No, no, no..... just no.
I couldn't feel anything. My heart. My fingers gripping on to my swords. My legs. The burning sensation behind my eyes that were a tell sign of the onslaught of tears to come....
Every single one of them.... gone.
The events that just occurred seemed like a blur to me now. How exactly did I come upon this situation again? I faintly remember staring holes in Levi's back as the Levi's Squad rode up on the Titan Forest. Inside it was where Hanji's plan was to go off. I remember telling myself that it was only a few more hours before we could set off back towards the wall, and that all I needed to do was concentrate on Levi and the plan alone. It set my heart rate a bit at ease as I looked to him, but it didn't last long.
Not but just a couple hundreds yards in did I faintly hear the sound of thumping coming behind us. Curiously I remember peeking a glance over my shoulder and was shocked at the sight...
•••-•••
The Special Elite Squadron was back in formation again. We had set back out on the mission awhile ago and so far everything had been going to plan. Not far off into the distance was a huge forest.
The Titan Forest. A forest of trees as tall as 80 meters... a place swarming with titans as the name obviously suggests.
I tried not to let my eyes or mind drift far from the male who led our small group with a hard expression. Thinking solely of Levi has helped calm my nerves just a fraction - enough to where my hands aren't shaking as I gripped onto the reins.
I could still feel the tightness of the skin on my palms and the sides my pinkies. It produced a slight stinging sensation and caused them not to react as fast so I hope that they wouldn't cause problems in the end. I didn't dare tell Levi of this problem.
I kept repeating to myself over and over again, Levi is here. There should be nothing to be afraid of.
"Woah.."
I heard Eren's tiny little gasp as we started to approach the giant forest.
"Pretty cool isn't it?" Gunther replies.
A chill went down my spine and I snapped my eyes to Levi. He seemed to notice my stare and glance back at me. His expression never changed, but he gave me a small nod that sent a calming effect over me again.
"Hey guys! Look!"
All heads turned to the right as Petra's voice rang out. We all spotted green smoke flares popping off in the distance. A sign that a team had spotted and/or came into contact with a titan. It shouldn't have been such a surprise seeing as we've seen quite a few of them since we left the small rest stop, but the fact that there were red flares starting to come up on the horizon started to threaten the calmness I had formed.
"Abnormals." Was what came out of Levi's mouth first. "Oluo. I want you to send off a green flare."
"Yes Captain!"
"We keep moving ahead." Levi's voice was firm and he pushed on faster.
My grip on my reins tightened even more and I closed my eyes momentarily. Concentrate on Levi... concentrate on Levi... think only of Levi... my eyes slowly peeled themselves open and I looked at said mans back. We got this. We've been through missions like this a hundred times before. This is no different.
This plan Erwin devised will go off without a hitch. We'll catch whoever it is that's been causing us problems, well all go back to headquarters and start cleaning again. Start teachings the new soldiers how to stay alive. Just like always.
For a brief moment I let my eyes leave Levi. They flickered to each and every one in his squad. How many times have we all been on missions that looked like there would be no hope? Minus Eren of course. Why am I all of a sudden starting to doubt these guys and their capabilities? Sure Petra and Gunther are the ones I'm most worried about as they have the least solo kills, but they've showed us all they can very well handle themselves. Why else would Levi choose them?
Eren has us to protect him as well. He may not need it due to his titan abilities, but if something goes wrong and he can't shift again, he has six highly trained soldiers to back him up.
Highly trained.
At that thought all the nervousness went away for a moment. Any fear I held for the safety of those I cared about left me. I felt free of the constricting feeling in my chest.
A small smile rose to my lips as I looked ahead again. Levi wasn't looking at me right then but I smiled brightly at him any ways.
"Hey Elle?" A soft voice reached my ears and I glanced over to meet Petra's big brown eyes.
"Yeah?"
I watched her eyes shift from me, to her hands that held tightly on to the reins of her horse, before coming back to me. She looked a bit... apologetic.
"When we stop can I talk to you for a bit?"
I blinked a couple times in curiosity. "Sure. Everything alright?" I felt a bit of deja vu to be honest.
Petra nodded her head softly. "It's actually about-"
"Girls." Both Petra and I straightened up quickly, but whereas I looked straight to Levi, Petra almost jumped out of her skin. "Keep your focus on the mission. Don't be gossiping."
I sweat dropped and didn't reply.
"Yes Captain!" Petra jumbled out, a red blush overcoming her cheeks.
I had a feeling this talk was about a certain someone and quite frankly I didn't wanna hear it. After that talk a month ago, Levi and I had worked it all out. His declaration that he didn't want a girlfriend was quite clear to me, but I didn't have the heart to tell Petra yet. I honestly didn't want to think about it at all. Relationships in general... but also... the thought of the two of them together made my stomach turn in an awful way.
I shook my head mentally to get those cursed thoughts out. As I did a scout from our right rode up quickly.
"I've got a message!" He seemed frazzled as he came up beside Levi, sweat dripping down his forehead. "The right flank enemy scouts have been decimated! The right flank is now blind to any and all enemy movements!!"
My breath caught in my throat. The constricting feeling came back. I looked between the new scout and Levi. That happened way too quickly but I feel like this was something that was bound to happen.
"Please pass the message on to the squads to your left!"
Levi's face was neutral as he turned to Petra. "You heard the man."
"Yes sir!"
I slowed my horse down just a fraction so Petra could slip out and head to the left. I gulped as I was then left to ride next to Eren. I took a quick glance at his face. His expression showed that of sudden realization and I wished I knew just what it was that he was thinking about.
Just as we heard signals sound off behind us, my eyes caught sight of black flares behind the young boy. My eyes narrowed.
"Black flares are sounding off." I called out confidently. I could feel my body shift in to that of offense. I felt good in that my body was acting accordingly to how it usually does.
"There's an abnormal!?" Eren yelled as he couldn't take his eyes off the black smoke.
"Eren." I called for his attention. "Eyes forward. It'll be okay."
"Eren, you fire it off." Levi's command brought Eren's eyes from mine as he gave him a quick glance.
Eren shouted a quick yes sir as he grabbed his flare gun, shooting off the same black flare that was starting to approach us quickly. I peeked to my left in search of Petra. I hoped she comes back quickly. I did not like her being alone.
"-.. formation has been infiltrated that deeply?" I heard Levi mutter to himself. His expression stayed the same as always but I could tell he was thinking just what exactly was going on?
We came up on the Titan Forest like we have countless times, the tall branches and leaves teasing nice, cool shade for us. I could hear Eren a few horses over marvel at the sight of the gigantic trees. It was an ODM paradise after all as I liked to call it.
I felt content up until I heard a low rumbling noise behind us. A crease formed between my brows as my eyes shifted around us. Hmm? Strange. There's no doubt that a titan could be hiding in this forest right now, but it is strange that Erwin an Hanji's team missed it while setting up Hanji's trap. No worries. Wether it be an abnormal titan, big titan, or small... I'll take it down without a second thought.
"Captain! Captain Levi!?" Eren's voice suddenly rang out catching everyone attention by the anxiety laced through it.
"What is it?" Levi blunt tone responded.
"'What?' Sir, we're in the forest! With just the main column here we won't be able to detect any titans that'll approach! And with the abnormal titan on our right flank... how are we supposed to protect the wagons and avoid titans?!"
"Stop whining about the obvious. Of course we can't do any of that."
Eren's eyes widened and he looked at Levi in disbelief.
"W-what are you saying?!"
"Eren haven't you noticed yet?" I gestured to our surroundings. Eren furrowed his brows at me.
Levi continued. "These over grown trees surrounding us are the perfect environment for ODM gear..."
My attentions fell quickly to my left as I heard fast approaching clomps. My heart grew a bit as I saw a determined Petra reform with our group. I gave her a swift nod as she took her place between Eren and I. A few beads of sweat adorned her face as she tried to concentrate on keeping up.
"Now think. Use the modest intellect you posses. Think really hard. Your life depends on it." Levi's remark caught my attention.
I watched as Eren had an internal argument with himself. I watched as he slowly looked from Oluo who was muttering curses to himself, to Petra, to Eld, and finally Gunther. Just what was he thinking. My eyes softened a bit as he looked from Levi to me. He seemed a bit shocked when he realized I was already looking at him. He must be doubting himself right now. I would be too if I was left in the dark in regards to this mission. Plus he was still a new recruit thrown with Levi of all people. I tried to give him a comforting nod but he snapped his head away quickly.
As we rode on farther in to the forest, the thumping sound I heard earlier as we entered the forest suddenly grew louder in my ears. This time my head swiveled around as I tried to pinpoint the location.
"Elle? What's wrong?" Eld's question caused everyone's attention to fall on me.
I ignored the question for a moment as I spun on my saddle looking behind us. The sound was still reaching my ears but I wasn't seeing anything. Is my head just imagining this right now?
"Elle?" Gunther added as I didn't respond.
"What's going on?" Eren mumbled as he too began looking around nervously.
My frown deepened. "I thought..." I straightened up in my seat facing back forward. My eyes hardened as I looked back ahead.
"You thought what?" Levi's voice was calm as ever, and we connected eyes.
"I hear a noise but I can't tell where it's coming from."
Levi's brows furrowed for a second before he nodded. "These trees are probably bouncing off sounds from a titan deep inside. It's been awhile since you've been here Elle. You've forgotten."
I looked away slightly flustered. Levi's right. These trees bounce off sound pretty easily. I could very well be hearing something so far inside this forest that we'd never even see it. It's also been a few years since I've been to this forest after all.
"Right."
"Remember what I've told you."
My eyes snapped up to Levi as he stared straight ahead. I didn't realize my heart rate had slowly started picking up until it began slowing down. I only nodded even though he couldn't see.
A few moments later after things had calmed down. I noticed the noise had gotten much, much louder now - and it seemed Eren noticed it as well. The hairs on my arms stood up and I whipped my head around just as Eren and everyone else heard it as well.
"W-what was that noise!?" Petra yelled.
"It came from right behind us!" Oluo answered.
"Was it that thing on the right flank?" Eld offered.
Instead of helping answer I looked at Levi as he looked back at us. We connected eyes for a fraction of a second as he nodded his head.
"All of you... draw your swords."
On command all of us have two brand new blades on our triggers.
"If that thing appears... it'll be over before we know it." Levi added on in a quieter tone.
Staring holes in his back, I was starting to think Levi wasn't so sure of this plan as well. Was he... not confident in Erwin's plan anymore? Were we going in to this blind? A hiccup in my heart made it start beating even faster.
Levi?... are you... are you-!?
A chill went down my spine making me stiffen in my seat as I looked over my shoulder once more, my thoughts being put on hold abruptly. My eyes widened and I gasped as a fast approaching figure came from between two large trees.
The titans body had to of been that of a 15 meter class. The exposed muscles were fit and made it look extremely agile as it hopped between trees toward us. The body showed it to be a female as well as the blonde, chin length hair it had. It's eyes were set right on Eren as it held one hand to the nape of its neck.
My eyes widened as I realized that the titan that was coming after us right now was the loud thumping noise that I had been hearing. That it wasn't something deep in the forest.
"Shit... we can't get away going at this pace straight through the trees." Gunther glared at the approaching female titan.
"It's fast! It's gonna catch us!" Eld yelled through grinding teeth.
"Gunther!" I called just in time to stop him from nicking a tree root. I gave him a hard stare. "You two keep your eyes forward. Don't get distracted!"
Gunther and Eld nodded their heads as they looked forward. I caught Petra looking at Levi with a concerned look.
"Captain! Switch the ODM gear!!"
I was a bit shocked when Levi held his left sword up, a small 'tch' leaving his lips. I quickly clenched onto my own swords prepared to follow his lead. I scrunched my nose up as I had to force my skin to stretch a bit farther.
Just as I let go of my reins and stretched my back, I caught the sound of two sets of wires fire off. I whipped my head around just in time to see two scouts fly up on the female titan. My lips parted in awe as the two used a combo attack on the titan, both hooking on to its nape.
"Look! Back up has came!" I announced loudly.
The reassurance that came with the scouts quickly died as I watch the female titan suddenly shift it's body, squishing the male scout between its back and a tree before catching the girl who was in shock between her finger. Blood squirted between the extremities before she again slammed the last scouts body into a tree.
My jaw became slack. Two scouts dead in less then 5 seconds... and in such a manner.... this was not a normal titan. Could it be...?
All the dread that I pushed away came back ten fold. Memories started to replay before my eyes faster then I could register them. My fingers loosened on my triggers as I slumped in my saddle. For a split moment I felt like the female looked me dead in the eyes as she took off after us without missing a beat.
There was some intelligence in those deep, human like blue eyes. Normally a titan held such a dead look. Like a puppet being controlled but this titan... held such an emotion within its eyes that I couldn't decipher.
"Elle. Focus." Levi's order brought me out of my trance and I once again straightened in my seat.
"Captain!? We need orders!?" Petra voice rang out with fear. No doubt she was shocked of the violent nature of this titan. I don't think we've ever came up on a titan like this before.
"Attack!" Oluo said in an obvious tone. "That bastard is dangerous! We should take it down!"
"I'm gonna chop it up in to pieces..." Eld growled to himself.
"Captain Levi!? Give us your orders!" Eren begged.
Not once has Levi looked back to us.
"Cover your ears everyone." Was Levi's response.
And before anyone could, he shot off a noise round. My eyes shut instantly in pain. My more sensitive ears rang loudly and I could bet that they would have started bleeding if the noise round was just a bit louder. I smacked myself in the face with the reins as I quickly reached up to cover my ears. I peeked one eye open and watched as Levi turned his head back but kept his eyes forward.
"What's your job..?" He asked rhetorically. "To give in to whatever you feel like?"
Everyone stayed silent.
"I don't think so. No, this squads mission is to keep that little shit from getting so much as a scratch." He added referring to Eren.
Levi's steel colored eyes glanced back for a moment. "Or we die trying."
The meeting this morning played in my head again. The whole reason we were in this mission to begin with.
"We'll rely on the horses from here on out. Everyone got that?"
"Depend- how far?! That things right behind us!?" Eren argued.
"Eren just keep going." I frowned as I grabbed on to my reins and pushed my horse faster.
"But Elle-" the sound of more scouts approaching hit my ears. It seemed like every sound of ODM gear was silenced within seconds.
"We have to help back up though! If we don't they'll be killed too!"
"Face forward Eren!!"
"Gunther!?" Eren called out angrily.
I tried to ignore the tone of his voice as I looked at Levi. His cape fluttered in the wind as he kept a straight face. From my angle to his back left, I can tell his expression seemed hard. Levi... please tell me you know what we have to do.
"Don't break pace! Keep going full speed!" Eld ordered to Eren.
"Why!? Who can stop that thing other then you guys!?"
My eyes closed as I heard another fellow scout scream out in agony before it was abruptly it off. My heart went out to every female and male that was being left behind. I think this was the first time I've ever had my back face a fellow comrade. I swore all them years ago I would try my hardest to save those around me. I decided not to look back any more. I couldn't. If I did... there was a high chance I'd break what I promised to Levi earlier.
I also decided to ignore Eren pleas of begging us to help the scouts who continued to go after the female titan. He didn't understand how the world outside the walls worked. He didn't understand what he meant to the scouting legion right now. If he were to get killed or gravely injured, this will all be for nothing.
It wasn't till I heard Petra began to argue with the young titan boy did I open my eyes.
"Eren! Face forward and keep moving!" She repeated what all of us have so far.
"You're telling me to turn a blind eye on the battle? You mean leave our comrades to die and run?"
There was a hesitation from Petra as she thought of what best to say. It was obvious she was trying to say the right things. In this kind of situation though...
"Yes that's right. Follow your captain's orders." I kept my face smooth and didn't look at Eren's face.
"I don't understand why we have to abandons our fellow soldiers!? And I don't understand why nobody will explain why!"
"It because the captain decided he didn't need to! You can't understand that yet because you're still a rookie cadet! If you get it now, shut your mouth and obey!"
Oluo's words seemed to have shut Eren up for the moment. His words enforced my thoughts.
"Eren!? What are you doing!?" Petra voice cried out a moment later. "That's only allowed if your life's in danger! You promised remember!"
"Eren... you're not wrong. If you wanna do it, go ahead." Levi voice was emotionless and he didn't look back.
"Levi?" I whispered. He wouldn't really allow Eren to transform this close to me would he? I was even shocked by Levi's words. Just what was he thinking? Why was it at this moment I couldn't understand anything? We were so close to the destination but yet... he was giving Eren an option? Was Levi going to jeopardize the mission?
"I know. He's a true monster. It's got nothing to do with his titan power. No matter how much he's restrained... no matter what cages he's held in ... no one can make him submit." To put force in to his words Levi set a dead stare back at Eren. "The difference between our judgments is experience... but.. you don't have to fall back on that. Choose Eren... believe in yourself or believe in me and us... the survey corps."
"I don't have the answer. I never have. Wether you trust in your own strength... or trust in the choices made by reliable comrades. No one knows what the true outcome will be. So, as much as you can... choose whatever will give you the least regret."
Closing my eyes once again I open them as I looked at Eren. His eyes were trained on the female titan behind us, his hand up to his mouth as if he was about to transform. I watched as his brown hair blew in the wind and found myself smiling softly at him. He looked so much different then the sweet boy that came in to my room a month ago scared that I hated him. The one that I've been watching train for the past month. The one that's been giving me all sorts of weird feelings as I remembered a past life from the underground.
"Eren... Eren?" I called out catching his attention. I didn't bother with the hard look he gave me. "Remember what I told you that day?... Trust in us..." I smiled the kindest smile I could as I forced the throw up in my throat to go away.
Eren's eyes widened as his lips parted in surprise.
I could hear the female titan behind us catching up to us. I kept my eyes on Eren as he locked eyes with me. I could tell he was struggling. I kept the smile on my face as I didn't look away. I mouthed 'it's alright.'
"Eren!" Levi yelled. "Times running out! Choose now!" He ordered.
"I-I choose..."