J O U R N A L
hi... this chapter gets explicit. Love y'all. I'm sorry about the wait but I've been really busy with school
:( I'm taking 5 ap periods this year
I have four uploads ready and a lot more written, I'm writing the climax right now! So here's the four!
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J U L Y 1 9 9 8
"Why wouldn't you just let me walk home alone..." I mumble out.
"Cause Seb and stupid fucking guys are out here"
Don't pay attention to it Kelca...
Don't pay attention to the hand on your hip...
Don't pay attention to him looking down at you and walking by your side.
Don't pay attention to your swelling heart or how it's beating so fast. Or how his voice was soothing me even though I wanted to stay away from him.
I don't wanna love him.
I should've stayed in the day I met him. I should've followed the plan in every other house I was in. I shouldn't have fallen into his arms. I shouldn't have slept next to him or gone to the movie theater with him or laughed with him or skated with him.
And god damnit I shouldn't have smiled at him for that fucking Polaroid because I think that was when it happened.
That was the day I think it happened...
The day when he pointed that camera at me and Koa, looking at me the entire time, and took a few pictures of us. The day when he tried to hide his smile.
And the day when I watched him staring at the picture next to his locker, looking between us and the picture with a dreamy look.
I mean of course he was probably looking at the super model that Koa is, but I like to think he was looking at me.
I looked away at that point because a blush had crawled over my face and I was truly embarrassed.
I was embarrassed cause my only thoughts were filled with how beautiful he was, and how the pink sky lit his tan skin up like a firework in a dark sky and let alone looking like a firework he gave me fireworks in my stomach daily.
Oh god... I'm not okay.
"What is Seb gonna do? Kiss me? Like anybody would care-"
Royce sighs, cutting me off while he looks around the dark sidewalks. He turns me towards him at a streetlight so our faces are dimly lit, "listen here you little whore," he says, grabbing onto my jaw tightly.
It wasnt a scary type of talking, he was more so flirting in an aggressive way. And I liked it...
"First off, I just pushed you against a wall and made out with you just for you to ignore me for the last ten minutes and I would still care if anybody else laid a single finger on you. Jack tried to lay down with you today and I kicked him out. He put his head on your lap at the bench and I death stared him for an hour. I. Would. Care. Secondly, in junior year before I got my man period and grew the fuck up Sebastian stole my girl. Maybe I didn't fuck her or maybe I didn't love her enough but either way that's not happening with you So maybe I'm a little protective over you even though you're giving me nothing back, but it's because I want you to myself. You're not gonna get anybody else here except me, Kelca."
I didn't know then... but that girl that Sebastian stole was Koa... and he was still stuck on her and her smile and everything about her..
I swallow, looking up at him through my eyelashes and smirking, "Well did you take into consideration that I don't wanna be a fuck girl, Jewwly? Because you told me you didn't want to hear how I felt and I'm trying to stick to that but when you kiss me my feelings all come up like a volcano. So if I don't talk while your hand is on my hip and you're standing there being all perfect right next to me maybe just know it's because you're too amazing and I'm trying to restrict myself to not lose you."
He swallows, "It's not the fact that I don't want you to love me, it's just I don't want us to break each other's hearts cause you mean too much to me and as soon as you turn eighteen I want you back here, but if we can't do that or if it won't work or something I'll lose you after falling so fucking hard."
"Then maybe you need to stop kissing me!"
"What if I can't?"
"Just try... because I can't take this anymore. I want to tell you how I feel so bad. Royce... you're so sweet and amazing and perfect and god you're so damn beautiful... you're so pretty. But I can't kiss you. I can hold you and everything and pretend we're normal but if you kiss me I feel like exploding."
"But... but what if whenever I see you I wanna kiss you."
"Then squeeze my hand or kiss my temple or something when you wanna kiss me..." I propose.
He swallows.
"Can I please just kiss you one more time first..." he mumbles.
I smile, leaning in and kissing his lips again.
I love you....
He slips his hand from my jaw and holds my hand as we continue walking after our last kiss. "You're not escaping me though, Kelca..." he mumbles.
"I never wanted to."
We ended up sneaking in through my window.
It wasn't that hard considering we basically have a step of cement that we stood on to get up there.... but Royce still hoisted me up on his shoulders.
"Royce..." I mumble.
"Yes?" He asks groggily as he leans against my now closed window. His legs were crossed in front of him and he smirked at me sweetly.
I swallow.
"Well... well first I have got to change of course... but... you'll stay with me right? Just until I fall asleep?" I ask.
He smiles, walking over and wrapping his arms around me. "I wouldn't even imagine leaving.."
I smile and he leans in and pushes his lips against my left temple.
And though he chose to let Koa sleep in his bed, this time he chose me.
God his bed was super comfortable though...
"Turn around okay, Royce?" I ask, and I see his figure nod as he backs away from me.
It was too late and dark to see anything but figures, but I still don't want him to see me changing. So I go next to my door and turn my back to him, watching over my shoulder as he stares out the window.
I take off my pants and my shirt, and pull a baggy T-shirt over them before taking my bra off underneath my shirt.
I turned around finally, and watch his head quickly move a little. I mean, even if he was looking all he saw was my figure, but it's a confidence boost knowing he tried to look....
I watch as he takes off his shoes and his shirt and is left in his boxers, "if I have to stay here for a second I'm gonna be comfortable while doing it." He jokes, bringing his arms out in a 'hug me' motion.
I walk over and into his arms as he slowly sits us down on my old twin air mattress.
"I'm sorry it's so ugly in here it's just-"
"It's okay, Kelca. As long as you're here I love it. And either way.... I always knew you were more of a minimalist."
I laugh a little, leaning my head up as he lays down to stare at him; his freckled face and his blonde head of hair were so beautiful even in the dim light of a burgundy sky. I could still see his shining purple eyes.
I love you....
"You're so cute, Kelca." He mumbles lightly with a small smile, running his thumb over my cheek.
I smile, and he sighs, "Now go to bed, I'll make sure to be here when you wake up after I kick Koa out of my house.
"Goodnight, Jewwly..."
"Goodnight Kelca..." he mumbles.
It was hot in here, but still the blanket that was over us made me feel warm inside and not out, probably because I shared it with him....
His head was right above mine, using the pillow, while his arm was draped around my waist. I couldn't help but have butterflies roam around my stomach.
But god you know what?
I didn't want the last time to be the last time...
I flip over so the our faces are pointed towards each other and I lean in and kiss his lips one more time, aggressively.
His lips were soft and he immediately kissed my back, his hand going up to my hair and pushing me against him.
I pull back lightly and sigh,
"Okay, I'm sorry... I just needed to-"
"Don't tease me like this, Kelca." He mumbles lowly against my lips.
"Well what would be so bad about that?" I asked, my lips barely grazing his as I talked.
"Oh... sweetheart..." he chuckles with a small smirk. His hand travels around my waist as he pulls up my oversized shirt a little bit, just enough so my ass peaked out. His hand grabbed onto my ass and started squeezing it in his hand.
"You wouldn't get any sleep..." he mumbles.
Oh god the smirk on his face radiated off of him even if I couldn't see it very well... he was too cocky for this.
And I fucking loved it.
My left hand grazed his jaw lightly before trailing my finger down his chest, his abs, and stopping right above the band of his boxers.
"That wouldn't be a problem... we both just took a nap... there's always the day time for sleep." I say with my eyebrow slightly raised.
I drag my hand back up and grip his head, my thumb rubbing his cheek lightly.
I kiss his lips a little, and he lets out a small breath, moving his hand up to my waist to pull me in as much as possible.
"You're so perfect Kelca.." he mumbles and I let out a deep relieved breath. "I promise I'm not so perfect compared to you..."
"Oh baby..." he laughs, "I have 28 bodies, I don't have a real job and I'm 19, I'm high a lot of the time, I was a 17 year old alcoholic, and I don't have parents. You're the fucking angel on top of the tree for me..."
I swallow, "And you're my sun... the warmest most necessary thing I need.... and I mean you are hot so..." I chuckle a little.
He breathes deeply, "I'm your sun?" He asks lightly.
I bite my lip and nod, "Nobody else could be... I mean not only does my world revolve around you..." I mumble,
I wake up and think of him, I work and think of him, I shower, I swim, I talk to anybody, he's always in the corner of my mind.
"But you're the sweetest most genuine man I know, and when you make a mistake you take it and admit it.... and you're so warm when I need it, and cold when I'm hot, and you.... you always have a smell of spice and salt water that makes me go to the beach with you on my mind. And sometimes your hair is a little wavy after swimming and you brush your fingers through your hair and sigh before trying to get them out only using your fingers. It'll never work, Royce, but I think it's just adorable-"
"What about when I hurt a girl? What about when I accidentally make Camden cry? Or when I'm terribly rude to my sisters or my dad? What about when I cry wishing I had parents? Wishing I had a family?"
"It's always on accident Royce, or if you're a little angry. But even when your angry you've never gotten angry at me."
He swallows, running his fingers through my hair, "I promise I'll never hurt you, Kel."
"And I promise that I'll come back for you." I say.
He gives me a light kiss on the lips, "Can we move the deadline to kiss?"
"How about we get rid of it?" I ask with a small chuckle.
"So... you promise to come back, Kel? You'll only be gone until you turn eighteen?"
"Well we both know I want away from my parents Royce... so of course."
"Then.... I'll forget about you leaving. I'll stop being held back.... I promise."
"You promise?" I ask again.
He nods, "I'd never dream of you not being with me Kelca."
I knew that that phrase would be written in my journal later...
"I couldn't think of it." I mumble.
He slowly leans in again, kissing my lips softly. I kiss his back, but he moves his plump lips away to my neck.
My breathing intensifies as he goes straight to the hickey he left before, and creates more around it. I bit my lip, holding in a moan as his lips move against the sensitive skin of my neck.
"It's okay.... just don't be to loud..." he mumbles, and I don't bite my lip, I just put my lips next to his ear.
"Royce...." I moan out, and I hear him swallow.
"Fuck... say my name again." He growls against my skin, going under my ear lobe and sucking.
I moan a little, leaning in again and running my fingers through his hair. "Royce..." I moan again.
He chuckles a little and shakes his head, "That's fucking it..." he mumbles.
His left hand grabs into my neck pushing my head down. He throws my shirt up a little, just under my boobs, and begins kissing down my stomach.
I let out a deep breath, my stomach twisting and my heart beat getting faster and faster. "Royce... what are you doing?" I ask lightly. He comes back up so he's hovering over me. We've somehow flipped so I'm on my back and he's on top of me.
"Making you feel good, baby.... don't worry..." he mumbles.
"Im a little scared Royce..." I mumble, my organs twisting.
"Do you want me too?" He asks and I nod, "of course... it's just.... I've never done it before..." I mumble.
"That makes it better, Kelca."
His right hand slowly lifts my shirt up the little bit more to release my boobs.
A small smirk sets itself on his lips as he leans down and kisses around and on them, slowly making it to my nipple. He twists it around in his mouth, and my head shoots back. "Royce..." I mumble, "I know..." he says cockily and sweetly before doing the same thing to my other nipple, rolling the first one between his fingers.
I moan a little, trying to hold it in as well as possible.
As his head moves down again, his right hand squeezes my boob, and his left hand goes under the band of my panties.
"Royce..." I mumble, almost pleading as my second heartbeat intensifies. It felt weird being like this, I don't know if I ever felt this before.
His mouth slowly goes over my panties, his hot breath hitting me making me squirm.
He pushes my thighs down so my legs were open, and slowly pulls my underwear down my legs.
My nerves kick in while he stares at me, but It seems to not matter anymore while my other feelings were taking over.
"Fuck.." he mumbles slowly.
I try to close my legs but he holds them down, "Royce I'm kinda sca-" I start, but he looks up at me as his tongue slowly touches my clit.
My breathing almost stops and my head shoots back as he slowly moves his tongue in circles. "Royce!" I moan out, and his hand quickly reaches up and covers my mouth harshly.
I moan into his hand and my arm reaches down so I can run my fingers through his hair.
"Fuck... you like that baby?" He mumbles against me. I nod profusely, "Yes, Royce..."
I grind my hips into him and he smirks against me.
"Oh calm down, Baby... I'm just getting started." He growls cockily. Slowly I feel one of his hands trail down, and slowly his ring and middle fingers start teasing me.
"Fuck!" I moan into his hand as he muffled me. He slowly pushes two fingers inside of me, and it only hurt a little bit.
I feel his fingers curl inside of me, and slip in and out easily. Slowly he starts quickening the pace.
"You're so wet.... I knew you'd be wet for me, Kelca."
"Fuck Royce... it's... it's getting.."
"Are you gonna cum baby? Cause I think you're gonna cum for me."
"Royce please..." I moan out.
He smirks against me, and the mixture of his tongue swirling around my clit and his fingers pumping in and out of me made a wave of pleasure run throughout my body that I had never felt before.
It was a feeling in my stomach that was like having anxiety but it felt... good.
"Fuck!" I moan loudly into his hand, and his hand pushes down harder, trying to keep me quiet.
"I'm.. I'm..." I start, and he smiles, "Cum for me Kelca."
My head shoots back and my hands run through his hair as release fills through my body. It felt so good... it was indescribable.
His tongue laps up and down me all throughout my finish, and as it stops my breathing becomes heavy and hard.
Royce sits up, and seeing the look on his face had any of my confused or irrational thoughts leaving my body. He sat up, his abs on full display and a visible bulge in his underwear. He licks his fingers down, and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
I stare at him through my eyelashes as he bites his lip, watching me intently.
His hand goes down to his bulge, slowly messaging it through his underwear. He lets out a small groan as I stare at him.
He slowly crawls over me, his hand still messaging himself.
He grabs the back of my head and pushes me into him, kissing him lightly.
I run my fingers through his hair again.
I love you....
I felt so close to him right now... it was crazy.
"I would make you deal with this... but that can wait for another time.... get some rest princess" He mumbles against my lips before he falls flat on my bed, right next to me.
I turn right and rest my arm around him, leaning my head on his chest.
"You remember when you told me about the girl.. the girl who's name started with a K?" I ask and he hums, rubbing soft circles on my skin.
"Was I that girl?
He laughs a little, turning towards me and kissing my temple.
"It was always you..." he mumbles.
"Do you still not wanna know how I feel, Royce?"
"I don't know yet." He mumbles back, his voice grainy and sleepy.
I sigh, not responding so he does for me.
"Get some rest you little slut.." he says lightly.
"But I'm your little slut, right?"
"Of course."
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hey.... hey.... how y'all doin...?
Anyway... I know it seems like he likes her know, and he might, but y'all will see how he feels. Never said he wouldn't like her a little.
Love you