really big TW guys! i know i said a few chapters ago that was the last warning i'll give, but i just want to be safe 🥺
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no homework.
that simple thought made minho's friday a million times better on its own. just thinking that after a long day at school, he can just flop on his bed with no worries made him super relieved, but also impatient for the final bell to just ring.
he bounced his foot up and down in last period, impatiently staring at the clock while other kids around him talked nonstop. minho couldn't be bothered to listen to the conversations going on around him, much like the teacher couldn't be bothered to teach the last remaining minutes of the week.
once the last bell rang, minho bolted out of the classroom and ran all the way home. he noticed his mothers car was still gone once he arrived.
she must still be at work.
minho walked into the quiet house, placing his back pack by the door and instantly flopping on the couch. he satisfyingly sighed, feeling comfortable and relaxed in his over sized clothing.
it didn't take long for him to become bored. he stared at the turned off tv, looking at his thoughtful face in the reflection as he tried to come up with things to do.
draw? no, my hands are cramping.
dance? no, i'm tired.
minho sighed, putting his face in his hands. nothing he thought of seemed appealing except just sleeping.
and then he got an idea.
minho grabbed a sweater from the kitchen, and then left the house. he started walking down the street until he reached a small park. nobody was there, so it was pretty quiet.
he walked over to the little play set, and stood in front of it. it's been awhile since he was here.
minho and changbin used to play here when they were younger all the time. the two would force their mom's to take them here and they would spend hours just swinging or playing hide and seek.
minho nostalgically smiled at the memory, missing those days a lot. he really doesn't know how he went from having a strong bond with his best friend, to merely strangers the next day.
this park was always so peaceful. everyone would get along and play together, despite knowing each other or not. he also misses the days when everyone was just friends, there weren't such things as enemies.
the wind blew harshly, making minho shiver and wish he brought a heavier jacket. the wind made leaves rustled together, creating a relaxing sound that minho loved.
minho sat down on the little steps that lead to the rest of the set, just listening to the nature that surrounded him. he cleared his mind of all the shit thoughts that roamed inside, and he finally felt himself feel at peace.
suddenly, minho heard voices coming towards the park. he turned around, and his heart nearly flew out of his chest when he saw who the voices were coming from.
speaking of the devil, it was changbin, who of course had felix glued to his side. minho panicked, and crawled inside the plastic tube to hide. it was very crammed, but he was hidden enough for the couple to not spot him.
minho peeked out a tiny hole that was on the tube, and saw the two sit down on a bench. they were holding hands, and felix's joyful laughed echoed throughout the park. he wondered what changbin could have said to make him laugh that hard.
"why are you so funny?!" felix asked, his giggles calming down. changbin shrugged with a bright smile on his face, trying to hold in his laugh.
"maybe you're sense of humor just sucks, lix! cause i didn't think it was that funny-"
minho frowned, continuing to eves drop on their conversation.
"i love you're laugh, by the way. have i ever told you that? it's so joyful and pure," changbin complemented, staring lovingly into felix's eyes. it made minho jealous, and grew curious that if felix never walked into changbin's life, if that could be the best friends laughing at one of changbin's bad jokes.
"no, you haven't. but thank you!" felix was obviously overjoyed. minho's heart sank lower and lower as he listened to the conversation go on. it really reminded him on how much he missed hanging with his old friend, and how much fun they would have together.
minho had to look away and turn around in the tube when the couple fell into a kiss. it was too hard for him to watch his once best friend, kiss the person who took him away.
silent tears started running down his cheeks, as he tried as hard as he could to not make any noise. he wiped the tears away, holding his breath to refrain from letting a sob escape.
minho just wanted to go home. but after waiting one painful hour for changbin and felix to leave, he finally got the chance.
his emotions were all over the place. god, he didn't think it would be that painful to watch the couple be all lovey with each other, but it felt like a shot in the heart.
without thinking, minho ran up to his room, slamming the door shut and locking it. he let out the sobs he had been holding in, feeling broken and alone.
he couldn't control himself. he went over to his drawer, pulling out his blade. minho kept his gaze on it as he gripped it hard in his hand. there was a war going on in his mind, weather he should do it or not.
you deserve it.
the urge was unbearable. his once calming trip to the park turned into a constant reminder of how fucking worthless and lonely he was, and how he only makes people want to leave his fucked up self.
do it.
minho couldn't take it anymore. he collapsed to his knees, crying harshly has he let the blade trace over a formerly healed scar. he stared numbly as his arm began to bleed, hardly even feeling the sting. if anything, the pain felt relieving to him, and not feeling anything only made him want to do it more.
"w-was i not fucking g-good enough?" he cried, making another cut. "was i s-so bad?" he couldn't care less about how red his arm was slowly becoming as he irritated the scars, he just wanted to feel something again. even if that something was pain.
you deserve more than this. keep going, make yourself feel as horrible as you make others feel.
"leave me alone!" he yelled, voice cracking, "go away! please!" minho brought the blade down to his arm again, abusing his very fragile and pale skin. tears aggressively fell out of his eyes, and he was grateful his mother was still not home.
he observed the fresh wounds, coming to a realization on what he just impulsively did.
"i-i failed..." minho sadly sobbed, "i c-couldn't stop..."
then his mind went to jisung. how will he face him tomorrow?
minho sat against his wall on the floor, feeling drained of all energy. he felt absolutely pathetic and weak, and the new markings on his arms prove it.
minho felt more tears roll down his face. he couldn't contain his emotions. but he's not crying because of the pain, because of the new damage he's done; but because he broke the promise he made to himself to stay strong. crying because he once again proved, that he's incapable of change.
and that he'll always remain the same, broken boy, who feels like any sort of happiness is miles and miles away.
~
god, i suck at writing heavily details like this. i wanted to make you all get into minho's mindset, but i guess this will have to do </3
ALSO SEUNGMIN BRACES ON HIS BOTTOM ROW AND LINGUAL ONES ON THE TOP, IM SOBBING HE LOOKS ADORABLE
q: have you guys ever had/have braces?
a: unfortunately, yes. i had them for two and a half years </3 and as cute as seungmin looks, i'm not ready to go into cardiac arrest again when he takes them off, it'll be like jeongin all over again cjskfjs