That night scares the shit out of me, to put it simply. For the first time, whatever attraction I have to him is more than just physical. Even scarier is the fact that I let myself believe that he might have felt something for me too when obviously he has millions of girls around him that I can't even compare to.
There's no point in building this fantasy so I do what I do best: I push aside my feelings and cut it off.
I don't reply to his texts or let myself think about him. Instead, I channel my energy where it belongs: studying.
---
Jaden looks semi-decent when I walk into Stats on Monday, which brings a smile to my face. Seeing someone who deserves to be happy feel so broken really sucks.
As soon as Mr. Bates gives us free study time, I can already feel an apology coming.
"Amelia, I'm so sorry about Saturday." He rubs the back of his neck. "Honestly, I can't even remember most of it. I don't usually drink like that but..." His voice fades and he presses his lips together.
"I get it; you're having a rough time," I say softly. "Don't worry about it."
He smiles a bit but it's not happy. "Everyone knows, huh?"
"Kinda," I admit. There's no point in lying. "It's okay, though," I add quickly. "I think it would be weirder if you seemed totally normal."
"I feel like a loser," he mumbles.
"You're definitely not," I assure him.
He gives me a pained smile. "She doesn't even care and here I am, getting wasted and crying my ass off any time someone says her name."
"Don't say that," I insist. "She definitely cares. She just has a different way of showing it." In fact, it's pretty obvious that the breakup is affecting her. I've caught a glimpse of Lola in the halls and she's sporting some newly cut bangs and dark undereye circles.
He shrugs. "I've always needed her more than she needed me." He looks down. "That's why she ended things; we were too dependent on each other."
Part of me is surprised he's telling me all of this but I figure he's probably the type to get over things by talking to everyone about it.
"You know, I thought that was a good thing," he continues. "Spending time together, applying to the same colleges, planning our futures together... I thought that's what she wanted."
He seems so genuinely hurt and confused that I wish that I could just hug him and give him an answer but my advice would probably be as good as a toddler's, if not worse. Thinking back, I remember what Zack said.
"I think she just wants you to focus on yourself for a little," I suggest. "She probably needs that, too. That doesn't mean you'll never get back together."
His expression turns a little less dreary and he nods slowly as if trying to convince himself that what I'm saying is true. "I guess that's true. I mean, I don't even know if I know how to be single anymore."
I crack a small smile. "I promise you; it's not as bad as you think. I've done it for over 16 years."
His smile mirrors mine. "So you must be some kinda expert, huh?"
"Basically," I reply.
"Well, maybe you could help me, give me some advice," he suggests.
"On being single?" I ask. He has to be joking. "Your friends seem to be pretty good at that." Or rather, they seem to be good at avoiding committed relationships.
He shakes his head. "Guys don't really talk about emotions and stuff and all my girl friends are Lola's friends." He clears his throat. "Other girl friends," he corrects.
"So you want me to be your free therapist."
He thinks this over. "I'll buy you food."
My eyes brighten interestedly. "What kind of food?" I ask.
He laughs at my expression. "Whatever you want," he answers.
I pretend to think it over but I've already made up my mind the second he offers food. Living with my mom means I rarely get junk food unless someone buys it for me. "Ok, deal," I agree.
For the first time all period, he genuinely smiles.
A/N: okey last upload of the week. don't forget to vote/comment :) have a great rest of ur weekend everyone <3