Why can't people just tell the truth? Why didn't you just tell me you didn't wasn't to be my friend instead of lying to me and then hurting me? Why did you have to be so mean?" Ty was crying now, and his hands were fluttering at his sides. "Ty.." Kit whispered, afraid to speak, as if any sound would shatter them both and Ty would be washed away by the sea. "I didn't say goodbye because I didn't think you would care. You said so. You said that I didn't mean anything to you and you ignored me when I- when I said..." he was sobbing now, but kit kept going. "I told you I loved you and you ignored me. I looked you in the eye and said something I had never said to anyone, not even to my father, and you ignored me and told Livvy that I didn't mean anything to you. I couldn't live with that. So I left. I didn't think you would mind. But I didn't lie to you, Ty. I was your friend. I- I lo-" Kit choked on the words. "I meant what I said. I only lied to you once. When I said that I wished I'd never met you, but I only said that because i wanted to hurt you like you'd hurt me. I'm sorry Ty." Ty looked puzzled and scared. "I never said you meant nothing to me. When did I say that? You meant so much to me. You mean so much to me, Kit."
"You told Livvy that nothing mattered without her. I had just told you I loved you and you said that nothing mattered. That means that I don't matter, and me loving you doesn't matter, and our friendship doesn't matter. So I thought that me leaving wouldn't matter either." Kit sounded suddenly detached. He had said the same words in his head so many times, every time he had felt weighed down by the pain of missing Ty or longed to see him, he'd told himself what he knew to be true. You don't matter.
"I had just raised my sister from the dead! I wasn't in a very good place! I was being dramatic! I didn't mean that you didn't matter! You were all I had! I was heartbroken and you were supposed to be there with me but you left! You should have been honest! If you had just told me that you were upset, I could have explained! I could have apologised!" He pauses and took a breath. "I'm sorry, Christopher. I didn't mean what I said. I'm bad with words. And emotions. And when I said that I was feeling a lot of things I didn't understand. I was grieving. I didn't mean to hurt you. I would never mean to hurt you. I didn't know you were upset. I don't know how to read people. If I'd been in a better place, if you'd said what you said any other time, I would have... I would have told you that I was confused, and didn't understand what I felt for you, but we could have figured it out together." Ty looked exhausted, and in his relief, Kit felt as though he might collapse. "So, you don't hate me?" Was all he could say. "Never. Not even when I thought you hated me. I tried but I still cared about you."
"I could never hate you either. Not when I still..." Ty's gave felt heavy, and once again they were holding eye contact. For the first time, Kit could pick out specks of blue in Ty's grey irises. "I'm still in love with you, Ty. I never stopped loving you. And you don't have to say anything back, because I know you don't understand how you feel, but I just want you to know. I love you, Ty. I love you."
Ty smiled, and all Kit could think was How beautiful.
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