Kopter
Everything felt like a blur. The gasp still rang in my ears as I came back to my senses and hastily stood up. Park scrambled off of my lap to the edge of the bed and stared horrified at his mother.
His voice trembled with fear as he spoke. "Mom, I can explain-"
His words were immediately drowned out by the hysterical screams of Mrs. Park, whose voice trembled with rage. Her tone was so shrill and emotion-filled that I didn't immediately realise that she screamed in Korean rather than English.
I watched helplessly as Park pleaded with her to no avail. Tears now ran down his pale face and splashed down onto the floor below as his trembling took over his entire body. I watched in horror as the boy I loved pleaded desperately with his grief stricken mother. Her normally sweet, kind face was now white with rage as her hurt and anger swelled and burst out of her. Angry tears fell from her eyes as she looked down at Park with a look of betrayal.
Her words, whatever they were, hurt him. He shook his head repeatedly and uttered intelligible answers back in Korean between thick sobs, but nothing he said quelled the barrage of shouts and never ending rage from her.
Park pleaded once again as he moved himself closer to her from the bed. Whatever he said ignited a fresh wave of emotion in her, as she grabbed a book off of the shelf beside her. In a split-second I realised what was going to happen and threw my arms open in front of Park just as his hands flew up to protect his head. The book collided with my shoulder and fell to the floor with a loud thud.
Standing face to face with Mrs. Park terrified me more than I could have imagined. The sleek knot at the back of her head had come undone and her jet black hair hung loosely and wildly around her enraged face. She pointed a shaking finger at my chest and glared at me with a look of complete betrayal and hurt.
"You!" she whispered as her voice shook uncontrollably. "You do this. You do this to him!"
Park now sobbed uncontrollably and shook all over. "No no no!" He sobbed and tried to pull me back by the hem of my shirt. I stood firm, gathered all my courage and kept my eyes locked with Mrs.Park.
"Throw whatever you want at me," I whispered, using all my energy to control the urge to shout. "But you don't get to hurt him."
Mrs. Park stared down at the crumpled book on the floor and the slightest look of regret flashed over her disgruntled face. She took a step back and seemed to regain some of her lost composure when the door was thrown open once again with a loud crash.
"What the hell is going on?!"
Mr. Park entered the room with Sunny closely behind him. He looked around startled, and then turned to his wife expectantly for an explanation. She spoke rapidly in Korean and paused occasionally to give me a look of disgust. I glanced at Sunny in the doorway, who looked back at me, horrified and pale-faced.
"Dad, please," Park pleaded desperately. I looked up at Mr. Park's face hopefully, but his expression was set and stoney.
"Park, I think you should leave." His voice was strained and hoarse, like every word caused him pain.
Park was racked with a fresh wave of sobs and crumpled back onto his bed.
Sunny stepped forward. "Dad, you can't-"
"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" he roared back at her. I'd never seen Mr. Park raise his voice at anyone, and by the look on Sunny's face, neither had she. He turned back to Park and repeated himself, his voice firm and controlled.
"Leave."
Park's feet didn't move but his body still shook with uncontrollable waves of grief. I turned to Sunny, who met my eyes and nodded. I turned, grabbed Park's backpack and stuffed anything important I could find inside. My heart thumped violently in my chest as I haphazardly threw his books, pencil case, notes and laptop in.
I had to get him out of here, fast. I grabbed a pen and post-it note from his desk and hastily wrote down my phone number and address. I turned around and saw Sunny rapidly stuffing an empty gym bag with clothes from Park's closet. Once the bag was full, she zipped it up and handed it to me.
I pressed the note with my details into the palm of her left hand. Her skin was cold and her fingers trembled. "Let me know how things go." I whispered.
She nodded and I slung the gym bag over my back and strode over to where Park was crumpled on his bed.
I lent down beside him, placing one hand on his shoulder. "Park," I whispered softly, "We need to leave."
Park lifted his head and revealed his anguished face and red eyes. For the first time that night, tears stung the corners of my eyes. He shook his head in disagreement and looked over imploringly at his parents, who both refused to make eye contact with him.
I lifted my arm around his shoulder and helped him up to his feet. Before we left, I stole one last glance at both of his parents. They both trembled but their expressions were stone-set and resolute. I angled my shoulder so that Park wouldn't see them as we walked out and the door clicked behind us.
---
Park's sobs had subsided by the time we reached the subway station. We sat side by side in silence as the train swayed and shook. I carefully reached out and lifted his hand into mine where it lay, limp and lifeless. I enclosed his cold and clammy hand in both of mine, gently ran my thumb back and forth, carefully tracing the veins on the back of his hand. He closed his eyes, tilted his head up to the ceiling, and let out a deep breath. I couldn't stand seeing him this way.
I stared at the poster ahead, only half concentrating on the toothpaste advertised. This had once been a place where we'd laughed and bonded together. Where we'd grown closer on the many travels too and from his home. But now, now this place would forever be associated with this new painful memory.
How many more of our special places would be tainted like this? Or was this just what happened in relationships like ours?
I looked back at Park to see his eyes fixed on mine and glimpsed a troubled expression on his face. I squeezed his hand a little harder for reassurance. No matter what happened now, I wasn't going to leave him.
No matter what.
---
Nok waited for us when we arrived back at the apartment. To my relief, he avoided asking any questions about what had happened and went straight into hospitality mode, providing blankets and extra towels for Park. Park nodded and shook his head for all his answers, too tired to string a sentence together.
Eventually, I led him into the spare room where Nok had cleared a space for Park's things. I carefully set his bags down on the floor and turned to him. He looked pale and tired, his eyes were all red and bloodshot from his endless tears, and his normally shiny hair sat matte and dull. His entire aura seemed to have faded. The once fierce and icy blue that surrounded him now ebbed and flowed as a feeble pale grey.
I picked up his hand and squeezed it in both of mine. "Go take a shower and I'll unpack your things. Here," I rummaged around in the gym bag and pulled out a pair of mismatched pyjamas. "There's soap and everything already in there."
Park nodded wordlessly, took the clothes and walked into the bathroom. He didn't bother to lock or shut the door behind him.
I heard the shower turn on and steam began to flow out of the doorway. I stooped down to his bag and unpacked his things. I carefully smoothed out the wrinkles that had formed on his uniform when Sunny had stuffed them into the gym bag and hung them back up in the empty wardrobe.
One by one, I carefully stacked his text and note books into the barren bookshelf and placed his old worn-down laptop onto the pristine marble bed stand. Once the bag was empty, I threw it carelessly into the cupboard. The sudden movement caused something small and red to come flying out of the bag.
I bent down and picked up the small red box containing the necklace I'd given Park. My fingers dusted it off and I delicately placed it onto the desk beside me.
It felt like centuries ago when I'd given Park that gift.
Too much had changed.
Park
I let the hot water rush over me and barely felt as it soaked through my hair and ran down my body. I felt numb. Everything had hurt so much that I could no longer feel anything at all.
Through the thundering shower I still heard the screams of my mother. The screams of how I was untruthful, devious, and worst of all, that I was selfish.
I pushed the silver handle in front of me and the shower stopped abruptly. I wrapped myself in a fluffy white towel, wiped away the steam from the bathroom mirror, and stared at the reflection. A cowardly, contemptible, sallow faced boy stared back at me.
I was selfish. I'd only thought about myself and what made me happy and I never thought about how it would affect everyone around me. I felt disgusted with myself.
I changed into the clothes Kopter had handed me and stepped out into the spare room which was larger than our kitchen and living room combined. Kopter sat on the edge of the bed with his head bent down and his hands interlocked. When he heard me walk in, his head jerked upwards and a weak, forced smile played across his lips.
"Here," he whispered quietly and gestured to the spot next to him on the bed. I sat down beside him, and he lifted a small hand towel to my head and began gently drying my hair. I closed my eyes and let him while my mind treasured every moment that I didn't have to look at him.
I wish I knew what he was thinking. Was he disgusted with me too? If my own family couldn't love me, how could he? I needed to leave before I intruded on his life any longer, before I ruined anyone else's life.
Kopter's hands froze and then lowered. He rested them on either shoulder and caressed my collar bone with his thumbs. I turned to look at him and was once again captured by his round, golden eyes.
"Park," he whispered softly. "I know this is probably the last thing on your mind right now, but I need you to know."
He paused, contemplating his next thought then continued. "I meant what I said, about loving you. I don't need you to say it back or acknowledge it in any way, but I need you to know that I love you and I'm gonna be standing by you no matter what. So don't run away from me, okay?"
I slowly nodded and he smiled. As much as I wanted to tell Kopter the same, I couldn't even think about love right now. Even that word was too painful.
Kopter reached a hand forward and brushed some of the damp hair from out of my face. "Go get some sleep, Park," he whispered as his hand rested momentarily on my cheek. As he stood up and turned to leave, I grabbed his hand and tugged him back.
"Please stay with me?" I croaked. "I don't want to be alone."
He looked back at me and then nodded. I slowly got to my feet, climbed over to the left side of the bed, and pulled the heavy white duvet up to my neck. A small 'click' sounded as Kopter switched off the overhead lights and climbed in beside me. His arm reached around my shoulders and pulled me in tighter towards him. I turned and rested my head on his warm chest. I listened to the slow, rhythmic beating of his heart and counted each thudding beat in my head as I willed myself to fall asleep.
If I could just get to the morning, everything would be better.
It has to be better in the morning.