Zero: Unfriended
The atmosphere at Vanity Fair's Oscars after-party is electric.
The soft boom of the latest pop tunes seeps into the air, mixing with the warm lights and the sounds of clinking champagne flutes. The room holds Hollywood's best, and it seems no matter which direction you tilt your head, your eyes find themselves settling over a familiar face. You're walking amongst legends tonight, and as you throw back your third glass of champagne of the evening, you let a small smile unfurl across your lips.
It isn't your first time attending the Oscars, but it is the first time you haven't felt utterly out of your depth surrounded by people of this calibre. When you'd first started in the acting industry, you'd found it incredibly unsettling to enter a room full of Oscar-winners. Even now you remember how your hands had felt slick with sweat as you'd nervously been introduced to Meryl Streep and Viola Davis, and how you'd felt imposter syndrome on a scale you'd never imagined possible. Time and experience have brought you many things, but most importantly, they have gifted you confidence. You're 24 now, and the string of achievements and nominations tied to your belt is so impressive that they deem you no longer an outsider at the Oscars; instead, it's as if you've been accepted into the fold.
But for all the enjoyment of the lavish after-party, you can't stop your mood from plummeting. It's all fun and games until your eyes sweep the room and settle on a smirking figure standing in the corner:
Tom Holland.
Just the sight of him makes your nostrils flare.
You think it must be true what they say: once you start to dislike someone, it's as if every single thing they do irritates you. This is how you feel with Tom. Even the smallest, most insignificant details about him somehow manage to annoy you. You cannot stand the smell of his hair gel, and you detest the way he stubbornly refuses to mend his phone screen. Your teeth grit together every time you see that smug smirking grin hanging from his lips, and you get worked up by the way he always seems to swagger around as if he owns the room. The grievances fall into several categories: his aesthetic choices, his generally smug demeanour, and his irritating personality, and it all fosters your deep, unyielding disapproval of the man.
Tom infuriates you beyond belief - beyond words. And he's standing across the room right now, staring at you over the rim of his wine glass with a teasing smirk hanging from his stupid lips.
You try to ignore him at first. You lick your lips and return your attention to a conversation with some of your co-stars. You know better than to try and approach anyone else tonight. Your reputation, as your PR team likes to put it, is 'fragile' at the moment. A string of uncomplimentary ex-lovers and a few disgruntled directors have shattered your pristine public image, making you regarded as both a rising talent and loose cannon by the media. There's been a common trend recently of news outlets dragging your name through the mud, and the desperate words of PR as they'd begged you not to cause a scene tonight drift through your mind as you contemplate wandering over to Tom.
You know it isn't in your best interests to engage with the man - no matter the occasion, your conversations always end explosively - but Tom is just standing there, staring at you persistently, and you just can't help it.
Your tongue flicks out across your lower lip as you feel his hot gaze trailing around your made-up cheek. His eyes are intense - holding power over you, to the point where you have you excuse yourself from your conversation. An exasperated sigh slips past your lips as you turn around, preparing yourself for your encounter. Your stare finds him, and it follows Tom as he strides across the party towards you, one hand hanging easily from his trouser pocket as the other clasps an intricately engraved wine glass.
The frown on your lips deepens the nearer Tom gets, and as more details of his figure draw into focus. He's got his chestnut waves slicked back tonight, with a few stray strands hanging out across his forehead. It makes him look dishevelled, but in a devilishly handsome sort of way - which makes sense, given you're reasonably sure he must have some kind of relationship with Lucifer himself. Stretched across the wide expanse of his shoulders is a deep burgundy suit, and it cages him in tightly, leaving little to the imagination. Your lips curl into a poisonous grimace as your eyes finally fall on the glasses perched on his nose; you're sure Tom doesn't even need glasses, and it riles you up to see him parading the frames as a fashion statement.
But perhaps the thing about his ensemble that annoys you the most is the fact that you can't look away. No matter how hard you beg yourself, you can't drag your gaze away from Tom's swagger, or the tight hold he has on the stem of the glass, or the way his eyes dance with a dark, mischievous glint as he falls to a stop in front of you. Tom is many things to you, but it's undeniable that you find him attractive, and that fact often keeps you seething well into the early hours of the morning.
"Y/N," Tom greets, his voice dripping charm. "Lovely to see you again." His thin pink lips twist up into a smirk, and you find yourself clenching your fingers into fists around the tender stem of your champagne flute.
"Tom." You step forwards, and your lips catch at his cheek as you press a firm, unwavering greeting to his face. You feel his warm hand slip from his pocket, and it grazes across your hip as Tom holds you closer. "You look to be enjoying yourself."
When you pull back, you linger near him, allowing Tom to return the gesture by pressing his hot mouth to your cheek. He smells of rich, overpowering cologne, and you scrunch your nose up as his lips burn against your skin.
"It's quite the party tonight," he returns, stepping back. Tom's beady little brown eyes run across your figure, taking in the long designer gown and the decadent sparkly necklace hanging from your neck. He graces you with an approving nod. "Are you having a nice time?"
"I was." You pause to take a long sip of champagne, finding comfort in the way the bubbles pop against your tongue. You hope the alcohol will help to take the edge off the way your heart has started to pound against your ribs. "It's a shame you had to come over here and ruin my mood."
"Couldn't help but notice you were staring at me, love," he says, "Thought maybe you had something you'd like to say to me."
You feel a hot spike of irritation as his lips curve effortlessly around the word love. Tom has always been a fan of pet names. The ease in which they roll from his tongue in that smooth, accented voice never fails to charm the room, and though you like to think you're immune to his allure, you can feel the word spinning around your head like a broken record.
"Not really," you return coolly, maintaining your composure with the poise and precision of a seasoned actress. You even manage to flash him an apologetic smile. "No big award for you tonight, though? Must be heartbreaking."
Tom rolls his eyes. "Are you really still caught up on the BAFTA?" He asks, his voice lower and harder.
The mood between you dips, and instinctively you find yourself moving away into a quieter corner of the room. As you drift away from the hordes of celebrities guzzling champagne, it's as if the facade between you breaks down. Your smirk becomes harder, your eyes less forgiving - and in return, Tom's smile sours into a grimace, and he holds himself straighter. The masks you wear come off, leaving you both bare and exposed.
"No," you respond darkly. You're tucked away in the corner of the party, with your back almost against the wall as Tom lingers in front of you. Both of you have discarded your drinks glasses. "I couldn't care less that you won the BAFTA, Tom. If the jury decided you were worthy, then you were worthy. I would have to be very unreasonable to disagree with the committee."
"I don't believe that for a second, Y/N." Tom tilts his head to the side, flashing the tips of his shiny white teeth as his mouth loosens into a wild smile.
"Fine." You give him an excessive sigh, and you let your eyes drift towards his mouth. "I don't buy it, Tom."
Tom's suit jacket breaks out into wrinkles as he crosses his arms across his chest. "You don't buy what?"
"This act."
Tom almost rolls his eyes again. "And which act are you referring to, Y/N?"
"The Mr Nice Guy Act, Thomas." The way he flexes his jaw makes you lean nearer and smirk. "Everyone here thinks you're such a wonderful man, but I see right through it."
It's hard to know precisely when your feelings towards Tom became so hostile, but you like to pinpoint the night of the BAFTAs in 2017 as the day you surpassed the point of no return. You were younger then - both of you - and things quickly got out of hand. You know Tom likes to pinpoint your 'jealousy' following his win and your snub at the awards show as the catalyst for your tumultuous relationship, but both of you know that night was the product of several cumulative events.
Your best friend had worked with Tom's mate Harrison, all those years ago in 2016. You knew Harrison through her, and you got on well enough with him, so when the BAFTA academy had nominated both you and Tom as contenders for Rising Star, Harrison had orchestrated an exchange of phone numbers. However, given your packed schedule and press engagements, you had failed to respond to all of Tom's attempts to contact you.
One thing led to another. Tom assumed you were dodging his texts and started bad-mouthing you to Harrison. Word travelled to you that this guy - the competition - was throwing shade to your name, and so you might have made a few choice remarks about him on Ellen and suggested that Tobey Maguire was the best Spider-Man. Whatever. It was all so petty and childish, and it'd escalated to boiling point on the night of the BAFTAs when Tom hadn't been able to shut up and thrust his win right into your face - quite literally. You can still remember the way he'd clutched the trophy as he'd shown it off in all its grandeur.
Ever since then, your relationship has been poisonous. A case of miscommunication and petty jealousy turned hostile, and now you're in far too deep to even think about mending the fractured dynamic.
"I am a nice guy," Tom tells you. His eyes skim across your face, and you don't miss the way they drag across the curve of your lower lip.
"As if." You ponder which anecdote you should fall back on to prove your point, and it takes a while to select one: the pool of Tom's past mistakes and moves against you is vast and wide. "Would a nice guy conveniently forget to invite me to Harrison's birthday party?"
Tom winces, and something almost like regret flickers out across his face before he meets your eyes and hardens up his gaze. "I've already told you that was a case of miscommunication," he says slowly, patronising. "I doubt you would have enjoyed it anyway, Y/N. Wasn't exactly your type of party."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Your hand finds your waist, gripping firmly at your flesh to stop your fingers from shaking. The way Tom looks at you so intensely makes you feel strung-out and bare, and it's almost as if he can see straight through you.
"It was a small, intimate gathering. From what I've been hearing, you're a fan of the larger, more explosive parties, aren't you?"
You could throttle him. You could really, truly throttle him. You know with certainty that Tom's referring to the latest smear the media had run against you, which had placed you at an illegal rave in Downtown LA and cost you a role in a film you were passionate about.
"You shouldn't believe everything you read in the tabloids, Tom."
"Maybe not." Tom's closer to you now. You find your back brushing up against the wall as he steps nearer yet again, his shiny leather shoes sparkling beneath the light curving out from the chandeliers. "I'd like to think I know you quite well, though, Y/N. We have known each other for several years."
"I'd use the word 'known' very loosely if I were you. I think it's more like, 'been plagued by', but you do you, Tom."
He laughs, and this time the noise is lighter. You feel a little woozy from the champagne - or maybe it's his cologne - and you let your hand wander up to rest on the top of Tom's suit. You drag your fingers across the smooth material, marvelling at how soft the designer garb is to touch.
"Do you like my suit?" Tom asks, his voice lower than before. There's a strange charge to the air between you, and you find yourself nodding.
"I disagree with the glasses, but your suit is decent. I have to admit that this colour looks flattering on you." The bold burgundy tones bring out the warmth in his eyes, even if the stupid thin frames of his glasses obscure them. You watch as his pupils widen and feel the warmth of Tom's breath as he inches in closer.
"Thanks," he says. Tom's hand winds around your waist. "Your dress is very nice."
You swallow, your throat suddenly feeling dry. You briefly wish that you had another glass of champagne to keep you occupied because you find your other hand joining the first and finding purchase on Tom's shoulder. He's very close to you, and there's nowhere left to move because you'd backed up against the wall. Fleetingly you wonder what it must look like, to be hidden away at the back of the party and caged in like this, but you decide that the flurry of heated emotions passing through his eyes and the way his thumb pads over your waist is worth it.
Neither of you says a word, but you watch through wide eyes as Tom's gaze flickers out across your lower lip. He inches in closer, almost painfully slowly, his demeanour radiating a shaky confidence as he tilts the angle of his head. You watch the hard lines of his mouth dissolve, and his smirk melts away into something like a smile as his eyes flutter shut. Now Tom is very close - so, so close - and the gap between your mouths narrows by the second.
He's going to kiss you. You know he's going to kiss you. Why is he going to kiss you? Why are you going to let him kiss you-
"Y/N! Hey, congrats on the film. I saw it last week with my wife, and she loved it-"
Tom springs back. You gasp a short breath of air as your eyes widen, and the film of scattered emotions that had temporarily disarmed you shatters. Tom's cheeks are bright red, and he doesn't seem to know where to look or what to do as he jams his hands into his trouser pockets and stares at the floor.
"-Oh, sorry, was I interrupting something?"
Your throat tickles as you shake your head, looking up to see Mark Ruffalo standing there, his expression relaxed but growing in confusion as he drinks in the awkward tension rippling between you and Tom.
"No," you say immediately, a bite to your voice. You refuse to look at Tom. "You weren't interrupting anything."
Mark releases a breath of relief and launches back into his speech, complimenting you profusely on your performance. You become distracted as you listen to him, but not enough to forget about the way Tom had leaned closer and brushed his thumb across your side almost gently. After a few moments of conversation, you can't stop yourself from glancing over towards Tom, only to notice that he's slunk away elsewhere. His absence makes your heart twist.
Another hour slips away, and you find yourself returning to the Moët for release. You can feel your composure gliding away from you with each fateful sip. Tom seems to have vanished, and you find yourself questioning if he's so embarrassed by your moment in the corner that he had to leave. You wonder if that would be better than him staying.
But eventually, your eyes seek him out, as they always seem to do. And you catch him chatting with a woman, his arm around her shoulders and his lips brushed against her ear. Tom seems to feel your gaze on him, and his deep brown eyes meet with yours. He raises his eyebrows and whispers something into the woman's ear that makes her laugh, and it sends something whipping down your spine.
It isn't just jealousy - it goes deeper than that. It's the realisation that you could never get away with this behaviour. You know that if the roles were reversed and it was you who had been seen getting close to two men in one night, you would be assigned a whole host of derogatory names. The double standards that exist in this artificial world of cameras and headlines make you feel sick to your stomach. You are not jealous of the woman beneath Tom's arm, though you will admit it makes you feel uneasy - it's the hypocrisy of it all that makes you seethe.
"Excuse me," you mutter to no one in particular. Tom's eyes slip away from yours as you put down your empty glass and turn, heading in the direction of an exit. You wander the vast, glittering ballroom for a few moments before spying a door embedded in the back wall that leads out into a dark alleyway.
When you step out onto the street, the cold February air seems to bring your tipsiness to the forefront of your mind. You giggle softly to yourself and wrap your arms around your chest, your fingers rubbing rapid fiery circles across your exposed flesh as you try to drum up a heat.
You lean back against the wall and stare up at the vacant sky. LA is too polluted to see the stars, but you like to imagine they're staring down back at you. In the distance, you can hear the sounds of laughter coming out from the hall, and out at the end of the alley you can see the street, cloaked in dark paparazzi vans and dim amber street-lamps, but tucked away up here alone, you feel at peace.
"Cinderella runs away from the ball, yet again."
You scowl. Your eyes move away from the dark blanket of clouds to see Tom. He's ditched the glasses, but you can see the legs sticking out from the pocket sewn to the top of his suit.
"Joined by her ugly pumpkin." You screw up your nose at your own words, cursing your fizzled mind for messing up the tale. "That's not right, is it?"
Tom approaches you, his cheeks full of a rosy tipsiness. "Dunno," he murmurs. "Think I like it better than being called your ugly sister, though."
"Ew."
You share a loud, unruly laugh with Tom, your voices mixing almost melodically. When you sigh, you lean further against the wall.
"I hate it in there," you find yourself admitting. "So many people were talking about me behind my back. It's like they think I can't tell that they've just been discussing me when I walk over and the conversation falls silent." You slot your fingers together and play around with your thumbs. "Everything is so fake. It's like a game to them."
A cool breeze floats down the alley, and you find yourself shivering.
"It is a game," Tom says slowly, all whilst slipping off his suit jacket. He holds it out to you, raising an eyebrow when you shake your head. "It's cold, Y/N. I know you're stubborn, but neither of us wants you to freeze out here."
The mood between you feels tender, and you let yourself accept his warm jacket. You throw it across your shoulders and feel the warm embrace of his suit, and the husky traces of cologne nestled to the fabric, but Tom's looking at you with an intense gaze, and the sight of his golden browns draws you back to the scenes from inside the party.
"Saw you chatting with a woman inside," you say, words a little sharper. "Trying to see how many times you have to try it on before someone bites?"
Tom flinches. The air fills with the sound of him clicking his tongue as he rubs his hands together. "You are so fucking petty, Y/N."
You raise an eyebrow, responding to his clipped voice with surprise. "Hit a nerve, have I?"
He groans softly. "Sorry," he mutters, "I shouldn't swear at you. You just get under my bloody skin."
You shrug. "You've said worse."
"So have you."
"Only because you deserve it."
Tom's bearing in on you again, but this time you feel more at ease. The scent of his cologne mixes with the sweet champagne that lays fresh across your palette, and it makes you feel delirious. You can't stop yourself from reaching up and draping your hands across his shoulders, bringing him nearer.
"You drive me crazy," Tom admits. His voice is husky, his eyes dark and intense. In the slight breeze, strands of his hair waft across his forehead.
"I can't stand you," you return. Your heart beats wildly in your chest as his hands dig into your waist. The rough render on the building behind you digs into your back as you loop your arms around Tom's neck and bring him in closer.
"Neither can I, darling."
It's like magnetism - some sort of invisible force pulling you in before you can even fathom it. One moment you're staring at Tom, scepticism in your eyes and anxiety thick in your chest, the next he's surged forwards and captured your lips in a messy, sensational kiss. You gasp into his mouth, and your fingers tighten against the short hair at the nape of his neck as you kiss him back harshly. Your noses bump and your teeth collide as Tom grabs at your sides with fervour, and having him clutching at you is so hot that it takes your breath away. The kiss is messy and hurried, and it seems to melt down all the built-up tension and frustration you've been nurturing for years. It makes your head hurt, and all you can focus on is how crazy it is that you are kissing Tom Holland - and, horrifyingly, how much you don't seem to hate it.
It comes crashing down when there's a round of flashes, and you hear the telltale sound of paparazzi photographs.
"Shit!" You push Tom away from you immediately, your breath hitching as your head snaps down to the end of the alley. Unbeknownst to either of you, you've been spotted by the men with those large, invasive lenses. The flashes continue, and you turn away, your actions almost in slow motion as you feel a wave of nausea travel across your chest.
"Y/N!"
"Tom, Tom!"
"Are you dating?"
"Having a bit of fun tonight, Y/N?"
A chorus of cataclysmic yells come racing down the alley and the howls of the paparazzi mix with the loud sound of camera shutters.
"Fuck." Tom grabs your arm, and he pulls you away from them, bringing you both back into the party. There's a tightness in your chest as you gasp for breath, walking in dizzying strides as you card your fingers through your hair anxiously.
"No, no, no," you mutter to yourself. You can hear the calls of the paparazzi ringing in your ears, and you dig your fingers into your temples for relief as you snap your head to glare at Tom. "Why did you just kiss me? What's wrong with you?"
Tom looks pale, and his eyes are round with shock, but he still manages to stare at you incredulously. "You kissed me too?"
You bury your head in your hands. "This is it - this is the last straw. They're going to have a field day with this." You peek out at Tom through gaps in your fingers, laughing humourlessly. Your chest burns as you take in his disarmed expression and his deep chocolate eyes. "This is the end."
"It... It was just one kiss."
You shake your head furiously. "They'll run with it. They'll make a spectacle of us." Your nails dig into the soft palms of your hands. "You are such an asshole."
Tom's mouth, a little red and puffy, twists into something of a snarl. "You kissed me! Why is this my fault?"
"It's always your fault." You pause and shake your head. You can't help but fall back on the naive thought that this truly is all Tom's fault. You'd been fine before him. You'd been looking into the starless sky. You'd been at peace. He'd just had to waltz on out and trick you into his lips. "Well, I hope you enjoy the end of your career."
He raises a thin eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"
"You've been associated with me, which is the equivalent of getting a big black line scored right across your name." You reach up and jerk his jacket from your shoulders, and roughly shove it back into Tom's hands.
"I think you're overreacting."
"Really?" Your gaze hardens. "This is all just a game, Tom, don't you see? We don't get to decide who stays on top." You laugh humourlessly, your tongue tasting sourly of champagne. "We have fucked up."
Tom sets his jaw. One by one, he stuffs his arms through his suit jacket and tugs it back around his body, sinking into it forcibly. He pulls his glasses from the pocket and places them back on the bridge of his nose, balancing them crookedly.
"Goodnight, Y/N," Tom remarks, his voice cold and sharp. You briefly wonder if he understands the magnitude of the situation, and as he sweeps away without so much as a kiss on the cheek goodbye, you realise he probably does.
Without yet wholly understanding it, one drunken kiss has sealed your fate. As you stand there, twiddling with your thumbs in the back corner of the Vanity Fair party, your mind races. You know with absolute certainty that things will never be the same again, but not even your wildest dreams could compare to what is about to come.
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a/n: let me know if you've got any thoughts! this should be updated weekly. I hope you'll enjoy reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it :D buckle up because we're about to go on a rollercoaster together.