Hi. :)
This one-shot is a request by @gryffindorgirl93 :
"So basically it would be based on the song "Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge. but instead of a school type setting do stark tower, like Loki has a crush on the reader and vice versa but they don't want the others to know. I feel like it would be a little bit of angst and fluff."
So yeah, I did that. The song at the beginning of the chapter is obviously "Tear You Apart."
Idk if I have to put a trigger warning for smoking because there's a scene with a bit of it, so I mention it here just in case.
Hope you'll like this one. ♥
Published on August 2021
...
Sometimes, the most common things in life feel like the weirdest. For example, the crush –or whatever it was, anyway– Loki had on Y/N.
He had not been in Midgard for a long time. Barely six months. The first few weeks, he lived in New Asgard, Norway with Thor, until the Avengers told them it would be better if moved to New York in order to be available in case of emergencies. And so did they; since New Asgard had a new leader –Valkyrie– it would be better for them to go where they were most helpful: The Avengers Headquarters in New York City.
That was when and where he met Y/N, the newest addition to the team. Little did he know when he shook her hand that she would become his new obsession. Or was it a crush? Or was it love? Or was it pure desire? He honestly had no idea.
That afternoon was a relatively calm one. He was lying on his bed, his eyes closed, and his chest rhythmically going up and down. He should technically be in his office, but it was only a floor away, so it made no difference.
Yes, Loki lived inside the Avengers compound. Finding an apartment in Manhattan wasn't an easy business, and thankfully it also wasn't necessary; Rhodes had offered him a room in the compound, and he had accepted, because... what's better than living next to work, right? Let alone rents were too high for his salary.
She was on his mind again. Y/N. As though she ever left... He would think of her all the time. Every single second, which could be a problem sometimes, because when you have missions to accomplish and paperwork to finish, imagining your co-worker naked can be highly distracting.
But it was completely out of his control... Yes, he could hold his sexual impulses down, but his fantasies? Not at all. Not a little bit. In fact, his imagination would be so wild at times that he had started to fear he was becoming some sort of creepy psycho.
She obviously wasn't the first person he had felt attracted to (but she certainly was the only one driving him crazy like that). He had been thinking of romance way more than he used to lately, and the only explanation he could give to himself was that, since it was the first time in his life he felt he was on the right track (being a hero, helping others), he had managed to stop doubting himself constantly and give himself the chance to think about other things, romance included.
Yes, he had experienced romantic attraction before in his life –he was a 1000-plus-year-old demigod, after all– but, damn, this was almost crazy. He could be turned on by just thinking about her, let alone being with her. Which was the main reason he had left his office and had gone to his room a few minutes ago. Because she was there, and he was there, and even though he loved being with her, it could also make him extremely awkward and drive him nuts.
His one hand hung loosely at the edge of the bed as he ran the other through his hair. And, at that moment, the door opened.
"Here you are! Why aren't you upstairs?"
Loki rolled his eyes, having managed to conceal the fact that he had been startled by his brother's sudden entrance, and looked at Thor. "It makes no difference whatsoever. And you should've knocked."
Thor frowned as the God of Mischief sat up. "Your face is reddish. Were you running or something?"
The truth was that Loki had blushed at the thought of her. He felt a small pinch of panic but didn't let it show on his face. "I put on a face mask before, and now my skin is resting," he said, even though he knew the lie was ridiculous (but who knows, Thor had the brains of a mutated sloth, so maybe he would buy it).
"A face mask? Are you kidding me?"
"Why, what did you expect? You think I was running up and down the non-existent hill in my room, and that's why I flushed? Wouldn't I be sweating and panting in that case?" he snapped, internally praying Thor was stupid enough to not make the correct conclusion. "Look, a face mask is, for some reason, considered feminine, but, anyway, at the end of the day, on a scale from one to ten, my masculinity is on five or six at most." The closer to the truth, the more believable the lie.
This time, Thor seemed to buy it. He stood silent for a couple of seconds and then, thankfully, changed the subject.
"Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that the others have organised some kind of celebration for the success of our last mission, and you might want to join us."
"What, now?" Loki inquired, furrowing his eyebrows.
"Yeah."
"Alright then, I'll put on something more celebratory and will come shortly. Close the door on your way out," Loki said as he got off his bed.
Thor left, and the first thing Loki did after that was to look for an outfit; the thought that Y/N would be there too made him quite indecisive. Maybe he was acting like a teenage kid on their first date, but he really wanted to look good in her eyes.
After taking way too many alternatives into consideration, he finally picked a blue-green shirt that matched the colour of his eyes and long black trousers.
As he walked along the hallway, he was thinking that maybe that night was the right to talk to Y/N about his feelings. But just thinking about it made him nervous. What would he say? Because, honestly, his nervousness, combined with the intensity of the physical and romantic attraction he felt towards her, made "Wanna make out and kiss hard?" the smoothest thing he could come up with. Which, consequently, made him reconsider his plans to speak to her.
When he reached the room where celebrations usually took place in the compound, he noticed that none but a few of his co-workers were already there. His eyes darted from Rhodes to Thor and from Stephen to Wanda before he approached the latter.
"The flower decorations are yours?" he asked, looking at the beautiful red carnations in the vases that were placed at the two ends of the table.
"I made them, but they were actually Y/N's idea," Wanda responded.
She and Y/N were best friends, and the remembrance of that fact made Loki think about talking to Y/N about the attraction he felt towards her using a bit of Wanda's help.
"They're cute," he said, referring to the flowers. Just like her smile. "So, she likes flowers, huh?" That definitely didn't sound as casual as I'd wish.
"Yes..." Wanda said, looking at Loki through half-closed eyelids. "Why, would you like to offer her some?"
The question caught Loki totally off-guard. "I... Uhh... I mean, I don't know-"
"I thought you were a good liar," the Scarlet Witch cut him sort, raising an eyebrow.
"I thought you were less nosy," Loki snapped back, imitating her facial expression.
Wanda now raised both of her eyebrows. "Oh, I am not nosy, but Y/N is my friend, and I want her partner to be a good one."
"Her what? I never said I-"
"I never said I was talking about you."
Loki was freaking out. He had let too much information slip. It's nothing, he thought, trying to ease himself, but it didn't work.
"So, you like her," Wanda said.
Loki knew that, at this point, lying would be of no use. "Maybe," he muttered. "I swear, if you tell her, I'm gonna skin your witchy body inch by inch."
"Relax, lover-boy." She glanced at the door. "Oh, here she is. You can tell her yourself if you want."
He spun himself around, and when he saw her, he froze. He tried to say something as she approached, but his mouth suddenly felt too dry. Someone might have considered it cute, but no, the fact that he couldn't utter a word and he just stood like an idiot wasn't cute at all; it was pathetic, dammit! It was embarrassing, terrifying.
Taking control of his limbs again, Loki quickly rushed out of the room after casually nodding and waving at Y/N. He walked along the corridor until he found the door to the balcony. He stepped outside and took hold of the handle, his knees feeling as if they were getting weak.
"Here to admire the view too?" he heard a familiar voice ask.
He snapped his head sideways and then smiled faintly. "Not exactly, Buck."
"Do you by any chance want a cigarette, by the way?" Bucky asked, and only then did Loki notice the cigarette that hung loosely between his lips.
"Oh, definitely," he said and took the cigarette Bucky offered him. As he brought it to his lips, the other man brought out a lighter. "No, thanks, I got this," Loki said, conjured a flame in his hand and turned on the cigarette.
"Show-off," Bucky teased.
"Oh, suck it," Loki teased back, blowing out a puff of smoke. "I didn't know you smoke, by the way."
"I didn't know you smoke," Bucky argued.
"I don't," Loki responded. "It's just... I might do one from time to time."
"Yeah, same," Bucky said. "I have this pack for six months, and it's only half-empty."
"Hmm," Loki simply hummed, holding the cigarette between his fingers, not paying much attention.
"You seem a bit distracted," Bucky pointed out.
"I am, indeed," Loki responded. "I have been thinking about a lot of stuff lately. It's just that I had never felt certain about the path I was following throughout my life until recently, so now I spend the time I used to spend doubting myself on thinking about other things I had paid little attention to in the past."
"Such as?"
Loki shrugged. "Death, love, life, relationships, climate change, sex, lost time, human frailty, more sex..." –he chuckled– "That kind of stuff."
When he glanced at Bucky, his friend had raised his eyebrows. "Are you smitten?"
"Why would you say that?" Loki asked with feigned surprise and a slightly ironic voice.
"Quoting your statement: love, relationships, sex, more sex."
"To answer your question, something like that, yes," Loki said, and uneasiness washed over him as he recalled his discussion with Wanda.
"You don't sound so confident about it."
"It's just that my sex drive has gone crazy and it kind of confuses me."
"Ah, I see." Bucky stood speechless for a moment. "I would ask whom you are interested in, but I guess you won't answer that."
"Yeah, you guessed right."
"Is it a man, a woman, a non-binary person? You don't have to answer-"
"A woman," Loki responded, and then a smug smile curved on his lips. "Why, did you hope it'd be you?"
"No, don't think so highly of yourself –I'm just curious."
"Ah, I see."
~-~-~
Loki spent the following two days freaking out at the thought that Wanda might have talked to Y/N about his feelings towards her. A part of him hoped she hadn't, but another, maybe more cowardly, part wished she had, and he didn't have to tell her himself.
Whatever the case, the whole situation –and especially his feelings about it– was a mess. Telling someone you like them supposedly gets easier as you grow up, but Loki was past 1,000 years old and still faced the same difficulty and fear of rejection he did when he was a teenager –if not greater at the particular case. His mind had suggested that maybe it happened because his heart had chosen her to be the one, but he tried to not think about it that way because he knew that if that were the case, rejection would be a hundred times more painful.
Why do you think about rejection all the time? She might actually like you back, the somewhat optimistic voice in his head suggested, but, alas, the pessimistic voices were louder. It's only just a crush; it will go away, he thought to himself, even though he didn't actually believe it. Just like all the others, it'll go away. It was all gonna be okay; he would be okay –he could get through this.
The thing was, did he really want this to stop? Did he truly want to stop thinking about her? Did he really want to stop loving her (if that was what he felt, anyway)? The answer was... complicated, and that could be terrifying. He prayed for his feelings to stop because they were eating him up, but a part of him didn't want them to, and his heart knew this because they only intensified.
When he lay in his bed, he thought of her. He imagined holding her close, feeling her skin, her breath, listening to her heart. Just kissing her as they lay down, gently, softly... And then the kiss becoming more eager, wilder. He could almost taste her tongue, feel her body under his fingertips, hear her moans while whispering dirty words in her ear –while making love to her.
When he realised all these thoughts took over his mind, he tried to push them away, somehow feeling both exhilarated and embarrassed. Sweet All-mother, what the hell is going on with me? But he couldn't help it. He couldn't control his arousal, could do nothing but simultaneously feel extremely excited, nervous and utterly helpless every time she was around him. Which made him feel both like a stupid kid and a creep.
"Hey, could I... Could I talk to you for a minute?"
Loki had absolutely no idea how and where he found the strength to actually decide to speak to Y/N, but here he was now. Both of them had finished their day's duties, and the others had already left. He had been watching her as she picked her stuff and preparing to leave until he realised this was low-key creepy and stood up and approached her, determined to overcome his fear and open up about his feelings towards her.
Y/N turned her face towards him and smiled softly as she zipped her backpack. "Sure," she replied then, as she shot a glance at the door.
Loki's lips curved into something he hoped that looked like a smile as he took one more tentative step towards her, his head shaking in a way that revealed absolute nervousness. When he talked, both his throat and lips felt dry.
"So, I... I... We... Oh goodness," he muttered and looked away, his hands coming together as he unconsciously started picking at his fingers. He took a deep breath. "I have been here for a little amount of time, and you have always been nothing but kind to me. I am so grateful for this, and... I... I like you, and I thought that maybe we..." –he broke off again, his anxiety suffocating him. Why couldn't he just say it?
"Loki, are you trying to ask me out?" she asked, and when Loki looked at her, she was smiling, and a cute blush had reddened her face.
"I... Maybe-... Who am I kidding? Yes, yes, I am." He let out a nervous laugh, getting butterflies in his stomach as he averted his gaze again.
Y/N reached out her hand, and Loki felt it brushing up against his wrist and taking hold of it loosely. He looked up at her in surprise, but now it was her turn to look away awkwardly.
"The truth is," she said, her lips curved in a small smile, "that I like you too."
When she finally lifted her head, they locked in a stare. Loki held his breath for a few seconds, and when he realised he did so, he exhaled deeply and took a step back. Still staring into her eyes, he realised that there would be problems as a result of their hook-up.
"What shall we do now?" he asked.
"I... I don't know... You think the others-"
"...might be bothered?" he asked. "Maybe. I don't know. It could have some... repercussions if we decided to... you know, actually be together. This is a workspace; so many things could stand in our way. They might start gossiping, or, who knows..."
"Loki-"
"And let alone that, if we eventually break up, there will be no... no escape from each other, you know? We'll just be stuck together even though-"
"Loki!" she called out, and he paused abruptly. "Now you're just overthinking."
"How can I not?" he asked nervously. "It's important."
"Just don't. Not now."
She took a sharp breath as she took a step closer, her one hand still around her wrist as the other rested on his chest. Staring at her, Loki opened his mouth, trying to find words to respond, but his efforts were pointless. He looked into her eyes and then glanced at her lips as his hands hesitantly reached for her waist. And then he impulsively made the decision to stop thinking and let his heart lead the way.
He felt her breath ghosting closer, and his one hand moved up to her nape as he lowered his head, brushing her lips with his own. His heart rate kicked up three notches, and his eyelids fluttered shut as he felt her lips moving against his and her tongue slipping into his mouth.
"Loki," he heard her whisper, his lips still touching hers. "Are you sure this is okay?"
"Do you want me to stop?"
"No."
They kissed again, this time more eagerly, more passionately. A moan escaped Loki's lips as he pushed her against the wall, their kisses having become rough and demanding.
"Here?" she asked uncertainly.
"Here."
"What if someone comes in?"
He drew back and raised his hand to eye level as he looked at the door; a dim light appeared around his fingers, and the next moment a clicking sound echoed.
"What did you do?" Y/N asked.
"I locked."
Smirks appeared on both their faces and then their lips came together again, lustfully. They weren't thinking –they didn't have to think. Screw the future; screw the consequences. There was only the present.
Loki and Y/N emerged from the office approximately 15 minutes later, looking rumpled and happy.
"That was so good, oh my goodness," Y/N said, looking left and right down the hallway to make sure no one was coming.
"I agree," Loki answered as he closed the door of the room they had just exited. "We should definitely do it again."
"Oh, I'd be glad to," she responded, and then her smile faded. "But we... I..."
Loki's smile soon faded, too. "The others..." he said with a sigh.
"Look, maybe we should think about it a bit," Y/N suggested.
"Yeah, maybe."
"And we can talk about it tomorrow."
"Okay."
She nodded. "Okay. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Loki stood there and watched her walk away until she turned around the corner, and he couldn't see her anymore. A sigh escaped his lips as spun himself and, after shooting a glance over his shoulder, headed to his room. Once again, he experienced all those conflicting emotions he couldn't control. The bliss he felt for finally having managed to talk to her about his feelings and having been able to hold her in his arms contradicted his worry about the future and his fear of potential consequences that their being together could cause.
He let out a confused grunt as he shut the door of his chamber and pressed his back against its wooden surface. It's fine. It's all going to be just fine. The others won't mind –they never seemed to; why would they now? And, even if we end up breaking up, it could be amiable. Yes, she's nice –she wouldn't make a scene, would she? He mentally slapped himself as he flopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. Why do you always have to think of the worst-case scenario and think of it as the most probable outcome? You might not break up.
He huffed as he got off his bed again and changed into his pyjamas. After a couple of hours spinning and turning, he finally managed to sleep, Y/N being all he could think of.
~-~-~
"Hey. Can you talk?"
Loki was slightly surprised when Y/N came up to him the following morning, even though he had expected it. He shot a glance at Thor, who was standing beside him at that moment and then nodded swiftly.
"Sure, yeah. Thor, if you don't mind..."
Without waiting for a response from his brother, Loki walked out of the room and strolled along the hallway with Y/N until they were alone.
"So..." he muttered, putting his hands into the pockets of his pants. "To the point."
Y/N nodded. "Right." They stood speechless for a few seconds. "I thought about... us, and... I... I think we could actually make it, you know...?"
"I think I agree... The others never seemed to mind about such stuff, anyway," Loki responded and shrugged.
"Yeah."
"So, we... We're dating now?" he asked.
Y/N smiled and leaned to give a quick light kiss on his lips. "Yes," she whispered then, smiling softly.
"You think we should tell them?" he asked then, pressing his forehead on hers in an intimate way.
"Yeah, it would be better for everyone," she mumbled, cherishing the feeling of closeness.
"At lunch break?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"Okay."
Loki rubbed his forehead against hers and inhaled her scent, not wanting to let go of her. Then, as though he had been enchanted, his lips parted slightly, as he leaned just a bit closer, and their noses touched gently. He felt his chest warming up as Y/N's hand rested on it. As his parted lips touched hers, she pushed him away gently.
"I'll see you at lunch, Odinson," she said and smirked as she walked away.
"Teaser," Loki mumbled to himself and suppressed a laugh as he returned to his office.
~-~-~
Even though not all the Avengers lived in the Headquarters, one person each day had the responsibility to cook, and during lunch break, they all gathered and ate together. Today it was Wanda's turn to cook, and as always, her cooking skills had let no one down.
Glancing around as he ate, Loki noticed that most of them had consumed at least half of their portion, while Thor had almost finished his meal. He looked at Y/N, who sat beside him, and she shot him a questioning gaze.
"I'll talk," Loki said in a low voice that only Y/N could hear, and then he stood up and addressed the others. "My dear friends... or co-workers, if you want us to not get too familiar... Since we're all gathered here together, I'd like to make an announcement."
He looked down at his companions, and his nervousness became harder to conceal. They (or at least most of them) looked at him with curiosity and interest written all over their faces. He huffed and coughed awkwardly.
"Anyway, what I... What we" –he gestured at Y/N with his one hand– "want you to know, is that from today on –and may it be for years ahead– Y/N and I officially are in a relationship. We thought it would be better for you to hear it from us rather than accidentally learn it later."
He saw smiles, heard things like 'congratulations' and 'I'm so glad to hear this,' yet what drew his attention was Stephen Strange's remark.
"It was rather obvious it was going to happen someday, though."
Loki raised his eyebrows as he responded. "Was it?"
"There's always been a bit of a tension between you two, anyway."
"You think?"
"Yes. All those glances and stares and smiles made it kinda obvious."
Loki shrugged as he sat down again and looked at Y/N. "I'll take it as a compliment."
"It was more of an objective comment, but I suppose you can take it as such," Strange said.
Loki only laughed as he gazed at Y/N. And then he stopped, and he was beaming at her, his eyes shimmering with glee. And then, without thinking it through, he leaned across the space between them and kissed her softly. When she kissed back, it was as though time had stopped for him. Then he heard cheering –it obviously fascinated the others to see this– and pulled away with a huge grin curved on his lips.
He could definitely get used to this.
...
So, yeah, that was it. If you liked it, I'd appreciate your voting and commenting on your opinions about the story.
Thanks for reading. ♥