Calista tossed and turned her head, mind unconscious as she replayed memories of her past.
They were lined up against the wall. The terrified children couldn't have been more than six or sevens years old. She tried to move, but couldn't. Her hands were shackled above her head, and her feet weren't touching the ground.
If she looked a little farther to the left, she would have seen Zeno in the same position.
The chains holding her back from helping them rattled as she shook them desperately. Distinctly, she heard screaming as the first one was struck down, then she realized that sound was coming from her.
"No!! Don't hurt them, please!!"
Her pleas fell on deaf ears as the hefty men continued to beat the innocent kids until they bled and didn't rise again.
"Stop!!!"
"NO!!!!!"
Their hands reached for her and she jolted at their disgusting touch and matching sneers.
"Gag her."
Her eyes flew open as she jerked awake and she flailed her arms in an attempt to maintain her balance, but to no avail. She crashed to the ground with a heavy thud, groaning softly as she rolled onto her back, staring vacantly up at the sky.
They're dead. They're all dead.
The ground shook beneath her as rapid footfalls ran towards her and a second later, two strong arms slid underneath her and picked her up. Clinging weakly to the fur-lined coat, she was barely aware of her friends' concerned murmurs as Shin-ah carried her into the tent.
She couldn't even protest that he shouldn't strain himself, her heart still gripped with the same fear she felt all those years ago.
She was still trembling from the horror of her vivid nightmare when he put her down on his bedroll, her normally bright silver eyes were a cloudy grey. He let go of her temporarily in order to pull the covers up over her when a small touch on his foot stopped him from going any further.
She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know why she was so terrified of being alone right now.
He paused and she froze, afraid she had made a mistake.
Did she ask for too much? Did she read the situation wrong? He didn't want anything to do with her, did he? No one was there for her. She was alone.
As if he could sense her rampant thoughts intruding and trampling on everything she had worked so hard on, he enveloped her in a warm hug. Her body seized up at the sudden contact. But somewhere in the back of her mind, she registered that it was him.
That she was safe with him. And that she wasn't alone.
It's Shin-ah... I'm safe with him...
A small tug on her hand made her follow his lead subconsciously. He maneuvered the two of them so that she was in his arms, head tucked under his chin.
"Shin-ah..." Calista mumbled, mind still muddy from the panic she felt from her nightmare. "I don't want to hurt you."
He ignored her, scooting closer until she was right up against him. Pressing a sweet kiss to her forehead, he involuntarily shivered when he felt her lips unintentionally brush against the base of his neck.
Through the panic-induced haze, she knew he was still injured. But she felt trapped in her own thoughts. She couldn't portray how much she was worried about him and she couldn't confess how much she needed him right now. A thousand different thoughts raced through her mind, but in the end all she could do was whimper pathetically.
"Calista?" Shin-ah murmured softly, bumping his nose gently against hers.
He didn't need her to say anything. He just knew he needed to be here for her right now, even if she tried to push him away.
She fisted his coat in her hands, hiding her face in his chest. An arm draped over her waist and pulled her even closer. Her legs automatically tangled with his as she silently cried into his shirt.
He held her close to him, unsure if it was even helping, but didn't leave. She didn't want him to leave earlier, so he didn't have any intentions of doing so. Especially after what he had promised Hak.
He didn't say anything. Instead, he chose to rub the back of her hand comfortingly. Until she slowly, but surely started to come back to him.
He knew when she began taking deeper breaths and her fingers stopped shaking.
Calista sniffled, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry."
He shook his head furiously, and she smiled when her eyes landed on his. Somehow, when she wasn't looking, he had taken off his mask.
She would never get tired of seeing his eyes.
He caught her wrist as she brushed the side of his face. Her cheeks flamed as he softly kissed the inside of it. She ducked her head shyly and his chest rumbled with a low chuckle. It was amazing how easily he was able to calm her down.
"Are... you alright?"
Closing her eyes to relish in the warmth and comfort he brought her to ground her, she nodded. She pressed her ear against his chest, listening to the steady beats of his heart.
"Yeah, I am." She smiled softly. "Thank you, Shin-ah."
His cheeks burned and she giggled, pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek before running over the distinct red marks on his face with her forefinger.
"Beautiful." She murmured, staring straight into the golden orbs swirling with a mix of love and concern.
This time, he broke eye contact with her, blushing at the pure love resonating within her voice. He knew she wasn't just referring to his eyes.
Giggling at the starry-eyed look in his eyes and knowing she probably looked the same, she snuggled into him. She didn't want to move, but the question in his gaze remained.
She knew he wanted to know what scared her and even though it was hard to talk about, she wanted to tell him. A certain priest a long time ago had opened her eyes and at the time, she had rejected it, refusing to believe that anyone would ever want to know what she had been through. But there was someone.
And he was right here in front of her. Patient, understanding and loving.
"Are you sure you want to hear about this? It's kind of a heavy topic..."
He nodded firmly and she sighed, squeezing his hand once.
"If it gets to be too much, tell me and I'll stop."
He shook his head violently and she shushed him, murmuring reassurances into the nape of his neck.
"That doesn't mean that we'll never talk about it again, it just means that we have to stop for today, okay? It's very important to me that you tell me if it's too much."
Boundaries were important and needed to be respected.
He finally caved in with a small sigh and she smiled, but it trembled. Taking a deep breath, she started from the beginning, timidly telling him about how she was born in the underground and taken in by Mundok, only to serve Soo-won when things took a turn for the worse.
She didn't delve into too deeply how his betrayal affected Yona and Hak, but she did reveal how much it hurt her. How she wished she would have spotted it sooner.
He listened to her with pursed lips as she revealed to him the details of her time in the underground and the fights that she fought for the people she belonged to. He didn't stop her once.
His grip tightened around her subconsciously as she connected all the dots. The blood claims that were mentioned back in Awa, the explanation of how she had always served a master, everything.
Most of it, he didn't completely understand, but he let her talk.
He understood how much she was trusting him, and his heart raced at how much faith she had in him.
Trailing his hand absentmindedly up and down her spine as she talked, it occasionally evoking a shiver from the raven-haired girl and a shy blush that had his eyes softening tenderly. Resting an arm under her head to prop it up, she poked his nose, making him scrunch it up cutely. She giggled, the sound making his heart beat a little faster.
"I see flashes of their faces sometimes." Calista admitted, swallowing hard. Her eyes darted everywhere, looking at everything else except for him. "The nightmares aren't always the same, but they're just as scary as they were that day."
He quietly asked if that was why she was afraid to go to sleep and the terror in her grey eyes was all the answer he needed.
"I just wished I could have saved them..."
Seeing his expression of confusion, she briefly explained it until it cleared.
"There are a lot of kids down there. The only adults really are the ones who have been there for so long they kind of become soulless." Anguish filled her heart at how helpless she was back then.
She let out a shaky exhale. "When I was about eleven, I was getting ready to break out a lot of them. Once every ten years, there's a reelection for who becomes the next leader, though it's basically a bloodbath."
He tensed at her words and she kissed his collar bone apologetically. It eased some of the stiffness, but he didn't relax completely.
Calista felt like she was going to lose her nerve if she stopped for too long, so she continued, "But that tournament provided an opportunity for a lot of the people down there to leave. So, Zeno and I hatched a plan."
"... Zeno?"
Oops.
"Yeah..."
He didn't say anything, but shifted slightly, prodding for her to keep going.
Her eyes glazed over as she recalled the memory of that night. "We were going to break them out, but then it all went wrong. I was spotted by some guards and they weren't exactly forgiving."
The echoes of their pained screams filled her head and a tear slipped down her face. "None of them made it out. Zeno was only able to save me."
Shin-ah didn't say anything to indicate he noticed the small detail she let slip, and she breathed a subtle sigh of relief. That part wasn't her story to tell.
It all made sense. He realized how much losing Tae-sik had impacted her, because of what happened in the past.
Resting his forehead against hers, he murmured, "I'm sorry..." He brushed away her tears, wishing that he could take away the pain. "It wasn't... your fault."
"I know... It's just hard to believe sometimes..."
Her eyes shut not long after that. She had tried hard to stay awake, but she was exhausted. The fights yesterday night had completely wiped her out and that paired with her nightmare, sealed the deal.
Shin-ah brought her closer to him, wanting her near him as she slept and he smiled when she unconsciously curled herself into his broad chest. As he stroked her hair softly, Hak's previous words ran through his mind.
"Shin-ah, I want to ask you something."
He acknowledged him with a nod of his head.
"Protect her." Hak stared at him, deadly serious. "I've seen her get hurt too many times, even from me. Will you keep her safe? Will you look out for her?"
It didn't take Yoon's genius to figure out that Hak knew that something had changed between his sister and the blue dragon. A light was relit in her eyes that had been years since he had seen it.
"I will."
Hak nodded, satisfied that he knew the weight of what he was asking.
"Don't betray her."
"I won't."
Just when she had started to drift off, Calista had woken up when she felt him move against her. This time though, his movements were heavy, as if there was something else still on his mind.
"What's wrong?"
The fogginess was replaced with worry the longer he took to respond.
Bracing herself up on her elbow so that she could get a better look at him, she blinked away the last of her fatigue. "Shin-ah?"
He hesitated, not sure if he should bring this up, especially when she had shared everything else with him but he couldn't help it. "Earlier... that man... he was with Yona..."
A light bulb went off in her head. "Ah... yes, rich boy."
He tilted his head at the nickname and she smiled sleepily at him, waiting for him to ask her what was clearly weighing on his mind.
Pausing, he struggled with the words. "You seemed... angry..."
Calista exhaled softly, squeezing his hand softly to commend him for his bravery. It couldn't have been easy for him to ask her, but she mumbled quietly that it was okay for him to ask. She was grateful he did. After talking to Yona about it, she wasn't going to bring it up to anyone else since she didn't want to bother them.
But she knew he wanted to know. He wanted to know why it bothered her.
"He reminded me of someone I once knew a long time ago. Arrogant, always using people for his personal gain while he turned a blind eye to their suffering." She grimaced lightly as she remembered the people burned into her memory. "Tae-jun angered me because of how much he reminded me of him."
Shin-ah's eyes grew considerably darker at what she was insinuating. "... Who?"
She shook her head, settling into him more. There wasn't any need for him to worry about it. She just wanted to forget everything that had happened.
"He's dead."
Then, she scratched the back of her head sheepishly, thinking maybe she should have worded it in another way. Unfortunately, that made her lose her balance and she yelped as she fell on top of him. His chest rumbled with laughter underneath her and she buried her face deeper, trying to hide her embarrassment.
He tried to get her to raise her head, but she stubbornly refused, completely mortified.
The next thing she knew, he was sitting up.
She would have fallen over if it wasn't for him catching her, sliding his hands under her thighs to seat her on top of him. Her cheeks flamed even further as she realized that she was now sitting in his lap, pressed very close to him.
His eyes were shining with amusement when she met them and she pouted.
Pecking her nose, her shy smile mirrored his. She completely forgot about everything they were talking about, lost in his soft, golden eyes. The ones that only looked at her that way.
He laid back down, but rearranged her so that she was now lying on top of him.
Calista was about to object to it, not wanting to reopen his wound when he surged forward, connecting their lips together so that he could convey to her how much he didn't want to be separated from her.
Even if it was only a foot away from him.
As he broke the kiss, she panted lightly, cheeks still rosy but now for another reason entirely. He hugged her close to him, nuzzling his face in the crook of her neck.
"Thank you..." He whispered quietly against the heated skin. "For trusting me with this."
I will protect you with my life.